19 Ways to Bring Positivity into Your Relationship

Key Takeaways:

• Be fully present in your relationship
• Shift language from “I” to “we”
• Listen actively and empathetically
• Respect your partner's need for space
• Keep playfulness alive for positivity

Show up fully and be present

In today's fast-paced world, we often get distracted. Our phones, work, and personal worries can easily take us out of the moment. But when it comes to your relationship, presence is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer. Being present means giving your partner your full attention, not just physically but emotionally too.

Psychologist John Gottman, known for his work on relationship stability, emphasizes that even small moments of connection, like a simple smile or eye contact, can build trust and strengthen the bond between partners. It's those moments of presence that say, “I'm here for you.”

Next time you're with your partner, resist the urge to check your phone or let your mind wander. Show up fully, whether you're having a deep conversation or just sitting together in comfortable silence. The ability to be fully present says more than words ever could.

Consider using 'we' instead of 'I' or 'you'

How often do you catch yourself saying, "I need this," or "You did that"? Words matter. They shape the way we perceive our relationships. When you shift from saying “I” or “you” to “we,” it creates a feeling of unity. It's no longer just about individual desires or frustrations; it's about the two of you working as a team.

Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, explains that language is a reflection of our commitment. Saying "we" reinforces the idea that you're in this together. It communicates that you're not just two separate individuals but a partnership, one that can tackle challenges together.

So, the next time you're addressing an issue or even making plans, try using "we." You'll notice that it brings a sense of togetherness that can dissolve tension and foster positivity. After all, relationships are built on the strength of two, not one.

Learn to listen actively

We often think we're listening, but more often than not, we're just waiting for our turn to speak. Active listening goes beyond hearing words—it's about being fully present, understanding the emotions behind what your partner is saying, and showing that you care. It's one of the most powerful ways to build trust and deepen your connection.

When you listen actively, you're not just absorbing information. You're listening with empathy. You make eye contact, you nod to show you're engaged, and you avoid interrupting. Psychologist Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology, said that “being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” That's how impactful active listening can be.

Start by removing distractions—no phones, no TV, no multitasking. Focus on your partner's words and body language. Reflect back what you hear by paraphrasing or asking clarifying questions. This shows that you're not just hearing but truly understanding. This shift in how you listen can transform your relationship into one filled with trust, validation, and positivity.

Seek to truly understand the other person

Understanding your partner goes far beyond surface-level conversations. It's about recognizing their fears, dreams, and what drives them. When we seek to understand instead of just reacting, we open the door to a deeper emotional connection. This isn't just about solving problems—it's about seeing the world through their eyes.

In relationships, it's easy to assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling. But assumptions are a trap. According to research by Dr. Brené Brown, understanding and vulnerability go hand in hand. Brown's studies on empathy show that people need to feel truly seen to be understood. We need to be brave enough to ask the tough questions and patient enough to hear the answers.

Ask open-ended questions like “How does that make you feel?” or “What's been on your mind lately?” These kinds of questions invite depth and honesty. When your partner feels understood, it fosters emotional intimacy, creating a safe space for both of you to grow and flourish together.

Set healthy boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship. They are the invisible lines that define what's okay and what's not, and they protect both partners from feeling overwhelmed or disrespected. Without clear boundaries, relationships can become a breeding ground for resentment or misunderstanding.

Setting boundaries isn't about keeping distance; it's about establishing respect. This includes emotional, physical, and even time-related boundaries. When both partners understand and honor these limits, it creates a sense of safety. Brené Brown, known for her research on vulnerability and relationships, once said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” In other words, boundaries are acts of self-respect that in turn foster mutual respect in a relationship.

Have open conversations about your limits. Whether it's alone time, how much emotional support you can offer, or personal space, communicate your needs clearly. When boundaries are respected, the relationship can thrive in a way that's healthy for both partners.

Respect a person's need for space

Everyone needs space, even in the most loving relationships. Respecting your partner's need for time alone or apart is crucial for maintaining balance. This doesn't mean they love you any less—it means they, like all of us, need moments to recharge, reflect, and maintain their individuality.

Psychologically, time apart can actually strengthen a relationship. According to Esther Perel, a well-known relationship expert and author, "The quality of togetherness is often enhanced by the quality of separateness." When we allow our partners space, we're giving them the freedom to be themselves, which in turn makes the time we spend together more meaningful.

The next time your partner asks for space, don't take it personally. Instead, see it as an opportunity for both of you to grow individually. Time apart can lead to a renewed sense of connection when you come back together, ensuring that the relationship remains fresh and positive.

Let go of the past

Holding onto past hurts, mistakes, or regrets can weigh down even the strongest relationship. When we dwell on old arguments or past wrongs, we trap ourselves in a cycle of negativity that keeps us from moving forward. Letting go of the past is not about ignoring what happened but about choosing to release its hold over your present and future together.

Psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of The Power of Apology, explains that forgiveness is a key step in letting go. “When you forgive, you release the power the other person has over you,” she says. This doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the past, but rather, deciding that it no longer defines your relationship.

