It's been a difficult decision to make; one my husband and I continue to brainstorm each and every day. We have three children — two boys and a girl, ages six, four and one, whom we both love and adore. In the beginning of our marriage, we agreed we wanted four children. But now, my husband is against having a fourth child, yet I'm insistent on having one.
We've discussed this issue for months; although my husband has changed his opinion and goes back and forth, I feel it's become a divisive topic between us. I don't want to start a fight, but I also can't let this pass just like that. During those moments when he agrees to have a fourth child, I get overwhelmed with joy yet I fear that he'll change his mind if I hold him to something so great.
I'd love to hear from any married couples who've been through similar situations. How did you reach a consensus? How did you maintain peace in your marriage? With my husband feeling uncertain, how can I help him understand our desires without putting too much pressure on him?
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Having conversations about a new family member can be an emotional roller coaster for couples, especially when only one parent is hesitating about the idea. It's important to continue to be patient and understanding and work towards a mutual agreement that respects both of your perspectives.
The first and most important step is communication; find an open, honest and safe space for discussion. When it comes to a topic as sensitive as this, it's always wise to pick a comfortable setting to talk—such as a park or your living room—and take plenty of time to discuss the matter. Be sure to openly express your opinions, feelings, and questions and offer your partner the same opportunity. It's also important to remember to respect each other's decisions, even if they don't match up perfectly with your own.
Rather than trying to persuade your partner to change their stance, identify the underlying reasons behind their hesitations. Are the anxieties connected to economic, marital, or parenting issues? Once you determine this, you can work together to come up with solutions to allay those anxieties and reduce the tension. Supporting and pushing one another responsibly is an important component for a healthy marriage.
Perhaps the most difficult and daunting task of making this decision is recognizing and respecting varying values, beliefs, and boundaries. it's still important to keep the needs of both parties at the forefront while finding a way to come to comfortable resolution. Listening to your partner, understanding their side of the story, and reaching a resolution that works best for the family are all crucial components of the process.
The key to reaching a consensus is to actively work on building trust, compromise, unwavering support and open-hearted communication. This will ultimately create a foundation of stability and comfort that can last through many years of blissful marriage and parenthood.
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