10 Surprising Signs You're Entitled (And How to Change)

Key Takeaways:

• Definition of entitlement
• Recognize early signs
• Impact on relationships
• Workplace challenges
• Strategies for change

What Does It Mean to Be Entitled?

Entitlement is the belief that you deserve special treatment or privileges without having to earn them. This mindset can lead to unrealistic expectations and a lack of appreciation for the efforts and contributions of others. Dr. Jean Twenge, author of "The Narcissism Epidemic," explains that entitlement is often linked to narcissism, where individuals have an inflated sense of their own importance.

This feeling of entitlement can manifest in various ways, such as expecting preferential treatment, feeling that rules don't apply to you, or demanding attention and resources at the expense of others. It's crucial to understand that entitlement isn't just about wanting more—it's about believing that you inherently deserve more than others.

Early Signs of Entitlement

Identifying entitlement early can help in addressing it before it becomes a deeply ingrained trait. One of the first signs is an excessive sense of self-importance. You might notice yourself or others constantly talking about personal achievements, often exaggerating them. This can be coupled with a lack of empathy, where the feelings and needs of others are overlooked or dismissed.

Another early sign is a frequent need for validation and admiration. People with a sense of entitlement often seek out praise and can become upset if they don't receive the attention they believe they deserve. They might also struggle with accepting criticism, viewing it as an unjust attack rather than constructive feedback.

Additionally, entitlement can show up as impatience and frustration when things don't go your way. This can lead to blaming others for personal setbacks and an inability to take responsibility for one's own actions. Recognizing these signs can be the first step towards change, fostering a more balanced and humble outlook.

The Psychology Behind Entitlement

Entitlement is deeply rooted in our psychology. It can be influenced by various factors including upbringing, personality traits, and societal influences. At its core, entitlement often stems from an inflated sense of self-worth and an exaggerated belief in one's own abilities and rights.

One significant psychological aspect of entitlement is its connection to narcissism. Narcissistic individuals often display a heightened sense of entitlement, believing they deserve more than others simply because of their perceived superiority. This connection is supported by research, such as the findings presented in "The Narcissism Epidemic" by Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell.

The brain also plays a crucial role in entitlement. Areas such as the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making and social behavior, and the amygdala, which processes emotions, can influence entitled behavior. When these areas are not functioning optimally, it can lead to impaired judgment and an overemphasis on one's own needs and desires.

How Entitlement Affects Relationships

Entitlement can significantly impact your relationships, often in negative ways. When you believe you deserve special treatment or priority over others, it can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings. This mindset can create an imbalance where your needs and wants consistently overshadow those of your partner, friends, or family members.

Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and author, states in her book "Daring Greatly" that entitlement is a barrier to genuine connection. She explains that when you approach relationships with a sense of entitlement, you are more likely to engage in manipulative or dismissive behaviors, eroding trust and intimacy.

Entitlement can also lead to unrealistic expectations. You might find yourself constantly disappointed because others are not meeting your high demands or living up to your idealized standards. This disappointment can breed resentment and dissatisfaction, further straining relationships.

Furthermore, entitlement can hinder personal growth. When you believe you are always right or deserve more, it becomes difficult to accept feedback or learn from your mistakes. This can stifle your ability to grow and develop healthy, reciprocal relationships where both parties feel valued and respected.

Entitlement in the Workplace

Entitlement can be particularly disruptive in the workplace. When you feel entitled, you might believe you deserve promotions, perks, or recognition without necessarily earning them. This can lead to conflicts with colleagues and supervisors, who may perceive your behavior as arrogant or unjustified.

In a professional setting, entitlement often manifests as a reluctance to collaborate or share credit. You might find yourself frequently taking credit for group efforts or expecting special treatment that isn't extended to others. This behavior can create a toxic work environment, eroding team cohesion and morale.

Additionally, entitled individuals often resist constructive feedback. They may view criticism as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth. This mindset can hinder professional development and limit career advancement. As business author and speaker Patrick Lencioni emphasizes in "The Five Dysfunctions of a Team," trust and accountability are key to successful teamwork, both of which are undermined by entitlement.

Social Media and Entitlement

Social media has a profound impact on entitlement. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter often promote curated and idealized versions of life, leading you to believe you deserve similar experiences and recognition. This can fuel a sense of entitlement, where you expect constant validation and admiration from your online presence.

One of the psychological phenomena at play here is the "comparison trap." By constantly comparing your life to the highlight reels of others, you might develop unrealistic expectations for yourself and those around you. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration when reality doesn't match up to these ideals.

Moreover, social media algorithms are designed to reinforce your sense of importance by showing content that aligns with your interests and views. This can create an echo chamber where your beliefs and desires are constantly validated, further entrenching a sense of entitlement.

As psychologist Dr. Jean Twenge notes in her book "iGen," the rise of social media has contributed to increasing narcissistic traits among younger generations. This is linked to a heightened sense of entitlement, as social media fosters a culture of constant self-promotion and validation.

Understanding the impact of social media on entitlement can help you take a more mindful approach to your online interactions, fostering a healthier self-image and more realistic expectations.

Overcoming Entitlement: Practical Tips

Overcoming entitlement involves recognizing and addressing the underlying beliefs and behaviors that contribute to this mindset. The first step is self-awareness. Acknowledge that you may have an inflated sense of your own importance and start to question these beliefs. Reflect on situations where you have felt entitled and consider the impact of your actions on others.

Setting realistic expectations is another crucial strategy. Understand that not everything will go your way and that setbacks are a part of life. Learning to cope with disappointment and developing resilience can help mitigate feelings of entitlement. Psychologist Carol Dweck, in her book "Mindset," emphasizes the importance of a growth mindset, where you view challenges as opportunities to learn rather than threats to your self-worth.

Practicing gratitude can also be transformative. Take time each day to reflect on what you are thankful for, focusing on the contributions and kindness of others. This can help shift your focus from what you feel you deserve to appreciating what you have.

Another practical tip is to actively seek feedback and be open to constructive criticism. Recognize that feedback is an opportunity for growth and improvement, not an attack on your character. This can help you develop a more balanced and humble perspective.

Finally, engage in acts of kindness and service. Volunteering or helping others without expecting anything in return can foster a sense of empathy and reduce feelings of entitlement. As you become more attuned to the needs and struggles of others, your own sense of self-importance can diminish, leading to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Fostering Empathy and Gratitude

Empathy and gratitude are powerful antidotes to entitlement. Developing these qualities can enhance your relationships and overall well-being. Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It requires active listening and genuine concern for the well-being of those around you.

One effective way to foster empathy is to put yourself in others' shoes. Imagine how they feel and what they might be experiencing. This perspective-taking can help you appreciate the challenges and perspectives of others, reducing your focus on your own needs and desires.

Gratitude, on the other hand, involves recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of your life. It shifts your focus from what you lack to what you have. Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, has found that practicing gratitude can improve your mental and physical health, enhance your relationships, and increase your overall happiness.

To cultivate gratitude, keep a gratitude journal where you regularly write down things you are thankful for. This practice can help you develop a habit of noticing and appreciating the good in your life. Additionally, expressing gratitude to others—through a thank-you note, a kind word, or a thoughtful gesture—can strengthen your connections and foster a sense of mutual respect and appreciation.

By actively working on empathy and gratitude, you can counteract feelings of entitlement and build a more balanced and fulfilling life. These qualities not only improve your interactions with others but also contribute to your own sense of well-being and contentment.

Real-Life Stories of Change

Stories of individuals who have successfully overcome entitlement can be incredibly inspiring and instructive. Take, for example, the case of Mark, a young professional who always believed he deserved the best opportunities without putting in the necessary effort. After repeatedly facing setbacks and frustrations, Mark decided to seek help from a mentor. Through honest conversations and self-reflection, he realized his sense of entitlement was holding him back.

Mark began to set realistic goals and worked diligently to achieve them. He also started volunteering at a local community center, which helped him develop empathy and appreciate the contributions of others. Over time, Mark transformed his mindset and built stronger, more meaningful relationships both personally and professionally.

Similarly, Sarah, a college student, struggled with feelings of entitlement that affected her friendships and academic performance. She often expected special treatment from professors and peers. When she faced academic probation, Sarah decided to join a support group. Listening to others' experiences and challenges helped her gain perspective and humility. Sarah worked on developing gratitude and empathy, which improved her interactions and academic performance significantly.

These stories highlight that change is possible with self-awareness, effort, and support. By recognizing and addressing entitlement, you can create positive and lasting transformations in your life.

Seeking Professional Help

If you find it challenging to overcome feelings of entitlement on your own, seeking professional help can be a valuable step. Therapists and counselors can provide a safe space to explore the underlying causes of entitlement and develop strategies for change. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, can be effective in addressing entitlement. CBT helps you identify and challenge distorted beliefs and develop healthier thinking patterns.

Dr. David Burns, a prominent psychiatrist and author of "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," emphasizes the power of CBT in transforming negative thought patterns. Through guided sessions, you can learn to replace entitled beliefs with more balanced and realistic ones, leading to improved relationships and well-being.

Group therapy or support groups can also be beneficial. Sharing experiences with others who are working on similar issues can provide encouragement and accountability. Hearing different perspectives can help you gain insight into your own behavior and motivate you to make positive changes.

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows a willingness to grow and improve. Professional support can equip you with the tools and guidance needed to overcome entitlement and build a more fulfilling and balanced life.

Recommended Resources

• "The Narcissism Epidemic" by Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell
• "Daring Greatly" by Brené Brown
• "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns