What greater challenge is there for a parent than trying to understand and support their teenagers? As the young people in our lives approach adulthood, they start to experience the full range of emotion, stroppiness, tantrums, endless questions and fragile psyches at once. It can be intimidating and difficult.
However, it is important to remember that this period of teenage development often yields great gains in both maturity and understanding – gains that can come with excellent rewards. By being patient and understanding, parents can learn how to communicate with their teen, how to set boundaries and ultimately how to show up and help their child manage big emotions without drowning in them.
First and foremost, when faced with overwhelming emotions from your teen, it is vital to resist the temptation to lecture or judge, even if you may have already experienced similar feelings yourself. That does not mean you should just give a platitude and move on, but rather try to be supportive and calmly remind your teen that these feelings are normal and that it is ok to express them.
Be a role model for your teen. Instead of simply telling them to stay calm, show them by taking a few deep breaths and attempting to explain why certain situations make them angry, sad or disappointed. This will help to demonstrate that it is ok to feel big emotions and how to tame them into something more manageable.
When it comes to setting boundaries, however, do not be afraid to stand firm when needed. Parents wrongly assume that yelling or punishing is the only way to teach their children the difference between right and wrong behaviour. In actuality, calm guidance is much more effective. Explain neutral facts to your teens and slowly guide them towards understanding and exploring themselves. For example, if they raised their voice, create a crisis-management plan and discuss healthier ways of expressing an opinion.
Validation is key. Let your teen know that their feelings are valid and respected. My-way-or-the-highway parenting is outdated and often negative, so be sure to have meaningful conversations about values.
Building on this concept, empathy is also essential. It is important to avoid trivialising the feelings of your teen and instead, try to understand what sets them off. Listen to them and answer their questions thoughtfully and compassionately.
Always remind your teen that you are there for them and be vocal about it. Offer a hug, a listening ear or just take time out together and be present. This can go a long way to helping your teenager feel secure and confident enough to rise above and manage their big emotion.
When it comes to teenagers, it is easy to get overwhelmed by their ever-changing emotions. But by being patient, understanding, guiding and empathetic, it is possible to show up for them in just the right way. Showing up for our teens means taking a deep breath and helping to validate, empathise and ground them. This will help them to grow into capable and confident adults.
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