The next time you find yourself bringing up an old issue, pause and ask yourself if it serves your relationship today. Letting go of past baggage allows you and your partner to experience each other in the present, where real growth and love can happen. By freeing yourself from the past, you open the door to a more positive and hopeful future together.

Connect with your partner's friends and family

Building relationships with your partner's friends and family shows that you value the people who are important to them. It's more than just being polite at gatherings—making an effort to get to know these key figures strengthens your bond as a couple. When you connect with your partner's social circle, it creates a sense of unity and support.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman highlights that couples who are integrated into each other's lives tend to have more fulfilling relationships. He explains that when you have positive connections with each other's friends and family, “you create a rich network of emotional support that helps sustain your relationship.”

Take small steps. Invite their friends over for dinner or suggest spending time with their family. This not only shows that you care about the people your partner loves but also allows you to experience them in different settings, adding depth to your connection. By fostering these relationships, you help build a strong, positive foundation that extends beyond just the two of you.

Fight fair

Arguments are inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle them makes all the difference. Fighting fair means staying respectful, even when emotions are high. It's about focusing on the issue at hand rather than attacking your partner personally. When couples fight unfairly, resentment builds, and issues remain unresolved, leaving a trail of hurt feelings in their wake.

Dr. Julie Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute, stresses the importance of avoiding destructive behaviors during conflict, like name-calling or bringing up past mistakes. She notes that “healthy conflict resolution strengthens a relationship, whereas unfair fighting erodes trust.”

The next time you argue, try to stay calm, listen to your partner's perspective, and avoid making accusations. If things get heated, take a break and come back to the conversation when you've both had time to cool down. Remember, you're on the same team, and the goal is to resolve the issue, not to ‘win' the argument.

Do small things together

It's often the little things we do together that create the biggest impact in a relationship. Grand gestures have their place, but everyday moments—like sharing a meal, going for a walk, or watching a movie—are where true connection happens. These small, seemingly insignificant activities build a sense of closeness and keep the relationship strong over time.

Psychologist and relationship researcher Dr. Terri Orbuch found that couples who spend regular time doing small things together report higher levels of satisfaction. “It's not about how much time you spend together,” she explains, “it's about how you spend it.” The small moments can be the glue that keeps the relationship thriving.

The next time you're both at home, suggest doing something simple together. Whether it's cooking a meal or taking a stroll around the neighborhood, these small acts help maintain the connection and remind you of why you enjoy each other's company. The little things matter more than you might realize.

Practice acceptance, stop trying to change people

One of the biggest traps in a relationship is trying to mold your partner into who you want them to be, rather than accepting who they already are. The reality is, people are imperfect, and attempting to change someone often leads to frustration and conflict. True love is about embracing your partner's quirks and flaws, not seeing them as projects to be “fixed.”

Clinical psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, emphasizes that “real change only happens when there is acceptance.” The more we push, the more resistance we often encounter. Acceptance doesn't mean you tolerate unhealthy behavior, but rather that you recognize your partner's uniqueness and stop trying to mold them into your ideal.

When you practice acceptance, you create an environment of trust and safety. Your partner feels valued for who they are, not criticized for who they're not. Focus on appreciating what they bring to the relationship, rather than dwelling on what you wish were different. Acceptance is the foundation of long-lasting love.

Be a shoulder to lean on, stop giving advice all of the time

Sometimes your partner doesn't need a solution—they just need you to listen. It can be tempting to offer advice every time your partner shares a problem, but unsolicited advice can often feel dismissive or patronizing. Instead of jumping in with suggestions, try being a supportive presence by simply offering a listening ear.

Psychologist Carl Rogers, a pioneer in person-centered therapy, believed that “people are more likely to find their own solutions when they feel heard and understood.” When we resist the urge to fix, we allow our partner the space to explore their feelings and come to their own conclusions.

Next time your partner opens up, instead of offering advice, try asking, “How can I support you?” or “Do you just need me to listen right now?” Being a shoulder to lean on strengthens emotional intimacy and shows your partner that you're there for them, no matter what.

Be responsible for yourself

In any healthy relationship, each person must take responsibility for their own actions, emotions, and well-being. While it's natural to lean on your partner for support, it's unfair to expect them to carry your burdens or fix your problems. Being responsible for yourself means owning up to your mistakes, managing your own emotions, and taking care of your mental and physical health.

As psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson highlights in his book 12 Rules for Life, “To have a good relationship, you must clean your own room first.” In other words, take care of your own issues before expecting your partner to handle theirs. This allows both of you to contribute equally to the relationship without feeling overwhelmed or resentful.

When both partners are responsible for themselves, the relationship becomes more balanced. You can support each other without feeling drained or burdened. So next time you face a challenge, ask yourself, “What can I do to improve this situation?” rather than expecting your partner to take charge. This approach creates mutual respect and strengthens your bond.

Speak well of your partner

How we speak about our partners—both in their presence and behind their backs—matters more than we often realize. When you speak positively about your partner, whether to friends, family, or colleagues, you're reinforcing the love and respect you have for them. Compliments, praise, and kind words go a long way in maintaining a healthy, positive relationship.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman found that couples who frequently express appreciation for each other tend to have happier, longer-lasting relationships. “The small moments of positive expression,” Gottman says, “are the building blocks of a solid relationship.” Speaking well of your partner, even when they're not around, creates a culture of positivity and mutual respect.

Make it a habit to compliment your partner both privately and publicly. Acknowledge their strengths, celebrate their achievements, and express gratitude for the little things they do. When you consistently speak well of your partner, you strengthen the foundation of trust, respect, and love in your relationship.

Divide responsibilities equally

One key to a harmonious relationship is ensuring that responsibilities are shared fairly. When one partner consistently shoulders more burdens, whether it's household chores, financial obligations, or emotional labor, resentment can build quickly. Dividing responsibilities equally isn't just about fairness; it's about partnership. Each person should feel valued and supported.

According to Dr. Laura Berman, a relationship expert, “A healthy partnership is built on shared responsibilities. When both partners contribute equally, it fosters a sense of teamwork.” This teamwork is essential for a lasting bond. When you both actively participate in managing the relationship's responsibilities, it creates a deeper connection and understanding.

To achieve balance, have an open discussion about what each of you can handle. Make a list of tasks and figure out who feels comfortable taking on what. Be flexible and willing to reassess when needed. Remember, the goal is to create a sense of unity where both partners feel empowered and respected. The more equitable the arrangement, the more fulfilling your relationship will be.

Ask your partner, 'What do you need from me?'

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and asking your partner what they need from you can open up valuable dialogue. This question shows that you care about their feelings and well-being. It invites them to express their needs, whether emotional support, help with chores, or simply a listening ear.

Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want, emphasizes that understanding each other's needs is crucial. “When we ask and listen, we create a deeper connection that allows both partners to feel heard and appreciated,” he explains. This inquiry not only fosters intimacy but also helps clarify expectations in the relationship.

Make it a habit to ask this question regularly, especially during times of stress or conflict. Your partner may be struggling with something you're unaware of. By encouraging open communication, you create a safe space for both of you to share your feelings. This practice not only strengthens your bond but also builds a more resilient relationship where both partners feel supported and valued.

Stop over analyzing your relationship

Over-analyzing your relationship can lead to unnecessary stress and confusion. When we dissect every little interaction, word, or gesture, we often create problems that don't really exist. This habit can erode trust and intimacy, causing us to lose sight of the love and connection that brought us together in the first place.

Psychologist Dr. Sherry Turkle, in her book Alone Together, points out that our constant need to analyze can stem from fear of vulnerability. “When we're too focused on analyzing, we miss the simple joys of being together.” Instead of enjoying the moment, we get trapped in our minds, which can be detrimental to our emotional well-being and the health of our relationship.

Instead of overthinking, practice being present. Focus on what is happening now rather than getting caught up in hypothetical situations. Ask yourself, “Is this concern based on facts or fears?” Sometimes, stepping back and letting go of the need to analyze allows your relationship to breathe and grow. Embrace the beauty of the unknown and trust the bond you share.

Practice gratitude

Gratitude is a powerful tool in nurturing a positive relationship. When we take the time to appreciate our partner, we reinforce the love and respect that exists between us. Expressing gratitude for the little things—like a kind word, a thoughtful gesture, or even their presence—can significantly enhance relationship satisfaction.

Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, states, “Gratitude is an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts, and benefits we've received.” By recognizing these positives, we shift our focus from what might be lacking to what is abundant in our lives together.

Incorporate gratitude into your daily routine. You could express thanks verbally, write notes, or even keep a gratitude journal where you list the things you appreciate about your partner. This practice doesn't just uplift your spirits; it strengthens your emotional connection and cultivates a more positive atmosphere within your relationship. By acknowledging the good, you encourage a cycle of appreciation that fosters love and understanding.

Stay positive, fun, and playful! Keep the novelty alive!

In the journey of a relationship, it's essential to keep things light and enjoyable. Routine can easily set in, and the spark that once ignited your passion might dim. However, choosing to stay positive, fun, and playful is crucial for maintaining excitement and connection. Embracing spontaneity can make every day feel fresh and engaging.

Psychologist Dr. Barbara Fredrickson, known for her work on positive psychology, asserts that “positive emotions broaden your awareness and encourage novel, inventive, and often altruistic behavior.” When you incorporate fun and play into your relationship, you create a safe space for creativity and growth. You both learn to navigate life together with a sense of adventure.

Consider planning spontaneous outings, trying new hobbies together, or even having regular game nights. Small, playful activities can bring joy and laughter, reminding you why you fell in love in the first place. Novel experiences also create lasting memories, strengthening your bond. When life gets tough, it's often those fun, shared moments that carry you through.

So, don't wait for special occasions to celebrate your relationship. Make fun a regular part of your life together. Let go of inhibitions, and be silly, spontaneous, and playful! Keeping the novelty alive is a beautiful way to deepen your connection and ensure that your love continues to thrive.

Recommended Resources

• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman
• Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix
• Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other by Sherry Turkle
• 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan Peterson
• The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner