Welcoming Our Children to a New Millennium

Excerpted from
Welcoming Our Children to a New Millennium: A Daybook of Hopes and Wishes for the Future
By Jane Middelton-Moz, Ph.D.

Families are gathered in the community center of a small town for a potluck dinner. Everyone is eating and chatting energetically when a man and woman walk in, the man tenderly carrying a tiny baby in his arms. They walk to the center of the room; then the man quiets the crowd, letting them know he has something important to say. Although most of the people know him, he introduces himself and his wife. He then lifts his child up high for everyone to see. "I am honored to introduce you all to our new son." The man gives his child's name and the name of the grandparents on each side. "He is now part of our community. I ask you to join our family in protecting him, watching out for him, teaching him and guiding him." One by one the members of the community welcome their new member, promising to keep the commitments the family has asked them to make.

Welcoming ceremonies for children at one time were part of every culture. For example: In many Christian faiths, the godparents chosen by the family are entrusted with the responsibility to serve as guides and helpers for the child, offering spiritual teaching and symbolizing that the child not only belongs to the mother and father, but to the entire Christian community.

In the Jewish faith as well, the community plays an important role in the welcoming and naming of a child. The Kvatter and Kvatterin serve as the guides and mentors for the child and play an important role in the Brith Milah (ritual circumcision and naming) of a baby boy and the naming of a baby girl. The Sandek who holds the child during the Brith Milah is considered to be spiritually linked to the child and will serve as his spiritual mentor.

In many Native American and First Nations cultures, ceremonial aunts, uncles and grandparents are chosen for the child, each promising to mentor and guide the child in particular aspects of his or her growth and development again reaffirming that the child's mentoring, discipline, growth and protection are the responsibility of the entire community that encircles the family, supporting them in the raising of their child. The child belongs to the entire community.

Webster's Dictionary defines "welcoming" as "receiving with gladness." As I work in communities throughout the world, I become increasingly aware of the number of children that were not "received with gladness" into the arms of their community and who walk the streets of cities, towns, villages, reserves and reservations unprotected.

In many places today, children are not the cherished responsibility of the community. Indeed, more and more advertisements for apartments and houses warn, "No children, no pets." Yet as walls between individuals and families get higher, and concern for children increases, countless individuals have voiced their fear that, as the new millennium approaches, communities in the true sense are becoming a thing of the past.

I have been fortunate to have the assistance of my daughter-in-law, Amy Hinchcliffe, in putting together the thoughts and wishes of children and adults that make up Welcoming Our Children to a New Millennium. The Creator gave me a special gift, not only in the talent Amy brought to this process, but also in knowing that as I watched her talk to people, type, and endlessly file and organize, I was also witnessing the development of a new life inside her. Amy and Shawn's child, my grandchild, Anastasia was present from the very beginning of this welcoming book and was born shortly before the book was released. During this process I also witnessed the miracle of another grandchild's birth. Lisa and Damien's son Logan Alexander Middelton was born early in January. Both Logan and Anastasia reminded me daily of the miracle of life and the importance of honoring and welcoming children.

I believe most people want to restore the feeling of community, support of families and the welcoming of children. It is my hope that Welcoming Our Children to a New Millennium will be a small step in beginning to welcome, celebrate and honor children and youth, will provide a medium that may begin to open up communication between adults and children, and will demonstrate, by example, sound community values. Indeed, it already has. Many of the individuals in communities throughout the United States and Canada who have written welcoming letters for the book or have helped collect letters from children have decided to continue this welcoming and communication between children, youth and adults in their own communities.

I have received hundreds of letters from children in schools in different locations in the United States and Canada. I have asked the children to address particular questions in their letters:

Children Ages Five Through Seven:

1. What are some of the things you like about your world?

2. What am some of the things you dislike about your world?

3. If a genie granted you three wishes that you could use to make the world a better place to live, what would they be?

Children and Youth Ages Eight to Eighteen:

1. Think about how life has changed in the last one hundred years. What are some of the changes that have helped make life better?

2. If someone asked you to identify the three biggest problems in the world, what would they be?

3. What would you like to see adults do in the new millennium that would make the world a better place for children, families and communities?

The letters I received were from children from different races, cultures and walks of life. As I read the letters, I was struck by the fact that there were more similarities than differences between races and cultures with respect to what children wanted from adults in the new millennium: They wanted adults to laugh more; to spend time with children; to stop drinking and using drugs; to stop violence to children and stop fighting with one another; to model what they ask of children; to pay more attention to Mother Earth and our natural resources; to respect and honor differences in race, culture, sex, sexual orientation and religion; to stop littering and polluting; to stop wars; to begin teaching accountability and values. For some six-year-olds, all they wanted from adults in the new century was to say hello to them when they came home from school.

Out of the hundreds of letters received, I selected 366, one for every day of the year. My only regret was that I couldn't publish all of them. Some wonderful letters that were selected could not be printed because I couldn't obtain permission to print them from a parent or guardian.

The welcoming letters from adults also represent individuals from many races, cultures, religions, sexual orientations and walks of life. They are representative of the many different families and extended families in our world today: heterosexual couples, same-sex couples, stepparents, adoptive parents, single parents, foster parents, aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers. The similarity among these adults is that they are all role models, working to rebuild a world with a future. Out of the many adults that were asked, it is the adults you will hear from each month who have been willing to take time from their busy lives to write a welcoming letter to the children and youth of the new millennium.

In Welcoming Our Children to a New Millennium, there are welcoming letters written to children and youth every month of the year and letters from children and youth to adults every day of the year. At the top of each page is a question, "What have you done for a child today?" I hope it will remind us again and again throughout the years in this millennium that the most important thing we will ever do in our lives is to nurture and protect our greatest natural resource, our children.

My hope is that, as you read this book, you will begin to imagine a welcoming ceremony for children and youth in your community. By the time you finish the book, I pray your thoughts will have become a reality. Many adults who have written welcoming letters originally felt that what they had to say was not significant or important enough to appear in a book. One of the side effects of our disconnection is our sense of learned helplessness. that what we do or say is of little importance; someone else could do it better. When you consider organizing a welcoming and begin to think these thoughts, remember the words of the children throughout this book. Saying "hello" is important. It is never too late to welcome a child.

It seems fitting, as we begin the twelve-month calendar that celebrates and honors our children, that Amy and I add our welcome to the children of a new millennium:

Dear Children and Youth of the New Millennium,

I feel honored and privileged as a mother, grandmother and auntie to welcome all of you to a new millennium. As I begin, I would like each of you to imagine yourself in the middle of a big circle. Surrounding you are adults of diverse ages, from many different races, cultures, religions and walks of life, who have come together for the purpose of offering you our love, respect and support. We have come to celebrate your life, honor you and welcome you. We will speak to you one at a time, offering our hopes, prayers and wishes for your life.

It is my wish that you will always find beauty and the sacred in the ordinary: the feel of freshly mown grass beneath your bare feet; the fresh, clean smell of the ocean breeze; your very first glimpse of a butterfly on a summer's day or a firefly on a July evening; the sight of a graceful doe with her spring fawn; the joy of blowing your first seeded dandelion; walking in a crystal-clear, ice-cold creek; or the soft feel of a kitten's coat beneath your small fingers. It is my hope that adults will protect those ordinary things so you may always know the strength and safety of the spiritual.

It is, my wish that you will once again know the freedom of riding your trike on the sidewalk, the joy of running after the ice-cream man, fishing with your buddies in a mountain stream, or selling lemonade to your neighbors from a roadside stand. It is my hope that adults will once again make life safe enough for you to know innocence. It is my wish that you will have the time and safety to dream your dreams, experience the freedom and learn the lessons that are only taught through youthful experimentation. It is my hope that all adults near you will watch out for you, become your mentors, and provide the safety of community so you will be able to take the time to look inside yourself and learn from your accomplishments and mistakes.

It is my wish for you that you will be able to walk the halls of any school, feeling accepted for the unique people you are and learning that your offerings are valuable, your learning style is respected, and your contribution to your community is needed. It is my hope that adults will work on our issues of racism, prejudice, intolerance and discrimination so we might join together to make schools emotionally, physically and mentally safe enough for you to learn and feet success and accomplishment.

It is my wish that you will learn to use computers and other technological advances while maintaining your creativity. It is my hope that adults will uphold the values of family and community. We must be careful that the computer and television don't become the teachers of ethics and values, so you may learn to use technology competently without dependency.

My wish for you is that you will always have healthy elders to learn from and younger children to teach. It is my hope that adults will work to assume our place in the life cycle as mature role models and wise elders who will discipline you in a good way and teach healthy values so you wilt learn your responsibilities in the circle of life.

My hope is that you will be surrounded by adults who will not tolerate injustice or abuse, will always intervene with compassion when we witness child abuse, or will stand against injustice in order that you may learn the sacredness of life.

My wish is for you to feel determination, self-worth and the courage to follow your own path. My hope is that adults will nurture your creativity, talents and interests so you may believe in yourself and your dreams.

My greatest wish for you is that you will always be surrounded by adults who will be honest mirrors that reflect back your beauty and value. It is my hope that adults in the new millennium will care for all children as we would care for our own.

"One laugh of a child will make the holiest day more sacred still."

-R. G. INGERSOLL
 

I love your laughter and honor your tears.

With love and care for all of you.
Auntie, Grandma Jane