6 Essential Rules for Unicorn Relationships (Shocking Insights)

Key Takeaways:

• A unicorn represents a unique partner.
• Unicorn relationships offer new experiences.
• Open communication is essential for success.
• Set clear expectations and boundaries.
• Consult a relationship counselor for guidance.

What Does a Unicorn Mean in a Relationship?

In modern relationships, the term “unicorn” refers to a person—often a bisexual woman—who is open to joining an established couple for a unique, and usually non-monogamous, dynamic. But this isn't just a casual fling or a one-night adventure. A unicorn is seen as a mythical, rare, and almost magical addition to a relationship.

Why a unicorn? Think about the rarity of finding someone who not only fits into your relationship but also complements both partners in ways that align with shared desires. This person brings a whole new level of experience, trust, and intimacy. It's like chasing after something that almost seems too good to be true.

But remember, adding a third person to any relationship has its complexities. Whether you're interested in exploring a unicorn relationship or just curious about the concept, understanding the dynamics involved is crucial to avoiding potential pitfalls. As Esther Perel, a renowned relationship expert, says in her book State of Affairs, “Every relationship needs to find its balance of novelty and stability.” A unicorn, in this context, offers a lot of novelty, but it takes effort to maintain that balance.

Why Do Spouses Look Out for Unicorns?

Why are couples so fascinated with the idea of finding a unicorn? Many people assume it's purely for physical excitement, but it's much deeper than that. Some spouses seek out unicorns for reasons that extend beyond sexual curiosity. From exploring emotional connections to practical support, these reasons can be surprisingly varied.

For instance, a couple might look for a unicorn as a way to share parenting responsibilities. With the stresses of daily life and raising children, a third person in the mix could help ease the burden. Or perhaps, they are seeking emotional companionship, someone who brings a fresh perspective into their relationship. In certain cases, spouses might even want to expand their financial stability by involving another person who shares similar goals.

It's important to understand that not all couples looking for unicorns are chasing a fantasy. For some, it's about finding someone who complements their life in a very real way, offering emotional and logistical support that fits with the existing dynamics of their relationship.

A New Sexual Experience

For many couples, the allure of a unicorn often stems from the potential for a new sexual experience. This isn't just about the act itself; it's about exploring boundaries, experimenting with fantasies, and deepening intimacy with a partner. A unicorn can bring a fresh dynamic that many find exhilarating—an opportunity to break away from routine and add excitement to a relationship.

Sexual exploration in a committed relationship can be deeply emotional. It requires vulnerability, open communication, and trust. Couples who pursue this avenue often find that it opens doors to discussions they may have previously avoided, helping them grow closer. It's crucial to navigate these experiences with a solid foundation of mutual respect and understanding.

Experts like sex therapist Dr. Tammy Nelson emphasize that “bringing in a third person isn't about replacing or filling gaps. It's about enhancing the emotional and sexual connection that already exists between the couple.” This perspective helps clarify that successful unicorn relationships are built on the desire to strengthen what already works, not to fix something broken.

Share the Burden of Parenting Together

Parenting can be a beautiful journey, but it's also one of the most challenging experiences a couple will face. The idea of sharing the burden with a unicorn—someone who can step in as a third partner—offers a sense of relief for many. Raising children demands energy, patience, and time, and sometimes couples feel stretched too thin. A unicorn, in this context, can bring emotional support, practical help, and even new parenting perspectives.

While the concept of adding a unicorn to share the responsibilities may sound appealing, it's essential to ensure that all parties are on the same page. Everyone involved must be clear about their role in the family dynamic, whether it's occasional help or a deeper commitment. Communication and setting boundaries are key.

Unicorn relationships in parenting require the same level of transparency and trust as other areas of life. When done right, they can alleviate some of the pressure that comes with juggling multiple responsibilities, creating a stronger family unit in the process.

Companionship

At the core of many unicorn relationships is the need for companionship. Human beings are wired for connection, and sometimes a couple might feel like they need a third person to fill an emotional or social gap. This isn't always about romance or sexual excitement—sometimes it's about finding someone who can bring new energy, perspectives, and emotional support into the relationship.

Loneliness in a relationship is more common than people think, even when both partners love each other deeply. A unicorn can offer a fresh sense of companionship, someone who enhances both partners' lives through shared experiences and common interests. This third person might become an integral part of everyday life—whether through attending social events, engaging in hobbies, or simply providing company during difficult times.

However, adding someone for companionship also comes with emotional complexities. As Dr. John Gottman notes in his research on relationships, “Strong, healthy relationships are built on a foundation of friendship.” It's important to ensure that the inclusion of a unicorn strengthens that friendship rather than creating emotional distance.

