14 Shocking Narcissistic Text Messages (and How to Respond)

Key Takeaways:

• Recognize narcissistic text patterns.
• Stay neutral in responses.
• Avoid emotional engagement in messages.
• Know when to disengage.
• Set firm boundaries in communication.

Understanding Narcissistic Text Messages

Let's be real: dealing with narcissists through text can be exhausting. We've all been there—sitting, staring at our phone, wondering why the messages we're receiving feel so intense and emotionally charged. It's like a rollercoaster of emotion that you never asked to ride.

Narcissists have a special way of using texts as a weapon or tool for manipulation. They'll flood your inbox with praise one moment, then vanish or become passive-aggressive the next. It can be emotionally draining, leaving you confused, upset, and questioning yourself.

Why? Because narcissists see text messaging as a perfect platform to exert control. Whether through love bombing, constant demands, or sending confusing 'word salad' messages, they use every tool at their disposal to pull you into their game. Understanding these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself from emotional harm.

What are Some Text Habits of a Narcissist?

Texting with a narcissist isn't just communication—it's a power play. They aren't just talking; they're strategizing. It's crucial to recognize the patterns they rely on to manipulate or dominate conversations.

A narcissist's texts often revolve around a few key behaviors:

• Self-centeredness: Their texts focus primarily on their own needs, problems, or successes.
• Love bombing: They'll flood you with affectionate texts, only to pull back when they've secured your attention.
• Gaslighting: Narcissists will send messages that make you question your reality, twisting facts to make you doubt yourself.
• Control tactics: Whether through overwhelming you with texts or vanishing for days, they like to keep you on your toes.

These habits are calculated, and they thrive on your response. Once you spot the patterns, you're already ahead of the game.

14 Types of Narcissistic Text Messages

When it comes to texting, narcissists have a bag of tricks they use to control, manipulate, and emotionally overwhelm. Recognizing the types of texts they send is crucial in protecting your emotional well-being. They vary their tone, content, and approach depending on their current goal—whether they want to reel you in, enrage you, or simply leave you guessing. Here are 14 types of narcissistic text messages that you'll likely encounter if you're dealing with one.

The 'Me, Me, Me' Text

One of the most exhausting text patterns a narcissist employs is the 'Me, Me, Me' text. It's the kind of message that's entirely self-serving, filled with complaints about their day, their accomplishments, or their feelings, leaving little to no room for your perspective or emotional input.

Let's face it, when every message feels like a monologue about how the world revolves around them, it can leave you feeling emotionally drained. These texts may start with, "You wouldn't believe what happened to me today" and continue with a laundry list of grievances, as if your role is to play their emotional caretaker or cheerleader.

What's even more frustrating is how dismissive they become when you try to share something about your own life. Conversations with a narcissist aren't conversations at all; they're performances where you're the passive audience.

Bombardment of Messages

This one can feel like being under siege. Narcissists love to bombard you with a flood of texts in quick succession—often without waiting for your response. It's like a barrage of emotional grenades, designed to wear you down or force you to engage when you're not ready.

You might find your phone blowing up with messages like, “Why aren't you replying?” followed by a flood of accusations or emotional pleas. The volume of texts isn't an accident—it's a calculated way to overwhelm you, leaving no room for you to gather your thoughts or set boundaries. They want your attention, and they want it now.

Even worse, if you don't respond quickly enough, they may escalate the situation with accusations, guilt-trips, or even dramatic emotional outbursts like, “You never care about me!” or “I guess I'm just not important to you.” This is meant to guilt you into responding, regardless of whether you actually have the capacity to engage at that moment.

It's a manipulative way to keep the focus on them, draining your emotional energy in the process.

Love Bombing in Texts

Narcissists are experts at love bombing, especially in the early stages of a relationship. You'll be showered with messages full of adoration and affection, like “I've never met anyone like you” or “You're everything I've ever wanted.” These texts are intoxicating, designed to make you feel incredibly special.

At first glance, this might feel flattering—who doesn't want to feel loved? But be cautious. Love bombing is less about genuine affection and more about pulling you into their web. It's like a trap, where they build you up quickly so they can later tear you down when you no longer meet their expectations.

The intensity of these texts often feels overwhelming. They'll send dozens of loving messages a day, hoping to secure your emotional investment early on. Once you're hooked, this flood of attention can suddenly be taken away, leaving you confused and craving more of the affection they once so easily offered. It's a powerful manipulation tactic.

Drama-Inducing Messages

Narcissists thrive on drama. Texting is one of their favorite tools to stir the emotional pot and create chaos. One minute they'll be calm, and the next, they'll send a message that turns everything upside down. It might be as simple as, “I don't know if we should be together,” or “Maybe I need some space.” These drama-inducing texts are designed to keep you on edge.

The goal? To make sure you're constantly trying to stabilize the relationship, leaving you in a cycle of reassurance and emotional turmoil. By throwing out these destabilizing comments, they keep you chasing their approval and worrying about where you stand with them.

It's not just about creating tension. They also feed off your emotional reactions. When you respond with concern or confusion, they feel powerful, knowing they can control your emotions with just a few words. This cycle of drama keeps them in control and you emotionally exhausted.

Constant Demands and Attention-Seeking

Narcissists crave attention—relentlessly. Their text messages often demand your immediate focus, regardless of what you're doing or how you're feeling. You might receive texts like, “Where are you? Why haven't you responded yet?” or “You're ignoring me, aren't you?” These messages are designed to guilt you into responding, even when you don't have the energy or the time.

The underlying message is always the same: they need to be the center of your world. It doesn't matter if you're at work, out with friends, or just needing some personal space. For a narcissist, your attention is never enough. They'll continue to demand more, whether through rapid-fire texts or emotionally manipulative statements like, “I guess you don't care about me.” This relentless need for validation can make it feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells, always fearing their next outburst.

This kind of attention-seeking is exhausting and, over time, chips away at your emotional reserves, leaving you drained and overwhelmed.

Word Salad: Confusing and Manipulative Texts

If you've ever found yourself reading a text from a narcissist and feeling completely confused, chances are you've encountered the infamous ‘word salad.' This isn't a random occurrence—it's a calculated tactic meant to disorient and manipulate. Narcissists will throw out a series of fragmented, confusing statements that seem to go in circles or contradict themselves. The goal is to leave you questioning your own understanding of the situation.

These texts might include a mix of unrelated topics, incoherent logic, and emotionally charged words. For example, they may jump from “You never listen to me,” to “I've always been the one making sacrifices,” to “Anyway, you're overreacting.” In just a few sentences, they manage to twist the conversation so much that you're left feeling mentally exhausted.

This confusion keeps you on unstable ground. By making the conversation hard to follow, narcissists gain control because you're too focused on trying to make sense of what they're saying. Over time, you may find yourself agreeing with their distorted version of reality simply because it feels too difficult to argue.

Reeling You In: The Bait Messages

Narcissists are masterful at baiting you into engaging with them—especially when you've started to pull away. The bait message is subtle but effective. It might start with a harmless question like, “Hey, how have you been?” or something that appeals to your curiosity, like, “I heard something about you today.” These messages are specifically crafted to lure you back into their orbit, even after you've distanced yourself.

The trick is that these messages often appear innocent or even kind on the surface, but they're designed to get you emotionally invested again. It's their way of dangling just enough interest to make you engage, only for them to regain control once you've taken the bait. Once you respond, the conversation often pivots back to their usual patterns—self-centeredness, demands, or drama.

These bait messages are all about power. By drawing you back in, they re-establish the emotional connection they've been craving. And just like that, you're caught in their web again, feeling manipulated and frustrated once you realize what's happened.

Messages Designed to Enrage You

Let's face it—narcissists thrive on emotional chaos, and one of their favorite tactics is sending messages that are designed to enrage you. These texts are crafted to push your buttons, provoke a reaction, and create a sense of tension or conflict. They might accuse you of something that isn't true, like “You never care about me!” or “I saw you talking to someone else, is that why you've been ignoring me?”

The goal is simple: get a rise out of you. Narcissists feed off your emotional reactions because it gives them power. The more upset you become, the more they feel in control of the situation. And if you respond angrily, it justifies their belief that they're the victim, perpetuating their cycle of manipulation.

What's tricky about these messages is how easily they can pull you into a heated back-and-forth. The more you engage, the more fuel you give to their need for conflict and control. It's a vicious cycle, and one that leaves you feeling emotionally drained and on edge.

The Silent Treatment: Leaving You Hanging for Days

Few tactics are as emotionally painful as the silent treatment. Narcissists often use this strategy when they feel like they're losing control or want to punish you. You'll send a message, only to be met with... nothing. Days can go by without a word, leaving you wondering what you did wrong or whether the relationship is even worth salvaging.

And here's the thing—the silent treatment isn't accidental. It's deliberate. By cutting off communication, they force you into a state of anxiety, making you question your actions and obsess over the silence. Their goal is to make you feel powerless and desperate for their attention again.

But once they decide to reappear, they often act like nothing happened, brushing off your feelings or making you feel silly for caring so much. The silent treatment is a form of control that creates emotional imbalance, leaving you craving the connection they've withheld for so long.

Passive-Aggressive Messages

Narcissists are pros at delivering messages laced with passive aggression. These texts are filled with subtle jabs, disguised as harmless comments, but designed to undermine your confidence or make you feel guilty. A classic passive-aggressive text might look like, “It's fine. I'm used to being last on your list,” or “I guess you're too busy to care anymore.”

On the surface, they might seem like normal complaints, but there's always a layer of resentment simmering underneath. Passive-aggressive texts are a sneaky way for narcissists to express their anger without being direct, which leaves you feeling confused and frustrated.

These messages are meant to provoke you into explaining yourself or apologizing, even if you've done nothing wrong. They want you to feel guilty, to second-guess your actions, and ultimately, to stay on the defensive. By keeping you in this emotional state, they maintain control over the narrative, all while playing the victim.

Putting You Down: Devaluing and Dismissing

Another classic narcissistic tactic is to put you down through text. These messages are designed to chip away at your self-esteem, making you question your worth and abilities. It could be a direct insult like, “You're not as smart as you think you are,” or something more subtle like, “I'm surprised you managed to pull that off.” The intent is the same—to make you feel inferior.

Devaluing texts often come after a period of love bombing, where they've built you up only to tear you down later. It's part of the cycle of narcissistic abuse, keeping you off balance and constantly seeking their approval. By diminishing your accomplishments or dismissing your feelings, they assert control and make you doubt yourself.

These texts may also take the form of comparisons, such as, “Other people wouldn't act like this,” or “Why can't you be more like [someone else]?” Their goal is to make you feel inadequate, keeping you stuck in a pattern of trying to prove your worth to them.

Gaslighting Messages: Twisting Reality

If you've ever read a text from a narcissist and thought, “Wait, did that really happen?” you've likely been gaslit. Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of manipulation, where narcissists twist reality to make you doubt your own memories, perceptions, or sanity. In texts, this might look like, “I never said that, you're making things up,” or “You're being overly dramatic. That's not what happened.”

Gaslighting messages are powerful because they prey on your insecurities and make you question what's real. Over time, this erodes your sense of self and leaves you more reliant on their version of events. It's their way of rewriting history to suit their narrative, and it leaves you feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of your own experiences.

By constantly twisting the truth, narcissists maintain control over the relationship. The more you doubt yourself, the easier it is for them to manipulate you. It's an emotional mind game that slowly chips away at your ability to trust your own judgment.

Showing Off: Narcissist's Grandiosity in Texts

Narcissists love to show off, and text messaging gives them the perfect platform to broadcast their grandiosity. These texts often revolve around their achievements, status, or possessions, and they make sure you know just how impressive they think they are. You might receive messages like, “Just landed the biggest deal of my life,” or “Everyone at the party was talking about me.” It's all about feeding their ego and making sure you're aware of their so-called superiority.

These bragging texts aren't just for information—they're a way to position themselves as better, more successful, and more deserving of admiration. The constant need for validation becomes apparent in how they flaunt their accomplishments or name-drop influential people. It's not just about sharing; it's about demanding recognition and praise from you.

For the narcissist, this is less about connecting with you and more about reminding you of their self-perceived greatness. And, if you fail to respond with the admiration they expect, you might face passive-aggressive backlash or even emotional withdrawal. Their sense of grandiosity always requires an audience, and if you don't play the role they want, they make sure you feel it.

Caps Lock Overload: Aggressive Communication

Ever received a message that feels like the person on the other end is yelling at you through the screen? Narcissists often use caps lock to add an extra layer of aggression to their texts. Whether it's a single word or an entire message, the use of ALL CAPS is a way for them to assert dominance and amplify their emotions. Messages like, “I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT,” or “YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!” are common in their arsenal.

Caps lock is their digital version of shouting. It's meant to intimidate, overpower, and make you feel smaller. The aggressive tone makes it hard not to react, which is exactly what they're hoping for. The louder the text, the more emotional pressure they put on you to engage—and, often, to engage on their terms.

In these moments, the conversation is no longer about resolution or understanding. It's about them trying to control the emotional narrative by overwhelming you with forceful language. The result is often a knee-jerk reaction from you, which plays right into their hands.

What is the 'Word Salad' Tactic Narcissists Use?

The 'word salad' is one of the most confusing and exhausting tactics a narcissist uses. It's a jumble of words and phrases that don't seem to make sense, but that's precisely the point. These messages are designed to disorient you, overwhelm you, and make you doubt your ability to follow the conversation. You'll get texts that bounce between topics, contradict themselves, and use circular logic that leaves you spinning.

For example, a narcissist might send a message that says, “I never said that, but if I did, you misinterpreted it, and besides, you're always overreacting, so what's the point of even talking about this?” They mix in half-truths, denials, and personal attacks, creating a message so muddled that you're left wondering what you were even arguing about in the first place.

It's a tactic meant to drain you mentally, making you more likely to agree with whatever they say just to avoid the confusion. The word salad tactic keeps you off-balance and allows the narcissist to control the conversation by overwhelming you with chaos. It's their way of dodging accountability and shifting the focus away from their behavior.

5 Ways to Respond to a Narcissist's Text

Dealing with a narcissist over text can be incredibly draining, but knowing how to respond can make all the difference in maintaining your sanity and emotional health. Here are five practical ways to handle those manipulative texts:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Let them know what behaviors you will and won't tolerate. Be firm but calm. For instance, say something like, “I'm not going to engage in conversations where I'm being disrespected.” Boundaries protect your emotional space and signal that you won't be easily manipulated.
2. Keep Responses Brief and Neutral: Don't give them more emotional ammunition to work with. Keep your texts short and to the point. Something like, “I understand,” or “We'll talk about it later,” avoids feeding into their need for drama.
3. Avoid Emotional Engagement: Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions. Stay as emotionally detached as possible. They might throw out dramatic statements like, “I can't believe you'd do this to me,” but resist the urge to engage. Instead, respond with, “I'm sorry you feel that way,” and leave it at that.
4. Use “I” Statements: Focus on your own feelings and experiences rather than blaming or accusing them. Say things like, “I need space,” or “I don't feel comfortable with how this conversation is going.” This reduces the chance for them to twist your words back on you.
5. Know When to Disengage: Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. If the conversation is spiraling into manipulation or abusive language, it's okay to stop responding. Silence can be a powerful way to take back control of your emotional energy.

By using these strategies, you can protect yourself from the emotional manipulation that narcissists thrive on. It's about maintaining your boundaries and staying grounded in your own sense of reality, even when they try to pull you into theirs.

Set Clear Boundaries

When it comes to dealing with narcissists, setting clear boundaries is non-negotiable. Narcissists tend to push and manipulate until they get what they want, which means if you don't define limits, they'll trample over your emotional well-being. Boundaries aren't just for your protection—they're a signal to the narcissist that you won't be easily controlled.

Start by clearly outlining what is and isn't acceptable behavior. For example, you might say, “I'm not comfortable with how you're speaking to me. If it continues, I'm ending the conversation.” Be direct, be firm, and most importantly, stick to what you've set. Narcissists often test boundaries to see if they can break them down over time, so consistency is key.

Setting boundaries isn't about trying to change their behavior (because that rarely works). Instead, it's about safeguarding your emotional energy and refusing to play into their manipulative tactics. It's difficult at first, but over time, you'll notice how much emotional space it frees up for you.

Keep Responses Brief and Neutral

One of the best ways to disarm a narcissist over text is by keeping your responses brief and neutral. Narcissists thrive on drama and emotional reactions. The more you engage with their provocations, the more power you give them. That's why short, matter-of-fact responses work so well. They leave no room for manipulation.

Instead of getting drawn into a back-and-forth argument or defending yourself against their accusations, stick to neutral replies like, “I understand,” or “We'll talk about this later.” You're essentially cutting off the emotional fuel they need to keep the conversation going.

These types of responses also help you avoid saying anything that could be twisted against you. Narcissists love to pick apart emotional responses and use them to escalate the situation. By staying calm and concise, you maintain control of the conversation—and more importantly, control of your own emotions.

Avoid Emotional Engagement

Engaging emotionally with a narcissist is like walking into quicksand—the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. Narcissists feed on emotional reactions. Whether it's anger, sadness, or frustration, any strong emotional response gives them power and keeps you tangled in their web. That's why one of the best strategies is to avoid emotional engagement altogether.

This doesn't mean you have to be cold or robotic, but it does mean taking a step back and refusing to let them pull you into an emotionally charged conversation. For example, when a narcissist sends a provocative message like, “You're always letting me down,” resist the urge to defend yourself or explain. Instead, respond with something neutral like, “I see you're upset. Let's talk when things are calmer.”

By staying emotionally detached, you stop fueling their need for control. It's difficult, especially when they know exactly how to push your buttons, but with practice, you can master the art of disengaging from their emotional bait.

Use 'I' Statements

Narcissists are experts at twisting words and deflecting blame, which is why using “I” statements can be so effective. Instead of accusing them or pointing fingers, focus on your own feelings and boundaries. This helps prevent them from flipping the conversation and making you the bad guy.

For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you can say, “I feel unheard when we talk.” This subtle shift puts the focus on your experience without giving them the opportunity to argue about their actions. “I” statements keep the conversation grounded in your perspective, which makes it harder for the narcissist to manipulate or invalidate your feelings.

It's not just about avoiding conflict; it's about asserting your emotional needs in a way that's hard for them to attack. Narcissists thrive on blame-shifting, so by focusing on your own experience, you're taking away one of their favorite tools.

Know When to Disengage

One of the most empowering moves you can make when dealing with a narcissist is knowing when to disengage. Narcissists thrive on control, manipulation, and emotional drama. By continuing to engage with them, you’re giving them more opportunities to wear you down emotionally. Disengaging is not about “losing” or letting them “win”—it’s about protecting your peace.

When the conversation starts spiraling into accusations, guilt-trips, or manipulation, it’s time to walk away. You might say, “This conversation isn’t productive, so I’m stepping away for now.” Or sometimes, silence is the most effective response. By disengaging, you’re showing that their tactics no longer have power over you.

The hardest part about disengaging is resisting the urge to explain or justify yourself. Narcissists are experts at provoking responses, so they’ll likely test your boundaries when you try to walk away. Stand firm. Disengaging doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you care enough about yourself to not be dragged into their toxic cycles.

What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist?

Ignoring a narcissist can feel like an act of defiance, but it’s also a crucial survival tactic. When you stop feeding their need for attention, their initial reaction is often one of frustration or rage. They may send a flurry of texts, accusing you of being selfish or uncaring, or they might escalate their manipulative tactics to get a reaction out of you. This is known as “narcissistic rage”—an intense, explosive response to being ignored or challenged.

However, over time, ignoring them has the potential to break the cycle of emotional abuse. Without your attention, a narcissist may either increase their attempts to pull you back in or eventually move on to someone else who gives them the validation they crave. It’s important to be prepared for their anger and attempts at manipulation, but it’s equally important to remember that ignoring them is an act of self-preservation.

By not engaging, you’re taking back control of your emotional energy and refusing to play their game. It’s a powerful boundary that can help you regain your peace and start healing from their toxic influence.

Final Thoughts: Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Texts

Dealing with narcissistic texts can be emotionally draining, but you have more power than you think. Protecting yourself from a narcissist’s manipulation starts with understanding their tactics and recognizing that their behavior is designed to control, confuse, and provoke you. Once you see through the patterns—whether it’s love bombing, drama-inducing messages, or passive-aggressive guilt trips—you can take steps to guard your emotional well-being.

Remember, the key is setting firm boundaries, keeping your responses neutral, and disengaging when necessary. Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, but when you stay calm and refuse to play into their tactics, they lose their grip. It’s not easy, and it often feels like an uphill battle, but protecting your peace is worth the effort.

Most importantly, remind yourself that you are not responsible for their feelings or behaviors. Their need for control, validation, and attention is theirs to manage—not yours. By stepping back and refusing to be drawn into their games, you reclaim your emotional freedom and protect yourself from further manipulation. Your mental health and peace of mind are worth far more than any temporary sense of resolution a narcissist may try to dangle in front of you.

Recommended Resources

• Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
• The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age by Joseph Burgo
• Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary