Coping with estrangement from an in-law – Tips for parents

No parent wants to experience being cut off from their own son or daughter, but unfortunately, it happens far too often. When a new spouse comes into the picture and decides to alienate their partner's family any which way they can, it can cause a deep rift between family members which is hard to come to terms with and make sense of. When your son's wife has completely isolated him from family and friends, emotions can run high, yet it is important that you remain as calm, level headed and rational as possible in order to make the best decisions for both yourself, your son, and your family.

Many couples have experienced rifts within their family caused by a new spouse and, sadly, it isn't anything new. A certain degree of adjustment is expected when a family member gets married, but when it is taken to such an extreme, it takes a toll both emotionally and psychologically. When families are subjected to such isolation it can be difficult to navigate their way out of the situation, but there are some steps that can be taken to create improved understanding and communication.

The first thing you should do as a parent is to talk to your son and explain that you understand how difficult his situation is, and you want to do whatever it takes to rebuild relationships within the family. It is important that he knows you are on his side, and that you accept whatever decisions he wishes to make without judgement. At this point, it is better to try and build bridges than draw lines, as open discussion is more likely to lead to a favourable outcome for everybody. Openly talking about the issues openly will give everyone the opportunity to express themselves and explain their perspective on the matter. It is important that everyone has the chance to get things off their chest and understand the other's point of view.

The next step is to try and understand the feelings of your son's wife, whilst setting clear boundaries. It is important to remember that a marriage cannot exist without two people, so her viewpoint is just as relevant as yours. Try to talk to her and demonstrate that you understand why she feels the way she does, and focus on showing her respect and appreciation. If she is unwilling to talk, then make it your priority to continue building bridges with your son, and address the issue outside of her direct presence.

It is also worth considering the very real possibility that there may be some form of mental health issues at play here, including depression and anxiety. These issues are incredibly common and, if left untreated, can cause incredibly severe problems. Therefore, it is important to consider the possibility of whether cognitive behavioral therapy could help the situation, simply for the sake of protecting your son and his wife.

On the other hand, if the relationship is abusive, then it is essential that your son knows that he doesn't need to stay in such a damaging partnership, and there are people out there who can help him to escape this situation. It is important that your son knows that he doesn't need to remain stuck in a negative atmosphere, or become the victim of a controlling and damaging marriage.

Above all else, it is vital to remember that your son is allowed to feel whatever it is he is feeling and that his feelings should always be respected. Whether it is true or not, it is likely that he feels a great deal of guilt and confusion, and so it is important to be understanding, patient and supportive. Plus, reassuring him and reminding him that you are on his side no matter what can go a long way to making him feel safe and secure, even in a time of intense difficulty.

One of the most important aspects of this situation is to maintain constant communication. Even if it is noisy or hostile at times, having an open channel of conversation will help improve understanding and make it easier to get to a much more stable point and hopefully put the emphasis on restoring relationships, rather than destroying them further.

No matter how difficult this situation may be, with patience, empathy, and a little bit of help, you can help yourself, your son and your family find a way to cope that works for everyone.