10 Shocking Causes of Relationship Problems (And How to Fix Them)

Key Takeaways:

Communication is key to connection
Unmet expectations breed resentment
Infidelity breaks trust, slowly rebuild
Quality time strengthens emotional bonds
Financial stress weakens relationships

Understanding the Common Relationship Problems

Let's face it: No relationship is immune to problems. Whether it's small disagreements or deeper issues that shake the very foundation of your bond, relationship problems happen to everyone. But the real challenge is how we choose to deal with them.

From unmet expectations to financial struggles, these problems can creep into the healthiest relationships and, over time, create cracks that are hard to mend. The truth is, many of us don't know how to handle these issues until we're knee-deep in them, and by then, the damage might already be done.

It's important to recognize that most relationship struggles stem from recurring themes, and once we identify those, it becomes easier to find a way forward. According to relationship expert John Gottman, "A lasting relationship results from a couple's ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship" (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). The key lies not just in recognizing these issues but in actively working to resolve them before they become unmanageable.

When Do Relationships Start to Have Issues?

Relationships don't usually go from blissful to broken overnight. Problems tend to sneak in quietly, often masked by the routine and familiarity of daily life. Sometimes, the cracks appear after major life changes—moving in together, getting married, having kids, or even job changes. Other times, they surface gradually, when two people stop making the effort to nurture their bond.

The honeymoon phase always ends, and with it, the early feelings of infatuation. This is when reality sets in. You start to notice your partner's flaws more clearly, the things you once brushed off suddenly begin to irritate you, and before you know it, the first seeds of discontent are planted. It's easy to dismiss these early signs, but this is exactly when intervention is most crucial.

The truth is, relationship issues can start as early as the first few months or as late as several years into a partnership, but they always come when we stop paying attention to the little things. If you wait until the issues snowball, it becomes much harder to fix them. So, when do relationships start to have problems? Often, it's when we stop doing the work to keep them healthy and strong.

The 10 Major Causes of Relationship Problems

Most relationship issues don't arise out of thin air. They build over time, often tied to a few key factors that every couple faces at some point. Understanding these core causes can help us pinpoint where things go wrong and, more importantly, how to fix them.

The major causes of relationship problems usually stem from unmet expectations, poor communication, financial stress, and more. If we let these fester without addressing them, they can escalate into bigger issues, often leading to feelings of resentment or distance. But here's the good news: by identifying these problems early, we can work together to resolve them before they become deal-breakers.

Let's break down these ten common relationship challenges:

Expectations: Misaligned or unrealistic expectations can lead to constant disappointment.
Communication Gaps: When you stop talking or start misunderstanding each other, issues snowball.
Lack of Support: Feeling unsupported by your partner creates emotional distance.
Finances: Money problems put pressure on even the strongest relationships.
Infidelity: Breaking trust with cheating or other betrayals can be devastating.
Time Apart: Not spending enough quality time together weakens emotional bonds.
Boredom: Falling into routines without excitement leads to disconnection.
Intimacy Issues: Misaligned sexual needs or a lack of intimacy hurts the relationship deeply.
Anger Habit: Habitually reacting with anger erodes love over time.
Lack of Consultation: Failing to involve each other in important decisions creates mistrust.

Expectations and Their Impact

Expectations can be a double-edged sword in relationships. On one hand, they help guide our behavior and set the standard for what we want. On the other hand, when expectations are unspoken or unrealistic, they can lead to frustration and disappointment. The truth is, most of us carry expectations into our relationships without ever communicating them directly. We assume our partner knows what we need and want. And when those needs go unmet, we feel hurt.

These unspoken expectations often create a silent wedge between couples, leading to passive-aggressive behaviors, resentment, and ultimately, emotional distance. Whether it's expecting your partner to know how to comfort you after a tough day or assuming they'll take care of the household chores without being asked—when expectations aren't met, we feel let down.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her book The Dance of Anger, highlights how unmet expectations can fuel anger in relationships, often because we fail to recognize that we never clearly communicated our needs in the first place. The antidote? Open dialogue and adjusting those expectations to be more realistic and achievable.

Communication Gaps: A Silent Killer

If there's one thing that can sink a relationship faster than almost anything else, it's poor communication. Communication is the foundation of any relationship, and without it, everything else starts to crumble. Whether it's small misunderstandings or significant breakdowns in how you talk to each other, gaps in communication allow for resentment, frustration, and distance to build.

Think about it: How many times have you been in an argument with your partner, only to realize later that you were both saying the same thing but in different ways? Or worse, that you didn't address the root issue at all? This is where communication gaps become the silent killer in relationships. They build slowly, over time, eroding trust, connection, and intimacy.

One of the most common forms of poor communication is simply not talking about important issues. We avoid difficult conversations because they're uncomfortable, but avoidance only makes things worse. Instead, clear, honest communication—however hard—strengthens the relationship. As Brené Brown notes, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” In the context of relationships, this couldn't be more true.

Lack of Support and Understanding

Few things feel as isolating as being in a relationship where you don't feel supported or understood. When your partner doesn't validate your feelings or fails to be there for you in critical moments, it can create an emotional gap that's difficult to bridge. The essence of any relationship is partnership—knowing someone has your back, no matter what. Without this, the relationship can feel lopsided and lonely.

Lack of support can come in many forms: from dismissing your concerns about work stress to not acknowledging your emotional needs. The problem with this dynamic is that it chips away at trust and connection. Over time, you might stop sharing your thoughts and feelings altogether because it feels like your partner isn't really listening.

Psychologist John Bowlby, known for his attachment theory, explains that emotional support is a cornerstone of secure attachment in relationships. When we feel unsupported, we start questioning the stability of our bond. It's critical to cultivate empathy and truly listen to our partner's needs in order to maintain a healthy, supportive relationship.

Financial Strain in Relationships

Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in relationships. It's not just about having or not having enough—though that can certainly be a factor—but about how each partner views and handles finances. Financial strain brings out different emotions, ranging from anxiety to frustration, and if couples don't address their money issues head-on, it can lead to bigger relational problems.

Maybe one partner is a spender, while the other is a saver. Perhaps there's significant debt hanging over the household, or one partner feels burdened by being the primary earner. These financial dynamics cause stress and tension, often spilling into other areas of the relationship.

Research shows that couples who regularly fight about finances are 30% more likely to break up than those who don't. It's important to have clear, open conversations about money to ensure both partners feel heard and involved. Whether it's creating a budget together or seeking professional financial advice, addressing financial strain early can prevent it from becoming a major wedge in the relationship.

Infidelity and Broken Trust

Infidelity is one of the most painful and damaging issues a relationship can face. Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and when it's broken by cheating or emotional betrayal, the impact is profound. The feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal that follow can be overwhelming, leaving one partner questioning everything they thought they knew about the relationship.

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is an incredibly difficult process, but it's not impossible. According to After the Affair by Dr. Janis Spring, “Healing from infidelity means both partners must be willing to confront the painful reality of what happened and commit to rebuilding, brick by brick, what has been broken.” It takes time, patience, and a lot of difficult conversations to restore a sense of security in the relationship.

What's critical in these moments is honesty and transparency. For the partner who betrayed the other, they must show remorse, openness, and a willingness to put in the work to rebuild trust. For the partner who was betrayed, the path forward involves dealing with their emotions while deciding if they are willing to forgive. Infidelity doesn't have to be the end, but both partners need to be all-in to heal.

Not Spending Quality Time Together

In the rush of everyday life, it's easy for couples to slip into routines where they simply coexist, rather than truly connect. Whether it's the demands of work, kids, or other responsibilities, couples often find themselves spending less and less quality time together. But here's the thing: without time together, relationships inevitably start to wither.

Quality time isn't just about quantity—it's about being fully present with each other. Watching TV in the same room doesn't count if you're both glued to your phones. Real quality time means putting effort into nurturing the connection between you, whether that's having meaningful conversations, enjoying shared hobbies, or even just taking a walk together.

Psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, stresses that quality time is a primary love language for many people. It's how they feel loved and appreciated. When partners don't spend intentional time together, emotional distance can grow. The relationship can start to feel like you're living parallel lives instead of building one together.

Carving out time—no matter how busy life gets—is essential. Date nights, weekend getaways, or even just small moments of connection throughout the day can breathe life back into the relationship. When we prioritize each other, we're reminded of why we fell in love in the first place.

Boredom and Emotional Distance

Boredom might seem like a trivial issue in the grand scheme of relationship problems, but in reality, it can be a silent killer. When a relationship becomes monotonous, it creates emotional distance between partners. The routines we once found comforting can start to feel stale, and when excitement fades, the connection can feel shallow.

Boredom often leads to disinterest and a lack of effort. Without intentionality, conversations become shorter, dates become non-existent, and intimacy dwindles. Over time, this leads to feelings of loneliness, even when you're sitting right next to each other. Emotional distance grows as a result of neglecting the relationship's need for constant nurturing and growth.

Couples who combat boredom are those who remain curious about each other. Trying new things together, rediscovering old hobbies, or simply engaging in fresh conversations can reignite the spark. Relationships aren't meant to be on autopilot; we have to actively fuel them to keep the emotional bond strong.

Challenges in Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is a vital aspect of many relationships, and when it begins to falter, it can have a ripple effect on other areas of the partnership. Whether it's due to mismatched libidos, unresolved emotional issues, or external stressors like work or parenting, challenges in the bedroom often reflect deeper, unspoken problems in the relationship.

Many couples find it difficult to talk openly about their sexual needs, which only worsens the situation. The longer these conversations are avoided, the more tension builds. Sexual intimacy isn't just about physical connection; it's deeply tied to emotional vulnerability and trust. When things aren't working in the bedroom, partners can feel rejected, inadequate, or distant from each other.

According to therapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, “Eroticism thrives in the space between intimacy and autonomy.” This means that a healthy sexual relationship requires both closeness and a sense of individual freedom. Finding the balance is crucial for maintaining passion and connection. Opening up honest conversations about sexual needs, seeking professional help if needed, and addressing the emotional roadblocks can help rebuild intimacy and reignite the passion.

The Anger Habit in Relationships

Anger can quickly become a destructive habit in relationships if left unchecked. We've all been there—an argument starts over something small, and before we know it, we're yelling about things that have little to do with the original issue. Anger, when expressed poorly or too frequently, creates an emotional wall between partners. It becomes a pattern of reaction instead of resolution.

The anger habit often stems from deeper feelings of frustration, insecurity, or unmet needs. When we react angrily, we're often expressing something much more complex, like hurt or fear, but anger feels like the easier emotion to express in the heat of the moment. Over time, this habit can erode the foundation of trust and affection in the relationship.

Renowned psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in his extensive research on relationships, identified that “the way couples argue is more important than what they argue about.” The key is learning to express anger constructively, addressing the underlying issues instead of letting tempers flare. Working on conflict resolution skills and calming techniques can help break the cycle of anger before it becomes habitual.

Why Couples Stop Consulting Each Other

When couples stop consulting each other about important decisions, it's often a sign of growing distance or underlying power struggles. In healthy relationships, partners work as a team, discussing plans, goals, and even everyday decisions. But when consultation stops, it signals a breakdown in communication, trust, or mutual respect.

There are many reasons why this might happen. Sometimes, one partner feels their opinions aren't valued, leading them to stop contributing to decisions. Other times, it's about one partner becoming too independent or controlling, no longer seeing the relationship as a partnership. Regardless of the cause, failing to involve each other in decisions weakens the bond of trust and cooperation.

Couples who make decisions together not only build stronger relationships but also show mutual respect. Consulting your partner shows that you value their input and see them as an equal in the relationship. Restoring this habit can involve opening up more about both small and significant decisions, actively asking for input, and rebuilding the sense of collaboration that should underlie every partnership.

10 Signs Your Relationship May Be in Trouble

Sometimes, relationship problems creep in slowly, while other times, the signs are glaringly obvious. But the earlier you recognize these red flags, the better your chances of fixing things before they become irreversible. While every relationship has its ups and downs, these ten signs can indicate deeper issues that need immediate attention.

Lack of Communication: Conversations feel forced, surface-level, or non-existent.
Constant Criticism: You or your partner focus more on faults than on positives.
Emotional Distance: There's a noticeable disconnect, and you no longer share personal thoughts or feelings.
Frequent Arguing: Disagreements are more common than peaceful moments.
Resentment: Unresolved issues build up, creating underlying tension.
Decreased Intimacy: Physical and emotional intimacy have drastically declined.
Spending Less Time Together: You find reasons to avoid each other, prioritizing other activities or people.
Jealousy or Distrust: Constant suspicions or feelings of insecurity plague the relationship.
Feeling Undervalued: You no longer feel appreciated for your efforts or contributions.
Different Priorities: You and your partner are no longer on the same page when it comes to future goals or life decisions.

If any of these signs resonate with you, don't ignore them. Relationships require active effort, and noticing these warning signals early on can give you a chance to work on your bond before things unravel further. Addressing the issues together, perhaps with the help of a professional, can often lead to deeper understanding and a stronger relationship.

Addressing Trust and Betrayal

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and when it's broken, the entire relationship can feel unstable. Whether it's a lie, emotional betrayal, or physical infidelity, betrayal cuts deep. The wounded partner often experiences feelings of anger, sadness, and confusion, while the betraying partner may struggle with guilt or defensiveness. Healing from betrayal isn't a quick fix—it requires time, effort, and a deep commitment from both sides.

Rebuilding trust starts with complete honesty. The betraying partner must be transparent and open, even when it's uncomfortable. This transparency helps create a safe space for the wounded partner to begin the slow process of trust restoration. It's essential to have ongoing conversations about what went wrong and how to move forward, even if they're painful.

Dr. Janis Spring, in her book After the Affair, notes, "Betrayed partners need to understand that forgiveness isn't about forgetting—it's about finding a way to let go of the hold that the betrayal has over you." For couples who are both willing to work through the pain, trust can be rebuilt, but it requires patience, vulnerability, and, most importantly, consistent actions that prove trustworthiness.

Poor Communication Patterns

Poor communication is a silent but deadly problem in relationships. It's not always about yelling or arguing—sometimes it's the lack of communication that does the most damage. When partners don't express their needs, share their thoughts, or talk about their feelings, it creates a void in the relationship. Misunderstandings become common, and resentment builds as unspoken frustrations pile up.

Communication issues come in many forms: talking past each other, not listening, assuming your partner knows what you need, or simply avoiding hard conversations altogether. These patterns slowly erode connection, leaving both partners feeling misunderstood and isolated.

One of the most common communication problems is not addressing issues as they arise. Instead, small annoyances are allowed to fester until they explode into bigger problems. The key to breaking poor communication patterns is to be intentional about your conversations. Active listening, avoiding blame, and using “I” statements instead of “you” accusations can significantly improve the way you communicate.

As author and researcher Brené Brown often says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” In relationships, being clear about your thoughts and needs isn't just kind—it's necessary for long-term happiness and understanding.

The Effect of Money on Emotional Bonding

Money isn't just about numbers in a bank account—it has a profound emotional impact on relationships. Whether it's disagreements over spending, debt, or differing financial goals, money can stir up feelings of stress, insecurity, and resentment between partners. When financial issues aren't openly discussed, they can undermine the emotional bond, causing trust and intimacy to erode.

Money conflicts often arise because of differing financial values or habits. Maybe one partner is a saver and the other a spender, or one is carrying a burden of debt that causes tension. These money dynamics can lead to feelings of power imbalance, where one person feels more in control or more responsible than the other. It's not just about the dollars and cents—financial stress can seep into every aspect of the relationship.

What's important to recognize is that financial stress can disconnect couples emotionally. If you're constantly worried about bills or spending, it's hard to relax and enjoy each other's company. To avoid this, couples need to have open, honest conversations about their financial goals and concerns. As financial expert Dave Ramsey says, “A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.” When both partners are on the same page financially, it can actually strengthen emotional bonding by creating a sense of teamwork and shared purpose.

Growing Apart: A Slow Drift

Growing apart is one of those relationship issues that creeps up slowly, often unnoticed until it's too late. At first, it may feel like life just gets in the way—busy schedules, work demands, or kids can pull you in different directions. Over time, without intentional effort to reconnect, this slow drift turns into a significant emotional distance.

One of the subtle dangers of growing apart is that it doesn't usually come with major fights or obvious problems. Instead, it's marked by a quiet loss of intimacy. You stop sharing the little details of your day, stop prioritizing time together, and the emotional bond begins to weaken. It's easy to blame external factors, but at its core, growing apart is about a lack of attention to the relationship.

Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, explains that emotional connection is what keeps relationships thriving. “When we lose that sense of closeness, we start to feel lonely, even in the presence of our partner.” If left unaddressed, this loneliness can lead to frustration, and eventually, the relationship feels like it's running on autopilot.

The good news is that this drift can be reversed. By intentionally making time for each other, engaging in meaningful conversations, and reigniting shared interests, couples can close the emotional gap. The key is recognizing the distance before it becomes too wide to bridge.

Jealousy and Unrealistic Expectations

Jealousy is a natural emotion, but when it spirals out of control, it can poison a relationship. Often, jealousy stems from insecurity or fear of losing the other person. Whether it’s jealousy over past relationships, friendships, or even time spent apart, this emotion can create a toxic cycle. Constant suspicion or accusations lead to distrust and distance, making it harder to maintain a healthy bond.

Unrealistic expectations go hand in hand with jealousy. Sometimes, we place impossible standards on our partners without even realizing it. We expect them to always be there, to meet every emotional need, or to behave in ways that align perfectly with our personal ideals. When they fall short, it’s easy to become disappointed or resentful.

As relationship therapist Esther Perel explains, “Expecting one person to fulfill all your needs is the ultimate recipe for disappointment.” When we hold unrealistic expectations, we set both ourselves and our partners up for failure. The key is to manage expectations by acknowledging that no one is perfect, and a relationship isn’t about perfection—it’s about growth, patience, and mutual understanding.

How Outside Influences Affect Relationships

Outside influences—whether they come from family, friends, work, or social media—can have a surprisingly strong impact on relationships. Sometimes, it’s subtle: a comment from a friend about your partner that plants a seed of doubt, or the stress of a demanding job that leaves you with little energy to invest in your relationship. Other times, outside influences are more overt, like overbearing in-laws or a toxic social circle.

One of the biggest outside influences today is social media. Scrolling through picture-perfect couples can create unrealistic comparisons, making you feel like your own relationship is falling short. Constant exposure to curated versions of other people’s lives can breed dissatisfaction or even envy, subtly eroding your contentment with your own relationship.

Family and friends can also influence how you view your relationship, for better or worse. Sometimes, their advice comes from a place of love, but it can also bring pressure to conform to certain expectations. The challenge is to recognize when outside opinions or stresses are affecting your relationship, and to set healthy boundaries around those influences.

According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of The Dance of Intimacy, “The more secure you are in your relationship, the less you will allow outside forces to dictate its direction.” Creating a strong foundation with your partner, where both of you are aligned in values and goals, helps you navigate external pressures without allowing them to damage your bond.

How to Resolve Common Relationship Problems

Every relationship faces challenges, but how couples respond to these issues often determines whether they grow stronger or drift apart. The key to resolving common relationship problems lies in open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt. No matter the issue—whether it’s about money, trust, or lack of intimacy—addressing problems early and working together can prevent them from becoming overwhelming.

One of the most effective ways to resolve relationship issues is to prioritize communication. Rather than avoiding tough conversations, couples should tackle them head-on, approaching the dialogue with empathy and a desire to understand each other’s perspective. Using active listening skills, where both partners feel heard without interruption or judgment, fosters a stronger connection and makes it easier to find solutions together.

Another critical element is compromise. Relationships require flexibility, and finding a middle ground is essential when two people have different needs or viewpoints. Whether it’s about daily routines, financial decisions, or long-term goals, being willing to meet each other halfway helps prevent resentment from building over time. It’s not about “winning” an argument but creating a solution that works for both partners.

Therapy can also be a powerful tool for resolving ongoing issues, especially when communication has broken down or trust has been damaged. Couples therapy provides a safe space to explore deeper issues and develop practical strategies for conflict resolution. According to relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson, “It’s not about fixing your partner; it’s about reconnecting emotionally and repairing the bond.” Therapy helps couples learn how to rebuild that emotional connection while addressing the underlying problems that led to conflict in the first place.

Ultimately, resolving common relationship problems requires effort and dedication from both partners. By focusing on understanding, compromise, and emotional reconnection, even the most challenging issues can be overcome, leaving the relationship stronger than before.

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