17 Shocking Signs You're in a Fake Relationship (Watch Out!)

Key Takeaways:

• Spot the signs of fake love.
• Real love feels secure and mutual.
• Fake relationships lack emotional intimacy.
• Knowing the difference saves heartache.
• End fake love to find real connection.

What is a fake relationship?

We've all been there — questioning whether our relationship is genuine or if something feels a little... off. A fake relationship isn't about a single disagreement or rough patch; it's a consistent lack of connection, trust, and depth. People enter fake relationships for various reasons, sometimes out of fear of being alone or simply not wanting to face the truth.

The tricky thing is that fake relationships often look real on the surface. You might go on dates, share laughter, and have moments of connection. But underneath, it's hollow. The feelings don't go deep, and the effort isn't truly there. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman points out that a relationship lacking in emotional intimacy and trust is often just a mirage, saying, "Trust is built when our partner is emotionally attuned to our needs and consistently responsive." If that's missing, it's a red flag.

Defining fake love: How can you tell?

So, how do you know if what you're feeling — or what your partner is showing — is fake love? It's not always obvious, especially if you're emotionally invested. The key lies in how you feel when you're with this person. Do you feel secure, or is there constant insecurity lurking in the background? Real love makes us feel safe, supported, and valued.

In contrast, fake love leaves us questioning everything. Does your partner's affection seem performative? Are they there when things are easy but vanish when life gets tough? These signs can be subtle, but over time, they become impossible to ignore.

As author and relationship expert Esther Perel explains, "Real love is about mutual commitment to growth, trust, and vulnerability." If those elements are missing, you're likely dealing with something far less authentic.

True love vs fake love: Key differences

At first glance, it can be hard to distinguish between true love and fake love. Both can start with excitement, passion, and what feels like genuine care. But over time, the differences between the two become glaringly obvious. True love builds trust, intimacy, and respect. It's about more than just saying “I love you.” It's about proving it in actions and through consistent effort.

In a fake relationship, everything feels conditional. The affection comes with strings attached or is based on external factors like convenience, appearances, or even social media validation. True love, on the other hand, thrives when life gets tough. It's not afraid of challenges and doesn't fade when the going gets rough. Fake love will disappear at the first sign of struggle, leaving you questioning what was real.

Think about this: does your partner genuinely care about your emotional wellbeing, or are they only interested in how the relationship looks from the outside? True love connects people from the inside out, while fake love focuses on surface-level appearances.

When you're deeply in love, you'll feel...

When you're truly in love with someone, there's a deep sense of security that anchors you. Love feels like a partnership, a safe harbor you can always return to. You'll feel comfortable being your most authentic self because you know your partner accepts you — flaws and all. You don't walk on eggshells or wonder if their affection will disappear tomorrow.

Emotional intimacy is a hallmark of deep love. You'll feel seen, understood, and cherished. When life throws challenges your way, you'll feel confident facing them together because true love gives you a sense of stability. As author bell hooks said in All About Love, “To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic bonds.” That's what true love feels like — meaningful, supportive, and rooted in care.

When someone fakes love for you, you'll feel...

When love is fake, the cracks in the relationship will start to show. You'll feel a constant sense of insecurity, like you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. There's no consistency. One day, they're attentive and affectionate, and the next, they're distant or even disinterested. This rollercoaster of emotions leaves you second-guessing yourself and the relationship.

Genuine love feels stable, while fake love is full of uncertainty. You'll likely notice that their affection seems performative — it's there when people are watching, but when it's just the two of you, things feel cold or forced. Fake love is a constant performance, and you're left wondering whether any of it is real.

Psychologically, this inconsistency can cause significant emotional distress. When someone is faking love, it taps into feelings of rejection and abandonment. As attachment theory suggests, we seek stability in our closest relationships. When that's missing, anxiety and self-doubt begin to creep in.

17 signs you're in a fake relationship

1. They're comfortable, not in love. If the relationship feels like a routine without passion or excitement, they might just be going through the motions.
2. You lack emotional intimacy. Conversations stay surface-level, and you rarely, if ever, discuss your deeper feelings or vulnerabilities.
3. The relationship feels shallow. It's more about how things look from the outside than how they actually feel on the inside.
4. You're changing to accommodate your partner. You find yourself altering your behavior, interests, or even values just to keep them happy.
5. You're always the one initiating things. If you stopped reaching out, would the relationship even exist?
6. The relationship constantly feels like it's ending. There's an ever-present sense that things are on the verge of collapse.
7. You don't put each other first. They seem to prioritize everything else over your relationship, whether it's work, friends, or their phone.
8. You can't rely on them. When it comes to emotional support, they're not there when you need them most.
9. The relationship lacks depth. There's no growth or progression — it's stagnant.
10. Their words are worthless. They may say all the right things, but their actions never match.
11. They're really into their social media. They care more about how your relationship looks online than how it feels in real life.
12. You have no future plans together. Discussions about the future are either avoided or non-existent.
13. Indifference reigns supreme. There's no passion, no arguments, just a dull sense of indifference toward each other.
14. You don't communicate. Conversations are rare, and when they do happen, they're shallow and unfulfilling.
15. You haven't met each other's friends or family. If they're serious about you, they'll want you to meet the important people in their life.
16. They put on a show for other people. Their behavior changes when others are around, becoming overly affectionate or distant, depending on who's watching.
17. They always seem bored. When they're with you, they're disengaged, distracted, or just going through the motions.

1. They're comfortable, not in love

Comfort in a relationship isn't a bad thing — in fact, it's often a sign of security and trust. But when comfort replaces love, that's a problem. If they're with you simply because it's familiar or convenient, the spark of genuine love and passion might be missing. You'll notice that they're content to keep things just as they are, without making any effort to deepen the relationship or nurture your emotional connection.

Being comfortable can sometimes feel like love, but the truth is, love requires effort. If your partner is just coasting along, going through the motions without trying to grow together or strengthen your bond, then the relationship may be rooted in convenience, not commitment. Real love pushes us to show up fully, even when things aren't easy.

When someone's merely comfortable, they won't fight for the relationship when challenges arise. As relationship therapist Gary Chapman says, "Love doesn't sustain itself without effort. It requires intentionality and action." Without that, comfort can easily turn into complacency.

2. You lack emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds relationships together. Without it, you're essentially just sharing a life with a stranger. If you find that you're not talking about your feelings, your dreams, or your fears — if everything stays on the surface — then something important is missing. Emotional intimacy is what allows you to truly connect with your partner beyond physical attraction or shared experiences.

When there's a lack of emotional intimacy, conversations feel forced or shallow. You may find that your partner avoids discussing anything personal, keeping things light and superficial. This can leave you feeling isolated or emotionally unfulfilled. The relationship becomes transactional rather than meaningful.

According to researcher Brené Brown, "Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued." If you don't feel that energy in your relationship, it could be a sign that emotional intimacy has never been fully developed, or worse, it was never truly there to begin with.

3. The relationship feels shallow

Have you ever felt like your relationship just skims the surface? When you're in a shallow relationship, there's little depth to your interactions. You talk about daily routines, weekend plans, or surface-level topics, but never about your inner thoughts, struggles, or aspirations. Everything feels like a performance, designed to keep things light and conflict-free.

A shallow relationship can leave you feeling emotionally unfulfilled because there's no vulnerability. It's like playing a role, where both of you avoid the hard conversations that would bring you closer. The danger here is that a lack of depth can make you feel like you're just going through the motions, rather than building a meaningful connection.

In contrast, deep relationships involve opening up about your fears, sharing your dreams, and being truly present for each other's emotional needs. If all you're getting is surface talk and avoidance, it might be time to reevaluate what you're really getting from the relationship.

4. You're changing to accommodate your partner

Relationships require compromise, but there's a big difference between compromise and losing yourself to accommodate someone else. If you find yourself changing your personality, interests, or values just to keep your partner happy, that's a sign of a problem. You might stop voicing your opinions or hide parts of who you are because you're afraid they won't accept you as you are.

This isn't healthy. In a real, loving relationship, both people accept each other's quirks, preferences, and individuality. If you feel like you need to constantly change to fit into your partner's ideal, you're not being your true self. Over time, this leads to resentment and emotional exhaustion.

As Dr. Harriet Lerner explains in The Dance of Anger, "A true partnership is about two separate people coming together as equals, with room for each to grow and change." If you're the only one changing — or if you're losing yourself in the process — that's a clear sign that the relationship isn't based on love, but rather control or convenience.

5. You're always the one initiating things

If you're the one always making plans, reaching out, or keeping the relationship afloat, it can feel exhausting. Being the only one who initiates effort is a huge red flag. A relationship should be a partnership, where both people invest time, energy, and care into each other. If it's always you sending the first text, planning the dates, or suggesting time together, it may mean they're not as invested as you are.

Real love involves mutual effort. When one person is doing all the work, it leads to imbalance and frustration. You might start to wonder: if I stopped initiating, would they even notice? Would they reach out, or would the relationship quietly fade away? This lack of reciprocity creates doubt and insecurity, leaving you feeling undervalued and alone.

Healthy relationships thrive on give and take. If it's all one-sided, chances are the other person is comfortable with letting you carry the load, which is unfair and unsustainable.

6. The relationship constantly feels like it's ending

Do you have a nagging feeling that the relationship could end at any moment? In a fake relationship, there's often an underlying tension that things are hanging by a thread. You might constantly worry that an argument or a bad day will lead to a breakup, because the foundation of the relationship is weak.

