15 Surprising Tips to Dominate Your Partner (Must-Try)

Key Takeaways:

• Sexual dominance is about control.
• Consent is the foundation of dominance.
• Communication ensures comfort and trust.
• Confidence plays a major role in dominance.
• Dominance can heighten intimacy.

What is sexual dominance?

Sexual dominance isn't just about one partner taking control in the bedroom. It's a dynamic exchange of power where one person leads and the other submits in a consensual and often pre-negotiated manner. For many couples, this dynamic adds a thrilling sense of excitement and trust to their sex life.

In fact, dominance can often be less about physical actions and more about the psychological dance that happens between two people. It involves setting the tone, taking initiative, and maintaining control, but never at the expense of a partner's comfort or boundaries.

Psychologists have explored this phenomenon, tying it to the idea of control and security. People who enjoy dominant roles may find empowerment and satisfaction in leading, while submissive partners often enjoy the release of letting go.

What are the responsibilities of a dominant?

Being a dominant partner is more than just exerting power or control. A healthy dominant needs to be attentive, empathetic, and most importantly, respectful of their partner's limits. You must understand that dominance carries responsibilities. It's not about taking advantage but about leading with care.

Dr. Jessica O'Reilly, author of “The New Sex Bible,” emphasizes the importance of communication, stating, “If you're not listening to your partner, you're not leading—you're simply imposing your will.” This means the dominant must ensure that boundaries are not only discussed but fully respected at all times.

Being dominant also comes with the responsibility to check in with your partner—both during and after intimate moments. This ensures that trust is maintained and that both partners feel valued and respected in their roles.

Why might someone want to be more dominant in bed?

There are a variety of reasons why someone might desire to take on a more dominant role in bed. For some, it's about feeling empowered or gaining a sense of control that might be lacking in other areas of life. By being dominant, they're able to assert their desires and feel a sense of authority within a safe and consensual space.

Others find that dominance allows them to explore deeper levels of intimacy with their partner. By setting the pace and taking control, the dominant partner can create an experience that feels uniquely theirs while also building a stronger connection. In this way, it's not just about power, but about a mutual trust that fosters both excitement and vulnerability.

Sexual dominance may also be about expressing confidence—confidence in oneself, one's body, and in understanding the partner's needs. It's about stepping into a role where you can fully explore desires, fantasies, and pleasures without hesitation. The appeal often comes from a mixture of confidence, control, and curiosity.

The surprising benefits of being dominant in bed

Many people are surprised to learn that sexual dominance can actually strengthen the emotional bond between partners. When done with consent and care, taking the lead in bed encourages greater communication, which is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.

Dominance also pushes you out of your comfort zone. This kind of experimentation in the bedroom can lead to personal growth. It may reveal new sides of your personality, help build confidence, or simply make you feel more in tune with your partner.

Interestingly, taking on a dominant role can also increase feelings of intimacy. When you are in control, you get to shape the experience, directing not only physical actions but also emotional rhythms. This deeper connection can bring partners closer together, creating a more fulfilling relationship both in and out of bed.

In “The Guide to Getting It On,” author Paul Joannides explains, “Being dominant in bed is less about what you do and more about how you connect with your partner on every level—emotionally, mentally, and physically.” So the true benefit lies not only in the acts themselves, but in the emotional trust and understanding that results from them.

15 fun tips to dominate your partner in bed

Being dominant in bed doesn't have to be complicated. It can be playful, consensual, and fun, bringing you and your partner closer while exploring new dynamics. Whether you're trying it for the first time or looking to enhance your already dominant role, here are 15 exciting ways to step up your game and take control in the bedroom:

1. Talk to your partner: Communication is key. Before diving into a dominant role, make sure you're both on the same page about what's exciting, what's off-limits, and what you want to explore together.
2. Be your partner's boss: Start small by giving simple commands, like “come here” or “undress for me.” It builds anticipation and sets the tone for control.
3. Wear something intimidating: Clothing can play a major role in dominance. Whether it's leather, black lingerie, or something that makes you feel powerful, wearing something bold can heighten the mood.
4. Allow your partner to worship your body: Take charge by letting your partner kiss and touch you as you dictate, making them focus entirely on your pleasure.
5. Blindfold and tie your partner: Sensory deprivation and light bondage can amplify trust and make every touch feel more intense. You're fully in control when they can't see what's coming next.
6. Boss your partner around: Don't be afraid to take control with your words. Tell them exactly what you want, when you want it, and how they should behave.
7. Choose sex positions where you have control: Opt for positions like cowgirl or doggy style where you can dictate the rhythm, speed, and depth of movement.
8. Talk dirty: Words are powerful in the bedroom. Use your voice to enhance the dominant experience by telling your partner what they're doing to you, what you're about to do to them, or what they should expect next.
9. Change your attitude in bed: Being dominant often starts with confidence. Channel your inner strength, and let that attitude carry you throughout the entire experience.
10. Try roleplaying: Create a scenario where you have full control—be the boss, the teacher, or even a character your partner finds irresistible. Roleplay gives you the freedom to experiment with dominance in a playful way.
11. Experiment with sex toys: Introduce toys that help you take the lead, like restraints, vibrators, or floggers. These can add an extra layer of excitement and control.
12. Tease your partner: Don't give in to their desires immediately. Tease them with light touches, kisses, or whispers, and delay gratification to build anticipation.
13. Control your partner's climax: As the dominant partner, decide when they get to orgasm. By controlling their climax, you amplify the sense of power and control you hold in the moment.
14. Try bondage: Light bondage, whether it's with handcuffs, silk ties, or ropes, reinforces the sense of control and trust. Just be sure you've both agreed on boundaries beforehand.
15. Have a safe word: Dominance is all about mutual respect and consent. Always have a safe word in place, so your partner can signal if they're uncomfortable or if boundaries are being crossed.

These tips aren't just about physical acts; they're about creating a space where both partners feel safe and connected, even when exploring power dynamics. Remember, trust and communication are the cornerstones of any healthy sexual relationship.

Commonly asked questions about dominance in bed

It's natural to have questions about sexual dominance, especially if you're new to exploring these dynamics or just curious about how it all works. Many people wonder how to make sure they're doing it right, or how to avoid crossing boundaries. Below are some of the most frequently asked questions about being dominant in bed and how to navigate this exciting, yet delicate, area of intimacy.

What is the difference between dominance and aggression in bed?

Many people confuse dominance with aggression, but they are not the same thing. Dominance, in its healthiest form, is about leadership, confidence, and mutual pleasure. It's rooted in respect, trust, and the consent of both partners. Aggression, on the other hand, often stems from unchecked emotions and can lead to discomfort or even harm if not controlled.

Dominance involves understanding your partner's needs and limits. You're in control, but not at the expense of your partner's safety or comfort. It's about setting a tone where both of you feel connected, engaged, and satisfied. Aggression can overlook these boundaries, often veering into dangerous territory if one person feels unsafe or disrespected.

As sex therapist Dr. Emily Nagoski explains in her book “Come As You Are,” “True dominance requires as much listening as leading. You cannot dominate someone you don't understand, and you cannot understand someone you don't respect.” This idea reinforces that dominance is built on connection, not coercion.

What is the difference between dominance and aggression in bed?

While dominance is about taking charge in a consensual and playful manner, aggression in bed can feel forceful, harsh, and even unsafe. Dominance often involves a measured sense of control, where your partner is willingly submitting to the experience. Aggression, however, can leave a partner feeling overwhelmed or disconnected.

In fact, the difference lies in consent and communication. Dominance, when done right, is about reading your partner's reactions and adjusting accordingly. Aggression, on the other hand, tends to ignore these cues and pushes beyond what is comfortable.

For example, dominance might mean guiding your partner into a certain position or taking charge of the pace and intensity, while constantly checking in. Aggression could involve pushing those boundaries without care for how your partner feels in the moment. If your actions are based on mutual excitement and connection, you're being dominant—not aggressive.

How can I be dominant in bed without making my partner feel uncomfortable?

Dominance can be exciting, but it should never come at the cost of your partner's comfort. So, how can you be assertive and confident while ensuring your partner feels safe and respected? The answer lies in clear communication and being attuned to their responses.

Before you even begin, have an open conversation about what each of you enjoys or is curious about. What are their boundaries? What are yours? Lay everything out on the table, from fantasies to limits, so you both feel confident going into the experience. Make sure to keep checking in during the moment, both verbally and through non-verbal cues. A simple “How does this feel?” or paying attention to their body language can tell you a lot about their level of comfort.

Additionally, it's important to introduce dominance gradually. You don't have to go all-in from the start. Begin with smaller gestures of control, like guiding your partner's movements or setting the pace. By easing into it, you'll give your partner time to adjust and see if they enjoy this new dynamic.

Remember, dominance is about shared pleasure. If your partner isn't into it, then it's no longer dominance—it's discomfort, which should be avoided at all costs. Respect their needs and go as slow as necessary to ensure they feel completely at ease.

What if my partner is not comfortable with me being dominant?

Not every partner will be comfortable with a dominant role, and that's completely okay. Each person has different desires, boundaries, and emotional needs when it comes to intimacy. If you find that your partner isn't interested or seems hesitant, don't take it personally. Instead, view it as an opportunity to explore other ways of connecting that make both of you feel fulfilled.

If dominance isn't their thing, ask them why. They might be worried about losing control or feeling vulnerable, or perhaps they've had past experiences that make them wary. Try to understand their reasoning without pushing them into anything they're not ready for. Reassure them that their comfort and safety are your top priorities.

There are also ways to introduce lighter forms of dominance that might feel more approachable to your partner. Maybe they aren't comfortable with rough physical dominance, but they enjoy verbal direction or roleplay. Start with those aspects and gauge their reactions before moving into more intense forms of dominance, if ever.

If, after conversations and attempts at compromise, they still aren't comfortable, it's important to respect that. Some people simply don't enjoy dominance dynamics, and your relationship can still thrive without it. Mutual respect is what will carry your connection forward, regardless of whether dominance is part of your sexual experiences or not.

Achieving your sexual best

Being dominant in bed can unlock new levels of confidence, trust, and intimacy, but the key to achieving your sexual best lies in understanding yourself and your partner on a deeper level. Great sexual experiences aren't just about technical skills—they're about emotional connection, vulnerability, and mutual satisfaction.

To be your best, both as a dominant partner and in the bedroom Prioritize communication. The most confident and connected partners are the ones who talk openly about their needs, their fantasies, and their boundaries. Don't be afraid to check in often, before, during, and after your intimate moments.

Also, remember that practice makes perfect. You might not get everything right the first time you take on a dominant role, but that's okay. The more you explore and experiment with each other, the more comfortable you'll become in these roles. Give yourself and your partner the space to grow, make mistakes, and learn what works best for both of you.

Most importantly, stay attuned to the emotional aspects of dominance. It's about more than just physical control; it's about building trust, pushing boundaries respectfully, and creating an environment where both partners can explore their sexuality fully. When these elements align, you'll not only achieve your sexual best—you'll take your relationship to new heights.

Final thoughts on sexual dominance

Sexual dominance, when practiced with care, respect, and open communication, can be an incredibly empowering and intimate experience for both partners. It's not about taking control for the sake of control—it's about leading in a way that deepens your connection and enhances mutual pleasure.

At the heart of dominance is trust. Without it, the dynamic breaks down. You should always prioritize your partner's comfort, boundaries, and desires, while also confidently expressing your own. This balance is what makes dominance truly powerful—it's about creating a space where both people feel heard, respected, and excited.

Ultimately, sexual dominance is just one facet of a healthy, dynamic sexual relationship. It may not be for everyone, but for those who enjoy it, it can bring a new level of excitement and closeness. As with any sexual experience, it's the communication and trust that will make it a success.

Recommended Resources

• “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski
• “The Guide to Getting It On” by Paul Joannides
• “The New Sex Bible” by Jessica O'Reilly