What Do You Really Want In Life?

Excerpted from
The Hoffman Process
By Tim Laurence

YOU CAN USE the tool of awareness in many ways. In the last chapter we used awareness to shed light on what we wanted to change in our lives. Another great use of awareness is to consider how would we like our lives actually to be and how we would like to be in them. Then we get even more motivated to go beyond the known and comfortable. We often know what we don't want in life and long to be rid of what makes us miserable. Up to now, that's where most of our awareness has gone. The problem is, we are not so good at stopping long enough to sense what it is we might want instead.

To motivate change, we need to use on ourselves a very subtle variation of the old "carrot and stick." The stick we have already seen; it's the horror of going back into the patterns of frustration or self-defeat we know so well. The carrot is a vision of how our lives could be, not just without those old patterns, but with what we really want in them. To imagine that, we need to train our minds in a certain way to overcome the usual objections. Doing this, we create new pathways in our brain, which release pleasant chemicals that create sensations to motivate us.

Do you have an idea of what life you would like to have if you were free of your old patterns of behavior? Can you use your awareness to see the future?

Imagine just one thing you really want in life. It may be your perfect home, or a loving partner, or perhaps your dream job. How about winning an Oscar, getting a book published, or living in another country? Whatever it is, the moment you think of it, it inspires a clear vision in your mind and for a moment you become lost within that vision. It takes on an existence within your own consciousness.

Now direct your attention to how you are feeling as you imagine this vision. Perhaps your heartbeat is raised with the exciting prospect of creating this different reality. You feel determined to take the steps to make it come true. Let it rest deliciously in your mind for a while. Treat yourself-it's a natural feel-good chemical!

A couple of years into teaching this work, I decided to put to the test the visioning techniques I was encouraging others to use. After a busy traveling schedule, I had decided to spend some quiet time kayaking around some islands off Australia. As I dragged my boat up a beach one warm afternoon, two young children rushed up, full of curiosity, and started playing with my various bits of gear.

I showed them how the paddle worked, and the rudder, and helped them into the boat. Their mother came up and we fell into a conversation about traveling and so on. I felt quite proud letting her know how independent and free-spirited I was. She then asked if I had any children of my own, and I felt suddenly, and for the first time, very empty when I replied that I hadn't. That night, alone in my tent under the stars, the question "Why not?" tore at my heart. I found myself aching with the pain of missing out on something so beautiful. The next morning I finally admitted to myself how much I wanted a stable relationship and a family of my own. So I started thinking-what kind of woman did I want to draw into my life? I needed someone with a calm temperament to counterbalance my fiery tendencies. Someone with a love of the outdoors and a career of her own that funneled her creativity. I even asked that she have her own house (I'm not very good on interiors).

The vision found a place in my mind and then I forgot it, at least consciously. But something must have been working for me. Two months later, in London, I was invited to a West End theater where, lo and behold, the leading actress happened to be someone I had met fourteen years earlier, when she was still at school. She was very beautiful. It was uncanny how similar she was to the person I had envisioned. As soon as I saw her on stage, that old cliché happened to me-I heard wedding bells ringing. I couldn't take my eyes off her, and immediately after the performance, I went backstage to see her. We chatted and exchanged phone numbers ... We have now been married for many years and have two gorgeous sons. So I can say, from my own personal experience, visioning really does work.

You are about to get to work on your own vision, with the exercise below. Before you start, however, do keep in mind the old adage: Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it!