When it comes to getting into a confrontation, our emotions can get the better of us. We tend to act on impulse and our reactions may be immature, unhelpful, and make the situation worse. But, we're all only human and tackling situations differently requires willpower, patience and practice. Here are some techniques to help you be more mature in your confrontational style.
Accept it - don't ignore it. In any situation where someone has an issue with you, it is best to listen and take the time to understand what they have to say. Even if their claims or attitude aren't reasonable, you still need to accept that they feel the way they do. You don't necessarily have to agree with them, but accepting them is a key step to progressing the situation and moving past it.
Make sure your language and tone are appropriate. Think about how you present yourself in a confrontation. Harsh words and raised tones almost certainly never help. Use respectful language and don't interrupt the other person; it makes them feel their views are being heard and respected.
Keep an open mind. Most often, the problem isn't necessarily what was said by someone, but how it was said. Listen to their point of view without pre-judging the other person and take the time to consider how things could be fixed. Keep an awareness of your own feelings while also remembering to give space and time to the other person.
Stay calm and don’t react too quickly. During a tense conversation, emotions tend to run high. Take a few deep breaths to allow yourself to keep your composure; this brings clarity to the situation. Don’t act too quickly, this means not responding right away, but taking a few minutes to process and evaluate what needs to be done.
Be honest. While tempers may be running high, speak the truth with honesty. Avoid bringing up other matters that are unrelated; this won’t help the situation, but will only make it worse. Similarly, make sure arguments aren’t just about proving who is right and who is wrong, but finding ways to reach an understanding and move forward.
Focus on solutions, not excuses. Offering excuses for your mistakes may feel necessary, but instead focus on finding solutions. Instead of finding excuses for why things went wrong, use this as an opportunity for growth. Don’t make the problem about fault but rather, your understanding and experience.
Aim for progress and resolution. What matters most is how the situation ends. If any resolutions were made, be sure to stick to them. A sign of being mature is knowing when to accept responsibility, regardless of who may be right or wrong.
Being mature and handling a confrontation in a mature way is an important skill to develop. You don't need to automatically become a peacekeeping diplomat, but in order to be successful in life, it's important to be able to deal with difficult and challenging conversations.
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