The world tells us to be outgoing and sure of ourselves, especially when it comes to meeting people for the first time. The truth is, however, that we all have moments of shyness from time to time. Whether it’s formally diagnosed as a social phobia or just an occasional feeling of uncertainty, many of us face moments of shyness.
Being shy presents its own sets of challenges, but it can also be an opportunity to develop self-love and a better understanding of one’s needs. When you take the time to practice patience, self-reflection, and understand some basic strategies for walking through difficult feelings, it is possible to move beyond shyness and into newfound confidence.
It's easy to think that we should simply outgrow shyness and come out of our shell, but it's more complex than this. Certainly, what helps some may not work for others, but there are some basic principles that can help those who feel socially intimidated in the presence of a group of people, especially if it’s made up primarily of people we don't know well.
So, if you find yourself in a situation like this, take a few minutes to center yourself and refocus. Deep breaths can be greatly helpful. Taking a few minutes of restorative space can help calmly make you more present in the moment, rather than worrying about how others are perceiving you. This will help to increase your own self-confidence.
When you’re ready, look at the people in the room. Give them a friendly smile. Talk to one person before addressing a group. Making eye contact and speaking directly to a single person helps build both your confidence and comfort level. Those little interactions will help move you out of the timidness.
Try not to worry too much about how you’re coming across. Remember, it’s normal to feel nervous and shy. You are learning something new and during the course of events, you're likely to learn more about yourself. Be kind and patient. Think of an individual as a friend instead of someone who is intimidating.
Make conversation light. Find something enjoyable to talk about. If the conversation you have isn’t going anywhere, suggest a move to somewhere else—just think of it as standing up and taking the reigns. The more places and experiences you share together, the more the other individuals will connect with you and you’ll pick up on cues that anyone would recognize.
Make yourself shine colorfully! Doing what you love outside of these experiences can help you relax and gain confidence, allowing you to display a sense of security in these situations. To tinker with any hobby or skillset can give you a boost of mental energy and escapism. There may even be an opportunity to bring parts of the refreshing experience into the moment, allowing it to spread and draw the attention of others.
Above all, don’t be so hard on yourself. Nobody will love and accept you until you can love and accept the person you see in the mirror. We all make mistakes, but being open to learn from mistakes and being resilient can start to equip you in moments of insecurity. Building yourself up is a great way of redirecting your focus onto something positive and within your control.
Shyness can be overwhelming, but it doesn't have to rule your life. With careful care and attention, you can take shyness for what it is— part of our human condition— and use it to learn and develop stronger relationships in the future.
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