No matter how hard we may strive for something, life often has other plans. We frequently find ourselves faced with disappointment, adversity, or unexpected setbacks–sometimes so great that we’re forced to give up on our dreams. But what if there were a different approach? What if “giving up” wasn’t the only, or even optimal, option? According to new social science research, this might not be the case.
A large body of research on various psychological phenomena such as goal setting, motivation, achievement, and stress shows that an accepting approach to setbacks—rather than a critical one—can be a more effective motivation and help to achieve greater success. Accepting approaches center on self-compassion, non-judgmental acceptance, understanding, and empathy for hardships. An accepting approach to setback helps to foster not only personal growth, but more sustainable and realistic goals that are in line with self-existent values.
Take, for example, the study of achievement motivation. One recent meta-analysis conducted by the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Nursing examined nearly 200 previously conducted studies pertaining to how one’s self-esteem and motivation is related to one’s success. The results showed that those with an accepting attitude toward failure were better able to accurately assess their capabilities, and consequently had higher levels of self-esteem and motivation than those with a critical attitude. In other words, they were better able to adjust their expectations accordingly, so that their goals were achievable.
Furthermore, the study showed that an accepting attitude didn’t just lead to greater levels of motivation, but also to a higher level of success. Those participants with an accepting attitude showed to achieve greater success in academic, interpersonal, and occupational domains than those with a critical attitude.
Studies on stress management have similarly shown that an accepting attitude leads to more successful outcomes. One study conducted at Utrecht University found that those who pulled from an attitude of acceptance reported lower levels of stress than those who held a more critical attitude. Conversely, individuals with a critical attitude towards setbacks reported higher levels of stress and difficulty in dealing with stressful situations.
Another area where an accepting attitude has been shown to be helpful is in adjusting one’s goals. A sense of acceptance helps a person to look reality in the eye, so to speak. It helps one to “see” the situation for what it truly is, leading to a more accurate assessment of the risks, benefits, and hurdles associated with the goal. This reality check is especially helpful for those with larger goals, as it allows the individual to better anticipate and prepare for potential challenges. It also makes it easier to adapt one’s goals so that they more closely align with one’s existing resources and skills.
The takeaway here is that no matter how large a goal may be, its chances for success go hand in hand with adopting an accepting attitude towards setbacks. It’s not about giving up on one’s dream; it’s about being ok with reality. By doing so, it increases one’s chances of success while fostering a greater sense of self-confidence and motivation. So, instead of beating yourself up over a setback, remember to treat yourself with compassion, empathy, and understanding. The bigger the dream, the less critical you should be of yourself. Try to see it as an opportunity to reassess, redefine, and adjust your dream, and perhaps even goes further than you ever expected. The only way to know is to keep trying.
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