No one enters a marriage expecting to hurt their spouse’s feelings. But there are countless situations where relationship conflict occurs, leading to misunderstandings and frustrations that can even cause long-term damage. Whether your partner says you hurt their feelings intentionally or not, it’s important to navigate the issue with care.
When trying to address the fact that you’ve hurt your partner, the two most important things to keep in mind are understanding and communication. Before you respond to the accusation, take some time to consider your partner’s perspective. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand why they might feel the way they do. This not only helps you frame an apology to your partner effectively, but it also gives them the space to express themselves.
Communication is essential for addressing the situation with your partner. In order to avoid hurt feelings from occurring in the future, it’s important to candidly discuss ways you might be able to improve your communication. Discussing topics related to trust, respect, and appreciation can help foster a better sense of understanding between the both of you. Likewise, it can be beneficial for both of you to work on practicing more effective listening skills. Doing this does not mean that you should remain silent during arguments, but rather that you should give your partner time to express his or her feelings.
Sometimes it can be difficult to understand why your partner has been hurt. If you aren’t sure why they reacted the way they did, consider if the issue might be a symptom of a larger problem. For example, if your partner feels that you are dismissive when they communicate an issue, it could be indicative of an underlying issue related to power dynamics in the relationship. Identifying larger issues in the relationship can help you both find strategies for better communication in the future.
If what you said or did was more serious than usual, your partner may need some time to process their feelings before continuing the conversation. It is important to respect their need for time and space. That being said, do not downplay how your words or actions made them feel. Acknowledging how your partner feels is paramount if you are going to foster a healthy relationship.
At the same time, it’s also important to be conscious of your own needs during this exchange. It may be helpful to identify any triggers that arise so that you can ensure you’re protecting your own mental health. Ask yourself “Do I need to take a break?” or “How can I maintain respect while still attentive to my own needs?”.
Despite the fact that your partner has been hurt by your words or actions, remember that repairing the damage will take time. There may be moments where things seem bleak, but it’s ultimately up to both parties to prioritize your shared commitment to each other—a commitment that predates the incident that had led to hurt feelings in the first place. Both partners may benefit from seeking out the help of a couples therapist to assist in the restoration of their relationship.
Ultimately, it can be challenging to manage hurt feelings when it comes to marriage—particularly when the hurt was inadvertently caused by you. However, the resolution of those feelings does not need to be permanent. Openly discussing the circumstances surrounding the incident and displaying understanding, humility and respect cannot only help mend your partner’s hurt feelings but also foster a healthier connection between the both of you in the future.
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