Can Two Narcissists Really Get Along? (Surprising Signs)

Key Takeaways:

• Narcissistic couples face power struggles
• Lack of empathy fuels emotional distance
• Competitiveness drives constant tension
• Narcissistic love is an emotional rollercoaster
• Breaking free can feel impossible

Narcissistic couples in relationships

Being in a relationship with one narcissist is challenging enough, but what happens when two narcissists get together? The truth is, narcissistic couples often find themselves locked in a toxic cycle that few people understand. You might think they can relate to each other's behaviors, but in reality, these relationships are marked by constant power plays and emotional distance. If you're in this type of relationship, or you're watching two narcissists try to make things work, you've probably noticed a tug-of-war for control, affection, and attention.

Narcissists are inherently self-centered, and when two such personalities collide, it creates a unique dynamic. They're both searching for admiration and validation while offering little in return, and this can make intimacy almost impossible. For many, the question remains: Can narcissists even love someone else, or is the relationship doomed to fail?

When two narcissists are in love: What happens?

When two narcissists fall in love, it's not your typical love story. These relationships are intense, fast-paced, and often filled with drama from the very beginning. You'll see moments of extreme passion—times when it feels like they've found their perfect match—only to watch it all crash down in an emotional whirlwind. Both partners crave attention, but neither can fully provide the support the other needs.

Psychologically speaking, narcissists have a deep fear of vulnerability. Dr. Craig Malkin, author of "Rethinking Narcissism," explains, “Narcissists use grandiosity to shield themselves from feeling insignificant.” In a relationship, this defense mechanism means neither partner wants to let their guard down. They're too busy trying to outshine each other to experience genuine connection.

The result? A never-ending cycle of highs and lows. One day, they're obsessed with each other, and the next, they're in a full-blown argument. It's an emotional rollercoaster, and if you've been in a relationship like this, you know exactly how exhausting it can be.

What are the signs of a narcissistic couple?

Spotting a narcissistic couple can feel tricky from the outside, but there are clear signs that set them apart. The first thing you'll likely notice is how their relationship is often more about appearances than substance. They might seem like the perfect couple on social media, but behind closed doors, it's a different story. Narcissistic couples are often preoccupied with being admired by others, which leads them to project an image of perfection—even when their relationship is falling apart.

Another telltale sign? The constant competition. Narcissists need to feel superior, and in a relationship with another narcissist, they're always trying to one-up each other. If you're in a relationship like this, you've probably felt like you're stuck in a never-ending contest for attention and praise. Little things, like who had a tougher day or who's more successful, become points of contention.

Finally, there's the emotional distance. A narcissistic couple might look happy from the outside, but on a deeper level, they're often disconnected. This isn't just because of ego. It's also due to the lack of empathy that characterizes narcissistic personalities. When two people both struggle to empathize, real emotional intimacy becomes nearly impossible.

Challenges faced by two narcissists in a relationship

Relationships between narcissists come with a unique set of challenges that aren't always easy to overcome. The first major hurdle? Power struggles. Narcissists crave control, and when both partners want to be in charge, conflicts arise. This constant push for dominance can turn even small disagreements into explosive arguments.

Another issue is the lack of empathy—a critical component of healthy relationships. Narcissists have a hard time understanding their partner's emotions, and when neither person can truly empathize, the relationship becomes emotionally cold. This emotional distance often leads to feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction.

Competitiveness also plays a major role in the tension. When both partners are focused on outshining each other, cooperation takes a back seat. Narcissistic couples tend to view the relationship as a stage for their individual success rather than a collaborative partnership. This mindset makes it hard to celebrate each other's achievements because it feels like a personal defeat.

All these challenges—power struggles, lack of empathy, and competitiveness—turn the relationship into an emotional rollercoaster. If you've been in a relationship like this, you know how draining it can be. One minute, things are great; the next, they're spiraling into chaos. It's exhausting, and it leaves you wondering if two narcissists can ever truly find harmony together.

Power struggles between narcissistic partners

One of the most glaring issues when two narcissists are in a relationship is the constant power struggle. Both partners want to be the center of attention and control the direction of the relationship, and neither is willing to back down. It's not uncommon for arguments to erupt over small, seemingly insignificant things—because for narcissists, every little battle feels like a fight for dominance.

The problem is that in a healthy relationship, compromise is key. But for narcissists, compromise often feels like a weakness. Instead of meeting each other halfway, they dig in their heels and push for their way, leading to constant tension and frustration. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist who specializes in narcissistic relationships, explains it well: "Narcissists see relationships as arenas where they are meant to win or dominate. There is no room for equality."

In the long run, these power dynamics take a toll. Small disagreements over who should make decisions—whether it's about something as simple as where to go for dinner or something more significant like finances—become explosive. Each partner feels a need to assert control, and as a result, the relationship turns into a battlefield where no one really wins.

Lack of empathy and emotional distance

The lack of empathy in narcissistic relationships is another serious challenge. Both partners are so consumed by their own needs, desires, and insecurities that they struggle to care about what the other person is feeling. This emotional disconnect creates a cold, detached environment, even if on the surface, everything seems fine.

Empathy is crucial for emotional intimacy, and without it, there's a hollow core at the center of the relationship. In his book "The Empathy Gap," J.D. Trout notes that empathy allows us to connect with others in meaningful ways, but in a relationship where both individuals are narcissistic, this connection is sorely lacking. Each partner is focused on their own image, their own validation, and their own success, leaving little room for genuine emotional support.

Over time, this lack of emotional depth can leave both partners feeling lonely and isolated, despite being together. You might find yourself longing for a connection that simply doesn't exist. The longer you're in a relationship like this, the more you may feel like you're emotionally drifting further apart, unable to bridge the gap because neither of you can fully step outside your own needs.

Competitiveness in narcissist couples

In narcissistic relationships, competition can become the foundation on which the entire dynamic is built. Both individuals feel the need to outshine the other, creating a constant back-and-forth of who's more successful, who's more admired, or who's more in control. This competitive streak often bleeds into every aspect of their lives, from careers to social circles, and even within their private lives.

You may notice this competitiveness in subtle ways—one partner might feel threatened by the other's successes and try to diminish their achievements. Instead of celebrating each other's wins, narcissists can view their partner's success as a personal threat. The desire to be seen as superior pushes both partners to prioritize their own ego over the health of the relationship.

Interestingly, this competitiveness doesn't necessarily lead to overt conflicts at all times. It can also manifest in more covert ways, such as passive-aggressive comments, subtle put-downs, or the constant need to one-up each other in conversations. If you've been in a relationship like this, you've likely felt that underlying tension—the sense that your partner isn't rooting for you, but rather trying to outdo you.

Attention-seeking behaviors

Narcissists thrive on attention. In a relationship where both partners exhibit narcissistic traits, the craving for attention can become overwhelming. Whether it's at a dinner party, in the workplace, or even within their own home, each person in the relationship is seeking validation, admiration, and recognition.

This attention-seeking behavior often results in a battle for the spotlight. One partner may feel left out or unappreciated if the other is receiving more attention. Social settings become arenas for who can charm the room better, or who can draw the most praise from friends and family. It's not just about wanting to be liked—it's about needing to feel special and adored, often at the expense of their partner.

Psychologically, this behavior stems from deep-seated insecurity. Narcissists are often driven by a fragile sense of self-worth, which is why they constantly seek external validation. As psychotherapist Wendy Behary points out, “The narcissist's search for attention is about avoiding the deep shame and insecurity they hide from the world.” Unfortunately, in a relationship where both individuals need this validation, there's a constant struggle for admiration, leaving little room for genuine connection.

Emotional rollercoaster: The highs and lows

If you've ever witnessed—or been in—a relationship between two narcissists, you know that it's rarely steady. Instead, it feels like an emotional rollercoaster, with exhilarating highs and crushing lows. One moment, they're passionately in love, deeply obsessed with each other, but the next, they're locked in an argument, each trying to dominate or diminish the other. The emotional swings can be so extreme that it feels like the relationship is constantly teetering on the edge of chaos.

These highs and lows are fueled by the constant need for validation, the lack of empathy, and the ongoing power struggles. When things are going well, both partners feel seen, admired, and adored, which feeds their egos. But as soon as one partner feels slighted or overshadowed, everything falls apart. It's not uncommon for these relationships to go through intense cycles of breaking up and making up, each cycle more exhausting than the last.

In the short term, these emotional ups and downs can feel exhilarating. But over time, the toll they take on your mental and emotional well-being is undeniable. It's draining to live in constant uncertainty, not knowing when the next fight will erupt or how long the good times will last. Narcissistic relationships are often intense, but that intensity rarely leads to long-term stability.

Are two narcissists good together?

So, can two narcissists really make it work? The answer isn't straightforward. On the one hand, narcissists are often drawn to each other because they share similar traits. They both crave admiration and thrive on attention, and they may even admire each other's confidence and charm. In the early stages, they might feel like they've met their match—someone who understands their desire to be in the spotlight and shares their sense of superiority.

However, this initial attraction is often short-lived. While they might enjoy the admiration they receive from each other, their inability to empathize and compromise quickly leads to problems. Relationships are built on trust, vulnerability, and emotional intimacy—qualities that narcissists struggle to provide. Instead of supporting each other, they end up competing, criticizing, and undermining one another.

Dr. Karyl McBride, author of "Will I Ever Be Free of You?" points out that “narcissists often view relationships as a means to an end, rather than a partnership.” In other words, they see the relationship as a way to meet their own needs rather than a space for mutual growth and understanding. This self-centered approach makes it hard for two narcissists to build a lasting, fulfilling relationship.

Two narcissists can be drawn to each other, but their similarities are more likely to push them apart than bring them together. The relationship can survive in the short term, but without emotional depth and empathy, it rarely lasts.

How to break up with a narcissist

Breaking up with a narcissist can be one of the most challenging and emotionally draining experiences you'll face. Narcissists are known for their manipulative tactics and their ability to draw people back into their orbit, even after the relationship has turned toxic. They may use guilt, blame, or even charm to keep you tied to them, making it difficult to end things for good. But the key to successfully breaking free from a narcissist is understanding their playbook and preparing yourself for what lies ahead.

The first step in breaking up with a narcissist is setting clear and firm boundaries. Narcissists are skilled at pushing your limits, but once you decide to end the relationship, it's crucial to stay strong and not give in to their manipulations. Keep your communication direct and avoid getting drawn into arguments or emotional appeals. They will likely try to lure you back with promises of change or attempts to make you feel guilty, but remember why you chose to leave in the first place.

Going no-contact is often the most effective way to move on from a narcissist. This means cutting off all forms of communication—blocking them on social media, not responding to calls or texts, and avoiding any chance encounters. It might feel extreme, but narcissists thrive on keeping you emotionally entangled. By removing yourself from their influence, you regain control over your own life and emotions.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula advises, "Don't fall for the sweet talk, the promises, or the temporary changes. Narcissists don't change, and they don't let go easily." Stay focused on your own healing and keep moving forward, even when it feels difficult.

Do narcissistic couples last?

At first glance, it might seem like narcissistic couples have it all figured out. They can appear confident, charismatic, and deeply involved in each other's lives, but the truth is often far more complicated. While two narcissists may initially be drawn to each other, their relationships rarely last in the long term. The constant competition, lack of empathy, and power struggles create a volatile dynamic that's hard to sustain.

Narcissistic relationships tend to follow a predictable pattern. In the beginning, there's an intense honeymoon phase where both partners idealize each other. They're caught up in the thrill of mutual admiration, and everything seems perfect. But once the initial excitement wears off, reality sets in. The narcissists' self-centered tendencies come to the forefront, and they begin to clash over whose needs should take priority.

As the relationship progresses, the emotional highs and lows become more extreme. The lack of emotional intimacy and empathy erodes the bond between them, and eventually, one or both partners may seek validation elsewhere. In many cases, these relationships end in bitter breakups, often with lingering resentment and unresolved issues.

So, do narcissistic couples last? The answer is generally no. While they might make it work for a while, the inherent difficulties in balancing two narcissistic personalities are often too great to overcome. The relationship becomes more about control and validation than genuine love and connection, leading to an inevitable breakdown.

Can two narcissists get along?

The question of whether two narcissists can get along is complicated. At first, it may seem like they can—after all, they share similar traits and might even admire each other's confidence, charm, and ability to draw attention. However, the very qualities that initially attract them can quickly become the source of conflict. Narcissists are often consumed by their need to be the center of attention, and when both partners in a relationship have this same desire, it creates tension.

While they might enjoy moments of harmony, where they both feel validated and admired, these moments don't last long. Narcissists typically aren't good at compromise, and they aren't comfortable letting someone else take the spotlight for too long. This leads to a push-pull dynamic, with each partner vying for dominance. They might temporarily get along when their needs are being met, but as soon as one feels neglected or overshadowed, the relationship is back to square one.

In theory, two narcissists might appear to get along, but in practice, their relationship often lacks the emotional depth and mutual respect needed for long-term success. The constant competition, lack of empathy, and unwillingness to support each other create an unstable foundation. They might coexist for a time, but true harmony is rarely achieved.

How can I protect myself from a narcissist?

If you're dealing with a narcissist in your life—whether it's a partner, family member, or coworker—it's crucial to know how to protect yourself emotionally and mentally. Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and if you're not careful, you can find yourself caught in their web, feeling confused, drained, and powerless. The first step in protecting yourself is recognizing the signs of narcissistic behavior: constant need for attention, lack of empathy, manipulative tactics, and an unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions.

Once you've identified the narcissist in your life, it's important to set firm boundaries. Narcissists will often push these boundaries, testing your limits to see how far they can go. Make it clear what behaviors you won't tolerate and stick to your limits. Don't let guilt or manipulation sway you—narcissists are experts at using emotions to get what they want.

Maintaining emotional distance is also key. Narcissists thrive on emotional entanglement, so the more distance you can create, the better. This doesn't mean you need to cut the person out of your life entirely, but it does mean keeping interactions as neutral and brief as possible. If the narcissist is a partner or close family member, consider seeking professional support from a therapist who can help you navigate the complex dynamics of these relationships.

Most importantly, prioritize your own well-being. Narcissists can leave you feeling depleted and questioning your self-worth, but remember, their behavior is a reflection of them—not you. Protecting yourself means recognizing your own value, setting boundaries, and not allowing their manipulations to define your sense of self.

Do two narcissists attract each other?

The idea that "like attracts like" often rings true when it comes to narcissists. While it might seem counterintuitive, two narcissists can be initially attracted to each other because they recognize traits in one another that they admire—confidence, charisma, and a seemingly unshakable sense of self-worth. In the early stages, this mutual admiration can create an intense connection. Both individuals may feel like they've found someone who understands their need for attention and validation.

However, this attraction is often rooted in surface-level traits. Narcissists aren't drawn to emotional depth or vulnerability, but rather to how the other person can enhance their image. The relationship is based on a form of mirroring—each person sees in the other what they believe to be their own strengths, and this creates a short-term bond.

But this bond is fragile. Once the initial excitement fades, the deeper issues—competition, power struggles, and a lack of empathy—begin to take over. Narcissists may be attracted to one another, but maintaining a healthy, long-term relationship is a different story entirely. What starts as mutual admiration often ends in resentment as both partners realize their own needs aren't truly being met.

Being together despite narcissism

Is it possible for two narcissists to stay together despite their tendencies? The answer depends on their willingness to change, but it's important to note that true, long-lasting change is rare in narcissists. Narcissism is deeply ingrained in personality and behavior, making it difficult to overcome without serious self-awareness and a desire for personal growth—which, ironically, many narcissists lack.

That said, some narcissistic couples do manage to stay together, though often at a cost. The relationship may survive, but it's likely to be filled with ongoing power struggles, emotional distance, and superficial connection. Partners in these relationships may settle into a pattern where they tolerate each other's flaws without ever addressing the underlying issues. They might find a way to coexist, but the relationship rarely offers the deep emotional fulfillment that most people seek.

For narcissistic couples who want to make it work, therapy can be a helpful tool—though only if both partners are willing to engage in the process. Couples therapy can provide a space for each partner to reflect on their behaviors and learn how to communicate in healthier ways. But without a commitment to change, being together despite narcissism often leads to frustration, emotional exhaustion, and an ongoing cycle of conflict.

Recommended Resources

• "Rethinking Narcissism" by Dr. Craig Malkin
• "Will I Ever Be Free of You?" by Dr. Karyl McBride
• "The Empathy Gap" by J.D. Trout