Communication between two people can be broken down into two categories: secure attachments and dismissive behaviors. Secure attachments are based on trust, support, and understanding. Dismissive behaviors, on the other hand, shut people out and create barriers to any kind of communication. When someone is shut down by a dismissive partner, they may feel lost, confused, and isolated. So, how does someone with a secure attachment style respond to a dismissive avoidant shutting down?
When a secure person has experienced a shut down from their partner, the first thing they need to do is practice self-care. This can include activities like yoga, meditation, exercise, journaling, or anything else that helps to bring a sense of calm and peace. It’s important for them to center themselves before attempting to communicate with their partner.
The next step for the secure person is to work on creating an environment that fosters mutual respect and understanding. This may involve setting boundaries with their partner. For example, they may want to make sure that they are listened to and valued, and that their feelings aren’t dismissed. When both parties can come to an understanding that neither of them will be shut out or disregarded, it creates a safe space to communicate openly.
It is also important for the secure person to be patient with themselves and their partner. Dismissive behavior can take time to undo, so it’s important to allow both parties to process their emotions at their own pace. Taking the time to truly understand and listen to each other can help to open up communication pathways and create a stronger bond.
The secure person also needs to be very intentional about their communication style. They should be mindful when speaking and choose their words wisely. They should also be aware of their non-verbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions. It’s important that the secure person is honest, direct, and compassionate with their partner.
Finally, the secure person should recognize when a resolution isn’t possible and accept it. This may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes the healthiest decision is to let go rather than continuing to pursue an unhealthy relationship dynamic. If it becomes clear that the situation is not going to improve in the near future, then the secure person may need to accept that and move on to healthier relationships.
In short, a secure person responds to a dismissive avoidant shutting down by practicing self-care, setting boundaries, being patient, communicating intentionally, and recognizing when the solution isn't possible. This can help to foster mutual respect, understanding, and open communication, which are essential for healthy relationships.
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