This sense of instability can cause anxiety and emotional distress. You might walk on eggshells, trying to avoid saying or doing anything that could push your partner away. That's not love; it's fear. In a strong relationship, you feel secure even during tough times because you know you're both committed to working things out.

Relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson highlights that secure bonds are built when both partners feel safe enough to be vulnerable with each other. In a fake relationship, that safety is missing, and the constant feeling of being on the edge of a breakup only reinforces that emotional instability.

7. You don't put each other first

In a healthy relationship, both partners naturally prioritize each other. It doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your individuality, but it does mean that your partner's needs and happiness matter to you. If you're in a fake relationship, it often feels like you're low on their list of priorities. Work, friends, hobbies, or even their phone seem to come before you. You're left wondering if they even care about how their actions affect you.

Real love involves making room for your partner in your life and showing them, through actions, that they are important to you. When you don't feel like a priority, it can lead to resentment and hurt. Over time, this lack of mutual respect can cause the relationship to deteriorate, leaving you feeling sidelined and unimportant.

As relationship coach Steven Stosny explains, "The emotional bond between partners is built through consistent prioritization of each other's needs." If that bond isn't being nurtured, the relationship is likely to feel hollow and unsatisfying.

8. You can't rely on them

A key foundation of any relationship is reliability. Can you count on your partner when you need them most? If your answer is no, it's a major warning sign. Fake relationships often lack this essential support system. Maybe they show up when it's convenient for them, but when you really need emotional or physical support, they're nowhere to be found.

Reliability isn't just about showing up when it's easy; it's about being there through thick and thin. In true love, partners don't have to question each other's loyalty or dependability. You know you can rely on them during hard times, and that knowledge gives the relationship stability.

When someone is unreliable, it creates a sense of insecurity and loneliness within the relationship. As psychologist Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps explains, "Reliability builds trust, and trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship." Without it, the emotional connection can crumble, leaving you feeling isolated and unsupported.

9. The relationship lacks depth

If your relationship feels like it's stuck in the shallow end, it might be because there's no real emotional or intellectual depth between you and your partner. You can spend time together, but there's a sense that something is missing. You don't talk about your deeper thoughts, feelings, or goals. Instead, conversations revolve around mundane topics, and emotional vulnerability is off-limits.

True depth in a relationship means you're able to be open, honest, and real with each other. You share your fears, your dreams, and your most intimate thoughts. If your relationship lacks this, it's likely more of a convenience or a façade than a genuine connection. Emotional depth takes work and willingness from both partners. Without it, you're left feeling disconnected and unfulfilled.

As relationship expert Esther Perel notes, "Relationships require us to venture into the unknown together, exploring both ourselves and our partner at a deep level." If that journey isn't happening, the relationship is likely skimming the surface without any real substance.

10. Their words are worthless

In a fake relationship, words can start to feel empty. Your partner might say all the right things — "I love you," "I'm here for you," or "You're important to me" — but their actions don't align with those words. This disconnect leaves you feeling confused and frustrated because it's one thing to hear promises, and another to see them followed through.

Words are powerful, but only when backed up by actions. If your partner constantly makes promises or declarations of love, but never follows through, their words begin to lose meaning. You might start to doubt everything they say, wondering if any of it is sincere.

As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. In a healthy relationship, you don't have to question whether someone's promises are real because they show you through their behavior. If their words are empty, it's a sign that the love they're offering isn't genuine.

11. They're really into their social media

When someone is more interested in how your relationship looks online than how it feels in real life, that's a red flag. If your partner is constantly posting photos, crafting the perfect captions, and obsessing over likes and comments, it can feel like the relationship is just for show. Their focus is on external validation rather than building a genuine, intimate connection with you.

Social media isn't inherently bad, but when it becomes the center of a relationship, it distorts what really matters. You might notice that they're more affectionate when taking pictures for Instagram but distant when the cameras are off. The public image of the relationship takes priority over the actual emotional bond. It can leave you feeling used, like you're just part of their social media persona instead of being valued for who you are.

Real love doesn't need an audience. It thrives in private moments, where there's no need for external approval. When your partner seems more invested in social media than in your connection, it's worth asking what their true priorities are.

12. You have no future plans together

If your relationship feels stagnant, and there's no discussion of future plans, that's a clear sign of a lack of commitment. Whether it's moving in together, traveling, or simply planning future goals, a healthy relationship involves looking ahead. When you're in love, you naturally want to talk about what's next — building a life, achieving goals together, or creating shared memories.

In a fake relationship, the future is often left out of the conversation. You might avoid talking about it because deep down, you know it's not going anywhere. If your partner seems uninterested in long-term plans or dodges conversations about the future, it can leave you feeling uncertain and unimportant.

True commitment involves seeing a future together and actively working toward it. Without that shared vision, the relationship feels temporary and unsatisfying. It's as if you're just passing time together without any real intention of growing or evolving as a couple.

13. Indifference reigns supreme

One of the most painful signs of a fake relationship is indifference. When neither of you seems to care anymore, that's a dangerous place to be. It's not just about arguing or having differences — it's about not caring enough to even argue. The passion, the excitement, the emotional investment — it's all gone, replaced by a dull sense of apathy.

If your partner doesn't seem to notice or care about the things that matter to you, it shows a lack of engagement in the relationship. Maybe they don't ask about your day, your dreams, or your challenges. Indifference feels like a slow erosion of connection, where neither of you is motivated to make things better.

Indifference is often harder to deal with than anger because it feels like giving up. When love fades into apathy, it's a clear sign that something is missing — and it might be time to let go.

14. You don't communicate

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Without it, misunderstandings, frustrations, and distance start to build. If you and your partner aren't talking — and not just small talk, but real, meaningful conversations — the relationship is likely in trouble. Lack of communication creates a disconnect that can't be ignored.

When communication breaks down, issues fester, and the emotional bond weakens. Maybe you find that when you try to discuss something important, your partner brushes it off or avoids the conversation entirely. Over time, you stop trying because you know it won't lead anywhere. This silence is not just about words; it's about shutting each other out emotionally.

As renowned relationship expert John Gottman says, "The key to a successful relationship is not avoiding conflict, but knowing how to communicate through it." If communication is non-existent or superficial, it's a sign that the foundation of the relationship is crumbling.

15. You haven't met each other's friends or family

If you've been together for a while but haven't met each other's friends or family, it's a red flag. Meeting the important people in your partner's life is a natural step in a serious relationship. It shows that they value you enough to introduce you to those who matter to them. If that's not happening, it could mean they're not committed to integrating you into their world.

Sometimes, people keep their romantic relationships separate from friends and family because they're unsure about the future of the relationship. Or worse, they might be hiding something — like another relationship or simply not wanting to be seen as "taken." Whatever the reason, the fact that you're kept in the dark about their social circle is a sign that the relationship may not be as solid as you think.

When you're truly important to someone, they want to share all aspects of their life with you, including their friends and family. If that's not happening, it might be time to question why.

16. They put on a show for other people

Does your partner act one way when it's just the two of you and another when you're around others? This is a classic sign of a fake relationship. When someone's behavior dramatically changes based on the audience, it's clear that they're more focused on appearances than on building a genuine connection.

In public, they might be overly affectionate or attentive, but behind closed doors, the energy changes. This performance is often for social media, friends, or family — a way to make the relationship look better than it really is. But when the façade drops, you're left feeling confused and disconnected.

True love doesn't need to be put on display. It's consistent whether you're in front of an audience or completely alone. If your partner is only affectionate when others are watching, you're likely dealing with someone who's more interested in maintaining an image than in building a real, meaningful relationship.

17. They always seem bored

One of the most frustrating feelings in a relationship is realizing that your partner seems constantly bored. Whether you're spending time together, going out, or even just having a conversation, their attention is elsewhere. It's as if they're mentally checked out, only going through the motions of being present without any genuine interest or engagement.

Boredom in a relationship isn't just about being disinterested in activities; it reflects emotional disconnection. When someone is truly invested, they find joy in the simplest moments — even in doing nothing together. If your partner is perpetually bored, it's likely that their heart isn't in the relationship anymore.

Ask yourself: Are they only excited when something new or external is introduced to the relationship? If so, their lack of engagement could be a sign that they're not emotionally invested, which leads to deeper issues of dissatisfaction and detachment.

How to end a fake relationship

Ending a fake relationship can be hard, but it's necessary for your emotional well-being. Once you recognize that the connection is based on convenience or appearances rather than real love, the next step is to take action. Here's how to go about it:

1. Communicate your feelings. The first step is to have an honest conversation. Let your partner know how you feel about the lack of authenticity in the relationship. They might not be aware of the issues, or they could be feeling the same way but haven't expressed it. Clarity is key here, even if the conversation feels uncomfortable.

2. Cut off contact. After you've communicated your feelings and made the decision to leave, it's important to establish boundaries. If the relationship is truly over, keeping contact to a minimum helps both of you move on. This might mean deleting them from social media or limiting conversations to essential matters, especially if you share responsibilities like children or finances.

3. Stand firm. It's easy to get pulled back into the relationship, especially if they try to convince you that things will change. But if you know the connection isn't genuine, standing your ground is essential. Stick to your decision for your own mental and emotional health, and don't allow guilt or fear of being alone to pull you back into a toxic dynamic.

Ending a fake relationship clears the way for real love and fulfillment. It's not easy, but staying in an emotionally empty or one-sided relationship is far more damaging in the long run.