Most everyone experiences feelings of abandonment at some point, sometimes sparking a fear of future relationships or engagements. This fear of being left again can cause us to become anxious and stressed, and ultimately, sometimes lead us down a dark path of loneliness, doubt and fear. But all of these emotions can be alleviated with the right knowledge, understanding and resources.
There are several factors that can trigger a fear of abandonment. Past relationships might have left a negative imprint, leaving us feeling unnamed and unworthy of love. A fear of abandonment may also stem from our need for parental approval or acceptance in childhood—perhaps feeling let down due to our parents’ lack of presence. Even today, a particularly harsh word from a partner, boss or friend can cause us to think that we are not being accepted or wanted, heightening a sense of abandonment.
All abandonment-related anxieties don’t typically come about overnight; it requires effort and time to gain awareness and understanding of the root of our feelings. So, how do we take action and move past these unwelcome feelings that hold us back from greater successes?
The first step is to work on building the self-confidence needed to cope with the vulnerability that is frequently experienced in any situation that involves the potential for abandonment. This can be done through finding supportive people around you who build upon a positive self-image, talking to a therapist and focusing on your inner strengths. Learning how to “unplug” when emotions begin to manifest and teaching ourselves how to effectively manage our emotions will also help us take control of our fear of abandonment.
In addition to gaining control of our responses, it is important to maintain a level of healthy detachment. This does not necessarily mean refraining from investing ourselves wholeheartedly into relationships, but rather, finding security in our own ability to feel complete as an individual before needing validation from someone else. This means not displacing our sense of self-worth onto another person, which can backfire by stripping away their own autonomy.
Making a conscious effort to establish healthy boundaries and know when it is time to put ourselves first is key to allowing us to take care of ourselves emotionally without sacrificing our deeper social connections. It helps us feel in control of more delicate aspects of our life and relationships, such as allowing us to be vulnerable without fear.
Enacting behaviors that employ careful collaboration between both self-care and intimacy allows us to form meaningful relationships while using the tools and knowledge necessary to keep our anxiety balanced. Taking these steps will not only ensure you are on the correct path towards loving yourself, but provide confidence and support to protect yourself from debilitating fears or grievances of abandonment. With these strategies to confront a fear of abandonment, you can navigate the tumultuous waters of the psyche and find peaceful sailing ahead.
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