Dear eNotAlone: My younger sister just moved in and I feel a lot of pressure to figure out how to make it all work. We used to get along really well when we were younger but now that I'm an adult and she just barely is, things have been tense. It's like she doesn't even want to be around me anymore and I don't understand why. I don't want us to fight all the time or be constantly on edge but I don't know what to do. I need advice on how to make living with my sister tolerable without adding to the tension.
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It can be difficult for siblings to get along, especially when there's an age difference. But it's not impossible! Living with a younger sibling can be stressful, but there are ways to make it work without increasing tension.
The first step is to start off on the right foot. Talk to your sister and let her know what you expect from one another in terms of a relationship. Explain that you both need mutual respect and that you'd like to be able to communicate openly. Make sure she knows that if there's ever anything on her mind, she should feel comfortable talking to you about it.
If you get off to a rocky start, don't despair. The key is to be patient and understanding as you're figuring things out. Let her know that it's okay if you two bump heads from time to time, but that hanging out and getting along is more important than any little disagreement.
One of the most basic pieces of advice that stands the test of time is to increase the amount of activities and hobbies you do together. Share your interests and spare time with your sister—not only does it strengthen your bond, it's also a great way to build up trust. She'll learn that she can rely on you, and you'll both benefit from the feeling of being part of a team.
It can also help to have other people over. Showing your sister that she's just as much a part of those shared experiences can strengthen her relationship with the rest of your family. This will help bring you closer together and help establish that your sister is just as much an adult as everyone else in the house—which is key for living together peacefully.
Don't underestimate the healing power of forgiveness. Even if you think something is small and insignificant, holding onto negative feelings toward your sister could lead to bigger issues down the road. Take the initiative and bring up any grievances between the two of you—even something as small as leaving a mess in the kitchen—in a respectful and open-minded conversations. That way, you can learn to work these things out as adults—not as adversaries.
Living with a younger sibling may not be easy, but it doesn't have to be uncomfortable. By having an honest conversation and setting a good example, you can create a positive relationship with your sister without adding to the tension.
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