As parents, it is imperative to provide our children with the guidance and positive influence they need in order to reach their full potential. However, many parents find this easier said than done, especially when faced with seemingly unachievable tasks such as getting a small child dressed in the morning or calming a toddler down after a tantrum. In moments of frustration, some parents are prone to becoming lax parents, who allow their children to do as they please in order to avoid confrontations. Unfortunately, this type of parenting can have serious ramifications on the healthy development of a child’s behavior, social life, and mentality.
First and foremost, it is important to understand that disciplining children does not have to mean punishing them. Parenting experts agree that positive discipline, as opposed to physical punishment, is the most effective way of instructing children how to behave in a healthy and age-appropriate manner. At its core, positive discipline is all about teaching children to become responsible, self-disciplined adults, while also providing them with the structure they need to feel loved, safe, and accepted. Breaking down positive discipline further, it is necessary to emphasize the three underlying components.
The first component of positive discipline focuses on providing children with clear expectations and boundaries. By setting well defined boundaries, parents can ensure consistency in how they handle misbehavior and can help children understand what is expected of them. Additionally, instead of relying solely on punishments or rewards for good behavior, parents should focus on developing consequences for unacceptable behavior that will help foster learning and self-regulation. For example, for a toddler that refuses to pick up a toy, a parent could start by calmly explaining why the toy needs to be picked up and set a reasonable expectation that the toy must be put away before any other activities can take place. If the child continues to refuse, enact a logical consequence like temporarily taking away the toy for a few minutes until the child is ready to obey the instruction.
The second key to positive discipline is showing unconditional love and acceptance. When children feel reassured that their parents still love them even when they misbehave and that their parents are willing to work together to create solutions to difficult problems, they will be more inclined to learn better behavior. To further ensure the success of this technique, parents should remember to interact with their children in a warm, nurturing manner, rather than getting angry or overly frustrated.
Finally, it is critical that parents remain consistent in their discipline techniques and use reasoning when engaging with their children. This will assist with teaching children problem solving skills in a way they can understand, while also providing respect to their perspective. Furthermore, when a child clearly understands why certain behaviors are not acceptable, it is helpful to discuss what other alternatives could have been used. By going through this process, parents will be able to identify problems before they arise and provide suitable solutions that can be beneficial throughout the child's development.
Overall, it is integral for parents to understand that being a lay parent is not only detrimental to a child’s development, but it can also be damaging to the relationship between the parent and child. While it may feel easier to just let misbehaving children do as they please, parenting requires hard work and dedication, and it is far more beneficial for everyone involved when appropriate, effective approaches are taken. Utilizing the essential elements of positively disciplining a child, while also showing love and respect, will help to ensure that all children live a happy, healthy life.
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