15 Reasons He Keeps Coming Back (But Won't Commit)

Key Takeaways:

• Men return due to uncertainty
• Lack of commitment signals mixed feelings
• Loneliness often plays a role
• Some men fear serious relationships
• Self-reflection can help break the cycle

What does it mean when a man keeps coming back?

When a man keeps coming back, it's not just about his physical presence—it's the emotional rollercoaster you've likely been strapped into as well. We've all been there, wondering why he vanishes for a while only to reappear again, stirring up emotions you thought you were ready to move past. It's confusing, frustrating, and sometimes deeply hurtful. But let's be clear—it almost always has more to do with him than with you. Understanding this cycle can help you break free from it or, at the very least, decide how to approach him the next time he shows up at your door.

The reasons behind his back-and-forth behavior often tie back to unresolved issues, either in his life or in the relationship itself. This isn't just about playing games; it could be his way of trying to figure out his own emotional landscape. Let's dive deeper into the reasons why he keeps coming back—because trust me, they are not as mysterious as they seem once you lay them out in the open.

He doesn't know what he wants from you

One of the most common reasons a man keeps coming back into your life is that he doesn't know what he truly wants from you. This kind of indecisiveness can lead to a string of emotional highs and lows for both of you. He might enjoy your company, but he hasn't figured out if he wants a real commitment or just something casual. And the worst part? He may not even realize he's doing this. It's like he's stuck in his own personal limbo, dragging you into it with him.

Indecision in relationships can be rooted in fear, especially the fear of making the “wrong” choice. As Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, points out, “People are afraid to commit because they worry about losing their freedom.” When a man doesn't know what he wants, he's stuck between the comfort of having you around and the fear of fully committing to you.

For you, this creates emotional whiplash. One moment, he's all in, and the next, he's pulling away again. You're left wondering, questioning yourself, and even blaming yourself. But it's important to remember—it's not your job to make up his mind for him. He has to figure out what he wants, and until he does, you're likely going to be stuck in this maddening cycle.

He isn't ready for anything serious

It's frustrating, isn't it? One day he's showing interest, texting back quickly, and being charming as ever. The next, he's distant and avoids any conversation that hints at the future. The truth is, he probably isn't ready for anything serious—and that's not something you can change or force.

Often, when a man isn't prepared for a serious relationship, it stems from his own personal fears and uncertainties. He might have a lot going on in his life—whether it's career ambitions, family pressure, or emotional baggage from past relationships. According to attachment theory, people with avoidant attachment styles tend to shy away from deep emotional connections because they fear vulnerability. This could be why he's pulling back just when things start to get serious.

It's not about you being too much or asking for too much. It's about him not being ready to give enough. It can be easy to take his indecisiveness personally, but the reality is that his reluctance to commit is a reflection of his own internal struggles. The best thing you can do is recognize this pattern for what it is and decide whether you want to wait around for someone who might never be ready.

He doesn't like you enough to commit

This one stings. No one wants to hear that someone they care about doesn't feel the same depth of connection. But sometimes, a man comes back into your life simply because he enjoys the companionship or benefits without truly liking you enough to commit. Harsh, right? Yet it's a reality many face.

There's a difference between liking someone's company and actually wanting to build a life together. He might enjoy your fun conversations, the casual hangouts, and even the intimacy—but when it comes down to commitment, he's holding back. Why? Because, deep down, he knows you're not “the one” for him, and that's why he won't take things to the next level.

It's important to recognize that if a man keeps coming back but refuses to commit, it may be time to ask yourself if you're settling for less than you deserve. As Esther Perel, renowned psychotherapist and author, says, “The quality of your relationships is directly tied to the quality of your boundaries.” If he's not willing to meet your expectations, it might be time to rethink what you want from him—and from yourself.

He is lonely

Loneliness can be a powerful motivator. When a man feels isolated or disconnected from others, he might find himself coming back to you—not because of some deep emotional bond, but because you're a familiar face in a world that feels otherwise cold and empty. It's easy to confuse this kind of attention for affection, but in reality, he's just using you as a buffer against his loneliness.

Loneliness can drive people to make decisions that are short-sighted or purely based on their immediate emotional needs. Psychologically speaking, loneliness activates the brain's reward system, pushing people to seek out connections—even if those connections are shallow or fleeting. He might not even realize he's using your presence to fill a void, but when he pulls away again, it's a clear sign that his return had more to do with him than with you.

It's tough, but remember, being someone's emotional crutch isn't the same as being their partner. If he only shows up when he feels lonely, you're not his priority—you're his safety net. And that's not fair to you.

He is a player

Ah, the classic player. He's charming, knows exactly what to say, and always leaves you wanting more. But beneath the smooth exterior, he's not interested in a genuine connection—he's just in it for the game. If he's bouncing back into your life with the same old lines and no real effort to move things forward, it's because he enjoys the chase more than he values the outcome.

A player loves the thrill of keeping multiple options open. He thrives on the attention and the ego boost of having someone like you available whenever he wants. But here's the thing—players rarely stick around. They come and go as they please, always chasing the next exciting conquest. And when it starts to feel serious or like commitment is on the table? They vanish—only to return when they're ready for another round.

It's easy to fall for a player because they know how to make you feel special in the moment. But don't be fooled. If he's not showing up with consistent effort and genuine interest, he's likely more focused on winning you over than on keeping you in his life long-term.

Reasons he keeps coming back but doesn't want a relationship

It's one of the most frustrating patterns—he keeps returning, maybe even telling you how much he enjoys being with you, but when it comes to a relationship? He's nowhere to be found. The cycle of him coming back into your life without committing can leave you feeling confused, even hopeful, but understanding his motives can offer you the clarity you need to make decisions for yourself.

Most often, when a man keeps reappearing but refuses to commit, it's because he's battling with his own internal conflicts. He might be wrestling with unresolved feelings from his past, or he may simply enjoy the benefits of your company without wanting the strings attached. Whatever the reason, his actions are telling you everything you need to know. Let's break down some of the most common reasons why he might keep circling back without offering a real relationship.

He can't seem to connect with you

Connection is key in any relationship, and if he's struggling to connect with you emotionally, this might explain why he keeps coming back but isn't ready to commit. He might enjoy being around you, appreciate your company, and even feel a physical attraction—but when it comes to that deeper, emotional connection? Something's missing for him.

This disconnect can often stem from different values, life goals, or even communication styles. You might feel like you're giving everything, but if he's not emotionally invested or on the same page, it's unlikely he'll take things further. Psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), explains that “we are wired for emotional connection, but when we don't feel safe or understood, we shut down.”

If he can't seem to open up or connect with you on a deeper level, his back-and-forth behavior will continue. He's not ready to commit to something that he doesn't fully feel connected to. And unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you can't do the emotional work for him. He has to come to that connection on his own terms—or not at all.

He is fresh out of a relationship

Rebound alert! If he's just gotten out of a relationship, there's a good chance he's not emotionally available to commit to you, even if he keeps coming back. This kind of behavior often happens when someone hasn't fully processed the end of their previous relationship. He might be using you as a way to distract himself from the pain, confusion, or loneliness he's feeling post-breakup.

It's important to understand that if he's fresh out of a relationship, he may not have taken the time to heal or reflect on what went wrong in his previous relationship. He's likely not ready to build something new, and that can lead to inconsistency in how he treats you. Sure, he may enjoy your company, but deep down, he's still dealing with the emotional fallout from his past.

It's not uncommon for people in this situation to move on too quickly, seeking out comfort in someone new without realizing they're not emotionally available for something serious. If he's not taking time for himself, this cycle of coming back to you could be more about him needing a temporary distraction than a true desire for commitment.

He's only attracted to you

This one can be tough to accept, but sometimes the only reason a man keeps coming back is because he's physically attracted to you. Attraction plays a major role in relationships, but when that's all there is, it's not enough to build something long-lasting. If he's just coming back for the chemistry, but you don't see him putting in any effort to connect on a deeper level, he's likely more focused on the physical side of things.

Physical attraction is great, but it's not the foundation of a healthy, committed relationship. If he only shows up when it's convenient for him—late-night texts, spontaneous meet-ups—it's a clear sign he's driven by attraction more than anything else. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of those moments, but without emotional depth, the relationship is bound to remain shallow.

As relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages,” says, “Real love is a choice, not just a feeling.” If he's not choosing to engage with you beyond physical attraction, it's time to ask yourself whether you want more than just surface-level connection.

He has a problem committing

Commitment issues are more common than we might think, and they can cause a lot of confusion when you're on the receiving end of someone who keeps coming back but never fully commits. If he has a problem committing, it's not necessarily because he doesn't like you—he may even care about you a lot. The issue is more about his fear of being tied down or losing his sense of freedom.

Men who struggle with commitment often have an underlying fear of vulnerability or intimacy. They might have been hurt in the past, or maybe they've witnessed unhealthy relationships that make them wary of settling down. Whatever the reason, if he keeps showing up in your life without making things official, it's likely that his fear of commitment is holding him back.

It's crucial to recognize that you can't fix this for him. Commitment issues are something he needs to work through on his own. Until he's ready to face those fears and fully engage in the relationship, you'll likely be stuck in this frustrating cycle of “almost, but not quite.” The choice you need to make is whether you're willing to wait around for him to figure it out—or whether you deserve more certainty in your life.

15 Reasons why he keeps on coming back

1. You make it easy for him: If you've been welcoming him back without setting boundaries, it's no surprise he keeps returning. People often come back when they know they can.
2. He's being selfish: He enjoys the benefits of your relationship without fully committing, focusing on what he gets out of it.
3. He's lonely and needs company: When loneliness strikes, he knows you're a comforting presence, even if he doesn't want to commit.
4. He has no clue about what he wants: His indecisiveness keeps you both in limbo, where neither of you moves forward or backward.
5. You don't want anything serious either: If you're both casually keeping things light, he might keep coming back because there's no pressure to define the relationship.
6. He is not over you: If he still has lingering feelings for you, he may come back trying to see if there's a chance to rekindle something.
7. Guilt drives him back: Sometimes, men return because they feel bad about how they left things. Guilt can pull him back in even when he's not fully committed.
8. You distract him from his problems: Your relationship might be an escape from the stress or challenges he's dealing with in other areas of his life.
9. You are just a rebound for him: If he recently got out of another relationship, you might just be his rebound, which is why he keeps coming back without any real commitment.
10. The intimacy is too good to give up: Physical connection can be a powerful draw. If the chemistry is strong, it might be the reason he keeps returning.
11. He wants to give you another chance: He might genuinely want to see if things could work, which is why he comes back after leaving. But if he's not serious about change, the cycle will just continue.
12. He doesn't want to be tied down: He enjoys his freedom but also likes having you around. This push-pull dynamic can keep him in your life, but always at a distance.
13. He has been hurt in the past: Past trauma or heartbreak might make him wary of committing fully, even if he's drawn to you.
14. He enjoys playing mind games: Some men come back because they enjoy the power or control they feel when they can manipulate your emotions by leaving and returning.

You make it easy for him

Here's the hard truth: if you keep letting him back into your life without consequences, it's no wonder he keeps coming back. You've made it easy for him. It's not that he's necessarily a bad guy—he's simply taking advantage of the fact that you haven't set boundaries. People, whether they realize it or not, often return to situations that feel comfortable and low-risk. If he knows you'll always be there when he decides to show up, there's no urgency or incentive for him to make any real changes.

Letting him back in without demanding more from him sends the message that he can have the benefits of your relationship without putting in the work. Setting clear boundaries and sticking to them is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. You deserve someone who will make an effort, not someone who takes advantage of your kindness and availability.

We all want to be understanding and forgiving, but there's a fine line between giving someone a chance and letting them walk all over you. The choice is yours: either demand more from him or stop making it so easy for him to come and go as he pleases.

He's being selfish

Selfishness is at the core of why some men keep coming back but don't offer any commitment. It's not about love or affection—it's about what he can get from you. Whether it's emotional support, physical intimacy, or just the comfort of knowing someone's there, his behavior is centered around his own needs, not yours.

This kind of selfishness can be subtle. He might not even realize he's doing it. But if his actions show that he's more focused on how the relationship serves him rather than considering your feelings, it's a clear red flag. It's easy to confuse selfishness for care, especially when he says all the right things to keep you around. But remember: actions speak louder than words. If he's only showing up when it's convenient for him, he's not considering how his behavior affects you.

At the end of the day, you deserve a partner who will give as much as they take. If he's being selfish and you're constantly left feeling like you're putting in more effort than he is, it's time to take a step back and evaluate whether he's truly worth your time.

He's lonely and needs company

Loneliness can drive people to act in ways they normally wouldn't, and that might be exactly what's happening here. He could be coming back because he's lonely, not because he wants to rekindle something meaningful with you. Loneliness can be isolating, and when he feels that way, he turns to you because you're familiar, comforting, and available.

But here's the thing—you're not his emotional band-aid. If he only shows up when he's feeling down or isolated, then his return has more to do with his temporary feelings than with any real commitment to you. He might enjoy your company, but that's not the same as wanting to build a future together.

People sometimes mistake a connection born out of loneliness for something deeper, but you deserve more than being someone's solution to feeling alone. If he's only present when it's convenient or when he's lonely, it's time to consider if he's truly in it for you—or if he's just in it for the companionship when he has no other options.

He has no clue about what he wants

This is one of the most frustrating reasons why a man might keep coming back—he genuinely has no idea what he wants. He's probably not intentionally messing with your emotions, but his indecision leaves you stuck in a cycle that's as exhausting as it is confusing. One day, he's all in; the next, he's distant and unsure. And you're left wondering where you stand.

When someone doesn't know what they want, they tend to gravitate toward what feels good in the moment. He likes being around you, but he's too unsure to fully commit. This could be a result of past relationship baggage, a fear of making the wrong decision, or simply a lack of maturity in figuring out what he's looking for. Whatever the case, it's his indecision that's keeping you both in limbo.

While it's tempting to wait around for him to “figure things out,” the reality is that this uncertainty can stretch on for months, even years. The longer you stay in this holding pattern, the more you risk losing sight of what you want and need from a relationship. If he doesn't know what he wants, it's okay to walk away and find someone who does.

You don't want anything serious either

Here's a twist—maybe you're both on the same page, and neither of you actually wants anything serious. If that's the case, his coming and going might not bother you as much because you're not looking for a long-term commitment either. In fact, casual relationships can work if both people are upfront about their intentions and boundaries.

But if there's any part of you that's hoping for more, things can get tricky. It's easy to convince yourself that you're fine with something casual, but deep down, you might be wishing for the day when he decides to settle down with you. If you're both avoiding serious commitment, that's fine—as long as you're being honest with yourself about what you truly want.

Sometimes, we stay in situations that don't really serve us because it feels easier than confronting what we really need. If you don't want anything serious either, be sure you're comfortable with the boundaries you've set. Otherwise, you risk getting hurt when feelings start to develop, and the relationship doesn't evolve the way you'd hoped.

He is not over you

There's always a possibility that he keeps coming back because he's simply not over you. Maybe the connection you had still lingers in his mind, or maybe he's nostalgic for what once was. In any case, his return could be a sign that he hasn't fully let go of the past and is trying to see if there's still something there between you.

This is a tricky situation. If he's not over you but still isn't ready to commit, it leaves you both stuck in a limbo that's emotionally draining. He might keep coming back, hoping to rekindle the spark, but if he can't make up his mind about whether he wants a real relationship, you're in for a lot of frustration.

As relationship expert Dr. Shirley Glass, author of “Not Just Friends,” explains, “Unresolved feelings from past relationships can interfere with your ability to fully move on or invest in something new.” If he's still hung up on you, he might keep reappearing in your life, but until he's ready to commit to moving forward together, you'll be caught in a cycle that doesn't serve either of you.

Guilt drives him back

Sometimes, it's not love or affection pulling him back—it's guilt. If he knows he's hurt you or feels like he's left things unresolved, that guilt can eat away at him. This isn't the kind of motivation you want in a relationship, though. Guilt might push him to check in on you, apologize, or even try to patch things up temporarily, but it's not a foundation for a meaningful connection.

Guilt-driven returns often feel half-hearted. He may come back, but only out of a sense of obligation or remorse. You might notice that while he's physically present, emotionally he's distant, unsure of how to fix things but also feeling like he owes you something. As much as it might seem like he's trying to make things right, a relationship fueled by guilt will never be stable.

You don't want someone who returns because they feel bad for how they treated you. You deserve someone who comes back because they genuinely want to be with you, not because they're trying to ease their own conscience.

You distract him from his problems

We all have challenges in life—whether it's stress at work, family issues, or unresolved emotional baggage. Sometimes, a man will keep coming back because you provide him with an escape from those problems. Being with you makes him feel better in the moment, even if it doesn't solve his underlying issues.

It's easy to feel flattered by the idea that you're a source of comfort for him, but if you're constantly being used as a distraction, that's not fair to you. Instead of working through his issues, he's using your relationship as a temporary refuge from his problems, and that's not sustainable in the long run. You can be supportive, but you can't fix someone else's life for them.

It's important to recognize if this is what's happening, because it can keep you stuck in a cycle where you're always there to pick up the pieces when things go wrong for him. If he's not willing to face his own problems and keeps coming back for the comfort you provide, it's time to ask yourself whether this relationship is really about love or just about avoiding reality.

You are just a rebound for him

Rebound relationships are tricky because they often feel intense, even though they lack depth. If he's fresh out of a relationship, there's a chance you're just filling the void left by his ex. He's not ready for anything serious, but being with you gives him the comfort and distraction he craves. You might notice that things move quickly, emotionally or physically, but there's no real commitment behind it.

Being someone's rebound can be flattering at first, especially if it seems like he's really into you. But the truth is, rebound relationships rarely last because they're built on shaky foundations. His heart and mind are still tangled up in his past relationship, and you're essentially a way for him to avoid dealing with his feelings.

It's important to protect your own emotions in this situation. If you suspect you're just a rebound, it might be worth stepping back and letting him deal with his past before trying to build something new with you. Otherwise, you'll be caught in the middle of his unresolved feelings, and that's never a good place to be.

The intimacy is too good to give up

Let's be honest—sometimes, the reason he keeps coming back is purely physical. If the intimacy is great, it can cloud both your judgments and make it harder to see the relationship for what it really is. He might not want a commitment, but the chemistry between you is enough to keep pulling him back in.

Physical attraction is powerful, and it's one of the most common reasons people struggle to let go of relationships that aren't working on a deeper level. He could be enjoying the passion and the excitement without feeling the need to take things further. And while the intimacy might be fulfilling in the short term, it can also keep you emotionally tethered to someone who isn't offering you anything more substantial.

It's important to recognize whether the connection between you is mostly physical. If you find that the emotional aspect of the relationship is lacking, but the intimacy keeps you both coming back, it might be time to ask yourself what you really want. A relationship based solely on physical attraction rarely grows into something more meaningful.

He wants to give you another chance

There's always the possibility that he keeps coming back because he believes there's still hope for the two of you. Maybe he feels like he didn't give the relationship a fair shot the first time around, or he thinks you've both grown enough to make it work now. In his mind, coming back is his way of giving you another chance to prove that things can be different.

But here's the tricky part: “giving you another chance” often means he's putting the responsibility on you to fix things. He might want you to show that you're willing to change or meet his expectations, but relationships don't work that way. They're a two-way street. If he's returning with conditions or expecting you to do all the emotional labor, it's unlikely to be a healthy dynamic moving forward.

If he truly wants to make things work, both of you need to be committed to growing and improving together. If he's just testing the waters to see if you've “earned” another shot, it's time to reconsider whether this relationship is worth pursuing.

He doesn't want to be tied down

Commitment can be scary for some people, and that might be why he keeps coming back without settling down. He enjoys the benefits of being with you—whether it's the emotional support, companionship, or intimacy—but the idea of being “tied down” makes him nervous. He craves the freedom to come and go as he pleases, which is why he won't commit fully.

Fear of losing independence is a common reason why some men avoid commitment. He might be afraid that being in a relationship will restrict his freedom or change his life in ways he's not ready for. This doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't care about you—it just means his priorities are different.

The problem is, you can't build a lasting relationship with someone who constantly has one foot out the door. If he's not ready to commit because he values his freedom more than building something stable with you, then it's time to ask yourself if this back-and-forth is really worth it. Relationships require compromise, and if he's not willing to meet you halfway, he's never going to give you the stability you deserve.

He has been hurt in the past

Sometimes, the reason he keeps coming back isn’t because of you at all—it’s because he’s still carrying emotional baggage from his past. If he’s been hurt in a previous relationship, it’s possible he’s afraid of getting too close or trusting someone again. That emotional wound makes him hesitant to fully commit, even if he’s genuinely interested in you.

This kind of behavior is common for people with unresolved trauma. When someone has been hurt deeply, they often build emotional walls as a way to protect themselves from future pain. As a result, they may start something new but pull back when things get serious, not because they don’t care, but because they fear getting hurt all over again.

It’s tough to navigate this kind of relationship. You might find yourself constantly reassuring him or proving that you’re different from the person who hurt him, but healing from past pain is something he has to do on his own. Until he works through that baggage, he’ll continue to be emotionally unavailable—and that’s not fair to you.

He enjoys playing mind games with you

This one’s hard to accept, but sometimes, a man keeps coming back because he enjoys the power he feels when he can manipulate your emotions. If he’s toying with your feelings—giving you just enough attention to keep you hooked, then pulling away—it’s a clear sign that he’s playing mind games. He gets a thrill from the back-and-forth, knowing that he can keep you guessing and emotionally invested.

People who play mind games thrive on control. They like keeping you on your toes, never letting you fully understand where you stand with them. One day, he’s sweet and affectionate; the next, he’s distant and hard to reach. This constant push-and-pull creates emotional chaos, and before you know it, you’re stuck in a cycle of doubt and insecurity.

As much as it hurts to realize, if he’s playing mind games, it’s because he’s more interested in maintaining power than in building a real connection. Relationships should make you feel secure, not like you’re walking on eggshells. If you suspect he’s manipulating your emotions for his own gain, it’s time to walk away—for good.

How to deal with a recurring man

Dealing with someone who keeps coming back into your life can be emotionally exhausting. One moment, you think it’s over, and the next, he’s back, stirring up old feelings and making you question everything again. If you’re tired of this constant cycle, it’s time to take control of the situation and stop letting him dictate the terms of your relationship.

The first step is to get clear on what you want. Do you want a committed relationship, or are you okay with something casual? Once you’re clear on your own needs and boundaries, you can communicate them effectively. If he’s not willing to meet you where you are, then you need to decide whether continuing this cycle is worth it. Setting boundaries and sticking to them will empower you to stop this emotional back-and-forth.

You deserve consistency and clarity, not someone who comes and goes whenever it suits them. By taking a stand and asserting your needs, you’ll either push him to commit, or you’ll free yourself from the confusion altogether. Either way, you’re in control, not him.

Put yourself first

One of the most important things to remember when dealing with a recurring man is to always put yourself first. It’s easy to get caught up in his needs and his excuses, but you have to prioritize your own well-being and emotional health. If his presence in your life is causing more pain than joy, it’s time to reevaluate whether it’s worth holding on.

Putting yourself first means setting boundaries and sticking to them. It means saying “no” when he tries to come back without offering anything substantial. It’s about recognizing your worth and not settling for someone who keeps you in limbo. When you start prioritizing your own happiness, you’ll stop tolerating behavior that doesn’t align with what you truly deserve.

As cliché as it sounds, self-care is key. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and constantly putting someone else’s needs above your own will only leave you drained and unfulfilled. You deserve a relationship that lifts you up, not one that keeps pulling you back into a cycle of confusion and doubt. Put yourself first, and the rest will fall into place.

Visit a therapist

If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of a recurring man, it might be time to seek professional help. Visiting a therapist can offer you an outside perspective that friends or family might not be able to provide. Therapy is a space where you can openly discuss your feelings, your boundaries, and why you keep letting him back into your life.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in the emotions of a relationship that we lose sight of what’s healthy or fair. A therapist can help you unpack the underlying reasons for your attachment to him and guide you toward making choices that prioritize your emotional well-being. They can also help you recognize patterns in your relationships—like why you might be drawn to unavailable men or why you keep tolerating behavior that doesn’t align with your needs.

There’s no shame in seeking help. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. A good therapist won’t tell you what to do—they’ll help you figure out what’s best for you. And that clarity can be life-changing when you’re dealing with someone who keeps coming back and stirring up emotional confusion.

Have an honest chat with him

Sometimes, the most straightforward approach is the best one. If you’re tired of the cycle and genuinely want to understand where you stand with him, having an honest, open conversation is key. Sit down with him and express how his back-and-forth behavior is affecting you. Be direct about what you want and ask him to do the same.

An honest conversation can help cut through the ambiguity. Maybe he’s been avoiding commitment because he’s unsure of how you feel, or maybe he’s been taking advantage of the fact that you haven’t spoken up about your own needs. Either way, you won’t know unless you ask—and honesty is the only way to get real answers.

But be prepared for the possibility that he might not give you the answer you’re hoping for. If he tells you he’s not ready to commit or can’t offer you more, it’s important to take that at face value. It’s better to have clarity, even if it’s not what you wanted, than to keep living in the emotional fog of a relationship that’s going nowhere.

Having an honest chat can be scary, but it’s necessary if you want to break the cycle. You deserve someone who is as clear about their intentions as you are about yours.