13 Unsettling Signs He's Pretending to Love You (Must-See)

Key Takeaways:

• Inconsistent body language and words
• Actions that don't align with promises
• Lack of priority in his life
• Frequent disappointment without remorse
• Signs of emotional neglect and deceit

When Doubts Begin to Surface

It's an uneasy feeling, isn't it? That gnawing sensation in your gut that something just doesn't add up. When you start questioning whether the man you're with is genuinely in love with you or merely pretending, it can turn your world upside down. The little things, the fleeting moments of doubt, begin to pile up until you can no longer ignore them. You might find yourself replaying conversations in your head, analyzing his every word and action, wondering if you're reading too much into things or if there's a darker truth beneath the surface.

This is where it all begins—the doubt, the anxiety, the search for answers. And while you may desperately want to believe in the love you thought was real, deep down, you know that something is off. But how do you distinguish between a rough patch in the relationship and a man who is simply going through the motions, pretending to love you?

In this article, we'll dive into the subtle and not-so-subtle signs that may indicate he's pretending to love you. From inconsistent body language to prioritizing others over you, these are the red flags you can't afford to ignore. Let's get into it.

His Body Language Doesn't Match His Words

One of the first and most telling signs that he might be pretending to love you lies in his body language. Our bodies have a way of revealing truths that our words often try to conceal. When he says, “I love you,” but his arms are crossed, his feet are pointed away from you, or he avoids eye contact, it's a clear disconnect. The words might be there, but the warmth, the openness, and the genuine connection are not.

Body language experts often suggest that nonverbal cues can speak louder than words. For instance, in the book The Body Language of Love by Dr. David Givens, it's noted that genuine affection is accompanied by physical proximity, touch, and open gestures. If his actions lack these elements, it might be a sign that his emotions aren't as sincere as he'd like you to believe.

Pay close attention to these subtle cues. Is he pulling away when he says he's committed? Are his gestures closed off and distant even when his words suggest otherwise? These inconsistencies in his body language are often the first indicators that something isn't right.

Inconsistent Actions and Words: The Red Flags

Actions speak louder than words—a phrase we've all heard, but when it comes to love, it's crucial. When a man's actions don't align with his words, it's a glaring red flag that something isn't right. Perhaps he's telling you that you're the most important person in his life, but then he repeatedly cancels plans or seems disinterested in spending time with you. Maybe he says he loves you, yet his actions scream indifference. These inconsistencies can slowly erode your trust and leave you questioning his true intentions.

Think about the promises he makes. Are they followed by actions that match his words? If he says he'll call you after work but often forgets, or if he promises to be there for you but is always too busy, these are signs that his words might just be empty.

In the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, it's emphasized that consistent behavior is a cornerstone of secure and loving relationships. When a man's actions and words are out of sync, it can be a sign of emotional unavailability or, worse, deceit. It's not just about the big things, but the little daily actions that should reinforce his words.

He's Prioritizing Others Over You

Feeling like you're constantly playing second fiddle to everyone else in his life? This is another key indicator that he might not be as invested in the relationship as he claims. When a man truly loves you, you become a priority in his life—not an option. But if you find yourself being sidelined for his friends, hobbies, or even work, it's a sign that his love might not be genuine.

Relationships require a balance, but when he consistently puts others above you, it leaves you feeling neglected and unimportant. You start to wonder if you're even a priority to him at all. This constant feeling of being an afterthought can chip away at your self-worth and make you question the relationship's foundation.

Ask yourself, how often does he cancel plans with you to accommodate someone else? Does he go out of his way to make you feel special, or are you just another item on his to-do list? These behaviors can be a clear indication that he's not as committed as he says he is. Remember, actions that show you're a priority are essential in any loving relationship.

Lack of Care When He Disappoints You

Disappointment is a part of any relationship—nobody's perfect, and mistakes happen. However, the way he responds when he lets you down can reveal a lot about his true feelings. If he dismisses your feelings, brushes off your hurt, or fails to acknowledge his mistakes, it's a sign that he may not genuinely care about how his actions affect you.

A man who truly loves you will take responsibility for his actions and work to make things right. He'll show empathy, apologize sincerely, and make an effort to avoid repeating the behavior that caused the disappointment in the first place. On the other hand, if he seems indifferent to your feelings, doesn't bother to make amends, or even blames you for being upset, it's a clear indication that his love may not be as deep as he wants you to believe.

In their book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman discusses how love is shown through actions that make your partner feel valued and understood. If his response to disappointing you is consistently lacking in care, it's a red flag that his emotions might not be as genuine as they should be.

You're Not His Priority

Let's face it—when someone loves you, they make you a priority in their life. It doesn't mean that you're the only focus of their world, but you should certainly feel like an important part of it. If he consistently puts other people, activities, or even work above you, it's a sign that you might not hold the place in his heart that you deserve.

Being someone's priority means that they make time for you, consider your feelings, and involve you in their life decisions. If he's always too busy for you, cancels plans without a second thought, or doesn't include you in important aspects of his life, you're likely not a priority. And if you're not a priority, you have to ask yourself—what exactly are you to him?

It's one thing to have a busy life, but it's another to make someone feel like an afterthought. If you're constantly feeling like you're last on his list, it's time to reassess where you stand in his life. True love means making space for each other, no matter how hectic things get.

Has He Cheated on You? Here's How to Know

Cheating is one of the most painful experiences anyone can endure in a relationship. It shatters trust and leaves you questioning everything. But how do you know if he's been unfaithful? The signs can be subtle, but they're often there if you look closely enough.

One of the first things you might notice is a change in his behavior. If he suddenly becomes overly protective of his phone, starts working late more often, or becomes distant without explanation, these could be red flags. It's not just about catching him in the act; it's about noticing the shifts in his behavior and the energy he's putting into keeping secrets.

Another sign is the emotional disconnect. If he's less affectionate, avoids intimate conversations, or seems to be emotionally elsewhere, it could indicate that his attention is divided. Cheating isn't just about physical betrayal; it's also about emotional unavailability. If he's checked out of the relationship emotionally, it's a sign that something is seriously wrong.

In her book Not “Just Friends”, Dr. Shirley Glass emphasizes that secrecy, emotional distancing, and increased criticism are key indicators of infidelity. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it probably is. Confronting this possibility is painful, but it's essential to address these signs head-on rather than letting them fester.

Trust Issues: When He Doesn't Trust You

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Without it, everything else crumbles. But what happens when the trust issues aren't coming from you, but from him? If he constantly questions your actions, accuses you of things you haven't done, or is overly jealous, it could be a projection of his own guilt or insecurity.

A man who doesn't trust you might be hiding something himself. His lack of trust could be a reflection of his own behavior, especially if he's been dishonest or unfaithful in the past. This constant suspicion can erode the relationship, making you feel like you're always walking on eggshells, trying to prove your loyalty.

It's also worth considering whether his trust issues stem from past trauma or insecurity. However, if he's unwilling to work through these issues and continues to project them onto you, it becomes toxic. As noted in Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, a healthy relationship requires mutual trust and respect. If he's unable to trust you, it may be a sign that the relationship is on shaky ground.

Constant Put-Downs and Emotional Neglect

One of the most insidious signs that he may be pretending to love you is the way he treats you when no one else is watching. If he frequently puts you down, belittles your achievements, or makes you feel small, it's a clear sign of emotional neglect. This behavior can be subtle, starting with small, offhand comments that make you question your worth, but it can escalate over time, leaving you feeling isolated and unloved.

Emotional neglect isn't always about what he says; it's also about what he doesn't do. Does he ignore your emotional needs, fail to show affection, or act indifferent to your pain? This kind of behavior can be even more damaging than outright hostility because it makes you feel invisible, as if your feelings don't matter.

As discussed in The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans, verbal put-downs and emotional neglect are forms of psychological abuse. They erode your self-esteem and can make you feel trapped in a cycle of trying to earn his approval. But love isn't something you should have to earn. If he truly loved you, he would lift you up, not tear you down.

Is He a Player? Understanding His True Intentions

The term “player” is often thrown around, but it's important to understand what it really means in the context of your relationship. A player is someone who manipulates emotions, says all the right things, and acts the part of the perfect partner—all while keeping their options open. If you've noticed that he's charming, but there's a lack of depth or sincerity in his actions, it's worth considering whether he's playing you.

One of the hallmark signs of a player is inconsistency. He might shower you with attention one day, then disappear the next, leaving you confused and questioning where you stand. This rollercoaster of emotions is deliberate, designed to keep you hooked while he maintains control over the relationship dynamic.

Another red flag is his behavior around other women. If he's flirtatious, overly friendly, or seems to enjoy the attention of multiple women, it's a sign that he might not be serious about your relationship. Players thrive on the thrill of the chase and the validation they receive from multiple sources, but this comes at the cost of your emotional well-being.

In The Game by Neil Strauss, the tactics used by players are laid bare—charm, manipulation, and the illusion of connection. If you feel like you're constantly trying to figure out where you stand with him, it might be time to face the possibility that his intentions aren't as genuine as they seem.

He Doesn't Express His True Feelings

Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. When a man struggles to express his true feelings, it can leave you feeling disconnected and unsure of where you stand. If he constantly avoids deep conversations, deflects when you try to discuss emotions, or gives vague answers when you ask about his feelings, it's a sign that he might not be as invested as he appears.

It's not uncommon for people to have difficulty expressing emotions, especially if they've been hurt in the past. However, if he never lets you in, never shares his vulnerabilities, or always keeps things surface-level, it could be because he's not truly in it for the long haul. Genuine love involves opening up, being vulnerable, and letting your partner see the real you. If he's unwilling or unable to do this, it's worth considering whether he's pretending to love you.

In Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray, it's noted that men and women often communicate differently, but in a loving relationship, both partners make an effort to bridge that gap. If he's not willing to meet you halfway, it's a red flag that his feelings might not be as deep as he wants you to believe.

Why Is He Hiding You From His Loved Ones?

One of the most telling signs that something is amiss in a relationship is when a man refuses to introduce you to his loved ones. If he's avoiding bringing you around his family and friends, or if he makes excuses to keep you separate from the important people in his life, it's a significant red flag.

Being in a relationship means integrating your partner into your world. If he's genuinely committed, he'll want you to be a part of his life, which includes introducing you to the people who matter most to him. When he hides you from his loved ones, it can indicate that he's not serious about the relationship or that he's keeping his options open.

There could be various reasons why he's reluctant to introduce you—maybe he's afraid of commitment, or perhaps he's involved with someone else. Regardless of the reason, this behavior suggests that he's not as invested as he should be. In Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the authors discuss how people who are genuinely in love want to share their lives with their partner, including their social circles. If he's keeping you at a distance, it's time to ask why and consider what it means for the future of your relationship.

Flirting with Other Women in Front of You: A Sign?

Flirting with other women while you're around is not just disrespectful—it's a major red flag. When a man truly loves you, he respects your feelings and is mindful of how his actions affect you. Flirting with others in your presence is a sign that he doesn't value the relationship as much as he should, and it may indicate that he's not fully committed to you.

This kind of behavior can be incredibly hurtful. It undermines your confidence and makes you feel like you're competing for his attention, which is something you should never have to do in a healthy relationship. If he's openly flirting with other women, it shows a lack of consideration for your feelings and a disregard for the boundaries that should exist in a committed partnership.

In The Relationship Cure by Dr. John Gottman, it's explained that successful relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. Flirting with others, especially in front of your partner, is a clear breach of that respect. It's a sign that he might not be as serious about you as he claims to be.

Does He Really Love You or Is He Pretending?

At the end of the day, the question you're grappling with is a difficult one: does he really love you, or is he just pretending? This is a question only you can answer, but it's important to consider all the signs. Love isn't just about words—it's about actions, consistency, and how he makes you feel.

If you're constantly second-guessing his feelings, if his actions don't align with his words, or if you feel more anxious than secure in the relationship, it's worth taking a step back to evaluate. True love should bring you comfort, joy, and a sense of security. If you're not feeling that, then it's time to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you deserve.

Trust your intuition. If something feels off, it likely is. Don't ignore the red flags because you're afraid of being alone or because you want to believe in the potential of what could be. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. If his actions are leaving you feeling confused and unloved, it might be time to move on.

Remember, you deserve someone who is wholeheartedly in love with you—someone who is genuine, consistent, and makes you feel like the most important person in their life. Settling for anything less is a disservice to yourself and your happiness.

Recommended Resources

• The Body Language of Love by Dr. David Givens
• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• The Relationship Cure by Dr. John Gottman
• Not “Just Friends” by Dr. Shirley Glass