Trapped in a spiraling cycle of ambivalence, they feel they are running in endless circles. Their emotions are in constant upheaval and days blend together in turgid tedium. No matter how hard they try, they seem unable to break free of this restrictive cocoon and yet hope continues to whisper against their better judgment that something better lies on the other side.
Ambivalence, defined as simultaneously feeling the opposing emotions of love and hatred, acceptance and rejection, or longing and indifference, can be an incredibly difficult emotion to remove oneself from. It creates a dizzying state of inner tension and conflicting desires that can be paralyzing and exhausting. It causes feelings of frustration, confusion, and helplessness and often leads to depression, anxiety, or even panic attacks. This pattern can easily become deeply entrenched in an individual's thought processing, making it difficult to view the situation objectively, much less find the strength to push past it.
That being said, the task of freeing oneself from the bonds of ambivalence is still possible. The most important thing to remember is that ambivalence is a feeling, not a reality. Although the thoughts and emotions associated with it may feel all-consuming, one must remember that they are neither permanent nor do they define one's self-worth. Beyond this realization, there are also a few other tips and strategies that may help one to manage their inner turmoil and work towards overcoming their ambivalence.
The first step is to remind oneself that thoughts are just that - thoughts. When those inconsistent and confusing thoughts come in, try your best to notice them and then acknowledge that these thoughts do not have to be believed or acted upon. This basic concept can be applied to any situation, but especially with ambivalence where thoughts are rapidly bouncing between wildly different feelings.
Another important point to keep in mind is to be aware of the language you’re using with yourself when it comes to working through difficult decisions. Many of us fall into the trap of using words like “always” and “never” which paint problems with no solution when really the opposite is true. By replacing those overgeneralized statements with more psychologically accurate phrases, such as “I may not always be able to figure out a solution”, puts the problem in perspective and can give a sense of direction and purpose that wasn’t previously thought of. In addition, actively engaging in positive and compassionate self-talk can help tremendously as it decreases the likelihood of a spiral into negative emotions which do nothing to help in times of stress.
By taking a proactive approach and building a toolbox of skills and strategies to draw on during bouts of ambivalence, an individual can breaking free of their self-imposed prison and forge a happier and more peaceful path forward. With patience and persistence, it is possible to work through even the toughest of puzzling decisions and gain a newfound sense of clarity.
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