17 Practical Ways to Save Your Marriage (That Work)

Key Takeaways:

• Assess the state of your marriage
• Embrace realistic expectations in love
• Work on emotional resilience
• Focus on improving communication
• Take active steps to reconnect

Can My Marriage Be Saved?

Marriage can feel like a delicate balance between joy and frustration. At times, it may seem like you're standing on the edge, uncertain if you can pull things back together. The good news? Most marriages can be saved, but the answer to that question depends on both partners' willingness to make an effort. Marriage takes constant work and commitment—both emotionally and practically.

There are moments when everything feels impossible. Maybe it's constant arguments, or perhaps the quiet, empty space between you is growing larger each day. The key is to figure out where you stand and whether both you and your spouse are committed to working on things. Understanding that marriage goes through phases of disconnection is crucial, but many couples manage to reconnect after challenging times.

There's a well-known concept in psychology called "relationship repair attempts." According to Dr. John Gottman, these are efforts, even small ones, that a partner makes to de-escalate tension during a conflict. When these are recognized and reciprocated, even the most strained relationships can start to heal. So, ask yourself: are you and your spouse making those attempts?

Why Is It Important to Save Your Marriage?

Why put in the effort to salvage your marriage when it feels easier to walk away? There are many reasons, and while they vary from person to person, they all come down to one central truth: a strong, committed relationship can bring lifelong fulfillment. Divorce or separation may seem like a relief in the short term, but it often leads to deeper emotional scars, particularly when children are involved.

Marriage isn't just about love—it's about partnership, friendship, and mutual support. When you decide to save your marriage, you're committing to growth. This growth benefits not only your relationship but also your personal well-being. Relationship experts, such as Dr. Sue Johnson, often emphasize the importance of emotional connection, highlighting how a healthy bond can reduce stress, improve mental health, and foster a sense of security.

Saving your marriage isn't about sacrificing your happiness for the sake of it; it's about rediscovering joy together. Rebuilding trust, communication, and intimacy can lead to a relationship that's even stronger than it was before. When we invest in our marriages, we're not only saving the relationship—we're creating a more solid foundation for both partners to thrive.

7 Common Reasons Marriages Fall Apart

Marriage doesn't crumble overnight. Usually, it happens slowly, over time, with a series of unresolved conflicts and unspoken disappointments. We may not notice the cracks forming until the damage feels irreparable. Recognizing these common causes early on can help us address issues before they become insurmountable.

One of the top reasons marriages falter is communication breakdown. When partners stop talking, or worse, stop listening, the connection begins to wither. Without proper communication, misunderstandings grow, and resentment takes root. Infidelity also plays a major role in breaking trust, and once trust is shattered, it can be incredibly difficult to rebuild.

Another culprit is emotional disconnection. When partners no longer feel emotionally supported or understood, they can start to pull away, leaving a void that grows wider by the day. Financial stress, too, often puts pressure on the relationship, particularly when there are different spending habits or values around money.

Other common reasons include unrealistic expectations of marriage, lack of physical intimacy, and stress from external factors like careers or extended family. Every couple faces challenges, but it's how these issues are handled that determines whether the marriage will survive. The key is to address them head-on, rather than letting them simmer under the surface.

17 Practical Ways to Save Your Marriage

Now that we've explored the reasons marriages fall apart, let's dive into actionable steps you can take to prevent or repair these issues. It won't happen overnight, but putting in the effort and adopting practical solutions can go a long way in saving your marriage.

1. Remember Your Marriage Vows

When life gets tough and marriage feels strained, it's easy to forget the promises you made to each other on your wedding day. But those vows, spoken with love and intention, were made to carry you through the good times and the hard times. They aren't just words; they're the foundation of your commitment.

Take a moment to reflect on those vows. Whether you pledged “for better or worse” or “in sickness and in health,” these promises are meant to anchor your relationship, even when emotions run high. It's a reminder that marriage isn't just about how you feel in the moment—it's about the long-term commitment to grow together.

When you revisit your vows, think about what they truly mean to you now, compared to when you first said them. Have you both strayed from those promises? If so, don't panic. This can be a turning point, a chance to re-commit to each other with a deeper understanding of what marriage requires. As Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, writes, “Love is a choice you make every day.” That choice, rooted in your vows, is the foundation for rebuilding a struggling marriage.

2. Don't Expect Perfection

Perfection is a myth. Expecting it from your spouse—or yourself—is a fast track to disappointment. Every marriage will have its flaws, its rough edges. That's not a sign of failure; it's a sign that you're two human beings, learning to navigate life together.

Perfectionism, particularly in relationships, can set unrealistic standards. It can make small problems feel like disasters, leading to frustration and resentment. You might think, “If only my spouse did this differently, things would be perfect.” But here's the truth: that ideal version of your spouse doesn't exist. And neither does the perfect version of you.

Let go of the idea that marriage should be smooth sailing all the time. Instead, focus on growth and understanding. When we accept imperfection, we open the door to empathy and patience. Clinical psychologist Dr. Brené Brown often talks about the beauty of vulnerability, explaining, “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together.” Embracing your imperfections as a couple creates space for deeper connection and realistic expectations in your relationship.

3. Identify the Root Problem

Sometimes, the arguments we have are just surface-level symptoms of deeper issues. Maybe you're constantly bickering about household chores, or you find yourself annoyed by your partner's small habits. But ask yourself—is that really the problem? Often, these everyday frustrations are just masking something larger.

The key is to dig deeper and identify the root cause of your conflict. Is there an underlying lack of trust? Has communication broken down? Are there unresolved emotional wounds from the past? These are the types of issues that, left unaddressed, can create a ripple effect, leading to the frequent disagreements and growing disconnection.

Take time to reflect and ask your spouse honest questions. It may even be helpful to keep a journal of your feelings and frustrations to help identify patterns. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman refers to this process as “turning toward” your partner's needs rather than away from them. In his research, he found that couples who engage in honest discussions about their core issues have a higher chance of restoring their emotional bond. By addressing the deeper problems, you're building a more solid foundation for your marriage.

4. Refocus on Other Aspects of Life

When a marriage is in trouble, it can feel all-consuming. Every disagreement, every tension, starts to cloud your daily life. But sometimes, one of the best things you can do is to shift your focus. It may seem counterintuitive, but stepping back to invest energy in other areas—your career, hobbies, friendships, or even self-care—can bring clarity to your relationship.

Marriage is important, but it's not the only part of life. By focusing too much on what's wrong in your relationship, you may be adding to the pressure. Creating space can help you regain perspective and lessen the intensity of the issues at hand. It's not about ignoring the problems, but rather giving yourself and your spouse the room to breathe.

Start small. Spend time with friends who uplift you, pursue a hobby that gives you joy, or dedicate time to personal goals. As you do, you might find that some of the stress in your marriage begins to ease. This space allows you to come back to your relationship with a refreshed mindset and renewed energy. Sometimes, a little distance from the problem helps you see the bigger picture.

5. Stop Complaining and Start Listening

It's easy to get caught in a cycle of complaints, especially when you're frustrated with your spouse. You might feel like airing your grievances will make things better, but in reality, constant complaining only widens the gap between you. Complaints tend to focus on what's wrong without offering a solution, which can make your partner feel defensive and unheard.

Instead of complaining, try listening. Yes, truly listening—not just waiting for your turn to speak. Often, when we pause and focus on our partner's words, we realize that beneath their frustrations are feelings of hurt, fear, or insecurity. When we take the time to listen with empathy, we can understand each other's needs better and respond in a more supportive way.

Author and marriage expert Dr. Harriet Lerner emphasizes the power of listening, noting that “empathy is the best antidote to shame, and a deep listening ear is the most powerful gift we can give to our partner.” When you stop complaining and start listening, you create an atmosphere where both of you feel valued and heard. This simple shift can lead to greater understanding and stronger emotional connection.

6. Build Emotional Strength

Marriage can be an emotional rollercoaster. There will be times when you feel hurt, frustrated, or overwhelmed. That's why it's so important to develop emotional strength—both for yourself and for your relationship. Building emotional resilience allows you to navigate the ups and downs of marriage with greater patience and calmness.

One way to build this strength is by practicing emotional regulation techniques, such as mindfulness or deep breathing. These tools help you stay grounded when conflicts arise, allowing you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Emotional strength also involves being able to hold space for your partner's emotions without letting them overpower you.

Psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman, known for his work on emotional intelligence, explains that “emotional self-control is the ability to keep disruptive emotions and impulses in check.” This doesn't mean suppressing your feelings, but rather managing them in a healthy way. The stronger you are emotionally, the more capable you'll be of handling marital challenges with grace.

Developing emotional strength is not about avoiding conflict but about learning how to weather it without letting it shake the core of your marriage. It's about staying steady and resilient, even when things feel turbulent, and trusting that you and your spouse can work through difficulties together.

7. Re-evaluate Your Actions

It's easy to fall into the trap of blaming your spouse for the problems in your marriage. After all, when you're feeling hurt or frustrated, it can seem like the other person is at fault. But here's the hard truth: no marriage issue is one-sided. Both partners contribute to the dynamic, whether we realize it or not.

Take some time to step back and re-evaluate your own actions. Are you being reactive? Are you holding onto grudges or expecting your partner to meet needs that you haven't clearly communicated? Reflecting on your behavior is a powerful step in changing the course of your relationship. This isn't about blaming yourself but taking responsibility for your part in the marriage.

Psychiatrist Dr. Scott Haltzman suggests in his book The Secrets of Happily Married Men that self-reflection is key to a healthy marriage. He writes, "Understanding your own behavior helps you change it, which in turn can shift the entire dynamic of your marriage." When you re-evaluate your actions, you may discover areas where you can be more patient, empathetic, or even more affectionate. Small adjustments can lead to big changes.

8. Plan Regular Dates

When was the last time you and your spouse went on a date? In the chaos of daily life—work, kids, errands—it's easy to let date nights fall to the bottom of the priority list. But regular dates are essential to keeping the romance and connection alive in your marriage.

Planning intentional time together, away from the distractions of life, helps you both reconnect. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. Sometimes a quiet dinner, a walk in the park, or even watching a movie together can reignite the spark. What matters is that you're carving out time just for the two of you.

Relationship expert Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), often emphasizes that quality time together builds emotional security in a relationship. She notes, "Love is a continual process of tuning in, staying emotionally engaged, and committing to being there." By planning regular dates, you're showing your partner that they are a priority, which fosters both emotional and physical intimacy.

Don't wait for the "right time" to plan a date. Make it a regular part of your routine, whether weekly or monthly. These moments of connection can be a powerful way to remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place.

9. Make the Necessary Changes

When you've identified the issues in your marriage, the next step is action. Recognizing the problem is only the beginning; making real, tangible changes is what can ultimately save your marriage. It's not enough to say you'll try harder—you have to actively do things differently. This might mean breaking bad habits, changing how you approach conflict, or even restructuring the way you communicate.

Change is uncomfortable, but it's necessary for growth. Ask yourself: What am I willing to do to improve my relationship? It might involve uncomfortable conversations, or admitting where you've gone wrong, but those steps are vital to rebuilding trust and connection. Real change is about long-term commitment to better habits, not just short-term fixes.

As the saying goes, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” Small, consistent changes over time can have a profound impact on your marriage. Whether it's being more present, showing appreciation daily, or prioritizing your partner's needs, these shifts can reignite love and understanding. The important part is to follow through on the changes you commit to, showing your spouse that you're serious about making things better.

10. Improve Communication Skills

Good communication is the cornerstone of any successful marriage. If you're struggling to connect with your spouse, improving how you talk—and listen—can make all the difference. Poor communication often leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unresolved issues. The key is learning to express yourself clearly and listen with the intention to understand, rather than just waiting to respond.

Start by practicing active listening. This means fully focusing on what your partner is saying without interrupting or formulating your response while they're speaking. When both partners feel heard, it fosters an environment of trust and respect. Additionally, work on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements to express your feelings. For example, say “I feel upset when...” rather than “You always make me feel...” This approach reduces defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, has studied couples for decades and found that successful marriages often hinge on the way partners communicate. In his research, he discovered that "the difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they handle conflict." Couples who can navigate conflict through respectful communication and active listening are more likely to build lasting, healthy marriages.

Improving communication skills is an ongoing process, but the results are transformative. When both partners are committed to expressing themselves openly and honestly, and to truly hearing each other, the connection between them deepens, and the relationship becomes stronger.

11. Take the Initiative in Resolving Issues

Waiting for your spouse to make the first move when problems arise can leave your marriage in a state of limbo. Someone has to take the initiative, and if it's not your partner, then it should be you. Being proactive in resolving issues doesn't mean taking all the blame or trying to fix everything yourself, but it does mean stepping up and showing leadership in the relationship.

Initiating a conversation about what's not working is an act of courage and love. It shows that you care enough about the marriage to address the hard stuff head-on. Whether it's scheduling a therapy session, suggesting new ways to communicate, or offering an apology, taking that first step can be the catalyst for meaningful change.

It's easy to fall into a pattern of avoidance, hoping that the problems will work themselves out or that your spouse will eventually “get it.” But relationships require intentional effort. Being the one to initiate resolution shows commitment and maturity, two key ingredients for a healthy marriage.

12. Tackle Problems with Confidence

When it comes to marriage problems, confidence is key. Approaching issues from a place of fear or insecurity can make the situation feel even more daunting. But when you tackle problems with confidence, you're signaling to yourself and your spouse that you believe in the strength of your relationship and your ability to overcome obstacles together.

Confidence doesn't mean you have all the answers or that the path forward will be easy. It means trusting that, no matter how tough things get, you and your spouse can figure it out together. When you approach problems with a can-do attitude, you're more likely to find solutions rather than focusing on the negatives.

Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher known for her work on vulnerability, often emphasizes that confidence isn't about perfection; it's about showing up and being willing to do the work, even when it's hard. As she puts it, "Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." In marriage, this translates to facing difficulties head-on, without retreating or giving up, and working through them with resilience.

Facing marital challenges with confidence also instills a sense of teamwork. You and your spouse are on the same side, working toward the same goal. When you believe in your ability to tackle problems together, those problems start to feel more manageable, and solutions become more achievable.

13. Offer Love and Emotional Support

Love isn't just a feeling—it's an action, especially in marriage. When times get tough, one of the most powerful things you can do is offer your spouse emotional support. Even when you're feeling hurt or frustrated, showing them that you care and that you're there for them can create a bridge to healing.

Emotional support can take many forms. It might be something as simple as listening when they need to vent or offering a hug after a long day. It can also mean showing empathy when they're struggling, even if you don't fully understand what they're going through. By offering love and support, you're reinforcing the bond that holds your relationship together.

Marriage expert Dr. Sue Johnson explains that emotional responsiveness is key to creating a secure attachment in relationships. When we feel emotionally supported, we are more likely to be vulnerable and open with our partner. She writes, “The best way to keep love alive is to be emotionally present.” So, make an effort to be there for your spouse in both small and significant ways, reminding them that they are not alone in the challenges you face together.

14. Practice Patience and Understanding

Patience is often overlooked in modern relationships, where we want instant solutions to problems. But marriage is a long game, and developing patience is essential to navigating the inevitable ups and downs. Without patience, we can rush to conclusions, become easily frustrated, or give up before we've even begun the real work of repair.

Being patient means allowing your spouse the space to grow, change, or even make mistakes. It means understanding that not every issue will be resolved overnight. Sometimes, you'll need to give them the grace to figure things out in their own time, without pressuring them for immediate answers or change.

Understanding goes hand in hand with patience. It's about trying to see things from your partner's perspective, even when their viewpoint is vastly different from yours. Instead of jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst, take the time to ask questions, listen, and understand where they're coming from.

As the famous writer Stephen Covey once said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” By approaching your spouse with this mindset, you're fostering an environment of empathy and cooperation, rather than frustration and resentment. Practicing patience and understanding in marriage not only eases tension but also creates a safe space where both partners feel valued and heard.

15. Show Empathy in Difficult Moments

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your spouse's shoes, to truly feel what they're feeling, especially during difficult moments. It's easy to get caught up in your own frustrations, but marriage requires that we also consider the emotional experience of our partner. Empathy doesn't mean you have to agree with their perspective, but it does mean acknowledging their feelings and offering support, even when you don't fully understand.

During a heated argument or a tough period, empathy can be the bridge that keeps you connected. Instead of reacting defensively, try to see the situation from your spouse's point of view. Ask yourself, "What might they be going through right now?" Offering a simple, “I understand why you feel that way,” can diffuse tension and create a pathway for more productive conversations.

Research by psychologist Dr. John Gottman shows that couples who demonstrate empathy during conflict have higher relationship satisfaction. In fact, he found that empathy is one of the key predictors of long-term relationship success. When you choose empathy in those hard moments, you're showing your partner that you value their emotions and that you're committed to navigating life's challenges together.

16. Demonstrate Appreciation for Your Partner

Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in a marriage. Too often, we focus on what our partner isn't doing right, rather than acknowledging the good things they bring into the relationship. When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciated them? A simple “thank you” or “I'm grateful for you” can go a long way in maintaining connection and love.

We all want to feel valued, and when you show appreciation for your partner, you're reinforcing their importance in your life. It can be easy to take your spouse for granted, especially when you've been together for a long time. But those little acts of gratitude remind them—and yourself—why you chose to spend your life together.

Whether it's appreciating their hard work, acknowledging their emotional support, or simply thanking them for a small favor, these moments build positive momentum in your relationship. Author Gary Chapman, in his book The 5 Love Languages, highlights the importance of words of affirmation, stating, “In a healthy relationship, the unspoken needs to be spoken.” Don't assume your partner knows you're thankful—make sure you tell them.

By regularly demonstrating appreciation, you create an atmosphere of mutual respect and love, which strengthens the bond between you and your spouse.

17. Increase Physical Affection

Physical affection is one of the simplest, yet most profound ways to reconnect with your spouse. Over time, many couples find that physical touch diminishes, especially during periods of stress or emotional distance. But the importance of physical affection can't be overstated—it's a powerful way to communicate love, care, and connection without words.

Small gestures like holding hands, hugging, or cuddling can have a significant impact on the emotional bond you share. These moments of intimacy don't have to lead to anything more; they are simply about maintaining closeness. Studies have shown that physical affection releases oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone,” which strengthens feelings of attachment and reduces stress.

When was the last time you reached out and touched your spouse just to show you care? Whether it's a kiss goodbye in the morning or a gentle touch on the shoulder while they're cooking dinner, these acts of affection help to bridge emotional gaps and remind your partner that you are still invested in the relationship. In times of conflict, physical touch can also be a grounding force that helps soothe tension.

FAQs About Saving Your Marriage

How do I know if my marriage is worth saving?

Every relationship is unique, and the decision to stay or go is deeply personal. However, if both partners are willing to put in the effort and there's still a foundation of love, most marriages are worth fighting for. The key is recognizing whether both of you are committed to making the necessary changes and working together to heal.

What are the benefits of saving a marriage?

Rebuilding a struggling marriage can lead to a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Couples who work through tough times often develop a deeper emotional connection, better communication skills, and a renewed sense of partnership. Additionally, saving a marriage can provide stability for families, particularly when children are involved, offering them a sense of security and continuity.

What can I do if my spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage?

It's challenging when one partner is resistant to working on the relationship. However, you can still focus on improving yourself and setting an example of positive change. Sometimes, when one partner begins to show initiative, the other may eventually become open to trying. If your spouse remains unwilling, seeking counseling, either individually or as a couple, might help facilitate important conversations.

Should I stay in a marriage if my spouse is cheating on me?

Infidelity is incredibly painful, and deciding whether to stay after betrayal is a complex decision. While some couples are able to rebuild trust and move forward, others may find that the relationship cannot be salvaged. If both partners are willing to seek therapy and work through the emotional damage, there is potential for healing, but only you can decide what is best for your well-being and happiness.

Reigniting the Love After Difficult Times

After a tough period in your marriage, it can feel like the spark has fizzled out. The emotional and physical closeness you once had might seem distant or even lost. But love can be reignited, even after the hardest times. The process requires patience, effort, and a renewed commitment to each other, but it's entirely possible to rediscover the connection that brought you together in the first place.

The first step is to rebuild emotional intimacy. This means being vulnerable with each other, sharing your thoughts and feelings openly, and allowing space for your partner to do the same. It might feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you've grown apart, but it's necessary to create a foundation for reconnecting. Start small with regular conversations about how you're feeling or what you've been thinking about, and gradually build up to deeper topics.

Physical intimacy is also a key part of reigniting love. Reintroducing small acts of affection, like holding hands, hugging, or sitting close together, can help reestablish physical closeness. As you rebuild trust and connection, these moments of physical affection can evolve into more intimate experiences that bring you closer emotionally and physically.

Don't underestimate the power of shared experiences. Plan activities or dates that allow you to enjoy each other's company without the stress of everyday life. It could be something as simple as cooking a meal together or going on a weekend getaway. The goal is to create new positive memories that remind you both of why you fell in love in the first place.

Ultimately, reigniting love requires a mindset shift. Instead of focusing on the past difficulties, look forward with hope and optimism. It's about choosing to believe that your marriage can be better than ever, and taking the steps to make that belief a reality.

Recommended Resources

• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman – A guide to understanding how to express love in ways that resonate with your partner.
• Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson – A deep dive into Emotionally Focused Therapy and how it can heal relationships.
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman – Practical advice based on decades of research on what makes marriages succeed.