When it comes time to pop the big question of marriage, it can be a big undertaking and require a lot of consideration. The commitment of marriage is one of the biggest decisions a couple can make together; it should not be taken lightly. While it is natural to want to feel confident and sure about the decision, many people feel overwhelmed by the prospect and worry that it could all end in disaster. The following are some steps to take before saying “I do” in order to make sure that the decision is made with confidence.
First, it is important to understand why you and your partner are thinking about marriage. Is it because of love or because it feels like the natural next step? Are you scared of being alone or worried about public perception? A clear understanding of the driving motivation for marriage will help determine if it is right for both of you.
Second, it is crucial to take an honest look at your relationship. Talk openly and honestly with your partner and ask yourself, “Are you staying in the relationship out of habit, fear, or genuine love?” Also ask yourself if you are on the same page when it comes to things like communication, expectations, values, beliefs, and family. If any of these issues feel unresolved, it is best to seek counseling or a qualified therapist to help work through them before engaging in such a big commitment.
Third, get to know each other even better than you thinks you know the other person. Before getting married it is advisable to really learn about your partner's family, friends, hobbies, dreams, habits, body language, and lifestyle. Even if the connection is strong, getting to know your partner's family perspective is important too. This can trigger conversations about different perspectives as well as what each of you expect in terms of support from one another or family members.
Fourth, talk money. Have a discussion about financials such as raising children, debt, budgeting, long-term savings, and retirement plans. When two people from different backgrounds come together, it is important to establish shared economic goals.
Finally, have a conversation about the possibility of a future divorce. It is wise to discuss the tough topics such as what may happen if the marriage does not work out, especially if there are children involved. Planning ahead and having a sense of reality can provide peace of mind if things don’t go as planned.
Regardless of whether or not you decide to propose to your partner, taking these steps is an invaluable part of the process. Marriage is an important commitment and should not be taken lightly. Taking time to ensure that the partnership is healthy and mature before plunging headfirst into such a large decision will create a stronger bond and provide insight into if you and your partner are compatible.
Before diving into a lifetime of romance, knowing and understanding the answers of the above questions can help guide your decision to say I do or not. Every couple’s journey is unique and requires thoughtful consideration. Regardless of the outcome, take comfort in knowing that it is always possible to create a healthy marriage for years to come.
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