Are You Really 'In Love'? (5 Surprising Signs)

Key Takeaways:

• Being "in love" triggers emotional bonding.
• Brain chemistry plays a major role.
• Signs reveal true romantic feelings.
• Loving and being "in love" differ.
• It's possible to fall out of love.

What Does It Mean To Be 'In Love'?

Being "in love" is more than just liking someone deeply. It's an intense emotional state that alters how we think, feel, and behave toward another person. You may find yourself daydreaming about them, feeling a rush when you're near them, or even losing track of time when you're together. These emotions aren't just in your head—they're rooted in deep psychological and biological responses.

According to psychologist Robert Sternberg, who developed the Triangular Theory of Love, being "in love" typically involves three main components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Passion refers to the physical attraction and emotional excitement you feel; intimacy reflects the emotional closeness you share, and commitment is the decision to stay together through thick and thin. When you're "in love," these three elements often work together to form a powerful bond.

But, what exactly does that feel like? Being "in love" can make the world seem brighter. It often makes us prioritize the other person's needs over our own and triggers strong feelings of euphoria, warmth, and even a sense of attachment. Renowned psychiatrist Dr. Helen Fisher once said, “Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you.” This speaks to the overpowering sensation many feel when they are truly "in love."

What Causes Us to Fall in Love?

Falling in love can seem magical, but there's a real psychological and biological process behind it. From the chemicals in our brains to how we're raised, many factors play a part in this process. When you fall in love, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin—the so-called "love hormones"—flood your brain. Dopamine fuels the feeling of pleasure, serotonin brings happiness, and oxytocin strengthens the bond between you and your partner.

Attraction is also shaped by our life experiences, environment, and even timing. Have you ever heard the phrase "right person, wrong time?" Well, it turns out that the timing of when we meet someone can influence whether we fall in love with them. For instance, we are more likely to fall in love during periods of change or emotional vulnerability.

Sociocultural factors matter too. The type of love we fall into can depend on what we've seen or been exposed to growing up. A child raised in a nurturing, supportive environment may seek similar traits in a partner. Meanwhile, someone raised around conflict might be drawn to intense, emotionally charged relationships. Psychologist John Bowlby, known for his work in attachment theory, proposed that our earliest bonds shape how we connect with romantic partners later in life.

The Science Behind Being in Love

When you're in love, your brain is working in overdrive. There's a fascinating chemistry happening in your mind that explains why you feel so euphoric, excited, and even obsessed with someone. Being "in love" activates the same brain regions as those associated with addiction—yes, love can quite literally be addictive. When you meet someone you're attracted to, your brain floods with dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, similar to the high someone might experience after winning a game or receiving an unexpected reward.

But it's not just dopamine at play. Oxytocin, often called the "cuddle hormone," is released when you bond emotionally or physically with someone. This is why hugging, kissing, or even holding hands can make you feel closer. Oxytocin strengthens the bond between you and your partner, reinforcing the emotional connection and deepening your affection. The process becomes cyclical—the more time you spend together, the stronger this bond becomes, which is why being "in love" can feel so consuming.

Neuroimaging studies have shown that the parts of our brain responsible for fear and anxiety decrease in activity when we're in love, which may explain why love makes us feel safe and at ease. But there's a caveat—when the object of our affection is unavailable or things go wrong, the same brain regions involved in love can trigger withdrawal-like symptoms. As researcher Helen Fisher says, “The brain system evolved millions of years ago to enable individuals to focus their mating energy on just one individual at a time.”

How Being in Love Affects Our Brain

Being "in love" isn't just an emotional experience—it's a powerful mental one too. Your brain undergoes measurable changes, with several regions lighting up in response to thoughts and interactions with the person you love. The limbic system, especially the ventral tegmental area (VTA), is key to this process. The VTA is a dopamine-rich part of the brain that acts as a reward center, providing the rush of happiness and pleasure you feel when you're with your partner.

There's more: Love decreases activity in the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for decision-making and critical thinking. This is why people often describe feeling like they're "not thinking clearly" when in love. You might overlook red flags, take risks, or feel like you're making impulsive choices—all because the part of your brain that normally helps you weigh pros and cons takes a back seat.

Additionally, being in love can suppress the brain's ability to process negative emotions. In studies, people in love showed reduced brain activity in regions associated with fear, judgment, and criticism when shown images of their romantic partner. It's part of why being in love often feels blissful and why it's so hard to see flaws in someone we're deeply connected to.

Signs That You're 'In Love'

How can you tell if what you're feeling is truly being "in love"? While the sensation may be different for everyone, there are certain signs that commonly point toward this intense emotion. It's more than just butterflies or excitement; it's a combination of psychological, emotional, and sometimes even physical cues.

One sign is the constant desire to be with the person, not just in a physical sense but also emotionally. You might find yourself wanting to share every little moment or thought with them, from funny stories to your deepest fears. Time with them feels both effortless and meaningful, and when you're apart, you can't help but think about them.

Another sign of being in love is that their happiness becomes your priority. When you're truly in love, you want to see the other person thrive and be content. Their victories feel like your own, and their struggles hit close to home.

There's also the aspect of emotional vulnerability. Being in love often makes you more open and willing to share your fears, insecurities, and dreams. Trusting someone with your innermost thoughts is one of the most powerful indicators that you've fallen for them. In the words of psychologist Carl Rogers, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”

Understanding Emotional vs. Physical Attraction

We've all heard the phrase "chemistry" when it comes to relationships, but there's more to love than just physical attraction. Emotional attraction plays an equally important, if not more significant, role in being "in love." Understanding the distinction between emotional and physical attraction can help you navigate your feelings.

Physical attraction is often what draws people together initially. You may be drawn to someone's appearance, their mannerisms, or even the way they carry themselves. However, physical attraction alone rarely sustains a deep and meaningful connection. This is where emotional attraction comes into play. It's the feeling of being drawn to someone's personality, values, and emotional presence. Emotional attraction makes you feel understood, safe, and connected at a deeper level.

While physical attraction can fade over time, emotional attraction tends to strengthen. When you're emotionally attracted to someone, you feel a sense of attachment that goes beyond physical desire. It's this emotional connection that often makes love feel lasting and profound.

The balance between these two types of attraction can be tricky. In a long-term relationship, sustaining emotional attraction becomes vital. Without it, even the strongest physical connection may eventually weaken. As author Alain de Botton explains, “Compatibility is an achievement of love; it must not be its precondition.”

The Difference Between Loving Someone and Being in Love

Many people confuse the concepts of loving someone and being in love, but they are not the same thing. Loving someone tends to be steady, enduring, and comforting, while being in love is often more intense, passionate, and sometimes overwhelming. You can love someone deeply—like a family member or a close friend—without ever feeling that romantic intensity that comes with being "in love."

Loving someone involves care, respect, and a strong emotional connection. It's about being there for them, supporting them, and wanting the best for them. These feelings grow over time and can last for years or even a lifetime. But being "in love" tends to have an urgency to it, an all-consuming element that often makes you prioritize this person in a way that's distinct from any other kind of love.

In fact, being "in love" often requires both passion and an emotional bond. While loving someone can come with time and experience, being in love often involves a heightened sense of infatuation and commitment that can either deepen into lasting love or eventually fade. That's why you can love someone but not necessarily feel "in love" with them anymore, as the romantic spark may diminish while the deep emotional connection remains.

As relationships evolve, it's normal for the feelings of being in love to change. Some couples manage to transition from the intense infatuation of being in love to a deeper, more stable form of loving each other, while others may struggle when the initial passion fades. As philosopher Erich Fromm puts it, “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you.'” Understanding this difference can help you figure out where your own relationship stands.

Can You Be in Love Without Loving Someone?

It may sound contradictory, but yes, you can be in love with someone without truly loving them. Being in love can sometimes be driven by infatuation, attraction, or even an idealized version of the person you've created in your mind. In these cases, the intense emotions are very real, but they might not be rooted in a deeper understanding or acceptance of the person's true self.

Think about whirlwind romances or crushes. You may feel deeply "in love" with someone early on, caught up in the excitement and passion, but that doesn't always mean you truly love them. Love, in its truest form, takes time to develop. It's based on knowing someone's flaws, imperfections, and strengths, and still caring for them deeply. It's about acceptance and a willingness to put in the effort to make the relationship work.

In contrast, being in love can sometimes be fleeting. It's possible to be in love with the idea of someone or the way they make you feel, without truly investing in who they are as a person. This can be why some people fall out of love when they begin to see a partner's true colors. It's often the emotional connection and mutual respect that turns the initial infatuation of being in love into something more lasting.

Love requires effort, patience, and the ability to see the person for who they really are, while being "in love" can sometimes be more about how the relationship makes you feel in the moment. Recognizing this distinction can help you understand your own emotions and guide your relationships.

What Keeps Us in Love? Understanding Emotional Bonds

Falling in love might seem effortless, but staying in love requires work. Emotional bonds are the glue that holds relationships together long after the initial spark fades. So, what keeps us in love after the euphoria of new romance wears off? It's largely about emotional connection and the ability to foster mutual respect, trust, and communication.

Emotional bonds are built through shared experiences and a deep understanding of one another. When you and your partner go through challenges, celebrate successes, or simply spend quality time together, you're creating a reservoir of emotional memories. These moments help reinforce the feeling of being "in love" over time.

Another key to staying in love is vulnerability. Opening up to each other, sharing fears and dreams, and supporting one another's growth deepens the emotional bond. This mutual vulnerability creates a safe space where love can thrive. As researcher Brené Brown puts it, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.”

Shared goals and values also play a major role in maintaining emotional bonds. While physical attraction may ebb and flow, aligning on what you both want in life—whether it's family, career, or lifestyle—keeps couples connected on a deeper level. That alignment fosters a sense of partnership, helping to sustain love through the ups and downs of life.

Does Being 'In Love' Mean Forever?

The idea of being in love forever is a romantic ideal many of us hope for. But, does being "in love" guarantee that your relationship will last? Unfortunately, the answer isn't always a simple yes or no. While some people are able to maintain those intense feelings of love for the long haul, for others, being "in love" can fade over time.

The reality is that being in love can be temporary, especially if the relationship lacks the emotional foundation to carry it through difficult times. Over time, life's pressures—like career stress, family responsibilities, and personal growth—can take a toll on the feelings of being "in love." If a couple hasn't built a strong emotional connection, it's easy for that initial passion to fizzle out.

However, that doesn't mean a relationship can't last if the intensity fades. Many couples transition from the passionate, all-consuming feeling of being in love to a more stable, enduring love. This deeper connection may not have the fireworks of new love, but it's often more rewarding in the long run. It's a love built on trust, understanding, and shared history.

So, does being "in love" mean forever? Not necessarily. But with effort, communication, and emotional connection, love can evolve into something lasting and meaningful. Author bell hooks said it best: “Love is an action, never simply a feeling.” Staying in love means nurturing the relationship and choosing to love each other every day, even when it's not easy.

Questions Around 'Being in Love' (Is It Temporary? Can You Be in Love With More Than One Person?)

One of the biggest questions about being "in love" is whether it's temporary. The answer is—it can be. The intense emotions of being in love may not last forever. For many, the passionate feelings that characterize the early stages of love tend to fade over time, often settling into a deeper, more stable form of love. But for others, being in love may come and go in waves, influenced by life circumstances and personal growth.

Another common question is whether you can be in love with more than one person at a time. This is a complex topic with no one-size-fits-all answer. Some people believe it's possible to love more than one person romantically, especially in open or polyamorous relationships. Others may feel that being "in love" with one person naturally means they can't experience the same depth of emotion with someone else. Cultural and individual values play a significant role here, and it's important to understand your own beliefs and boundaries when navigating these feelings.

Ultimately, being "in love" is a personal experience that doesn't follow strict rules. It's shaped by our emotions, psychology, and the dynamics of our relationships. Whether it's temporary or long-lasting, with one person or more, being in love is as unique as the people involved.

How to Know If You're Truly in Love: 5 Signs

If you're wondering whether you're truly in love, there are some key signs that can help you figure it out. Love is complex, but these five signs often point to real, deep feelings.

1. You prioritize their happiness: When you're in love, their well-being matters as much, if not more, than your own. You want to see them happy, even if it means making sacrifices.
2. You feel emotionally vulnerable: Being able to open up and share your true thoughts and feelings with them is a sign that you trust them on a deep level.
3. They're on your mind constantly: Whether you're together or apart, they're always in your thoughts. Little things remind you of them, and you can't help but wonder how they're doing.
4. Time flies when you're with them: You lose track of time when you're together because you're so engrossed in each other's company. It feels effortless to be around them.
5. You imagine a future together: If you're truly in love, you start to see them as part of your future. You can picture building a life with them and sharing major milestones.

These signs don't just point to infatuation; they suggest a deeper, lasting connection that comes with being in love. If these resonate with you, there's a good chance your feelings run deep.

Recommended Resources

• The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks