When Daddy Comes Back: 5 Essential Steps to Surviving (and Thriving)

In the intricately woven fabric of family dynamics, one thread can sometimes become unraveled. This thread, often significant, can alter the pattern, creating a sense of disarray and confusion. When the thread that unravels is the paternal figure – the 'Daddy,' the impact can be profound. However, when the opportunity for 'Daddy' to come back arises, the confusion intensifies and opens up a new realm of emotions and uncertainties.

This is an article written from the heart, and more importantly, from experience. I walked the rocky road of my father's absence and his eventual return. I felt the sharp sting of abandonment, the pangs of longing, and the overwhelming confusion upon his return. But I also felt the slow and sometimes painful healing, the lessons learned, and the love rediscovered. Today, I will share with you the five essential steps I took to not only survive, but to thrive when Daddy came back.

Step 1: Embrace Your Emotions (And Understand Them)

Repressing your feelings is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater; it's not only difficult but also exhausting. When it inevitably resurfaces, it does so with a great force, often catching you off guard. The first step, therefore, is to embrace your emotions, as confusing, conflicting, or scary as they may be.

When my father returned, I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. There was the initial shock, followed by joy, resentment, anger, relief, fear, and a plethora of others that I couldn't quite articulate. It felt as if I was in the midst of a whirlwind, being tossed from one feeling to another. But I allowed myself to feel them, to ride the wave, understanding that it was a necessary part of the process.

Step 2: Seek Professional Help (You Don't Have to Do This Alone)

Navigating through such a complex and emotionally charged situation is not something you should have to do alone. Engaging with a professional therapist or counselor can provide invaluable guidance, allowing you to understand and process your emotions better.

In my case, therapy was a lifesaver. It offered me a safe space to express my feelings without judgment, helping me decipher the tangled web of emotions that accompanied my father's return. Through therapy, I also learned useful coping mechanisms, empowering me to handle the situation more effectively.

Step 3: Open Lines of Communication (But Set Boundaries)

Reestablishing communication with your father can be a daunting task. It's an endeavor filled with vulnerability, requiring an open heart and mind. However, while it's important to create a dialogue, it's equally crucial to establish boundaries.

When my father and I began to communicate again, I made it clear what topics were off-limits and what behaviors I wouldn't tolerate. It was challenging, for sure. At times, it felt like I was walking a tightrope, trying to balance my desire for a father-daughter relationship with the need to protect myself. But setting these boundaries proved invaluable in navigating our new-found relationship.

Step 4: Allow Time to Heal (It's Not a Race)

Healing is not a linear process. There will be good days and bad days. Days when you feel like progress is being made, and days when you feel like you've taken ten steps back. And that's okay. The important thing is to remember that it's not a race.

When Daddy came back into my life, I had unrealistic expectations about how quickly our relationship would heal. I wanted us to become the father-daughter duo you see in movies, almost overnight. But it wasn't until I let go of these expectations and allowed time to take its course that true healing began.

Step 5: Practice Forgiveness (But Don't Forget)

The act of forgiveness is more for yourself than it is for the person you're forgiving. It's about releasing the heavy burden of anger, resentment, and hurt that you've been carrying. However, forgiving does not mean forgetting. It doesn't mean excusing the person's actions or behaviors.

Forgiving my father was the hardest step for me. But when I finally did, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I was no longer bound by the chains of resentment and anger. I was free. But I didn't forget. I used my past experiences as lessons to guide me, allowing me to navigate my relationship with my father in a healthier and more mindful way.

In conclusion, when 'Daddy' comes back, it can stir up a whirlwind of emotions and challenges. But by embracing your emotions, seeking professional help, opening lines of communication, allowing time to heal, and practicing forgiveness, you can navigate this complex situation with strength and grace.

Further Reading

• "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Revised and Updated: Surviving Through and Recovering from the Five Stages That Accompany the Loss of Love" by Susan Anderson
• "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
• "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead" by Brené Brown