10 Secrets to Building an Authentic (Organic) Relationship

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace the natural flow of love
• Build a strong friendship first
• Don't rush the relationship process
• Focus on emotional connection over appearance
• Attract love by being your authentic self

The Allure of Organic Relationships

In a world where dating apps and algorithms dictate so much of our love lives, the idea of an "organic relationship" can feel like a breath of fresh air. But what does it truly mean to cultivate a relationship that grows naturally, without the pressures of timelines or the need to meet certain expectations? It's about allowing connections to unfold at their own pace, letting your guard down, and embracing the authenticity that comes with being yourself.

Organic dating isn't just about meeting someone without the use of technology; it's about fostering a relationship that feels real and genuine. It's about breaking away from the scripted interactions we often fall into and letting things develop in their own time. We all want to find that special someone, but the way we go about it can make all the difference in the world. When we prioritize authenticity over expediency, we give ourselves a much better chance of finding a lasting, meaningful connection.

Why You Shouldn't Force Finding Someone Due to Fear

We've all felt the societal pressure to be in a relationship, especially when it seems like everyone around us is pairing up. This pressure can lead us to settle or force connections that aren't truly right for us. The fear of being single can be overwhelming, but it's important to remember that rushing into a relationship out of fear often results in unfulfilling partnerships.

As Dr. Brené Brown aptly states in her book Daring Greatly, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Forcing a relationship because of fear often masks who we truly are. Instead, focus on being brave enough to be single until the right connection comes along. When you enter a relationship from a place of fear, you're more likely to accept behaviors or situations that don't align with your true values or desires. But when you wait for something that feels right, you're more likely to find a partner who truly complements your life.

The Importance of Embracing Life's Flow

Life has its own rhythm, and trying to force things—especially relationships—can disrupt that natural flow. Just like a river that gently carves its way through the landscape, relationships need time to develop and take their course. When we embrace life's flow, we allow things to unfold as they are meant to, without trying to control every outcome.

Rushing through life and relationships can lead to frustration and disappointment. We often feel the need to "make things happen," but in doing so, we might overlook the beauty of what's already in front of us. By letting go of the need to control every detail, we open ourselves up to the unexpected joys that come from simply being present in the moment. As the saying goes, “Go with the flow”—and this couldn't be more true when it comes to love.

Ditch the Timeline: Love Doesn't Follow a Schedule

We live in a society that loves timelines. We're told that by a certain age, we should have certain life milestones checked off—graduate college, get a job, buy a house, and of course, find "the one." But love doesn't work that way. It doesn't adhere to a strict schedule, and trying to force it into one only leads to stress and disappointment.

When we let go of the idea that love must happen by a certain time, we give ourselves the freedom to truly enjoy the journey. Every relationship progresses at its own pace, and what matters most is the quality of the connection, not how quickly it happens. By ditching the timeline, we allow ourselves to experience relationships more fully, appreciating the growth and changes that come with time. Remember, the best things in life often come when we least expect them.

Building Friendship First: The Foundation of Organic Love

At the heart of any strong, lasting relationship lies a deep and genuine friendship. When we prioritize building a friendship first, we lay a solid foundation that can weather the storms of life. Friendship in a relationship means truly knowing and understanding each other, being able to laugh together, and supporting one another through thick and thin. It's about being able to share the mundane and the extraordinary without feeling the pressure to always be "on."

Too often, we rush into relationships, driven by the excitement of new romance, and overlook the importance of developing a strong friendship first. But it's this friendship that will sustain you when the initial infatuation fades. By taking the time to cultivate a meaningful connection, you ensure that your relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. This is what creates the resilience needed for a relationship to thrive in the long term.

As the famous author C.S. Lewis once said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'” This shared understanding is the cornerstone of any organic relationship, making it more than just a fleeting romance but a partnership that lasts.

Physical Attraction: Why It's Not Everything

Let's be honest—physical attraction is a natural part of any relationship. However, when we place too much emphasis on looks, we can miss out on the deeper connection that truly sustains love. Attraction is important, but it's not the only thing that matters. Relationships built solely on physical attraction often lack the depth needed for long-term success.

Physical beauty fades, but the emotional and intellectual connections we build with our partners are what truly endure. When we focus on getting to know someone beyond the surface, we discover qualities that are far more attractive in the long run—like kindness, empathy, humor, and integrity. These are the traits that will carry a relationship through the challenges of life.

As Maya Angelou wisely put it, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This speaks to the importance of nurturing an emotional connection that goes far beyond physical appearance. In an organic relationship, it's this deeper bond that truly matters.

The Power of Listening and Supporting Each Other

In any relationship, the ability to listen deeply and support one another is crucial. It's not just about hearing words but truly understanding the emotions, concerns, and needs behind them. When we listen with intention, we show our partners that we value and respect their thoughts and feelings. This kind of listening fosters a sense of safety and trust, which are the building blocks of any organic relationship.

Supporting each other goes hand in hand with listening. It's about being there for your partner, not just in the big moments but in the small, everyday ones too. Whether it's offering a shoulder to cry on, celebrating their successes, or simply being a steady presence, support is the glue that holds relationships together. When both partners feel heard and supported, the relationship can thrive, even in the face of challenges.

As author Stephen R. Covey wisely noted, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Shifting our focus from responding to understanding can transform our relationships, creating a deeper, more meaningful connection with our partners.

Letting Go of Preconceived Notions About Your Partner

We all have ideas about what our ideal partner should be like—how they should act, think, and even feel. But clinging too tightly to these preconceived notions can be detrimental to a relationship. When we expect our partners to fit into a mold we've created, we not only limit their ability to be themselves but also miss out on the unique qualities they bring to the relationship.

Letting go of these expectations allows us to see our partners for who they truly are, not who we think they should be. This acceptance is a key component of any organic relationship. It's about embracing each other's differences and understanding that those differences can complement and strengthen the relationship rather than hinder it.

When we release our grip on how things "should" be, we open the door to a relationship that is more authentic and fulfilling. As the famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” Allowing your partner to be themselves, without the pressure of preconceived notions, can lead to a deeper, more transformative connection.

Taking the Pressure Off: Enjoy the Journey, Not Just the Destination

One of the most common mistakes we make in relationships is focusing too much on the end goal—whether that's marriage, moving in together, or another milestone. When we fixate on the destination, we forget to enjoy the journey that gets us there. Relationships are not a race to the finish line; they are a series of moments, both big and small, that shape the bond between two people.

Taking the pressure off means letting go of the need to meet certain milestones by a specific time. It's about allowing the relationship to evolve naturally, at its own pace. This doesn't mean you shouldn't have goals or aspirations as a couple, but it does mean that those goals shouldn't overshadow the joy of simply being together in the present.

As the saying goes, “It's about the journey, not the destination.” This mindset encourages us to savor each step along the way, appreciating the growth and connection that happen over time. When we focus on enjoying the present moment, we build a relationship that is more resilient, joyful, and fulfilling.

Navigating the Natural Stages of a Relationship

Every relationship goes through stages, from the initial excitement of new love to the deepening connection that comes with time. Understanding and embracing these stages can help you navigate your relationship with greater ease and less anxiety. The early stages of a relationship are often filled with passion and infatuation, but as the relationship matures, it becomes about more than just the thrill of new love.

As you move through the different stages, you may encounter challenges that test your relationship. This is normal and a natural part of growing closer to your partner. By acknowledging these stages and working through them together, you can build a relationship that is strong and enduring. It's important to remember that each stage has its own value and significance, contributing to the overall health of the relationship.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes that “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.” Navigating the stages of a relationship requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to growth. By embracing each stage for what it is, you allow your relationship to develop in a way that feels organic and authentic.

Be in Your Personal Power: How to Attract Authentic Love

Attracting authentic love starts with being your authentic self. This means embracing your strengths, acknowledging your weaknesses, and standing firm in your personal power. When you are grounded in who you are, you naturally attract a partner who resonates with your true self, rather than someone who is drawn to a façade. Authentic love is built on the foundation of mutual respect and genuine connection, which can only happen when both partners are true to themselves.

Personal power is about knowing your worth and refusing to settle for anything less than what you deserve. It's about setting boundaries, being clear about your needs, and not being afraid to walk away from situations or people that don't align with your values. When you are in your personal power, you radiate confidence and self-assurance, which is incredibly attractive to others.

By focusing on personal growth and self-awareness, you create the space for a relationship that is both fulfilling and sustainable. As author and motivational speaker Tony Robbins says, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” By being in your personal power, you ensure that the relationships you build are of the highest quality, grounded in authenticity and mutual respect.

Recommended Resources

• Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
• Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins