15 Proven Ways to Handle a Confused Guy (You Won't Believe #7!)

Key Takeaways:

• Confusion often stems from insecurity.
• Open communication builds understanding.
• Maintain independence to attract him.
• Patience helps him figure things out.
• Set boundaries for emotional clarity.

Understanding a Man's Confusion in Relationships

Let's face it: relationships can be a whirlwind of emotions, especially when you're dealing with a man who seems confused about what he wants. One minute, he's all in, and the next, he's pulling back, leaving you wondering if you did something wrong or if he's just unsure. Don't panic. This type of back-and-forth behavior can actually signal deeper emotional struggles that have nothing to do with you.

Often, men feel confused in relationships because of internal battles with their identity, fears of vulnerability, or uncertainty about commitment. According to Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, "Men often struggle with emotional expression because they've been conditioned to prioritize logic over feelings." This emotional suppression can create confusion, making it difficult for them to navigate their true desires.

We need to remember that everyone, at some point, feels uncertain, especially when emotions start to grow deeper. But understanding the roots of this confusion can help you figure out what to do next. Is it worth waiting, or should you move on? Let's explore the signs of his uncertainty and how to respond.

Signs a Man is Confused About You

It's hard to know for sure if a man is confused about you, but there are some telltale signs. One of the biggest indicators is inconsistency. If his actions don't match his words, you're likely dealing with a man who hasn't made up his mind. He might say he wants to be with you, but his behavior shows he's holding back. Does he seem emotionally distant one day, only to be overly affectionate the next? That's a red flag.

Another sign is mixed signals. Maybe he texts you constantly one week, then ghosts you the next. His emotional rollercoaster could be an indication that he's struggling to figure out where he stands. We've all been there—wondering why someone who seemed so sure of their feelings suddenly goes cold.

Look out for signs of hesitation or avoidance when talking about the future. If he dodges conversations about commitment or long-term plans, that's a major clue that he's confused about the direction of your relationship. Psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman notes, "Fear of commitment is often rooted in unresolved past experiences or personal doubts." Understanding these signs can help you make informed decisions about how to move forward.

Common Reasons Why Men Feel Confused

Why do men often seem confused when it comes to relationships? It can feel incredibly frustrating when someone you care about acts distant or uncertain, but this confusion usually stems from a few common sources. One of the biggest reasons is fear of vulnerability. Men are often socialized to suppress their emotions, and when feelings start to deepen, they may not know how to handle it. Dr. Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, explains, "Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences."

Another reason men may feel confused is due to past relationship trauma. Negative experiences can leave scars that make it difficult for them to fully trust someone again. They might want to move forward, but fear keeps pulling them back. On top of this, societal expectations to "have it all figured out" can add immense pressure, making it harder for them to admit uncertainty.

Sometimes, it's not as complicated as emotional wounds or fear. Men may feel confused simply because they don't know what they want yet. They may enjoy your company, but haven't fully decided if they want a long-term commitment. It's a frustrating place to be for both of you, but understanding where that confusion comes from can help you respond in a more empathetic way.

How to Respond to His Mixed Signals

Mixed signals are maddening. One day, he's sending flirty texts, telling you how much he likes you, and the next, he's pulling back or going radio silent. When you're getting inconsistent behavior from a guy, it can make you second-guess everything. You might start questioning whether you're good enough or if you should just walk away altogether. But here's the truth: his mixed signals aren't a reflection of your worth. They are usually more about his own internal struggle.

The first and most crucial step is not to react emotionally. It's easy to let frustration or hurt take over, but jumping to conclusions only fuels more confusion. Take a step back and give him space to figure things out. This might sound counterintuitive, but letting him breathe without pressure often brings clarity.

At the same time, don't be afraid to communicate your needs. If you're constantly feeling like you're walking on eggshells, it's time to talk. Say something like, "I've noticed you seem unsure, and I want to understand where you're at." This opens the door for an honest conversation without being confrontational.

Lastly, focus on yourself. When a man sends mixed signals, it's easy to lose yourself in the process of trying to decode his behavior. Remember to prioritize your own needs, goals, and happiness. As relationship coach Matthew Hussey advises, "Don't make someone else the center of your universe; you are the star of your own story."

15 Effective Ways to Make a Confused Guy Want You

It's natural to want someone to desire you with the same intensity that you feel. When a guy is confused about where he stands, you might feel like you're walking a tightrope between attracting him and losing him. The good news? There are ways to draw him closer without pushing him away. It's about striking a delicate balance—letting him realize your worth while allowing him the space to make his own decisions. Let's break down the 15 most effective ways to make a confused guy want you.

1. Give Him Space

It's natural to want to be close when things feel uncertain, but giving him space can work wonders. Sometimes, the more we push, the more someone pulls away. When a guy is confused, the worst thing you can do is overwhelm him with pressure or constant contact. He needs time to process his emotions, and creating that distance gives him the opportunity to reflect on what he truly wants.

This doesn't mean you disappear entirely. It's about giving him the mental and emotional space to miss you. When you stop being readily available, it forces him to confront his feelings and decide whether or not he's willing to put in the effort to keep you in his life. According to psychotherapist Esther Perel, "Desire needs space to thrive. Too much closeness can stifle the very thing we're longing for."

By stepping back, you're sending a powerful message: you value yourself enough not to chase after someone who's unsure. And in doing so, you shift the dynamic—allowing him to realize your absence, which could make him crave your presence even more.

2. Communicate Openly

When he's confused, guessing games and silent treatments only add to the tension. Clear, open communication is essential if you want to move forward. Instead of wondering where he stands, ask him. A simple, non-accusatory conversation can shed light on his thoughts and feelings. But how you approach it matters. You don't want him to feel cornered, so it's crucial to be calm and understanding during the conversation.

Start with an open-ended question like, "I've noticed you seem uncertain, and I'd love to hear what's going on in your mind." This invites him to share without feeling attacked. When you frame the conversation around understanding, it opens the door for honest dialogue.

Just as important as speaking is listening. Give him space to explain himself without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. It might not be the answer you were hoping for, but at least you'll have clarity. And remember, transparency is a two-way street. Be honest about your own needs and expectations so that both of you know where you stand.

Open communication builds trust, and without it, the relationship is bound to crumble under the weight of assumptions and misunderstandings. Relationship expert John Gottman emphasizes that “the difference between those who make it and those who don't is how they talk to each other.” So, don't shy away from having that heart-to-heart conversation.

3. Be Confident in Yourself

Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities you can bring to any relationship, especially when the guy you're interested in seems confused. When you're confident in yourself, it shows that you know your worth and won't settle for less. Men are drawn to women who are sure of themselves, because confidence radiates strength and independence. You don't need him to validate you—you've already got that covered.

When a guy is confused, he's likely dealing with his own insecurities, and the last thing you want to do is mirror that uncertainty. Stand tall, embrace your uniqueness, and let him see that you're someone worth fighting for. Confidence is contagious, and when he sees that you're not dependent on his validation, it may encourage him to reflect on what he's missing out on.

Being confident doesn't mean being arrogant or aloof. It means being secure in who you are, even when the situation feels shaky. As author and speaker Marianne Williamson said, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." Own that power, and you'll be surprised how it shifts the dynamic.

4. Build a Strong Friendship

Before you can have a meaningful romantic relationship, you need to build a foundation of friendship. This doesn't mean you have to friend-zone yourself, but it does mean focusing on creating a bond that goes beyond attraction. A strong friendship allows you both to connect on a deeper level, one that can withstand confusion or uncertainty.

Friendship offers a safe space where both of you can be yourselves, without the pressures of romantic expectations. It's in those casual, unguarded moments where true connection grows. Share experiences, laugh together, and learn about each other's likes, dislikes, and quirks. When you build a strong friendship, the emotional trust you create becomes the bedrock of any future romance.

Don't rush to push things into the romantic zone if you sense confusion from his side. Friendship can be the glue that holds you together during times of uncertainty. Plus, it shows him that you value him as a person, not just a potential partner. As the saying goes, "The best relationships are built on friendship first." So, focus on fostering that bond—it might just be the thing that turns his confusion into clarity.

5. Show Genuine Interest in His Life

If you really want to make a connection with a confused guy, showing genuine interest in his life is essential. This goes beyond surface-level conversations and involves truly getting to know what makes him tick. Ask him about his passions, his goals, and even his struggles. When you demonstrate a real curiosity about his world, he'll feel more comfortable opening up and sharing things he may not talk about with others.

Don't just listen to respond—listen to understand. When he talks about his dreams or his frustrations, ask thoughtful questions that show you're engaged. You might find that his confusion stems from personal issues or uncertainties that have nothing to do with you. By showing you care about the things that matter to him, you create a space where he feels valued and heard.

As relationship coach Tony Gaskins puts it, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Being genuinely interested in his life doesn't mean prying or being nosy; it's about creating a connection that goes deeper than just romantic attraction.

6. Be Supportive but Not Overbearing

Support is critical when a guy is confused, but there's a fine line between being supportive and being overbearing. He may need someone in his corner, cheering him on during tough times, but that doesn't mean you should be constantly trying to “fix” his problems or guide his every move. Men often feel pressured when they sense that someone is trying to take control of their decisions or emotions, even if your intentions are good.

Be a source of comfort and encouragement, but avoid smothering him with advice or solutions. Sometimes, just being there is enough. You don't need to solve everything for him. Let him know you're available if he needs to talk, but give him the room to process his thoughts on his own. This balance allows him to feel supported without feeling overwhelmed.

Psychologist Carl Rogers famously said, "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." The same goes for supporting him. When you accept him as he is—confusion and all—without trying to push for immediate answers, he'll feel less pressure and more comfortable moving toward clarity on his own terms.

7. Maintain Your Independence

One of the most powerful things you can do when a guy is confused is to maintain your independence. It might be tempting to focus all of your energy on him, trying to win him over, but that's a surefire way to lose yourself in the process. Independence is incredibly attractive because it shows that you have a fulfilling life outside of the relationship.

Continue to pursue your passions, hang out with friends, and invest time in your hobbies. When you show him that you don't need him to feel complete, it sends a clear message: you're confident and self-sufficient. It also makes him realize that if he doesn't step up, you'll be just fine on your own.

As relationship expert Tracy McMillan puts it, "Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have." By staying grounded in your own life, you not only keep your self-worth intact, but you also become someone he'll naturally want to be around. Independence isn't about distancing yourself; it's about showing that your happiness comes from within, not from relying on him to provide it.

8. Highlight Your Positive Qualities

When a guy is confused about you, one of the best strategies is to remind him of what makes you stand out. Highlighting your positive qualities doesn't mean putting on a show or pretending to be someone you're not. It's about letting your true self shine through. Maybe you have a great sense of humor, a creative spark, or a compassionate nature—whatever it is, allow those traits to take center stage.

People are naturally drawn to positivity and authenticity. If he sees that you're confident in who you are, it becomes much harder for him to remain confused about what he wants. Sometimes, a guy just needs a reminder of why he was drawn to you in the first place. When you focus on being the best version of yourself, it not only boosts your own self-esteem, but it also creates a magnetic pull that he'll find hard to resist.

Let your qualities speak for themselves. Whether it's your intelligence, kindness, or ambition, let him see the full spectrum of what you bring to the table. As motivational speaker Les Brown says, "Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears." Don't hide your light—show him the woman you truly are, and let him be inspired by it.

9. Be Patient and Understanding

When a guy is confused, patience is your greatest ally. It's easy to become frustrated when you don't have clear answers, but rushing him to make a decision can often backfire. Being patient doesn't mean waiting around endlessly or putting your own needs on hold—it means giving him the time to work through his confusion while also taking care of yourself.

Understanding his confusion is key. He might be dealing with emotional baggage, fear of commitment, or simply uncertainty about what he wants in life. These things take time to sort out. By showing patience, you're signaling that you respect his process, but this doesn't mean accepting indefinite indecision. Set a reasonable amount of time for yourself and reassess the relationship when it feels right.

It's important to strike a balance. Patience without boundaries leads to emotional exhaustion, but when paired with understanding and self-respect, it can give the relationship the space it needs to evolve. As the famous proverb says, "Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet." That sweet fruit might be worth the wait, or it could be the clarity you need to move forward.

10. Focus on Yourself First

It's easy to get caught up in his confusion, but the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Focusing on your own personal growth, happiness, and fulfillment not only benefits you but can also help shift the dynamics between you and him. When you invest in yourself, you naturally become more attractive to others.

Take this time to pursue your passions, improve your skills, and do things that make you happy. Whether it's learning a new hobby, advancing in your career, or spending quality time with friends and family, these moments of self-focus remind you of your own value. You are not defined by his indecision, and the more you focus on becoming the best version of yourself, the more he'll see what he's potentially missing out on.

It's not about playing games or making him jealous; it's about showing that your life is full and complete with or without him. As Oprah Winfrey wisely said, "You are responsible for your life. You can't keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on." When you focus on your growth, it becomes easier to handle his confusion because you know your worth isn't tied to his choices.

11. Set Clear Boundaries

When dealing with a confused guy, setting clear boundaries is essential. Without boundaries, the relationship can become chaotic, leaving you feeling emotionally drained. Boundaries are not about controlling him; they are about protecting your emotional well-being. They help you communicate what is acceptable behavior and what isn't.

If he's sending mixed signals or dragging his feet on making a decision, it's time to let him know where you stand. For example, you might say, "I understand you're unsure right now, but I need clarity about where we're heading. I can't stay in this gray area forever." This isn't about issuing an ultimatum, but rather about asserting your needs and expectations. Healthy boundaries prevent resentment from building and protect your self-respect.

Dr. Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, puts it perfectly: "We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing." Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but it often leads to greater clarity and healthier dynamics in the long run.

12. Create Memorable Experiences Together

Shared experiences strengthen emotional bonds. When you create memorable moments together, you build a positive connection that can help clarify his feelings. Whether it's something adventurous like a weekend getaway or something simple like cooking dinner together, these experiences create lasting memories that he'll associate with you.

When a man is confused, sometimes the best way to help him see your value is to remind him of how much fun you can have together. It's not about forcing intimacy or putting on an act. It's about genuinely enjoying each other's company and building those moments that bring you closer. Laugh together, explore new places, try new things—these experiences allow both of you to connect beyond the confusion.

Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, in her work on positive psychology, discusses how positive shared experiences create upward spirals of joy and connection. By focusing on creating memorable, joy-filled moments, you give him something to hold on to when he's reflecting on the relationship.

The emotional imprint you leave through these experiences can help him move past his uncertainty and see the unique connection you share.

13. Demonstrate Loyalty

Loyalty is a quality that many men value deeply, especially when they're confused or uncertain about their emotions. Demonstrating loyalty doesn't mean sticking around indefinitely while he makes up his mind, but it does mean showing that you are reliable and can be counted on during difficult times. Loyalty is about being there for him in ways that matter, without compromising your own boundaries or values.

However, loyalty is not the same as blind devotion. It's essential to strike a balance between being supportive and maintaining your self-respect. Showing loyalty might involve being a consistent, steady presence in his life, someone he can trust when everything else feels unclear. As leadership expert Simon Sinek explains, "Loyalty is about protecting and defending what we value most." In this case, it's about valuing the relationship while also valuing yourself.

When he sees that you're someone he can depend on, especially in moments of doubt, it could be the very thing that shifts his feelings from confusion to certainty. But remember, loyalty is a two-way street. Make sure that your commitment is reciprocated in the long run.

14. Be Empathetic and Understanding

Empathy goes a long way when dealing with a guy who's emotionally confused. If you can put yourself in his shoes and try to understand where he's coming from, you'll likely be able to navigate the situation with more grace and patience. Emotional confusion can stem from a variety of sources—past trauma, fear of commitment, or personal insecurity. Being empathetic allows you to approach the situation without judgment, which can help him feel more comfortable opening up.

Sometimes, all he needs is to know that his feelings are valid, even if they don't make complete sense. Saying something like, "I can see that you're going through a tough time, and I want to understand how I can support you," can open the door for deeper communication. This kind of understanding shows him that you're not just looking for an answer, but that you genuinely care about his emotional experience.

However, empathy doesn't mean tolerating unhealthy behavior. It's important to balance compassion with self-care. Dr. Brené Brown, in her work on vulnerability and empathy, emphasizes that "Empathy is not connecting to an experience, it's connecting to the emotions that underpin an experience." By showing that you understand his emotions, even if you don't agree with his actions, you help create an environment of trust and openness, which can eventually lead to clarity in the relationship.

15. Let Him Come to His Own Conclusion

As difficult as it may be, sometimes the best thing you can do is let him come to his own conclusion. When a man is confused, pushing for a decision often has the opposite effect—he may feel pressured and withdraw even further. Instead of trying to control the outcome, step back and allow him to sort through his emotions at his own pace.

Trust that if the relationship is meant to be, he will eventually come to realize it. And if not, you'll know that you gave him the space to make an honest choice. This isn't about playing hard to get; it's about respecting his need for clarity and trusting in your own worth. As the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

By letting him come to his own conclusion, you shift the focus back to yourself—where it should be. You are in control of your own happiness, not waiting on someone else to decide it for you. And when he does make up his mind, whether it's in your favor or not, you'll be better prepared to handle it with grace and confidence.

How to Handle Your Own Confusion About Him

It's easy to focus on his confusion, but what about your own? If you're unsure about where you stand, it's crucial to reflect on your own feelings and desires. Are you staying because you genuinely believe in the potential of the relationship, or are you holding on out of fear or insecurity? Being honest with yourself is just as important as wanting him to be honest with you.

Sometimes we project our own uncertainties onto the other person, expecting them to fix the confusion we feel inside. If you're feeling unsure, take some time to focus inward. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking advice from a therapist can help you process your thoughts. Understanding your own emotional landscape can make it easier to handle whatever outcome arises with him.

It's also okay to admit that you're confused. You don't have to have everything figured out, and it's perfectly natural to feel uncertain in a complex emotional situation. What matters most is that you take care of your own emotional health and make decisions that are in line with your values and needs. As life coach Iyanla Vanzant says, "The way to achieve inner peace is to reflect on what's within." By gaining clarity on your own feelings, you empower yourself to handle his confusion with strength and grace.

The Importance of Being 'The One He Wants to Be With'

There's a huge difference between being someone a guy enjoys spending time with and being “the one” he genuinely wants to build a future with. Understanding this distinction is critical. If he's confused about his feelings, it could be because he's weighing what kind of long-term connection he sees with you. You want to position yourself as more than just a temporary fling—you want to be the person he can't imagine his life without.

To be “the one,” it's about showing him that you're a partner, not just a companion. This means being supportive, understanding, independent, and confident in yourself. Men often look for women who add value to their lives—someone who challenges them to grow, who offers emotional stability, and who inspires them. However, it's not about trying to “prove” you're the one; it's about being authentically yourself and letting him see your unique value.

When you're truly the one he wants to be with, he'll feel it. There will be a natural shift in his behavior—he'll start to prioritize you, make long-term plans, and express his emotions more openly. Relationship expert Dr. Helen Fisher says, "The brain in love is driven to pursue, win, and keep a partner. It's part of our biological makeup to find and bond with ‘the one' we see as a long-term match." Let him come to this realization in his own time, and trust that being yourself is enough.

Signs He is Starting to Make Up His Mind

After what feels like an eternity of mixed signals and uncertainty, how can you tell when a guy is finally starting to make up his mind? There are some subtle—and not so subtle—signs that suggest he's moving out of his confused state and into a place of clarity. One of the most obvious indicators is consistency. If he's gone from being hot and cold to more steady in his behavior, that's a good sign he's gaining clarity about how he feels.

You may also notice him being more open about the future. If he starts talking about long-term plans or includes you in his life more intentionally, that's a solid sign he's coming to a conclusion. Confused guys tend to avoid conversations about commitment or the future, but once his feelings become clearer, those discussions will become less uncomfortable for him.

Another major sign is vulnerability. If he's opening up emotionally, sharing things he hasn't before, or expressing his feelings more freely, it's likely that he's moved past his internal indecision. Vulnerability is often a sign that he's ready to deepen the relationship. As renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel says, "Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity." When he starts to embrace vulnerability with you, he's no longer holding back.

Lastly, you'll know he's made up his mind when his actions consistently align with his words. He won't just say he's interested—he'll show it. Whether it's through making time for you, being more emotionally present, or simply being more invested in your relationship, his behavior will shift from uncertain to intentional. Pay attention to these changes, as they often signal that the confusion is lifting.