Financial Commitments

In some cases, couples look for a unicorn to help ease the financial strain that can come with running a household. This is more practical than romantic—it's about sharing responsibilities, pooling resources, and working toward common financial goals. While this might sound unconventional, it's not entirely uncommon in polyamorous setups where partners share more than just emotional connections.

However, finances can be a tricky subject in any relationship. Bringing a third person into this aspect of life means having open, honest conversations about expectations, contributions, and long-term financial plans. If everyone isn't on the same page, misunderstandings and tension can quickly arise.

Before venturing into this kind of financial partnership, it's crucial to have all agreements clearly outlined. Whether it's splitting rent, shared investments, or even future financial commitments, transparency is essential to ensure the unicorn relationship remains healthy and balanced.

What Does It Mean When Someone Is Called a Unicorn?

The term "unicorn" in relationship circles has taken on a very specific meaning. When someone is called a unicorn, they're often described as a rare, almost mythical person who is willing to join an existing couple in a consensual, often polyamorous, dynamic. This person is typically seen as someone who fits perfectly into the relationship without causing disruption—hence the term “unicorn,” because finding someone like this can feel as rare as spotting a mythical creature.

Being labeled a unicorn is often flattering, as it implies that this person has a unique quality that makes them desirable to couples seeking something special. However, there can also be challenges. Some unicorns may feel objectified or pressured to live up to the fantasy image that couples create. It's important for couples to remember that unicorns are real people, with emotions, needs, and boundaries that must be respected.

When someone is called a unicorn, it's not just about their willingness to join a couple—it's about their ability to fit into a dynamic in a way that feels organic, consensual, and mutually beneficial. It's a role that demands communication, respect, and trust.

The Top 6 Rules for Meeting a Unicorn

Meeting a unicorn is no small feat, and maintaining a healthy relationship with one requires more than just excitement and enthusiasm. There are essential rules that every couple should keep in mind before diving into this unique dynamic:

1. Respect Them: Just like in any relationship, respect is the foundation. Unicorns are not fantasy objects; they are real people with emotions, needs, and limits. Always approach them with dignity and care.
2. Make Sure You Are on the Same Page: Before meeting a unicorn, the couple needs to be crystal clear on what they want. Mixed signals can lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings, so it's essential that both partners agree on boundaries, expectations, and roles.
3. Don't Expect Too Much from Them: A unicorn is not a magic fix for any relationship issues. Couples need to ensure that they aren't placing unrealistic expectations on this person. They're an addition to the relationship, not a solution to its problems.
4. Set the Rules of the Relationship: Establishing ground rules early on can prevent many complications down the road. Discuss what the relationship will look like, how often you'll see each other, and what each person's boundaries are.
5. Be Honest: Transparency is key. Unicorn relationships thrive when everyone is honest about their feelings, desires, and intentions. Holding back can lead to resentment and emotional turmoil.
6. See a Relationship Counselor: Before diving into a unicorn relationship, seeking advice from a relationship counselor can help ensure everyone is on the same page. A professional can help you navigate potential challenges and guide you in setting up a healthy, supportive dynamic.

Following these rules ensures that all parties involved are respected, valued, and understood. Unicorn relationships, when handled with care, can be enriching for everyone involved.

Respect Them

Respect is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and when it comes to a unicorn dynamic, it's even more critical. This person is not just an addition to your relationship but someone who has their own needs, desires, and boundaries. Treating them as an equal, rather than as a means to an end, is vital.

Too often, unicorns can feel objectified or undervalued, particularly if the couple places their own needs ahead of the unicorn's autonomy. It's essential to respect not just their physical boundaries but also their emotional and psychological ones. Are they comfortable with the arrangement? Do they feel heard and seen? These are the kinds of questions couples need to ask themselves continuously.

As psychotherapist Esther Perel highlights in her work, Mating in Captivity, “Respect is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to manage differences with grace.” A unicorn dynamic will have its ups and downs, but if respect is at the forefront, navigating challenges becomes much easier.

Make Sure You Are on the Same Page

Before introducing a unicorn into your relationship, you and your partner need to be on the same page. This might seem obvious, but many couples dive into this new dynamic without thoroughly discussing their expectations and boundaries. The result? Mixed signals, hurt feelings, and unmet expectations.

Are both partners equally invested in the idea? Do you have the same vision for what this relationship will look like? How will time and attention be divided? These questions need clear answers. Both partners should feel secure and understood before moving forward. Open and honest communication is the foundation of ensuring that everyone is aligned.

A unicorn can't fix underlying relationship issues, and if either partner is using this dynamic as a Band-Aid for deeper problems, it's unlikely to end well. That's why alignment between both partners is critical from the very beginning. When both people are clear on their intentions, the unicorn relationship has a far greater chance of thriving.

