15 Shocking Signs You're Having Sex with a Narcissist (Don't Ignore These Red Flags!)

Key Takeaways:

• Spot narcissist sexual manipulation early
• Understand emotional disconnect post-intimacy
• Recognize signs of withheld affection
• Protect yourself from sexual exploitation
• Know when to walk away

Understanding Narcissism in the Bedroom

When you first start dating a narcissist, sex can feel incredibly intense and passionate. It's almost as if they've unlocked something magical in you, making the experience feel otherworldly. But here's where things get tricky—this passionate start is often part of a manipulation tactic.

Narcissists have an incredible ability to mirror your desires, making you believe they are the perfect match in every way. But this carefully crafted illusion begins to unravel as time goes on. Narcissists use sex as a tool for control, validation, and manipulation, which can leave you feeling confused and emotionally drained.

In the world of narcissists, intimacy becomes a power play. They aren't interested in emotional connection or vulnerability—two key elements that make sex meaningful in healthy relationships. Instead, narcissists seek power, attention, and validation through sex, often leaving their partners feeling like a pawn in their game.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a renowned psychologist, explains that “the narcissist is more invested in their image than in you as a person.” This perfectly sums up why sex with a narcissist often feels disconnected, no matter how intense it may seem in the beginning.

How Narcissists Use Sex as a Weapon

One of the most damaging aspects of being in a sexual relationship with a narcissist is how they use sex to assert dominance and control. It's not just about physical pleasure for them—sex becomes a tool to manipulate your emotions, thoughts, and even your self-worth.

They know that sex creates bonds, and they use that knowledge to tighten their grip on you. If they feel you're slipping away or becoming too independent, they might withhold sex to punish you or push you into submission. On the flip side, they may engage in acts of extreme seduction to keep you hooked, confusing your emotions and making you doubt your own desires.

Over time, this leads to an unhealthy cycle of power plays where sex is never about mutual pleasure or love but about keeping you under their control. Narcissists might even use this dynamic to alienate you from others, making you feel like they are your only source of validation.

This method of using sex as a weapon isn't just emotionally damaging—it also erodes your sense of self. If you're feeling manipulated, controlled, or degraded in your sexual relationship, it's time to take a closer look at who you're with and what they're really after.

Sex with a Narcissist: Red Flags You Can't Ignore

When you're in a relationship with a narcissist, the red flags around sex are often subtle at first, but once you notice them, they're impossible to unsee. Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and this doesn't stop at the bedroom door. One major sign is the way the sex feels oddly transactional—like it's more about them than about creating an intimate experience together.

At first, the narcissist may shower you with attention, even making you feel like they are obsessed with your pleasure. But soon, you'll notice a shift. Sex becomes one-sided, where your needs don't seem to matter anymore. You might even feel like an object, with the narcissist focusing more on their own gratification.

Another red flag is how they react to boundaries. Narcissists rarely take “no” for an answer. If you're not in the mood, they might push or guilt-trip you into sex, using manipulation tactics to get what they want. In many cases, they also withhold sex as punishment, turning something that should be intimate and loving into a form of control.

This lack of mutual respect and emotional connection leaves you feeling used and empty after every encounter. If you find yourself questioning whether your partner truly cares about you or if sex is just another way for them to exert control, these are signs you shouldn't ignore.

The Role of Emotional Manipulation in Narcissistic Sexual Behaviors

Emotional manipulation lies at the heart of every interaction with a narcissist, and sex is no exception. Narcissists use manipulation not just to get what they want in the moment, but to keep you emotionally entangled in the long run. It's all part of their game to make sure you remain dependent on them, even if it comes at the cost of your own emotional well-being.

In the bedroom, this manipulation can take many forms. They may alternate between love-bombing—where they overwhelm you with affection and attention—and cold detachment. This unpredictable behavior leaves you confused and constantly striving for their approval. You end up chasing those moments of closeness, even though they're fleeting and often just another way for the narcissist to keep you in their grasp.

The emotional rollercoaster doesn't stop there. Narcissists often use sex to play with your insecurities, subtly making you feel inadequate or undeserving of love. They might compare you to past partners, criticize your appearance, or make you feel like you're not “good enough.” Over time, this wears down your self-esteem, leaving you more vulnerable to their control.

Recognizing this manipulation is the first step in breaking free from the toxic cycle. You deserve a relationship where emotional and sexual intimacy is rooted in respect, trust, and mutual care—not in manipulation.

Why Narcissists Seek Control Through Sex

Narcissists crave control in every aspect of a relationship, and sex is no exception. For them, intimacy isn't about connection, love, or mutual enjoyment—it's about power. They use sex as a means to dominate and manipulate their partners, reinforcing their superiority and control. It's a psychological game, one that revolves around making sure they have the upper hand.

Sex with a narcissist often feels like an emotional chess match. They might be incredibly charming and attentive at first, making you feel special and desired. But over time, the dynamic shifts, and you start to notice that everything is on their terms. When they initiate sex, it's often with an underlying agenda: to keep you hooked, to make you crave their approval, or to make you feel dependent on their affection.

This control extends beyond the bedroom. Narcissists use sex to manipulate your emotions, exploiting moments of vulnerability to make you feel more attached to them. They might oscillate between being intensely passionate and coldly distant, keeping you on edge and always guessing. This creates a toxic cycle where you're constantly seeking their validation, which only strengthens their control over you.

Psychologist Wendy Behary, author of Disarming the Narcissist, explains that narcissists "use others as mirrors to reflect back the image they want to see," and sex is a key tool in crafting that reflection. When they feel in control, it boosts their ego and reinforces their grandiose self-image. For them, control is more than just an element of power; it's essential to their sense of identity.

How Narcissists Withhold Intimacy

One of the most devastating tactics narcissists use in relationships is withholding intimacy. While they may have been very sexually active and attentive in the beginning, a sudden shift occurs once they feel they've secured your commitment. They begin to ration affection and physical closeness, using your emotional needs as leverage.

Withholding intimacy can be one of the most confusing behaviors to experience in a relationship. You might find yourself questioning what changed, wondering if you did something wrong, or if you're not “enough” anymore. The truth is, withholding is just another form of control for the narcissist. By depriving you of physical affection, they maintain the power dynamic, leaving you feeling unbalanced and desperate for their attention.

Sex is no longer about connection—it's about control. They know that you crave intimacy, and by withholding it, they keep you in a state of emotional limbo. You might start to feel like you're always walking on eggshells, never knowing if or when they'll be affectionate again.

This behavior is particularly harmful because it taps into deep emotional needs. We all want to feel loved and desired, and when that need is denied, it can leave us feeling rejected and unworthy. Narcissists exploit these vulnerabilities, making sure you stay emotionally attached to them even as they withhold what you need most.

It's important to recognize that withholding intimacy isn't about you—it's about their need to control and dominate. Understanding this can help you break free from the cycle and reclaim your own emotional well-being.

Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation in Narcissistic Sex

When you're involved with a narcissist, you'll notice a distinct cycle that repeats over and over: idealization followed by devaluation. This toxic pattern seeps into every aspect of the relationship, but it becomes especially damaging when it affects your sex life. In the early stages of the relationship, the narcissist idealizes you. They shower you with affection, attention, and praise, making you feel like the most desired person in the world. This is their way of reeling you in.

During this phase, sex with a narcissist might feel like something out of a romance novel. They're attentive, passionate, and seemingly obsessed with your pleasure. You might even believe that they are deeply in love with you. But don't be fooled—this isn't about genuine connection. It's a calculated move to make you emotionally dependent on them.

Once they feel they've secured your devotion, the devaluation phase begins. Suddenly, the compliments stop, the attention fades, and sex becomes more about their needs and less about yours. They may criticize you, make you feel unattractive, or even compare you to others. This harsh shift creates confusion and self-doubt, which is exactly what the narcissist wants.

This cycle of idealization and devaluation keeps you emotionally off-balance, always chasing after the “good times” from the idealization phase. It's a powerful form of manipulation designed to make you feel dependent on their approval and affection, even when they no longer offer it freely.

Is Your Partner Withholding Sex to Punish You?

One of the clearest signs that you're dealing with a narcissist is when they use sex—or the lack of it—as a weapon to control and punish you. Unlike a healthy relationship where partners communicate openly about intimacy, a narcissist will withhold sex when they feel you've wronged them or when they want to exert dominance over you. It's a form of silent punishment, one that can leave you feeling confused, rejected, and starved for affection.

This withholding isn't always obvious. At first, they might make excuses—stress, work, or being too tired—but over time, the pattern becomes more deliberate. If you've had an argument, disagreed on something, or asserted yourself, you may notice a sharp decline in physical affection. The narcissist withholds sex not because they genuinely need space, but because they know it's a way to hurt you without saying a word.

Withholding intimacy is a manipulative tactic that preys on your emotional vulnerabilities. They understand that you crave connection, and by denying you that closeness, they maintain control. This tactic often leaves you walking on eggshells, afraid of upsetting them for fear of being emotionally and physically shut out.

It's important to recognize this behavior for what it is—punishment. Narcissists use sex as a tool to control your behavior, making you feel like you have to “earn” their affection. But intimacy should never be a reward or a punishment. It should be a mutual expression of love, not something that's dangled in front of you like a carrot. If you feel like your partner is using sex to manipulate you, it's time to take a step back and reassess the relationship.

Do Narcissists Like Having Sex?

Narcissists love sex—but not for the reasons most people do. They aren't drawn to intimacy or connection. Instead, narcissists enjoy sex because it serves their ego. It's a way for them to reinforce their sense of superiority, control, and power. For a narcissist, sex isn't about mutual pleasure; it's about feeding their need for admiration and validation.

They may boast about their sexual prowess or how desirable they are, making it seem like they're incredibly invested in sex. But when you look closely, you'll see that their motivations are self-serving. They want to be admired for their performance, praised for their attractiveness, and validated through your response to them. Narcissists often see sex as another way to receive attention and reaffirm their inflated self-image.

However, narcissists can also be detached from the emotional aspects of sex. They lack the ability to truly connect on an emotional level, which leaves their partners feeling unfulfilled and lonely. Even in the most physically intimate moments, there's an emotional void that makes the experience feel hollow.

The narcissist might seek out sex frequently, not because they crave the intimacy, but because they crave the validation that comes with it. In their mind, being desired and admired sexually only reinforces their belief that they are superior. It's a game of control and self-glorification, not love or genuine connection.

Sexual Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Sexual Behaviors

It's important to understand the distinction between sexual narcissism and narcissistic sexual behaviors. While they might seem similar, they stem from slightly different places. Sexual narcissism is a specific type of narcissism where a person's sense of self-worth is heavily tied to their sexual performance and desirability. Narcissistic sexual behaviors, on the other hand, are ways a narcissist manipulates sex to maintain control over their partner.

A sexual narcissist views sex as a major part of their identity. They often have an exaggerated sense of their own sexual prowess and may brag about their abilities in the bedroom. They feel entitled to sex, often believing that others should desire them simply because of who they are. When sex doesn't meet their expectations, they may become enraged or dismissive, unable to handle any challenge to their sense of superiority.

Narcissistic sexual behaviors, however, focus more on how sex is used as a weapon in relationships. A narcissist may withhold sex, pressure you into sex, or use intimacy as a way to control your emotions. It's not about their identity being tied to sex, but rather about using it as a tool to manipulate and dominate.

While both sexual narcissism and narcissistic sexual behaviors can be damaging, recognizing the difference can help you understand the underlying motivations. Sexual narcissists are consumed with their own desirability, while narcissists who use sex as manipulation are focused on control and power. In either case, the end result is the same: an emotionally abusive dynamic where sex is used as a means of control, not connection.

15 Ways to Know You're Having Sex with a Narcissist

It can be challenging to realize you're involved with a narcissist, especially when the relationship starts with intense chemistry and passion. But once you see the red flags, the patterns become hard to ignore. Narcissists have very distinct behaviors when it comes to sex, and recognizing these traits can help you protect yourself from further manipulation and emotional harm. Here are 15 unmistakable ways to know you're having sex with a narcissist.

1. The sex is really good—at first. In the beginning, it feels like they're entirely focused on you, making the experience feel exciting and almost perfect. But this is part of their strategy to hook you in.
2. They are obsessed with pleasuring you—at first. Narcissists can be incredibly attentive in the early stages of the relationship, seeming to obsess over your satisfaction. But it's not about you—it's about controlling how you view them.
3. Sex is all about them. Over time, the focus shifts entirely to their pleasure. They expect you to cater to their needs without reciprocating the same level of care for your satisfaction.
4. They never reciprocate. Whether it's affection, emotional closeness, or even physical pleasure, narcissists struggle to reciprocate. It's always about what they can get from you, not what they give.
5. They don't take no for an answer. Narcissists often struggle with rejection. If you say you're not in the mood, they'll push, manipulate, or guilt you into sex, as if your boundaries don't matter.
6. They withhold sex as punishment. If they feel slighted or wronged, they may withhold intimacy to punish you, leaving you confused and craving their attention.
7. They want you to engage in degrading acts. Narcissists might push you into doing things that make you uncomfortable, not out of mutual exploration, but to assert dominance and control.
8. They pressure you into sex early in the relationship. From the outset, they might push for physical intimacy, making you feel like it's a natural progression, even when you're not ready.
9. Excessive self-glorification. Narcissists often talk about how amazing they are in bed or how attractive they are, constantly fishing for compliments and validation.
10. Lack of emotional connection. Despite the physical intimacy, there's a noticeable absence of emotional closeness. The sex feels empty, more like a transaction than a bonding experience.
11. Emotional manipulation. They use sex to control you emotionally—whether it's making you feel guilty for saying no, or dangling intimacy as a reward for compliant behavior.
12. Lack of intimacy afterward. Once the act is over, the narcissist tends to shut down emotionally. There's no aftercare, no connection, just a cold distance that leaves you feeling used.
13. Cycle of idealization and devaluation. One moment, they're treating you like you're the most important person in the world, and the next, they're making you feel inadequate or unworthy.
14. They don't want you to look at them while in bed. This one's subtle, but telling—narcissists may avoid eye contact during sex, because it forces them to confront the emotional vulnerability they cannot handle.
15. They won't let you sense their pleasure. Narcissists can be secretive about their own pleasure, making sex feel even more disconnected and leaving you constantly guessing about how they really feel.

If you're noticing any or all of these signs in your relationship, it's important to step back and reassess. Narcissists use sex to manipulate, control, and validate their own egos, leaving their partners emotionally drained and confused. You deserve to feel valued, connected, and respected in your intimate life—anything less is a sign that something is wrong.

Why Narcissists Never Reciprocate in Bed

One of the most frustrating aspects of being intimate with a narcissist is the complete lack of reciprocity. In a healthy relationship, sexual satisfaction is a shared experience, where both partners are invested in each other's pleasure. But with a narcissist, the dynamic is starkly one-sided. They are only concerned with their own gratification and see no reason to reciprocate.

This lack of reciprocity stems from their inherent sense of entitlement. Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and that their needs should always come first. They often view their partners as objects whose purpose is to serve them, whether in or out of the bedroom. As a result, they see no value in making an effort to ensure their partner's happiness or fulfillment.

Sex, for a narcissist, is often a performance—a way to prove their dominance, attractiveness, or skill. They crave admiration and validation, but only when it centers around them. The idea of giving pleasure to someone else doesn't fit into their self-centered worldview. This leaves their partners feeling unsatisfied and emotionally neglected, as the narcissist never truly engages in the give-and-take that makes sex meaningful.

Furthermore, narcissists often lack empathy, making it difficult for them to understand or care about their partner's desires. Even when they know what their partner wants, they're unlikely to act on it unless there's something in it for them. In their mind, the relationship is about taking, not giving.

Emotional Disconnect After Intimacy: A Sign of Narcissism?

After what should be one of the most connected and vulnerable moments between two people, you may find that a narcissist immediately pulls away. This emotional disconnect after intimacy is a telltale sign of narcissism. While sex is often a deeply bonding experience, narcissists struggle to engage on that level because they are unable—or unwilling—to be vulnerable.

For many narcissists, emotional intimacy is a threat. Vulnerability is seen as a weakness, something that disrupts the carefully crafted image they project to the world. After sex, when most people seek comfort, closeness, or connection, narcissists retreat. They've already achieved what they wanted—validation or control—and the idea of lingering in that emotionally charged space is uncomfortable for them.

This emotional withdrawal can be devastating for their partner. After such an intimate moment, you may expect affection or tenderness, but instead, you're left feeling cold and abandoned. The narcissist may even seem indifferent or impatient, eager to move on to the next thing. This pattern can leave you questioning yourself—did I do something wrong? Why can't I connect with them emotionally?

In reality, this disconnect isn't about you; it's about the narcissist's inability to form genuine emotional bonds. Their emotional detachment after sex is a defense mechanism designed to maintain their control and prevent any vulnerability. If you find yourself feeling emotionally distant after what should be a deeply connecting moment, it's a sign that the issue may lie with your partner's narcissistic tendencies.

Why a Narcissist Avoids Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but for a narcissist, it represents a risk they're unwilling to take. They actively avoid emotional closeness because it requires vulnerability, something that goes against their carefully constructed image of control and superiority. To a narcissist, vulnerability equates to weakness, and weakness is intolerable in their world.

The avoidance of emotional intimacy often shows up as surface-level interactions. Narcissists may engage in deep conversations about themselves, but when it comes to discussing their true feelings or opening up about insecurities, they shut down. They are afraid of being seen as flawed or imperfect, which is why they shy away from the emotional depth that genuine intimacy demands.

This emotional wall is exhausting for their partners. While you may crave deeper emotional connection, the narcissist will keep the relationship shallow, only dipping into emotion when it serves their purpose. You might feel close to them physically, but emotionally, there's always a distance. That's because they prefer to control how much access you have to their inner world, ensuring you don't get too close.

Dr. Craig Malkin, a clinical psychologist and author of Rethinking Narcissism, explains that narcissists "fear that revealing too much of themselves will make them seem ordinary or unworthy." In their minds, it's safer to maintain emotional distance than to risk being truly known and potentially rejected. This is why, no matter how much you try to connect emotionally, a narcissist will always keep you at arm's length.

Understanding the Obsession with Pleasuring You: Is It Manipulation?

At first glance, the narcissist's obsession with pleasuring you can feel flattering, even intoxicating. They seem to know exactly how to make you feel good, often going above and beyond to ensure you're satisfied. But behind this seemingly selfless focus on your pleasure lies a more manipulative intention.

Narcissists often use physical pleasure as a tool to keep you emotionally invested. By focusing on your satisfaction, they create a sense of indebtedness or loyalty. You start to believe that because they are so attentive to your needs, the relationship must be strong and healthy. But in reality, this focus on your pleasure is about control, not connection.

The narcissist's obsession with pleasuring you is often a way to ensure that you remain hooked on them, confused about the real dynamics at play. If they can make you feel amazing physically, you might overlook the emotional neglect or manipulation happening elsewhere in the relationship. It's a tactic that keeps you guessing—after all, how could someone who seems so invested in your happiness be manipulative?

This focus on your pleasure can also be performative. Narcissists often want you to see them as the perfect lover, someone who knows exactly how to fulfill your desires. It feeds their ego to think that you're reliant on them for sexual satisfaction, and it gives them a sense of superiority. But this isn't about mutual satisfaction; it's about maintaining power in the relationship by making you emotionally and physically dependent on them.

So, while it may feel like they're obsessed with making you happy, the truth is that this behavior often masks a deeper intention to manipulate and control. Understanding this can help you break free from the illusion and see the narcissist's actions for what they truly are.

How Narcissists React to Sexual Rejection

Sexual rejection is one of the quickest ways to provoke a narcissist's wrath. Their inflated sense of self-worth makes it difficult for them to handle any form of rejection, but when it comes to sex, it hits them particularly hard. Narcissists see sex as a form of validation and control, so when you say “no,” they interpret it as a personal attack. This often triggers intense anger or passive-aggressive behavior designed to punish you for setting boundaries.

In many cases, narcissists will react with hostility. They may try to guilt you into sex, accusing you of being cold or unloving. Their emotional manipulation might involve making you feel like you're failing them as a partner. Sometimes, they'll turn the tables and act wounded, making you feel like you're the one who's in the wrong for rejecting them.

If overt confrontation isn't their style, they may resort to passive-aggressive tactics. This can include giving you the silent treatment, withholding affection, or withdrawing emotionally. They want you to feel the consequences of your “betrayal,” ensuring that you'll think twice before rejecting them again.

But it's crucial to remember that their reaction to sexual rejection is about control, not love or intimacy. A healthy partner understands boundaries and respects when you're not in the mood. A narcissist, however, sees rejection as a threat to their control, and they'll do whatever it takes to reassert their dominance.

Degrading Sex Acts and the Narcissist

One disturbing aspect of narcissistic relationships is their tendency to push for degrading or humiliating sex acts. This behavior stems from their deep need to assert dominance and control. For the narcissist, these acts aren't about mutual exploration or consent—they're about testing your limits, seeing how far you're willing to go to please them, and stripping away your sense of self-worth.

Often, the narcissist will frame these requests in a way that makes you feel pressured to agree. They may hint that it's “just for fun” or that you should be open-minded, making it seem like your reluctance is a flaw in you, not them. This manipulative tactic leaves you feeling guilty or ashamed for setting boundaries, making it easier for them to push you further next time.

Narcissists thrive on the power imbalance that degrading acts create. They enjoy seeing you compromise your comfort for their pleasure, as it reinforces their control over you. In their mind, your willingness to engage in these acts is a sign that you're completely under their influence. And once you've agreed to these behaviors, they may push you even further, continuing to test how much you're willing to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship.

It's vital to recognize that true intimacy is built on mutual respect, consent, and emotional safety. If your partner is pressuring you into degrading sex acts, it's a sign that they're not interested in building a healthy, loving connection. Instead, they're more focused on dominating and devaluing you, leaving you feeling disrespected and emotionally damaged.

Excessive Self-Glorification and Sexual Narcissism

Narcissists are notorious for their inflated sense of self-importance, and this extends to the bedroom as well. Sexual narcissism is a term used to describe how some narcissists believe they are the best sexual partner you'll ever have. They'll often brag about their prowess, constantly seeking praise and validation. They want you to see them as sexually superior, and any criticism, real or perceived, is met with immediate defensiveness or rage.

This excessive self-glorification makes sex feel like a performance rather than an intimate experience. The narcissist isn't concerned with how you're feeling or whether you're enjoying yourself—they're more focused on how impressive they look and how much they can bolster their ego. Often, their self-glorification comes with unrealistic expectations. They might expect constant praise for their sexual abilities or believe that their partner should always be eager to please them, regardless of their own desires or needs.

Narcissists thrive on being admired, and sex becomes another avenue for them to seek this adulation. But the problem is that this dynamic leaves their partner feeling like an audience member rather than an equal participant in the relationship. The narcissist's relentless need for admiration can make intimacy feel more like a transactional experience, rather than a shared bond. This toxic dynamic undermines the emotional and physical safety necessary for a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship.

Making an Informed Choice: How to Walk Away from a Narcissist

Deciding to leave a narcissist, especially after experiencing the emotional and psychological manipulation that often comes with such a relationship, is not easy. Narcissists are skilled at creating a cycle of idealization and devaluation, keeping you hooked even when you know the relationship is toxic. But walking away is essential for your emotional health and overall well-being.

The first step in making an informed choice is recognizing the patterns. If you've found yourself caught in a relationship where sex is used as a weapon, where you feel emotionally manipulated, or where your self-worth is constantly eroded, it's time to evaluate the true nature of your partner's behavior. Understanding that their actions are driven by their need for control, rather than a desire for connection, can help you see the situation clearly.

Next, it's crucial to establish boundaries. Narcissists thrive on pushing limits, and setting firm, non-negotiable boundaries will be a way to reclaim your personal power. But beware—narcissists will often test these boundaries, manipulating you into feeling guilty or trying to charm you back into compliance. Stay strong, knowing that this pushback is a sign that you're starting to break free from their control.

Finally, seek support. Leaving a narcissistic relationship can feel isolating, but you don't have to go through it alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or even a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse. Surrounding yourself with people who offer unconditional support can give you the strength and clarity to walk away for good.

Walking away from a narcissist requires courage, but it is one of the most empowering choices you can make. You deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, emotional safety, and genuine intimacy—qualities a narcissist is incapable of offering.

Recommended Resources

• Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary
• Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad—and Surprising Good—About Feeling Special by Dr. Craig Malkin
• Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft