Dependence upon another person can be fulfilling, yet the existence of security within a relationship is a pillar of mutual trust. When that sense of security is taken away, a person's true identity may be slowly stripped away as well. When dependent relationships become abusive or neglectful, that dependency can quickly become corrosive and damaging.
One user anonymously asks, "I can't do it without him—how can I? Is it even possible?" She has built a reliance on her partner for support, acceptance, and direction, ultimately sacrificing her own personal autonomy and ability to make her own decisions. Placing such an immense reliance on someone else is a precarious sliding scale that can lead to potential abandonment if those needs are not met.
The truth is, no one can make us feel secure unless we first learn to do it ourselves. Relying too heavily on someone else creates a relationship dynamic that makes us more vulnerable to disappointment and loss. No matter how bonded we are, feelings of companionship can never really replace something that comes from within.
In order to reclaim your sense of autonomy, you must learn to trust yourself and begin to prioritize what brings you joy and satisfaction, rather than allowing someone else to make decisions for you or control your life. It may sound daunting, but finding self-satisfaction is not as overwhelming as it seems. Here are some steps you can take to learn to trust yourself and take control of your own life.
First and foremost, allow yourself to explore and identify where you might be feeling insecure or lost in your life. For example, perhaps you don’t feel confident enough to make life choices on your own or stand up for yourself. Once these issues have been identified, try to figure out why you feel this way and what specific changes can help you move past this mental barrier.
Once you have done this initial exploration, it is important to start recognizing signs of progress and celebrating them, no matter how small. Self-esteem comes in small increments, so it is essential to practice critiquing yourself in a positive way—acknowledge any success as successes, rather than downplaying them. Finding happiness and confidence within yourself may come over time and with consistent effort.
In addition to these steps, be sure to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Get enough sleep, exercise regularly and ensure you maintain a balanced diet. Take some time for yourself and focus on activities that relax, restore, and rejuvenate you. Put yourself in environments that inspire and motivate. Allowing yourself opportunities to have other meaningful relationships, such as friendships and interests outside of your significant other, can also help to build back your confidence and create a balance in your life.
Finally, find strength in being unapologetically you. Everything begins with you, and even though it may seem intimidating, taking the reins of your own life is a rewarding process. Mistakes will be made, and although it will be hard, it is important to forgive yourself and actively seek out the lessons to be learned. As the proverb goes, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Allow yourself to rely on yourself—the only way is forward, and soon enough you will find that your footing is steady and strong.
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