Don't Expect Too Much from Them

One of the biggest mistakes couples make when entering a unicorn relationship is placing unrealistic expectations on the unicorn. They may hope this person will bring emotional balance, fulfill unmet needs, or even solve existing relationship issues. But the truth is, a unicorn is not a solution to underlying problems. They are an addition to the relationship, not the centerpiece.

Unicorns often feel the weight of these expectations, especially if the couple is looking for more than they can give. It's essential to approach the relationship with a sense of balance—understanding that this third person is not responsible for “fixing” anything but instead enriching what already works in your dynamic.

As relationship therapist Dr. Laura Berman explains, “Expectations in relationships can often lead to disappointment, especially when we place them on others without clear communication.” In this case, both partners and the unicorn need to set realistic expectations from the start, ensuring that no one feels overwhelmed or undervalued.

Set the Rules of the Relationship

Clear rules are essential in any relationship, but when you're bringing a third person into the mix, they become non-negotiable. Without clearly defined boundaries, things can quickly spiral into confusion and hurt feelings. Each person in the relationship needs to be on the same page about what is and isn't acceptable.

Discussing the rules before anything happens helps set expectations and provides a guideline for how the relationship will operate. Will the unicorn spend time with one partner more than the other? Are there certain times or activities that are reserved for just the couple? These are the kinds of questions that need to be answered early on.

And remember, rules aren't set in stone. They need to be revisited and adjusted as the relationship evolves. As with any relationship, flexibility and openness to change are key to making sure all parties feel comfortable and respected. Establishing a strong foundation of trust through these rules helps ensure that everyone involved is protected emotionally and physically.

Be Honest

Honesty is the glue that holds any relationship together, and this is especially true in a unicorn dynamic. With three people involved, emotions can become more complex, making transparency absolutely essential. Everyone in the relationship needs to be honest about their feelings, desires, and concerns—right from the start.

Hiding emotions or pretending everything is fine when it's not can lead to resentment and a breakdown in communication. If one partner feels uncomfortable or if the unicorn starts feeling like they aren't being respected, these feelings need to be addressed immediately. It's better to have uncomfortable conversations early on than to let small issues fester into larger problems.

Couples who successfully navigate unicorn relationships often cite honesty as the most critical factor in their success. As relationship coach Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, states, “Honesty is the best policy, but it's also the hardest one to follow.” In these relationships, being honest isn't just a choice—it's a necessity.

See a Relationship Counselor

For couples considering adding a unicorn to their relationship, seeing a relationship counselor can be a game-changer. A professional counselor can help guide you through the complexities of a unicorn dynamic and ensure that everyone's emotional needs are met. This is especially important if there are existing issues in the relationship that need addressing before a third person is introduced.

A counselor provides a neutral space where all parties can express their concerns and desires without fear of judgment. They can help navigate tricky topics like jealousy, boundaries, and expectations. Even if the couple feels confident in their decision to include a unicorn, having an expert's guidance can prevent many future issues.

In fact, some relationship experts recommend seeing a counselor not just before, but also during a unicorn relationship. This ongoing support can help manage the unique dynamics and ensure that everyone involved feels secure, respected, and understood. As with any relationship, investing in emotional well-being early on sets the stage for long-term success.

Is It Advisable to Participate in a Unicorn Relationship?

Whether or not it's advisable to participate in a unicorn relationship depends on the unique dynamics of the couple and the unicorn. For some, the idea of bringing in a third person adds excitement, emotional depth, and a sense of novelty. But for others, it could create complications, especially if the existing relationship has unresolved issues.

If both partners are secure in their relationship and communicate openly, a unicorn relationship can be a positive experience. However, if one partner feels insecure, or if either person views the unicorn as a fix for problems in the relationship, it's likely to lead to disappointment and hurt feelings. Honesty about motivations is critical.

It's important to weigh the emotional, psychological, and practical aspects before jumping in. Are all parties involved emotionally prepared for the complexities that can arise? Are there clear boundaries in place? These questions must be answered before pursuing this dynamic. If the foundation of the primary relationship is strong, the addition of a unicorn may enhance the bond between all involved.

Conclusion

Unicorn relationships are not for everyone, and they require a tremendous amount of trust, respect, and communication. For couples considering this unique dynamic, taking the time to reflect on their motivations, setting clear boundaries, and seeking guidance when necessary can make all the difference. Unicorns are not a “fix” for relationship problems—they're an addition that can enhance the lives of everyone involved if done with care and mutual respect.

At the end of the day, the success of a unicorn relationship hinges on the same principles that govern any healthy relationship: honesty, openness, and a willingness to navigate challenges together. If approached thoughtfully, this dynamic can bring joy and growth. But it's essential to ensure that everyone's emotional and psychological well-being remains a top priority throughout the process.

Recommended Resources

• The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
• The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel
• Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino