Shocking Signs of Cheating in a Sexless Marriage (Is It Justified?)

Key Takeaways:

• Sexless marriages lead to disconnection
• Common causes of no intimacy
• Cheating isn't a healthy solution
• Open communication revives intimacy
• Therapy can help save marriages

Defining a sexless relationship

A sexless marriage isn't just about the absence of physical intimacy, but the emotional distance that tends to follow. Many couples silently endure the void, but the real struggle often lies in the feelings of rejection, loneliness, and unfulfilled connection. According to research, a sexless relationship is generally defined as having sex fewer than ten times a year. That might sound shocking, but it's not uncommon.

For some couples, this lack of intimacy becomes a new normal. The passion fades, daily stresses pile up, and intimacy gets pushed further and further down the list of priorities. The real challenge is recognizing that this isn't just a phase—it's a major issue that needs attention.

Causes of no intimacy in a relationship

1. Miscommunication

Miscommunication is a huge intimacy killer. Maybe one partner thinks the other isn't interested, or perhaps they feel awkward bringing up their needs. When assumptions replace open conversation, intimacy becomes the first casualty. Dr. John Gottman emphasizes the importance of emotional attunement—being able to listen and understand your partner's emotional cues to keep intimacy alive.

2. Neglected hygiene

It might sound superficial, but personal hygiene can heavily influence physical desire. If basic self-care isn't being prioritized, attraction can plummet. Physical appeal is a key element in keeping the spark alive, and when this goes unnoticed, it may start causing distance without either partner fully realizing it.

3. No foreplay

Sexual intimacy isn't just about the act of sex. It begins long before the bedroom with moments of affection, small gestures, and emotional closeness. Skipping foreplay can make intimacy feel rushed, disconnected, and unsatisfying for both partners. When foreplay disappears, so can the desire to engage in intimacy at all.

4. Insecurity with one's body

Body image issues can create huge barriers in the bedroom. If one or both partners feel uncomfortable in their own skin, it's difficult to embrace vulnerability. Often, this leads to avoidance of intimacy altogether. In fact, studies show that negative body image correlates directly with decreased sexual satisfaction.

5. Depression

Mental health plays a critical role in sexual desire. Depression can make the simplest tasks feel overwhelming, and intimacy becomes a distant priority. When one partner is struggling with depression, it often affects both individuals and the relationship's overall emotional and physical connection.

6. Health problems

Chronic health conditions, ranging from diabetes to heart disease, can have a huge impact on libido and sexual function. When physical health is compromised, intimacy can feel physically uncomfortable or even painful. But these problems often go unaddressed, leading to misunderstandings and distance between partners.

7. Menopause

Hormonal changes during menopause can drastically reduce libido for many women. While this is a natural part of life, it can leave both partners feeling frustrated and disconnected. Open communication and exploring new forms of intimacy can help bridge this gap, but it's a conversation many couples avoid.

8. Giving birth

After childbirth, both emotional and physical factors can impact intimacy. Fatigue, body changes, and postpartum depression can make intimacy feel like an impossible task. These challenges are common, but often under-discussed, leaving partners feeling isolated in their struggles.

9. Low sex drive

Low libido isn't uncommon, but when it persists without communication, it can create distance. Hormonal imbalances, lifestyle changes, or psychological stress can contribute to a diminished sex drive. When one partner wants intimacy and the other does not, it creates a painful divide that's hard to bridge without open dialogue.

10. Side effects of drugs

Many medications, including antidepressants and blood pressure drugs, can cause reduced libido as a side effect. This can lead to frustration, especially if neither partner fully understands why the change in intimacy is happening. Talking to a doctor and exploring alternatives can sometimes help reignite the connection.

Is it okay to cheat when you are in a sexless relationship?

The question of cheating in a sexless marriage touches on deep emotional and moral conflicts. Many who find themselves in a marriage without intimacy wonder if stepping outside the relationship could solve the intense loneliness and frustration. It's an issue of need versus commitment, where some may feel they're being deprived of an essential part of the partnership and begin justifying the idea of an affair.

However, cheating typically doesn't resolve the core issues in the relationship. Renowned marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman emphasizes that “an affair can feel like a solution, but it adds more layers of hurt and mistrust than it heals.” Cheating may bring temporary fulfillment, but in the long run, it often deepens the emotional rift and erodes the trust that's left.

Many couples find themselves drawn to this idea out of desperation, believing that intimacy with another person might offer what they're missing at home. Still, the reality is that breaking the trust within a marriage usually complicates the issues further, leaving both partners hurt, betrayed, and facing the aftermath of broken commitments.

Why do individuals cheat in a sexless marriage?

For some, the lack of physical connection creates a powerful desire to seek fulfillment outside the relationship. A sexless marriage often leaves partners feeling emotionally disconnected and unappreciated, which may drive some to find intimacy elsewhere. It's rarely just about the physical act of sex; instead, it reflects an unmet need for closeness, validation, and emotional intimacy.

Many individuals in sexless marriages feel overlooked or emotionally neglected, which fuels a need to feel desired again. Psychologist Esther Perel, in her book Mating in Captivity, writes, “Affairs often stem from a search for lost parts of ourselves, a longing to feel alive.” When intimacy is lacking at home, some feel that an affair is a way to reconnect with that spark and the feeling of being valued.

Interestingly, not everyone who cheats in a sexless marriage does so with the intention of leaving. For some, it's a coping mechanism, a way to endure the current relationship while fulfilling unmet needs elsewhere. They may still deeply care for their spouse, yet struggle with the emotional and physical absence that has formed in their marriage.

Cheating is often seen as an escape—a temporary reprieve from the struggles within the marriage. Yet, it often creates far more complex emotions and complications, making it harder to address the underlying issues within the marriage itself. For many, the ultimate answer lies not in an affair, but in seeking solutions that foster reconnection and open, honest communication.

How to survive a sexless marriage or relationship without cheating

1. Find the sexless relationship causes

The first step to surviving a sexless marriage is understanding why intimacy faded in the first place. Every relationship is unique, so finding the root cause is crucial. Is it related to stress, health, or unresolved conflict? Identifying what led to the lack of physical connection opens up opportunities for growth and healing. When both partners take the time to evaluate these factors, they can work together on rekindling intimacy.

2. Talk

Open communication is one of the most effective ways to address a lack of intimacy. It might feel awkward or even scary to bring up the issue, but keeping silent can lead to deeper resentment and disconnection. Try to share your feelings with your partner honestly and without blame. Couples who communicate openly about their struggles often find that it strengthens their emotional bond, making it easier to reconnect physically over time.

3. Make it a priority

Once you've identified the reasons for the lack of intimacy, make it a priority to work on rekindling it. Life gets busy, and it's easy to push intimacy aside when routines take over, but neglecting it only widens the gap. By committing to intentional efforts like date nights, affection, or simply spending quality time together, you keep the relationship's physical and emotional aspects alive.

4. Always make an effort to surpass the sexless relationship state

Rekindling intimacy doesn't happen overnight, but consistent effort can lead to gradual improvement. Small gestures like holding hands, complimenting each other, or sharing a meaningful conversation can make a world of difference. These efforts may seem small, but they build connection and help partners slowly move beyond a sexless state, reigniting passion in a natural and fulfilling way.

5. Go to a relationship therapist

Sometimes, external support is necessary to address deep-rooted issues. A relationship therapist can help couples navigate difficult conversations and uncover underlying factors that contribute to the lack of intimacy. Therapy offers a neutral space to explore these issues, understand each other's perspectives, and develop practical strategies for overcoming intimacy challenges. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy, “Couples who seek therapy often rediscover their bond in ways they never thought possible.” Seeking professional guidance can be transformative, turning a challenging time into an opportunity for growth.

FAQs

Is infidelity okay in a sexless marriage?

Infidelity in a sexless marriage is rarely the answer to solving intimacy issues. Cheating often brings short-term fulfillment but leads to long-term consequences like guilt, mistrust, and deeper emotional wounds. While many feel tempted, most find that addressing the root causes of intimacy issues within the relationship leads to a more fulfilling outcome than seeking satisfaction outside the marriage.

Can you cheat when in a sexless relationship?

Some may wonder if the absence of physical intimacy justifies stepping outside the relationship. While it's a personal choice, cheating generally complicates the situation further. Instead of filling the void, it often deepens feelings of isolation and betrayal. Working together with your partner to rebuild intimacy or exploring therapy options usually proves far healthier for both individuals and the relationship overall.

What causes people to cheat when in a relationship?

Many factors can lead people to cheat, especially when intimacy is missing. Emotional neglect, loneliness, and feeling unappreciated often push individuals toward infidelity. In a sexless relationship, the need for closeness, validation, and excitement can feel overwhelming. For most, though, cheating is a symptom rather than a solution. Addressing these unmet needs with your partner creates a stronger foundation for rebuilding the connection, fostering understanding, and ultimately avoiding infidelity.

Final thought

Navigating a sexless marriage is not easy; it takes courage, patience, and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths about yourself and your partner. Many people feel trapped between two challenging paths—enduring a marriage without intimacy or seeking fulfillment elsewhere. But often, neither choice provides the satisfaction and peace of mind we're really searching for. Instead, it's worth exploring ways to rebuild what feels lost, leaning into communication, therapy, and small but consistent efforts to bridge the gap.

At the core of any successful relationship is emotional closeness, and that doesn't always start in the bedroom. By focusing on rebuilding emotional intimacy, you create a foundation where physical intimacy can naturally return. The journey may be difficult, but partners who put in the effort often find themselves growing closer, learning more about each other, and rediscovering the reasons they fell in love in the first place. Dr. Terri Orbuch, author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, says, “When couples invest in their relationship, especially in challenging times, they build resilience that can carry them through future difficulties.”

Every relationship faces its own struggles, and a lack of intimacy is one of the toughest challenges to overcome. However, remember that you don't have to face it alone. With commitment, open conversations, and professional guidance if needed, you can navigate these difficulties and come out stronger, with a renewed sense of connection and shared understanding.

Recommended Resources

• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
• Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
• 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great by Dr. Terri Orbuch
• The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman