19 Principles of Relational Communication You Can't Ignore!

Key Takeaways:

Relational communication shapes our interactions
Nonverbal cues are essential
Dynamic communication is always evolving
Power dynamics influence relationships
Emotional connectivity builds strong bonds

Introduction to Relational Communication

How often do you really think about the way you communicate with those closest to you? We may feel like we're always "talking," but the truth is that relational communication goes far deeper than casual conversation. It is the way we connect, the way we understand each other, and how we build lasting bonds. At its core, communication in relationships isn't just about words—it's about emotions, gestures, and even the moments of silence in between.

If you've ever felt misunderstood in a relationship or struggled to express yourself, you've experienced the intricate dance that is relational communication. It's not easy, but it's absolutely vital for building meaningful connections. Without it, we're just talking at each other, not with each other.

What is Relational Communication?

Relational communication is the ongoing, evolving interaction between individuals within a relationship. It's the process through which we exchange information, emotions, and thoughts, shaping the nature of our relationships along the way. This type of communication goes beyond surface-level chit-chat. It digs deep into how we express love, manage conflict, and support each other emotionally.

Relational communication isn't just about what you say—it's about how you say it, what you don't say, and how the other person interprets your message. Nonverbal cues like eye contact, tone of voice, and even physical proximity are key players in this communication style. When we understand how relational communication works, we gain the tools to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

One expert, Dr. Deborah Tannen, in her book You Just Don't Understand, emphasizes the importance of the way we communicate in relationships, saying, "Communication is not a simple exchange of information; it's an ongoing negotiation of power and connection." This makes it clear: communication isn't just functional, it's relational.

Relational Communication in Everyday Life

Think about the small moments you share with someone special—the quick texts, the eye contact during dinner, or even the silence while watching a movie. These are all examples of relational communication in everyday life. Whether it's between romantic partners, friends, or family members, these seemingly minor exchanges are the threads that weave the fabric of our relationships.

For example, you might send a short, encouraging message to your partner during a tough workday. Even a simple "I'm thinking of you" can strengthen the bond between you two. Relational communication often happens in subtle ways that we don't always consciously notice, but it's these moments that build connection and understanding.

Core Principles of Relational Communication

Relational communication is built on several core principles that guide the way we interact and form relationships. These principles help explain why certain conversations bring us closer while others create distance. Let's dive into these key ideas:

1. Relationships Emerge through Interaction

Every meaningful relationship begins with a simple interaction. It might be an introduction at a social event, a spontaneous conversation on a subway, or even a shared glance that sparks curiosity. These moments are where relationships are born. It's through consistent interaction—whether deep or casual—that people form bonds. Over time, these interactions start to shape the dynamics of the relationship. What begins as an acquaintance can transform into friendship, partnership, or even love.

Each interaction builds upon the last. A conversation about weekend plans might turn into a heart-to-heart about personal struggles, and suddenly, the relationship has shifted into something more significant. The key here is to be present and aware of how each interaction contributes to the evolving connection between you and the other person. The small moments matter just as much as the big ones.

2. The Role of Verbal and Nonverbal Messages

We often focus on the words we use, but in reality, how we say something often speaks louder than what we actually say. Verbal messages are important, yes—our words convey thoughts, opinions, and feelings—but nonverbal cues like body language, tone, and even pauses in conversation play a critical role in relational communication.

Have you ever noticed how a sarcastic tone can change the entire meaning of a sentence? Or how someone's body language can make them seem closed off even when their words are inviting? These nonverbal signals are powerful. Research by Dr. Albert Mehrabian highlights that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal, including things like eye contact, posture, and facial expressions. So, while the words we choose are vital, the way we deliver them is equally crucial in shaping how the message is received.

Being aware of both verbal and nonverbal messages can help us better understand each other and avoid misunderstandings. Whether you're having a serious discussion or a lighthearted chat, your nonverbal cues are always speaking—make sure they're saying what you truly feel.

3. Why Communication is Key to Strong Bonds

When it comes to building and maintaining strong relationships, communication is the glue that holds everything together. Whether we're talking about romantic relationships, friendships, or family ties, open and honest communication lays the groundwork for trust, empathy, and understanding. Without it, even the closest connections can unravel over time. When you consistently communicate—both in the good times and the challenging ones—you're showing the other person that they matter, and you're willing to put in the effort to maintain the bond.

Think about it this way: relationships are like plants. They need regular care, attention, and nourishment to thrive. Communication is the water that keeps them alive. When we don't communicate, misunderstandings and assumptions creep in, creating distance where there should be connection. It's in these conversations—especially the tough ones—that we really grow together. This is why communication isn't just important; it's essential for any lasting relationship.

4. Communication is Dynamic and Ever-Changing

One of the most fascinating aspects of communication is that it's never static. What works in one stage of a relationship may not work in another. In the beginning, communication might revolve around getting to know each other—learning each other's likes, dislikes, and values. As the relationship deepens, the conversations shift. We begin discussing long-term goals, personal challenges, and even vulnerabilities. As time goes on, the way we communicate continues to evolve to meet the needs of the relationship.

What does this mean for us? We can't expect to rely on the same communication patterns forever. Being aware that communication is dynamic allows us to adapt and adjust as the relationship changes. Maybe early on, you communicated through playful banter, but now, you need to focus more on emotional support. Recognizing these shifts helps us stay in tune with our partner's needs and keeps the connection strong.

So, don't be afraid to let your communication style evolve. As you and your relationship grow, so should the way you communicate. After all, growth is a sign of a healthy, thriving connection.

5. Linear vs Nonlinear Patterns in Relationships

Not all relationships follow a straight path. Some move smoothly from one stage to the next—first dates, deep conversations, exclusivity, and eventually long-term commitment. This is the linear pattern many of us expect, where each phase builds upon the previous one in a predictable way. But in reality, relationships often have nonlinear patterns, full of ups and downs, twists and turns.

Nonlinear relationships might have periods of emotional intensity followed by distance, or times when the relationship regresses before moving forward again. Maybe you reconnect with someone after years apart, or you experience a major conflict that completely reshapes your bond. These ebbs and flows are normal. What matters is that both partners are willing to ride the waves together, learning from each interaction and adjusting as the relationship evolves.

While the idea of a straight, smooth path is comforting, relationships are often more like a winding road. The key is to understand that nonlinear patterns don't mean a relationship is doomed—it just means it's real, human, and evolving.

Relational Communication Theory

Relational communication theory dives into how we interact with others and how those interactions shape the dynamics of our relationships. This theory helps us understand the deeper mechanics of why certain conversations bring people closer while others push them apart. At its core, relational communication theory is about the ongoing negotiation of meaning between individuals—how each interaction builds or breaks down connections.

For instance, dominance versus submission plays a crucial role in many relationships. This dynamic might manifest in subtle ways, like who takes the lead in decisions or how one partner influences the emotional tone of the relationship. Similarly, relational communication theory also addresses factors like emotional connectivity, chemistry, and the balance between intimacy and autonomy. All of these elements impact how we communicate and, ultimately, the strength of our bonds.

By understanding relational communication theory, we can become more aware of the subtle shifts and patterns that emerge in our relationships. We begin to see how our actions, words, and even silence affect the people we care about, and we can adjust accordingly to foster healthier, more fulfilling connections.

1. Dominance and Submission Dynamics

Dominance and submission are dynamics that exist, in some form, in almost every relationship. They may not always be obvious, but they influence how decisions are made, how conflicts are resolved, and even how affection is expressed. In some relationships, one person naturally takes the lead, while the other prefers to follow. In others, this power balance may shift back and forth depending on the situation.

These dynamics aren't necessarily negative—sometimes, they can create a harmonious balance. For example, one partner might take charge in organizing social events, while the other leads when it comes to emotional support. However, problems arise when dominance becomes overbearing or submission turns into passivity. Healthy communication is key to ensuring these dynamics don't tip too far in one direction.

Understanding how dominance and submission play out in your relationship can help both partners find a comfortable balance where each feels respected and heard. After all, a healthy relationship is a partnership, and both partners should feel empowered to express themselves.

2. Building Intimacy through Relational Communication

Intimacy is the heartbeat of any close relationship, and relational communication is the way we keep that heartbeat strong. Whether it's sharing a personal story, expressing vulnerability, or simply listening with empathy, communication is the vehicle through which intimacy is built. True intimacy isn't just physical; it's emotional, mental, and even spiritual.

Through open, honest conversations, we create a safe space where both partners can be themselves without fear of judgment. This leads to deeper emotional bonds and a sense of closeness that goes beyond surface-level connection. Dr. Brené Brown, in her book Daring Greatly, speaks to the power of vulnerability, stating, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” This shows how crucial it is to open up to each other if we want to build intimacy.

The more we practice intimate communication, the more comfortable we become with it, and the stronger our relationships grow. So, whether you're discussing your hopes and dreams or expressing your fears, remember that every honest conversation is a step toward greater intimacy.

3. Understanding Chemistry in Relationships

Chemistry in relationships is often described as an almost magical connection, that instant "spark" that makes everything feel easy and natural between two people. But what exactly is chemistry? It's not just physical attraction—though that can certainly be part of it—it's a deeper, emotional resonance that makes two people click. Chemistry often involves shared interests, complementary personalities, and a natural ease in communication.

This sense of connection might feel effortless, but it's actually built on a foundation of shared values, experiences, and mutual respect. When two people have good chemistry, their conversations flow, they understand each other's jokes, and even silence between them feels comfortable. Psychologist Dr. Helen Fisher describes chemistry as "a combination of emotional, mental, and physical synchronization," where both partners are in tune with each other on multiple levels.

It's important to recognize that while chemistry can ignite a relationship, it's not enough to sustain it on its own. That's where communication and effort come in. Chemistry might spark the connection, but how we communicate will determine whether that flame continues to burn.

4. Emotional Connectivity: The Heart of It All

Emotional connectivity is the core of any meaningful relationship. It's that deep sense of understanding, empathy, and care that allows two people to feel truly bonded. Without emotional connectivity, relationships can feel hollow, even if everything looks fine on the surface. This is why relational communication is so crucial—because it allows us to build and maintain that emotional connection over time.

When we feel emotionally connected to someone, we experience a sense of security, comfort, and trust. We know that our feelings are understood and that our needs are important. This connection often requires ongoing effort—through honest conversations, shared experiences, and acts of love. As we communicate our emotions and respond to our partner's needs, we strengthen this emotional bond.

According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a leading expert in relationship psychology, "Emotional responsiveness is the key to a loving relationship." When we're responsive to each other's emotional needs, we create a safe space where love can grow. It's the moments of being truly present for one another, of saying "I see you, and I'm here for you," that make emotional connectivity the heart of any lasting relationship.

5. How Interactions Shape Relationships

Each interaction we have with someone, no matter how small, plays a role in shaping the relationship. Whether it's a brief exchange of smiles or a deep conversation about life's challenges, these moments accumulate over time, forming the foundation of how we relate to each other. The way we respond to everyday interactions—showing interest, empathy, or indifference—affects the trust and connection we build.

For instance, small gestures like asking someone about their day, remembering important details, or simply being present during conversations create a sense of belonging and importance. On the other hand, dismissing or ignoring these opportunities for connection can lead to emotional distance. It's the consistency of these small moments that strengthens relationships, not just the grand gestures.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, successful relationships are built on the "small things often" principle. This means that daily, meaningful interactions are far more important than occasional grand displays of affection. Over time, the way we interact—whether we choose to connect or disconnect—shapes the entire trajectory of the relationship.

6. Social Composure in the Presence of Others

Social composure refers to how we present ourselves and manage our emotions in social situations, especially when we're with people we care about. This plays a significant role in relational communication because how we act around others affects the way we are perceived and the dynamics of the relationship itself.

When we're calm, composed, and confident, it sets a tone of trust and security. We come across as approachable and reliable, which can help to deepen connections with others. On the flip side, if we're anxious, defensive, or overly guarded, it can create tension and make others feel uncomfortable, even if we're not aware of it. Social composure isn't about pretending to be something you're not; it's about being mindful of your behavior and its impact on those around you.

In relationships, our social composure is often tested—whether it's meeting a partner's friends for the first time or handling a disagreement in front of others. Maintaining a balance between authenticity and self-awareness in these moments can help strengthen the relationship, showing your partner that you're capable of handling both intimate and social situations with grace.

7. Orientation Toward Tasks or Social Activities

Another important element in relational communication is how we orient ourselves toward tasks or social activities within a relationship. Some people tend to be more task-oriented, focusing on getting things done efficiently, while others may prioritize social interaction, valuing connection and shared experiences over completing a checklist. Both approaches have their strengths, but they can sometimes create friction in a relationship if not properly balanced.

For example, a task-oriented person might become frustrated when their partner wants to spend more time talking than tackling chores, while the socially inclined partner might feel neglected or unimportant if tasks always take precedence over spending time together. Recognizing each other's orientation toward tasks or social activities allows couples to find a middle ground. You might decide to tackle tasks together as a way to bond or designate certain times solely for connection without worrying about the to-do list.

Dr. Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages touches on this balance, showing how acts of service (task orientation) and quality time (social orientation) can coexist in a relationship, each bringing value and fulfillment. The key is understanding each other's preferences and making adjustments that support both needs.

The Impact of Relational Communication on Mental Health

The way we communicate in relationships doesn't just affect the relationship itself—it has a profound impact on our mental health. Positive, open, and supportive communication can reduce stress, increase feelings of security, and promote a sense of belonging. On the flip side, poor communication can lead to anxiety, depression, and a feeling of isolation, even within a relationship.

When we feel heard and understood by the people closest to us, our mental and emotional well-being flourishes. Relational communication that fosters empathy, validation, and emotional safety creates a buffer against the challenges life throws our way. It's those reassuring conversations after a tough day or the moments of vulnerability that allow us to process difficult emotions that truly make a difference.

Conversely, when communication breaks down—whether through constant conflict, neglect, or emotional unavailability—it can take a toll on our mental health. Without the emotional support that comes from healthy relational communication, feelings of loneliness and disconnection can creep in, making it harder to manage stress and other mental health challenges. Prioritizing open, honest communication in relationships is not just about maintaining a connection; it's about protecting our emotional and psychological well-being.

Improving Communication in Relationships

Improving communication in any relationship requires intentional effort. It's not something that happens overnight, but with patience and practice, you can transform how you and your partner connect. Start by focusing on being present during conversations—this means putting down your phone, maintaining eye contact, and really listening to what the other person is saying. Active listening builds trust and shows the other person that their words and feelings matter to you.

Another key to improving communication is asking open-ended questions. These invite deeper discussions and encourage your partner to express their thoughts and emotions more fully. Instead of asking "Did you have a good day?" try "What was the best part of your day?" This opens the door to a more meaningful exchange.

Lastly, remember that communication isn't just about words. Nonverbal cues, as we've discussed, play a significant role in how messages are received. Pay attention to your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language—they can either reinforce your message or create confusion. When all these elements align, communication flows more smoothly, leading to stronger bonds.

How to Apply Relational Communication Skills

Applying relational communication skills in your daily interactions can make a world of difference in your relationships. Start by practicing empathy—put yourself in the other person's shoes before responding. This simple act of consideration can diffuse potential conflicts and show the other person that you value their perspective.

Be mindful of the language you use. Try to speak in "I" statements rather than "you" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel hurt when you cancel our plans" instead of "You always cancel on me." This shift in language helps to express feelings without placing blame, making it easier for your partner to respond without becoming defensive.

Consistency is also key. Make a conscious effort to communicate openly and honestly, even when it's uncomfortable. The more you practice these skills, the more natural they'll become, creating a cycle of positive interaction that reinforces the connection in your relationship. As you apply these skills, you'll notice that your conversations become more meaningful, your understanding deepens, and your bond strengthens.

FAQ

How can relational communication improve my relationship? Relational communication is the foundation of any strong relationship because it enhances understanding and emotional closeness. By improving how you communicate with your partner—whether through words, actions, or nonverbal cues—you create a deeper sense of connection. When you both feel understood, you're more likely to trust each other and work together as a team, even during tough times.

Effective relational communication can also help resolve conflicts more smoothly. When you understand each other's needs and concerns, it becomes easier to find common ground. Rather than seeing disagreements as a battle, they become opportunities for growth and mutual understanding.

Finally, relational communication encourages vulnerability and openness, which are crucial for long-term emotional intimacy. When you and your partner feel safe enough to express your true selves, your bond strengthens, and your relationship becomes a source of support, not stress.

Sign In