7 Surprising Types of Cheating (You Didn't Expect!)

Key Takeaways:

Cheating goes beyond physical affairs.
Emotional and online cheating is common.
Communication is key in rebuilding trust.
Cheating damages the relationship's foundation.
Self-care helps heal after infidelity.

What is Cheating in a Relationship?

Cheating isn't as simple as just having an affair, yet so many people reduce it to only that. When we ask, "What is cheating in a relationship?" we have to broaden our view. Sure, it might start with something physical, but cheating is also emotional, digital, and sometimes even financial.

Cheating involves breaking trust. It happens when one partner crosses a boundary that both partners had agreed upon, knowingly betraying the other. What's tricky is that these boundaries can be different in every relationship. Maybe it's texting an ex, or fantasizing about someone at work. Does it count if there's no physical contact?

There's a great quote from Esther Perel, renowned for her work on relationships and infidelity: "The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives." Cheating shakes that quality to its core, turning trust into suspicion. Defining what cheating means to you and your partner is crucial for a healthy relationship.

Why It's Important to Address Cheating

Cheating can be devastating because it erodes trust—one of the most important pillars of any relationship. But it's not just about betrayal; it's about the questions it leaves behind. Why did it happen? Can we recover from this? What does this mean for us?

Addressing cheating in a relationship, as painful as it might be, is essential. Ignoring it or brushing it under the rug only leads to resentment, distance, and ultimately, a relationship that slowly crumbles from the inside. It's not something we can afford to ignore. When we confront infidelity, we open the door to understanding what went wrong, how it can be fixed, or if it's even possible to move forward.

Psychologically, when trust is broken, the brain releases cortisol—the stress hormone. This response increases feelings of anxiety and fear, making it nearly impossible to maintain a loving and open relationship. By addressing cheating directly, you allow space for healing, whether that means rebuilding the relationship or finding closure and moving on.

What is Considered Cheating in Relationships?

Many of us think of cheating as a clear-cut act—someone sneaks off with another person and engages in a physical relationship. But in reality, what is considered cheating in relationships varies greatly depending on the individuals involved. Is flirting with a colleague cheating? What about maintaining an emotional connection with an ex? These gray areas often create confusion and tension in relationships.

Cheating goes beyond physical touch. It's about breaking the emotional or relational agreements that exist between partners. Whether it's physical, emotional, or digital, any betrayal of trust can leave deep scars. As Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship dynamics, points out, "Trust is built in very small moments." Once those small moments of trust are broken, even seemingly innocent actions can feel like cheating.

Recognizing what counts as cheating is important. Each relationship has its own set of rules and expectations. Some couples might be okay with their partner having close friendships with the opposite sex, while others may consider that a violation. It's crucial to establish clear boundaries with your partner, ensuring you're both on the same page about what cheating looks like.

Different Types of Cheating

Cheating isn't just one thing—it comes in many forms, some of which you might not even realize are considered cheating. From emotional connections to financial betrayals, cheating shows up in unexpected ways and often blindsides those involved.

Let's start with emotional cheating. This involves forming a deep emotional bond with someone outside your relationship, sharing intimate thoughts and feelings that you no longer share with your partner. Though there's no physical affair, the emotional intimacy is real and often more damaging. Then there's sexual cheating, which is the most well-known form, involving physical intimacy with someone other than your partner.

But what about the digital world? Online affairs have become more common, thanks to social media and dating apps. These can range from flirtatious messaging to full-blown emotional or sexual relationships that happen entirely online. Even micro-cheating—the seemingly small behaviors like constant texting or liking someone's posts with romantic intent—can be a form of betrayal.

Finally, we have financial infidelity. This happens when one partner secretly spends or withholds money, betraying the financial trust in the relationship. Whether it's hidden credit card debt or stashing away cash without your partner's knowledge, it all falls under the umbrella of cheating.

7 Types of Cheating in a Relationship

Cheating doesn't look the same in every relationship. In fact, it can take on different shapes and forms depending on the people involved. While most of us are familiar with the idea of a physical affair, there are several other types of cheating that can be just as damaging, if not more so.

Understanding these different types helps us recognize the boundaries in our own relationships and what might be considered a betrayal. From emotional connections to hidden financial habits, cheating comes in various forms that can leave lasting damage on the relationship.

Let's break down the 7 most common types of cheating in relationships:

Sexual Cheating
Emotional Cheating
Online Affairs
Financial Infidelity
Physical Intimacy without Sex
Fantasizing About Someone Else
Micro-Cheating

1. Sexual Cheating

Sexual cheating is what most people think of when they hear the word "infidelity." This type of cheating occurs when one partner has a physical relationship with someone else outside the relationship. It's the kind of betrayal that many find to be the most obvious, but it's not necessarily the most emotionally destructive.

What makes sexual cheating particularly painful is the violation of physical intimacy, something many couples see as sacred. When a partner engages in sexual activity with someone else, it shakes the very foundation of the relationship, raising doubts about loyalty, commitment, and love.

But let's not forget that every couple defines sexual cheating differently. For some, even something as seemingly harmless as kissing or flirting may be considered sexual cheating. It's all about the agreements and boundaries that exist within the relationship. As relationship expert Shirley Glass writes in her book Not "Just Friends", "Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust." Whether it's a one-night stand or an ongoing affair, the emotional fallout is often the same—pain, anger, and a deep sense of betrayal.

2. Emotional Cheating

Emotional cheating is one of the most misunderstood and underestimated forms of infidelity. It often starts innocently—a friendship, a shared interest, a connection that seems harmless. But when emotional intimacy grows deeper with someone outside your relationship, you're crossing a boundary. This is emotional cheating.

Unlike sexual cheating, there's no physical act involved, but the emotional bond formed can be just as intense, sometimes even more so. What makes it so harmful is that emotional cheating creates a divide between you and your partner. You share your deepest thoughts, dreams, and feelings with someone else, leaving your partner in the dark.

According to Dr. Gary Neuman, author of The Truth About Cheating, "Men and women cheat emotionally to fill a void." When that emotional void is filled by someone outside the relationship, trust begins to erode. You're emotionally investing in someone else, which can be just as hurtful as any physical affair.

In many cases, emotional cheating leads to sexual cheating down the road, but even if it doesn't, the damage has already been done. The betrayal of emotional trust cuts deep, leaving your partner feeling neglected, rejected, and excluded from your emotional world.

3. Online Affairs and Cyber Cheating

Welcome to the digital age, where cheating doesn't even require leaving the house. Online affairs, also known as cyber cheating, have become increasingly common thanks to social media, messaging apps, and dating websites. What starts as innocent online conversations can quickly spiral into full-blown emotional or sexual relationships, entirely through a screen.

Cyber cheating can take many forms: exchanging flirtatious messages, sharing explicit photos, or having intimate conversations with someone online. Even when there's no physical contact, the emotional and psychological consequences can be just as severe. Often, people rationalize this type of cheating, thinking that if it's not happening in person, it doesn't count. But the betrayal still cuts deep.

What makes online affairs particularly insidious is the anonymity and ease with which they occur. It's so simple to hide these digital interactions from a partner, making it easier to maintain a double life. "Technology makes it easier to cheat, but it also leaves a digital trail," relationship therapist Esther Perel notes. That digital trail can lead to devastation when discovered.

Just because it happens online doesn't mean it's less real. In fact, online affairs can sometimes feel even more intense because they often lack the boundaries that in-person relationships have. As long as emotional and sexual energy is being diverted to someone outside the relationship, the effects on trust and connection are the same.

4. Financial Infidelity

When we think about cheating, money isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind. But financial infidelity is another form of betrayal that can erode trust in a relationship. Financial cheating happens when one partner hides money, makes secret purchases, or opens accounts without the other's knowledge. It's about deceit, not just dollars.

Money is often a sensitive topic in relationships, and it's closely tied to feelings of control, security, and partnership. When financial decisions are made in secret, it sends a clear message: "I'm not being honest with you." Whether it's hiding debt, stashing away cash, or spending large amounts without discussing it, financial infidelity can create deep divisions.

According to financial therapist Dr. Brad Klontz, "Money secrecy erodes trust just as quickly as any emotional or sexual betrayal." Over time, this financial dishonesty can cause resentment, especially if one partner feels blindsided by hidden debts or spending. Just like any other form of cheating, financial infidelity comes down to a lack of transparency and broken trust.

Addressing financial infidelity requires openness and honest conversations about spending habits, budgeting, and financial goals. Without these, the cracks in your relationship may only deepen.

5. Micro-Cheating

Micro-cheating might be the hardest form of infidelity to define, but it's no less damaging. It involves small, seemingly innocent actions that, when added up, can create an emotional distance between partners. Think about lingering eye contact with a coworker, frequent texting with an ex, or constantly "liking" someone's social media posts. These actions may not seem like much on their own, but they can feel like mini-betrayals over time.

What makes micro-cheating so tricky is its subtlety. It's easy to brush off, and many people justify these behaviors by saying, "It's not like I'm doing anything wrong." But when these small actions consistently cross emotional or relational boundaries, they can lead to feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and even a full-blown affair.

Psychologist Martin Graff explains that "micro-cheating isn't just about the act; it's about the intent behind it." If you're seeking validation, attention, or intimacy from someone other than your partner, you're engaging in a form of cheating, even if it doesn't lead to anything physical. It's the emotional energy that's being diverted elsewhere that can slowly chip away at trust.

As with any form of cheating, transparency and communication are key. If there's any doubt about what's acceptable in your relationship, it's important to have that conversation before micro-cheating turns into something bigger.

6. Physical Intimacy without Sex

Physical intimacy isn't always about sex. Sometimes, it's the small, physical acts that can cross a line in a relationship—holding hands, hugging too long, or even sitting too close to someone in a way that feels romantic. These gestures may seem harmless, but when they go beyond what's appropriate in a committed relationship, they can be considered cheating.

Physical intimacy without sex might not seem like a big deal to the person doing it, but to the partner who discovers it, it can feel like a betrayal. Physical touch is a powerful form of connection, and when that connection is shared with someone outside the relationship, it can lead to feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and distrust.

Research shows that physical touch releases oxytocin, the "bonding hormone." This hormone creates a sense of closeness and trust. When someone engages in physical intimacy with another person, even without sex, it can create an emotional bond that weakens the connection with their partner. This is why physical intimacy without sex still counts as a form of cheating—it's about where you're placing your emotional and physical energy.

As relationship therapist Dr. Holly Richmond notes, "Physical closeness, even without sexual activity, can create an emotional bond that threatens the primary relationship."

7. Fantasizing About Someone Else

Fantasies are a natural part of human thought, but when those fantasies start to involve someone outside of your relationship, things can get complicated. Fantasizing about someone else may not involve any physical action or communication, but it still represents a shift in emotional focus. When you're consistently imagining yourself with someone else, it can impact your emotional availability to your partner.

Psychologist Dr. David Ley explains, "Fantasies are normal, but when they take over your emotional or mental space, they can create a distance in your current relationship." It's one thing to occasionally admire someone, but it's another to spend significant time daydreaming about them or imagining what life would be like together.

The danger of fantasizing about someone else is that it can lead to dissatisfaction with your current relationship. If you're constantly comparing your partner to an idealized version of someone else, it becomes difficult to appreciate the real-life connection you have. Over time, this mental shift can create emotional distance, and in some cases, it may even lead to real-world cheating.

It's important to recognize when fantasies are becoming harmful and to refocus on nurturing the emotional and physical intimacy within your current relationship.

How to Deal with Cheating in a Relationship

Discovering that your partner has cheated can feel like the ground has been ripped from beneath you. There's confusion, anger, and an overwhelming sense of betrayal. But despite the emotional wreckage, many couples choose to confront the issue head-on and try to repair the relationship. So, how do you deal with cheating in a relationship? It requires patience, emotional work, and a willingness to face some very uncomfortable truths.

There's no one-size-fits-all answer to healing after cheating. Some relationships will come out stronger on the other side, while others might break under the weight of the betrayal. Either way, there are key steps that can help you navigate the difficult terrain of infidelity. From honest communication to setting boundaries, dealing with cheating takes time, effort, and a deep understanding of each other's needs.

Here are the essential steps to consider when trying to deal with cheating in your relationship:

Open and Honest Communication
Seek Professional Help
Set Boundaries and Expectations
Self-Care and Emotional Support
Reflect on the Relationship's Future

1. Open and Honest Communication

If you want to survive infidelity, the first and most important step is to have open and honest communication. This means being upfront about feelings, fears, and even the hard questions. Why did the cheating happen? Is there still love left? Can you rebuild trust?

When cheating comes to light, the initial instinct might be to lash out or shut down emotionally. However, without honest conversations, healing will never happen. Both partners need to talk about the events, the reasons behind them, and how to move forward—if they choose to stay together.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of these conversations. She says, "Communication in the aftermath of an affair is difficult but essential. Both parties need to listen to each other's pain and confusion, rather than just focus on blame." It's important to hear each other's side, acknowledge the hurt, and try to understand the deeper issues that led to the betrayal.

But be warned, these conversations aren't a one-time thing. They require ongoing dialogue. This means creating a safe space for each partner to express their feelings over time, not just in the immediate aftermath. Only then can the couple begin to rebuild what's been broken.

2. Seek Professional Help (Therapists, Counselors)

When it comes to dealing with cheating, some wounds are too deep to heal on your own. That's where professional help comes in. Seeking therapy or counseling can be a game-changer for couples trying to work through infidelity. A skilled therapist can provide a neutral space to unpack the hurt, resentment, and confusion that cheating leaves behind.

Couples therapy isn't just about addressing the affair itself. It's about understanding the deeper patterns in the relationship—where communication broke down, what emotional needs weren't being met, and how to rebuild intimacy. According to Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair, "Rebuilding trust after betrayal is a process, not a one-time fix. Therapy provides the structure for that process to unfold." This professional guidance can help both partners feel heard and supported during this incredibly challenging time.

Not only can therapy help heal the relationship, but individual therapy can also help the person who was cheated on to process their emotions and rebuild their self-esteem. It can help the person who cheated understand their actions and take responsibility for the hurt they caused. Professional support offers the tools needed to recover, whether together or separately.

3. Setting Boundaries and Expectations

After an affair, one of the most crucial steps is to set clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. Cheating often happens when there's ambiguity around what is acceptable behavior in the relationship. Now is the time to redefine those boundaries and agree on what cheating looks like for both of you.

For instance, is it acceptable to maintain close friendships with members of the opposite sex? Should social media interactions with ex-partners be limited or cut off entirely? What level of transparency is needed moving forward—sharing passwords, open phone policies, or other measures of accountability? Boundaries will differ from one couple to another, but they must be mutually agreed upon.

Dr. Shirley Glass, an expert on infidelity, explains, "The rules change after an affair. Couples need to be crystal clear about what behaviors are acceptable to rebuild trust." Without setting clear expectations, it's easy to fall back into old patterns, which can trigger feelings of suspicion and anxiety. Establishing boundaries helps both partners feel more secure as they navigate the healing process.

These boundaries shouldn't be seen as punishments but rather as a roadmap for rebuilding trust and respect. They create the necessary guardrails for both partners to feel safe and reassured as they work through the aftermath of infidelity.

4. Self-Care and Emotional Support

When infidelity rocks your relationship, it's easy to get consumed by the pain, anger, and confusion. But while you're working through these emotions, it's important to not lose sight of your own well-being. Self-care and emotional support play a crucial role in your healing journey—whether you decide to stay in the relationship or leave.

Self-care isn't just about spa days and relaxation; it's about tending to your emotional, physical, and mental health. This can mean taking time to reconnect with friends, engaging in hobbies you love, or even seeking individual therapy to process the betrayal. According to therapist Harriet Lerner, "Self-care is the foundation of healing. You can't repair a relationship if you're running on empty." Make sure to give yourself the space and time you need to grieve, reflect, and start to heal.

In addition, surrounding yourself with emotional support is key. Confide in trusted friends or family members who can provide a safe space for you to vent and reflect. Being heard and understood by others can help lighten the emotional burden of betrayal. It's also essential to lean on people who will respect your choices, whether that means repairing the relationship or moving on.

5. Reflect on the Relationship's Future

After the initial shock of cheating has passed, both partners need to take time to reflect on the future of the relationship. Not every couple will choose to stay together, and that's okay. Deciding whether to rebuild or to part ways is deeply personal and requires honest introspection.

Ask yourself: Can I forgive and move forward? Do we have the foundation to rebuild trust? What will it take to repair the damage done? Reflecting on these questions can help clarify what you truly want from the relationship and whether both partners are willing to do the work required for healing.

According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, "Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of healing." But that process is not always straightforward, and it's essential to assess whether the relationship can be rebuilt after such a deep betrayal. Sometimes, the answer will be yes, and both partners will emerge stronger on the other side. Other times, the best option may be to part ways, especially if trust cannot be restored.

Ultimately, reflecting on the future of your relationship is about giving yourself permission to make the choice that's healthiest for you—whether that's staying and working through the pain or choosing to move on to a new chapter in life.

The Impact of Cheating on a Relationship

Cheating doesn't just create a crack in a relationship—it can feel like an earthquake that shakes the foundation to its core. The immediate impact is often overwhelming: emotional devastation, anger, and confusion. The betrayed partner might question everything they thought they knew about the relationship, while the unfaithful partner could be dealing with their own guilt and shame.

Beyond the emotional pain, cheating can lead to a loss of trust that's difficult to rebuild. Trust is the bedrock of any healthy relationship, and when it's broken, it takes time and effort to restore. Even if both partners want to move forward, the lingering doubts, jealousy, and insecurity can create long-term challenges. Every moment of suspicion or unanswered question can reignite feelings of betrayal.

As clinical psychologist Dr. Robert Weiss points out, "Infidelity doesn't just affect the betrayed partner; it impacts the dynamic of the entire relationship." In some cases, the relationship might not recover, and the emotional fallout can last for years. However, some couples find that after the initial pain, they're able to rebuild stronger, with more open communication and a clearer understanding of each other's needs.

How to Rebuild Trust After Cheating

Rebuilding trust after cheating is a long and complex process. It's not something that happens overnight, and it requires a deep commitment from both partners. For the partner who cheated, rebuilding trust means taking responsibility, being transparent, and showing genuine remorse. Trust isn't regained with just words; it takes consistent, trustworthy actions over time.

For the betrayed partner, regaining trust means allowing yourself to heal and being open to the possibility of forgiveness. It's natural to feel hesitant or guarded, but at some point, you'll need to decide whether you're willing to trust again. The process is gradual, and it's important not to rush it.

One of the most effective ways to rebuild trust is through open and honest communication. Dr. John Gottman emphasizes the importance of "attunement", which means being fully present, listening without judgment, and validating each other's feelings. These small moments of attunement can help to slowly rebuild the emotional connection that cheating has broken.

Another key element is transparency. The partner who cheated must be willing to be completely open—whether that means sharing phone passwords, checking in more frequently, or being more mindful of their actions. Over time, these gestures of transparency help the betrayed partner feel more secure and rebuild a sense of safety in the relationship.

Ultimately, rebuilding trust after cheating is a marathon, not a sprint. It takes time, patience, and a willingness to do the hard emotional work. For some couples, this process leads to a deeper understanding of each other and a stronger bond, while for others, it may reveal that the relationship can't be repaired.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

When it comes to cheating, the emotional turmoil it causes leaves many people with more questions than answers. Every relationship is different, and so is every situation of infidelity. To help navigate the complexities of this topic, here are some of the most frequently asked questions that arise when dealing with cheating in a relationship.

Whether you're trying to understand what counts as cheating, wondering how to rebuild trust, or grappling with how to move forward, these answers offer guidance through one of the toughest challenges a relationship can face.

Is Cheating Always Physical?

Cheating isn't always about physical acts. While most people think of cheating as involving sex or physical intimacy, it can take many other forms. Emotional cheating, for example, involves forming a deep emotional bond with someone outside of your relationship. This type of infidelity can be just as damaging—if not more so—because it undermines the emotional foundation of the relationship.

Then there's digital cheating, which includes behaviors like engaging in online affairs, sexting, or flirting over social media. In these cases, there may be no physical contact, but the emotional and sexual energy being directed toward someone else can still feel like a betrayal.

Cheating ultimately comes down to a violation of trust, and that trust can be broken in ways that go beyond the physical. As relationship expert Esther Perel says, "Affairs are less about sex and more about secrecy, desire, and betrayal." Whether it's an emotional connection, a fantasy, or a secret online relationship, cheating doesn't always need to involve physical contact to leave a deep scar on the relationship.

How Can I Know if My Partner is Cheating?

Suspecting that your partner might be cheating can be an incredibly painful and confusing experience. While every situation is unique, there are some common signs that might indicate infidelity. These signs can be physical, emotional, or even behavioral changes that you notice over time.

One of the most common red flags is a sudden increase in secrecy. If your partner is guarding their phone, changing passwords, or becoming defensive when asked about their whereabouts, it could be a sign that something is amiss. Emotional distance is another indicator. If your partner seems more withdrawn, less affectionate, or less interested in spending time with you, it's worth paying attention to these changes.

Other signs include changes in routine or behavior. Are they spending more time away from home or suddenly working late more often? Have they started taking more care in their appearance or buying new clothes? While none of these signs are definitive proof of cheating, they can be clues that something deeper might be happening.

However, the best way to address suspicions of cheating is through honest communication. Asking your partner directly about your concerns might feel intimidating, but it's the only way to get the clarity you need. It's important to approach the conversation with care and openness, rather than accusations and anger.

Can You Forgive Cheating and Move Forward?

Forgiving cheating is one of the hardest decisions anyone can make in a relationship. Whether you can forgive and move forward depends on many factors, including the depth of the betrayal, the willingness of the person who cheated to take responsibility, and the strength of your emotional connection.

Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting what happened or excusing the behavior. Instead, it means choosing to work through the pain and rebuild trust. According to psychologist Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, forgiveness is about "healing the self, with or without reconciliation." It's about giving yourself the freedom to move on—whether that's staying in the relationship or leaving it behind.

For couples who choose to move forward, rebuilding trust is key. Both partners must be fully committed to repairing the relationship. This often means deep, honest communication, setting new boundaries, and giving time for healing. Trust takes time to rebuild, and both partners need to be patient and understanding throughout the process.

While some couples come out stronger after working through infidelity, for others, the pain may be too much to overcome. Forgiving cheating is deeply personal, and only you can decide whether it's worth fighting for the relationship or whether it's time to walk away.

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