From The Bachelorette to The Bachelor

Excerpted from
What a Difference a Year Makes: How Life's Unexpected Setbacks Can Lead to Unexpected Joy
By Bob Guiney

When I first got the offer to write this book, I didn't know I was going to be the main man of the next The Bachelor. Actually, when the producers called me and told me ABC wanted me to be the next bachelor, I just laughed and said, "I don't think so."

They didn't think it was funny. "Why aren't you jumping up and down with excitement?"

My days of reality TV are over" I told them, although even as I said it I suspected they weren't. But the truth was, the reason I didn't want to do the show was because I was scared. It seemed as if there would be so much pressure on me to propose to one of the women at the end. Even though I've had time to heal from my divorce, I didn't know when-if ever-J would be ready to commit to marrying someone again. I had been down that road before, and it had all gone wrong. I didn't want to make the same mistake twice. If I get married again, it'll have to be for keeps, and that's an extra pressure.

But after a while, I actually started to consider doing the show. It occurred to me that finding love the conventional way hadn't worked for me, so why not try the unconventional? I started talking about it with the people I love and trust. Honestly, I wrestled with the idea as if it were the biggest decision of my life and that's because I think it was one of the biggest decisions I had in front of me. I knew it was going to require a commitment that I would have to take very seriously.

After giving it a lot of thought, I realized that the experience of my divorce was making me put tot) much pressure on the ending of the show. But there would also be the chance to have fun and meet women who might have seen the show and already liked me. They wouldn't come expecting someone else-or the unexpected-and that would make it a whole lot more real. However, I was still unsure. Maybe this was actually something else. Maybe I was being given a second chance in my life to do things differently. Maybe I was in the spot that would enable me to "play to win" in life and love, and not "play not to lose" like I had been guilty of before. I know it sounds like I was going a little overboard, considering it's "only" a dating show-believe me, I know. But it was a bigger thing to me than that. It was a challenge I wanted to meet.

What finally convinced me to do the show was a conversation I had with someone whom I love and care about She told me that if I thought it out with my heart-and followed my heart that everything would work out fine if I thought too much with my head, I'd ruin it. And I knew she was right. She also said "Enough of the hot tubs every five minutes. We're .ill sick of that!" I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. So I passed it on to ABC.

Also, I have made it clear to them that I am not guaranteeing anything but I am open and hopeful for everything. Other people have made the promise of a proposal, and it has backfired. They promised the world and then failed to deliver, and that's not anything that I want to be a part of. I take proposing to someone very seriously. I'm not going to compromise my core beliefs for the sake of a TV show or for anything, for that matter. But I will take it very seriously, as I know I'm dealing with people's emotions. And I really am open to wherever my feelings take me.

So if a young woman comes on the show, and she's nice and friendly she'll come away with twenty-five new friends, including me. Bare minimum.

Who knows? I'm going into it with an honest and open heart, ready to see what happens. If nothing else, it's bound to be a valuable learning experience, just like every other thing that's happened to me over the past year or so.

But if Miss Right does turn up on the show, I will be open to the possibility of getting married again. I do think I could make someone a great husband. I'll make a better husband than I did the first time, because of how much the divorce forced me to learn about myself.

I used to tell people to marry their best friend I did. But now I realize you need to marry someone who is better than your best friend. I already have a ton of best friends I don't need another one. I'm looking for a woman I can trust with everything, someone I can talk to about anything, with the peace of knowing that she will not judge me, nor will I judge her. Someone to grow old with - who I know will really listen to what have o ray. Someone who'll do her best to understand me. And someone who I'll allow myself to understand.