The first strain of musical notes ripple through the air, immediately detectable as a familiar song. You get a surge of electricity, standing up with the rest of the adoring crowd and singing along. Then it hits you – over by the bar, your in-laws are recording the entire performance on their phones, happy to be part of their son or daughter's good time, yet exacerbating their own embarrassment.
Nobody likes to be embarrassed, especially in front of other people, particularly ones we're related to. Yet when they're completely out of touch with the norms of our generation, what do we do? How can we find peace in this unfamiliar situation?
We use music to communicate, express emotion and inspire us to be our true selves. When those closest to us lack an understanding of the experience, it's hard to reconcile that within ourselves. We begin to feel trapped and overwhelmed, fluttering between a desire to fit in with the world and belong among our family. It's not just embarrassing; it's soul crushing.
In these instances, it's best to focus on the value of being honest and kind with yourself. Don't try to cover up your feelings or put on a false image for your in-laws. Instead, take a step back and remember that not everyone will understand what music means to you, and that disappointment can teach important lessons.
Take some time away from the concert or event and reflect on why it matters so much to you. Take a few breaths and ground yourself in reality. Remind yourself that the reality of who we are isn't determined by who others think we are or what they experience. Make sure you're being gentle with yourself - it might be hard at first, but remember that acceptance starts within.
When talking to your in-laws on future occasions, don't be scared to share some insight. Our generation is full of open minded individuals that have found similarities in the most unlikely places and sources, such as bonding through shared music experiences. Explain why this moment was special, and how it made you feel. It may take a bit of effort to break any barriers of awkwardness, but eventually your care and respect towards one another should create more trust between you both.
It's okay if your in-laws don't understand your passion for music; it doesn't make them less of parents or grandparents. No matter how hard it seems at times, you'll always be looking past surface differences and finding something deeper - whether it's locating your personal values, focusing on what matters to you or simply lingering temporarily on the joys experienced through music.
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