When an emotional trauma or challenge occurs, we often think that our only recourse is to “get over it”. We assume a stoic attitude that since the event has already happened, we must find a way to keep on going despite any lingering pain or discomfort. While this approach can be reasonable at times, sometimes giving yourself permission to feel your feelings is far more effective for your mental health and well-being.
For many of us, feelings like grief and sadness are viewed much like a villain in a fairytale--we want to avoid this sense of despair at all costs. We long for everything to return to “normal” and go back to the way things used to be. In the pursuit of this goal we try to rush our emotions to the finish line, ignoring them until we reach the light on the other side. Although this strategy may have carried us through tough times in the past, in the end, it can actually slow down our healing timeline and create permanent damage.
The path to recovery lies more often in acknowledging and embracing our emotions, however dark they can be. This doesn’t mean sitting in a state of paralysis and refusing to go on with life. On the contrary, allowing ourselves to work through our emotions can put us back in control. Being able to make the conscious decision to accept our situation on our own terms allows us to make meaningful choices in our daily lives and take a more proactive stance beyond the “victim” mentality.
It also helps us move forward in a more healthy and authentic way. So often when we fail to give ourselves permission to feel our emotions, we instead stuff them away and pretend that nothing is wrong. Night after night we may look up at the stars shining joyfully in the sky, hardened by their silence and unable to comprehend why the world around us does not match our broken inner terrain. This deep denial can cause severe dissonance between our coping mechanisms and our true needs, pushing us further from resolution. Instead of repressing our feelings, we need to find ways to move them through us and free ourselves from their grasp.
This means allowing ourselves time to be vulnerable and process our emotions. It doesn't mean burying them underneath layers of so-called bravery. Sure, it can be uncomfortable but that's why it’s also important to engage in self care. Set aside some time each day to feel. Connect with the hurts and acknowledge the rawness that comes with bearing pain. Reassure yourself that it will eventually pass.
People often think that feeling an emotion is the same as being controlled by it. However, this is hardly the case. Allowing yourself to experience the full spectrum of your feelings serves as an act of kindness and self-awareness. It shows you are brave enough to listen and that you respect your need for inner healing. As Brene Brown said, “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging.”
So instead of avoiding or jumping over the shadows of the past, simply be present in your feelings and kindly reassure yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way. Perspective can be found in the journey, and there is no need to mask the hurt that is part of that path. Feel it, love it, and allow it to guide you to a place of understanding and peace.
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