5 No-Nonsense Strategies to Handle Superficial People (That Actually Work)

Key Takeaways:

• Superficial people prioritize appearance over substance.
• They lack deep emotional connections.
• Self-centeredness is a common trait.
• Effective strategies can protect your well-being.
• Understanding them helps you navigate relationships.

The Hidden Pain of Superficial Relationships

We've all encountered them—people who seem to care only about the surface level, whether it's the latest fashion trend, social status, or the approval of others. On the outside, they may appear confident and charismatic, but beneath that veneer lies a troubling reality. Relationships with superficial people can feel hollow, leaving you drained and questioning your own worth.

Superficiality isn't just about an obsession with appearance; it's a mindset that places little value on genuine human connection. When you find yourself in a relationship—be it romantic, friendly, or even familial—with someone who's primarily concerned with how things look rather than how they are, the emotional toll can be significant. The pain comes not only from their actions but also from the realization that your feelings and experiences don't truly matter to them.

Understanding why superficial people behave the way they do can empower you to protect your mental health and set boundaries. It's essential to recognize the signs and learn how to navigate these relationships effectively.

They are Materialistic

Materialism is often the hallmark of a superficial person. They live by the motto, “You are what you own,” and judge others by their possessions rather than their character. This obsession with material wealth isn't just about having nice things; it's about using those things to define one's self-worth and social standing.

For a superficial person, the value of a person is often reduced to the price tags they can flaunt. They're drawn to brands, luxury items, and anything that screams status. The problem? Material possessions can never truly satisfy the deeper human needs for love, connection, and self-acceptance. While they might find temporary happiness in acquiring new things, it's a fleeting joy that leaves them perpetually chasing the next big purchase.

As you interact with materialistic individuals, it's easy to feel undervalued if you don't match their standards of wealth. But it's crucial to remember that their fixation on materialism is more about their insecurities than it is about you.

They Have No Conviction

Conviction is a powerful trait—it's the backbone of integrity, guiding us through life's challenges with a sense of purpose and direction. But for superficial people, conviction is often absent. They tend to bend with the wind, changing their opinions, values, and even behaviors depending on what's trendy or what will gain them approval at the moment.

This lack of conviction stems from a deep-seated insecurity and a desire to fit in at any cost. Rather than standing firm in their beliefs, they shift to align with whatever will garner the most attention or acceptance. It's not about right or wrong for them; it's about what will make them look good in the eyes of others.

Interacting with someone who has no conviction can be frustrating, especially if you value honesty and consistency. You might find yourself questioning their authenticity, wondering who they really are when no one is watching. The reality is that their identity is often fluid, shaped more by external validation than by any internal moral compass.

Appearance is Everything

In the world of superficial people, appearance reigns supreme. Whether it's their physical looks, the way they dress, or the image they project on social media, everything is meticulously curated to create a perfect facade. They're not just concerned with looking good—they're obsessed with it.

Superficial people often go to great lengths to maintain this illusion of perfection, from spending hours on their appearance to filtering their lives through the lens of social media. It's all about creating an image that others will envy, even if it means sacrificing authenticity and genuine self-expression.

However, this focus on appearance comes at a cost. The constant pressure to look flawless can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, and a disconnect from one's true self. While they may receive compliments and likes for their carefully crafted image, the satisfaction is often hollow, as it's built on a foundation of superficiality rather than substance.

For those interacting with someone who places so much value on appearance, it's important to recognize that this obsession is more about their own insecurities than anything else. It's a mask that hides their deeper fears and vulnerabilities, and understanding this can help you navigate your relationship with them more effectively.

Self-Centered Relationships

At the core of any relationship lies the balance between give and take. In healthy connections, both parties invest time, energy, and emotions to nurture a mutual bond. However, with superficial people, relationships often become one-sided, where their needs, desires, and opinions take center stage.

Superficial individuals tend to view relationships through a self-centered lens. They are more interested in what they can gain from the relationship rather than what they can contribute. Whether it's validation, attention, or material benefits, the focus is on satisfying their own ego.

This self-centered approach can be exhausting for those on the receiving end. You might find yourself constantly giving without receiving much in return, leaving you feeling undervalued and unappreciated. The relationship becomes less about mutual growth and more about feeding their insatiable need for admiration and control.

In such relationships, it's crucial to set clear boundaries and not lose sight of your own needs. Remember, you deserve a relationship that values you as much as you value it, and it's okay to walk away from those that don't.

Lack of Genuine Intelligence

Intelligence isn't just about book smarts or academic achievements—it's about emotional depth, critical thinking, and the ability to connect with others on a meaningful level. Unfortunately, superficial people often lack this kind of genuine intelligence. Their focus on trivial matters and surface-level interactions leaves little room for deep, thoughtful conversations.

Superficial individuals may come across as knowledgeable or charming, but this often masks a lack of true understanding or insight. They tend to regurgitate popular opinions or mimic what they've heard from others rather than forming their own well-considered thoughts. This can lead to conversations that feel shallow and unfulfilling, as they struggle to engage with complex ideas or emotions.

Moreover, their inability to connect on a deeper level can create a sense of distance in relationships. You might find that attempts to discuss important or challenging topics are met with disinterest or confusion, as they're more comfortable staying in the realm of the superficial.

Recognizing this lack of genuine intelligence can help you adjust your expectations and avoid frustration. It's essential to seek out relationships where intellectual and emotional connection is valued, and where your thoughts and feelings are genuinely understood and appreciated.

Mastering the Art of Backstabbing

In the realm of superficial people, loyalty is often a foreign concept. They might present themselves as your biggest supporter, but when push comes to shove, their true colors emerge. Backstabbing is a tactic they have perfected, using it to climb the social ladder or gain favor with those they deem more valuable.

What makes backstabbing particularly insidious is the betrayal that comes from someone you trusted. Superficial individuals often play the role of the confidant, luring you into a false sense of security before turning on you. Their actions are driven by self-interest, with little regard for the harm they cause along the way.

Unfortunately, this behavior is often justified in their minds as a necessary step to maintain their status or to align themselves with more influential people. They may even convince themselves that they are the victim, rather than the perpetrator, as they manipulate situations to their advantage.

If you've been on the receiving end of such betrayal, it's important to recognize that this behavior speaks volumes about them, not you. Trust is a precious commodity, and once it's broken, it's okay to reevaluate the relationship and decide whether it's worth continuing.

Their Vocabulary: 'Sorry, I Can't'

If there's one phrase that seems to dominate the vocabulary of a superficial person, it's “Sorry, I can't.” Whether it's helping a friend in need, committing to plans, or stepping outside their comfort zone, they often find reasons to avoid anything that doesn't directly benefit them or fit within their carefully curated image.

This phrase is often a polite disguise for their unwillingness to engage in anything that requires effort or sacrifice. Superficial individuals are quick to back out of commitments or shy away from responsibilities, especially if there's no immediate reward for them. Their priorities are clear: if it doesn't serve their needs or enhance their status, they're simply not interested.

For those who value reliability and consistency, this behavior can be particularly frustrating. You might find yourself constantly let down or left hanging, wondering why they can't be there when it matters. The truth is, their avoidance is a reflection of their superficial nature—they are more concerned with maintaining their own comfort and convenience than with being dependable or supportive.

Understanding this pattern can help you adjust your expectations and avoid disappointment. It's essential to surround yourself with people who are willing to show up when it counts, and not just when it's convenient for them.

Judgmental to the Core

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with superficial people is their relentless judgment. They seem to have an opinion on everything and everyone, often voicing these opinions without considering the impact of their words. Their judgments are typically shallow, focusing on outward appearances, social status, or perceived flaws.

This judgmental nature often stems from their own insecurities. By pointing out the shortcomings of others, they attempt to elevate themselves. It's a defense mechanism, a way to distract from their own perceived inadequacies. Unfortunately, this behavior creates a toxic environment where negativity and criticism thrive.

Interacting with someone who is constantly judgmental can be exhausting and demoralizing. Their criticism may make you question yourself, even if their opinions are baseless. But it's crucial to remember that their judgments are more about them than about you. Their need to belittle others is a reflection of their internal struggles, not your worth.

In these situations, it's vital to maintain your self-confidence and not let their negativity take root in your mind. Surround yourself with positive influences and remember that you are more than their superficial assessments.

Obsessed with Gossip

Gossip is the lifeblood of many superficial people. They thrive on knowing—and sharing—the latest scandals, rumors, and dirt about others. This obsession with gossip serves several purposes: it keeps them entertained, gives them a sense of control, and provides a way to bond with others who share the same interest in trivial matters.

However, this constant focus on gossip reveals a lot about their character. For one, it shows a lack of empathy. Superficial individuals are often more interested in spreading rumors than in considering the feelings of those involved. Gossip allows them to maintain a sense of superiority, as they judge and dissect the lives of others from the sidelines.

But there's a darker side to their obsession. Gossip can be incredibly damaging, both to relationships and to the reputations of those who are targeted. The superficial person may not realize—or care—about the harm they cause by spreading false or exaggerated stories.

Being around someone who is obsessed with gossip can also be toxic for you. It's easy to get drawn into their web of negativity, but doing so can erode your own values and sense of integrity. Instead, it's better to distance yourself from this behavior and seek out conversations that uplift and inspire rather than tear others down.

Branded Clothes as Their Armor

For many superficial people, branded clothes are more than just fashion statements—they are a form of armor. These individuals often use luxury brands and designer labels as a way to protect themselves from the world, projecting an image of success, wealth, and status. It's not just about looking good; it's about creating a shield that deflects criticism and garners admiration.

Wearing high-end brands gives them a sense of validation, a way to measure their worth by the labels they can afford. This obsession with branded clothing can lead to a lifestyle where they constantly chase the latest trends, often at the expense of their financial stability and genuine self-expression. The brand becomes a mask, hiding the insecurities and vulnerabilities that lie beneath the surface.

However, this reliance on branded clothes as a source of identity is ultimately hollow. No matter how much they spend or how many labels they wear, it never truly fills the void they are trying to cover up. The pursuit of external validation through material possessions is a never-ending cycle that rarely brings lasting happiness.

If you find yourself interacting with someone who places such importance on branded clothes, it's important to see beyond the labels. Recognize that their fixation on appearance is a sign of deeper issues, and try not to get caught up in the superficiality of it all. True worth isn't measured by what you wear, but by who you are.

Center of Attention Syndrome

Superficial people often crave the spotlight, doing whatever it takes to be the center of attention. This “Center of Attention Syndrome” drives them to dominate conversations, seek out compliments, and ensure that all eyes are on them at all times. Their self-worth is intricately tied to the approval and admiration of others, and they'll go to great lengths to maintain their position as the star of the show.

This need to be the center of attention can manifest in various ways. Some might resort to loud, dramatic behavior, while others might use charm and wit to captivate an audience. Regardless of the method, the goal is the same: to be noticed and to feel important. They thrive on the validation that comes from being in the spotlight, often at the expense of others.

However, this constant need for attention can be draining for those around them. It can lead to feelings of neglect, as they rarely take the time to genuinely listen to or support others. Their focus is always inward, making it difficult to form deep, meaningful connections.

If you're dealing with someone who exhibits this behavior, it's essential to set boundaries and not let their need for attention overshadow your own needs. It's okay to step out of their spotlight and seek relationships that offer mutual respect and understanding. After all, life isn't a stage, and you deserve to share it with people who value you for who you are, not just for the attention you can give them.

Extreme Sense of Entitlement

Entitlement is a hallmark of the superficial personality. These individuals often believe that the world owes them something, whether it's admiration, success, or special treatment. This extreme sense of entitlement manifests in their interactions with others, where they expect to be prioritized and catered to without putting in the effort or showing gratitude in return.

Superficial people with a strong sense of entitlement often disregard the feelings and needs of others, focusing solely on what they can gain from a situation. They believe that rules, social norms, and even basic manners don't apply to them, because they see themselves as superior or deserving of more than everyone else. This attitude can make them difficult to deal with, as they are quick to take but slow to give.

In relationships, this entitlement can lead to frustration and resentment. You might find yourself constantly accommodating their demands, only to be met with more expectations rather than appreciation. It's as if no matter what you do, it's never enough to satisfy their insatiable desire for more.

Understanding this sense of entitlement is key to protecting yourself from being taken advantage of. Setting boundaries and asserting your own needs is crucial when dealing with someone who feels the world revolves around them. Remember, it's okay to say no and prioritize your own well-being over their endless demands.

Selective Hearing: They Don't Listen

When it comes to communication, listening is just as important as speaking—if not more so. However, superficial people often struggle with this concept. They tend to have selective hearing, tuning in only when the conversation centers on them or something that directly benefits them. When it comes to the thoughts, feelings, or concerns of others, they often zone out, offering little more than a distracted nod or a quick change of subject.

This lack of genuine listening can be incredibly frustrating, especially in relationships where communication is key. It can feel as though your words fall on deaf ears, leaving you unheard and misunderstood. Superficial people may feign interest, but their attention is fleeting, quickly shifting back to themselves and their own interests.

This behavior is often rooted in their self-centered nature. They view conversations as opportunities to reinforce their own importance rather than as a means of connecting with others. By not truly listening, they miss out on the deeper understanding and emotional intimacy that come from meaningful communication.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who doesn't listen, it's important to address this issue head-on. Express your need to be heard and understood, and if they continue to dismiss your concerns, it may be time to reconsider the value of the relationship. Communication is a two-way street, and you deserve to be with someone who values your voice as much as their own.

The Social Climber's Ladder

Social climbing is practically an art form for superficial people. They see relationships not as connections based on mutual respect and understanding, but as rungs on a ladder that they can climb to achieve higher status. Every interaction is a calculated move to get closer to those they perceive as more powerful, influential, or wealthy.

The social climber is always on the lookout for opportunities to network with the “right” people. They'll drop old friends without a second thought if it means getting closer to someone who can offer them more prestige or benefits. This constant maneuvering leaves a trail of broken relationships and betrayed trust, but to the superficial person, these are just the necessary costs of advancement.

What makes social climbers particularly challenging is their ability to mask their true intentions. They can be charming, flattering, and seemingly genuine, all the while calculating how you fit into their plans. But beneath this facade lies a cold, transactional approach to relationships, where people are valued only for what they can provide.

If you suspect someone in your life is using you as a stepping stone, it's important to protect your boundaries. Be wary of those who seem more interested in what you can do for them than in who you are. True relationships are built on authenticity, not on the pursuit of status.

Backhanded Compliments Galore

Few things are as frustrating as receiving a backhanded compliment, and superficial people seem to have mastered the art of delivering them. These so-called compliments are often laced with subtle digs or disguised insults, leaving you feeling more criticized than praised. It's their way of exerting control and asserting dominance, all while pretending to be kind.

For example, they might say, “You're so brave to wear that outfit,” which on the surface seems positive but carries an underlying criticism about your fashion choices. Or, “It's great that you don't care what people think,” implying that you should care more about others' opinions. These comments are designed to keep you off-balance, making you second-guess yourself while they maintain the upper hand.

Backhanded compliments reveal a lot about the giver's insecurities. By tearing others down under the guise of flattery, they temporarily elevate themselves, feeding their need for superiority. However, this behavior only fosters resentment and erodes trust over time.

When you encounter backhanded compliments, it's important to recognize them for what they are—attempts to undermine your confidence. Respond with grace, but don't let their words take root in your self-esteem. Remember, the true intention behind a compliment should always be to uplift, not to belittle.

Ingrained Ingratitude

Gratitude is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, but for superficial people, it's often a concept that's foreign or, at best, underdeveloped. They tend to take the kindness and generosity of others for granted, rarely, if ever, expressing genuine thanks. This ingrained ingratitude is rooted in their sense of entitlement; they believe that they deserve whatever they receive and, therefore, see no need to acknowledge it.

Dealing with someone who exhibits this behavior can be deeply frustrating. You might go out of your way to help them or show them kindness, only to be met with indifference or, worse, an expectation that you'll continue to do so without recognition. Their lack of appreciation can make you feel unvalued and even resentful over time.

It's important to remember that their ingratitude is a reflection of their own shortcomings, not of your worth. They may never learn to appreciate the efforts of others, but that doesn't diminish the value of your kindness. Surround yourself with people who recognize and reciprocate your generosity, and don't waste your energy on those who don't.

Twisting the Truth

Superficial people are often masters of manipulation, and one of their favorite tools is twisting the truth. Whether it's bending facts to suit their narrative, exaggerating details to make themselves look better, or outright lying, they are adept at reshaping reality to fit their needs. This dishonesty isn't just about protecting themselves; it's about controlling the perceptions of others.

Their ability to twist the truth can create a web of confusion and mistrust. You might find yourself questioning what's real and what's fabricated, as they spin stories that serve their agenda. This manipulation can be subtle, like omitting key details to skew a situation in their favor, or it can be blatant, like fabricating events that never occurred.

In relationships, this behavior is particularly damaging. Trust is the foundation of any healthy connection, and when someone constantly twists the truth, it erodes that trust. You may feel like you're constantly on guard, unsure of what to believe and whether you can rely on them.

Recognizing this pattern of dishonesty is the first step in protecting yourself. It's crucial to maintain a clear sense of reality and not let their manipulations distort your perspective. Setting boundaries and holding them accountable for their words and actions can help mitigate the damage, but sometimes, the best course of action is to distance yourself from the deceit altogether.

How to Deal with Superficial People: 5 Effective Strategies

Superficial people can be challenging to deal with, especially when their behavior starts to impact your emotional well-being. However, it's important to remember that you have the power to manage these interactions in a way that protects your mental health. By understanding their motives and setting clear boundaries, you can navigate these relationships with greater ease and confidence.

Here are seven effective strategies for dealing with superficial people. These tips will help you maintain your sense of self while minimizing the negative impact that superficiality can have on your life. Whether you're dealing with a superficial friend, colleague, or even a family member, these strategies will empower you to handle the situation with grace and resilience.

1) Acknowledge Their Actions Aren't About You

One of the most crucial steps in dealing with superficial people is to recognize that their actions are not a reflection of you, but rather of themselves. Their need to judge, manipulate, or seek attention stems from their own insecurities and fears, not from anything you've done.

It's easy to internalize the hurtful behaviors of others, especially when they are close to you. You might find yourself wondering what you did wrong or why you aren't enough for them. But the truth is, their superficiality is about their own struggles, not your shortcomings.

By acknowledging that their actions aren't about you, you free yourself from the burden of their behavior. This mindset allows you to maintain your self-esteem and avoid the emotional rollercoaster that comes with taking their actions personally. It's a powerful way to protect your mental health and keep their negativity from affecting your sense of self-worth.

Remember, you can't control how others behave, but you can control how you respond. Don't let their superficial actions dictate how you feel about yourself. Stay grounded in your own values and self-worth, and let their behavior reflect on them, not on you.

2) Remember They Don't Care About Others

It's a harsh truth, but one that's essential to understand: superficial people often don't genuinely care about others. Their focus is primarily on themselves, their image, and what they can gain from a situation. While they may put on a show of concern or empathy, it's usually a means to an end rather than a true expression of care.

Understanding this can save you a lot of heartache. When you recognize that their actions are driven by self-interest, it becomes easier to detach emotionally. You won't feel as hurt or disappointed when they fail to support you or when their actions reveal a lack of genuine concern. This perspective allows you to interact with them more strategically, without expecting the kind of emotional reciprocity you might get from more sincere individuals.

By keeping this reality in mind, you can approach interactions with superficial people with the right expectations. You'll be less likely to invest emotionally in someone who isn't capable of giving that same investment back, and you'll protect yourself from the disappointment that comes with expecting more than they can offer.

3) Don't Get Involved

One of the most effective ways to deal with superficial people is simply not to get involved in their drama or games. Superficial individuals often thrive on attention, conflict, and the chaos they create in relationships. By staying detached and refusing to engage, you deprive them of the power they seek to wield over you and others.

It can be tempting to defend yourself, argue, or try to change their perspective, but these efforts are usually futile. Superficial people are not interested in genuine dialogue or resolution; they are more concerned with maintaining their image and control. Engaging with them often only fuels their behavior and drags you into unnecessary stress and conflict.

Instead, focus on maintaining your boundaries and keeping your distance. Politely but firmly decline to participate in their drama, and avoid getting sucked into their superficial world. This doesn't mean you have to cut them out of your life entirely, but rather that you choose when and how to engage with them on your terms.

By not getting involved, you preserve your own peace of mind and avoid the emotional turmoil that often accompanies interactions with superficial people. You stay in control of your reactions and protect your energy for the people and activities that truly matter to you.

4) Let the World Revolve Around Them

Sometimes, the best way to deal with a superficial person is to simply let them have their way. Superficial individuals often crave the spotlight and the sense that everything revolves around them. Fighting this or trying to redirect their focus can be a losing battle. Instead, allow them to bask in their self-created importance—while you quietly disengage.

This doesn't mean you have to validate their behavior or agree with their perspective. Rather, it's about choosing your battles and not wasting energy on trying to change them. By letting them feel like the center of the universe without feeding into their need for validation, you maintain your own peace and sanity.

Letting them have their moment doesn't diminish your worth or value. It simply acknowledges that their need for attention is more about them than it is about you. You can choose to step back and observe rather than engage, which often leads to less conflict and more inner calm for you.

5) Pay No Attention

One of the most powerful tools you have when dealing with superficial people is the ability to simply not give them the attention they crave. These individuals often feed off the reactions they provoke, whether it's admiration, jealousy, or frustration. By paying no attention, you take away the fuel that drives their behavior.

This strategy requires a bit of practice, especially if you're used to reacting to their antics. But with time, you'll find that ignoring their provocations is liberating. It allows you to focus on what truly matters to you, rather than getting caught up in their superficial games.

When you stop giving them the attention they seek, they may try even harder to get a reaction from you. Stand firm in your decision to disengage. Over time, they will either lose interest or redirect their energy elsewhere. By not feeding into their behavior, you protect your emotional well-being and reinforce your own boundaries.

Remember, you have the power to choose where you place your attention. Use it wisely, and reserve it for the people and experiences that enrich your life rather than drain it.

Recommended Resources

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – A powerful exploration of self-worth and authenticity, offering valuable insights on how to navigate relationships with superficial individuals.
• Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend – An essential guide to setting healthy boundaries, especially in dealing with difficult people.
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – A classic book that provides practical wisdom for maintaining personal integrity and emotional resilience in any relationship.