3 Types of Men Who Have Affairs (You Should Watch Out For)

Key Takeaways:

• 3 types of men likely to cheat
• Signs of infidelity to watch
• Lack of emotional connection drives affairs
• Temptation plays a significant role
• Narcissism and entitlement impact fidelity

Understanding Why Men Have Affairs

It's an uncomfortable topic, but one that affects so many relationships: infidelity. Why do men cheat? It's easy to default to stereotypes or assumptions, but the truth is far more nuanced. Affairs often don't just "happen" in isolation—they are symptoms of deeper issues within a relationship or within the person themselves. By understanding these root causes, we can better navigate the emotional turbulence that infidelity causes and, hopefully, gain insight to prevent it.

One of the most commonly overlooked elements is the complex set of psychological, relational, and even cultural factors that lead to infidelity. Dr. Shirley Glass, a renowned psychologist and author of "Not Just Friends," suggests that “affairs don't necessarily happen because someone is dissatisfied with their partner, but because the relationship environment allows boundaries to blur.” It's a striking statement that urges us to look beyond simple blame or judgment.

1. Lack of Emotional Connection in the Relationship

At the heart of many affairs is a feeling of disconnection. You could be sharing a bed, a home, and a life, but without emotional intimacy, the relationship starts to erode. When couples aren't on the same page emotionally, one partner might seek that connection elsewhere—sometimes unintentionally. It's not always a conscious choice, but rather a symptom of feeling emotionally stranded.

According to relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman, “emotional disconnection is like a slow leak in a tire—it doesn't deflate immediately, but over time, you find yourself running on empty.” In other words, when someone feels emotionally disconnected from their partner, they may be more vulnerable to outside temptations or the lure of emotional validation from someone else.

If you're in a relationship, it's essential to ask yourself, "Are we really connecting?" If the answer is no, this might be a warning sign worth addressing before any damage is done. Emotional intimacy isn't just a nice-to-have; it's a necessity to sustain love and loyalty over the long haul.

2. Sexual Dissatisfaction in a Marriage or Relationship

Sexual intimacy is one of the fundamental pillars of a fulfilling relationship. When that pillar begins to crack, it can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even rejection. For many, a lack of sexual satisfaction is more than just a physical issue; it's deeply tied to feelings of desirability and self-worth. When those needs aren't met, some individuals may look outside their relationship for validation.

In relationships where sexual dissatisfaction becomes persistent, communication often breaks down. One partner might become disinterested, while the other may internalize feelings of inadequacy. And it's not just about frequency. As Dr. Esther Perel, a leading voice on infidelity and intimacy, notes, “It's not always about the sex, but the longing for connection, novelty, and emotional engagement.” This desire for novelty can lead people into situations where an affair feels like a way to fill that void.

If this resonates with you, it's worth having a conversation about how both of you feel about intimacy. Open and honest dialogue about sexual needs can bring issues to the surface before they drive a wedge between you and your partner. Addressing this head-on is critical to avoiding unnecessary emotional turmoil and betrayal.

3. Temptation and Opportunity Lead to Affairs

It's an uncomfortable reality, but opportunity and temptation are two powerful ingredients in the recipe for infidelity. This isn't just a matter of someone being inherently untrustworthy. Sometimes, it's about the environment they find themselves in and how prepared they are to handle it. Consider social gatherings, late-night work events, or traveling away from home—these situations can present opportunities that wouldn't normally exist within the boundaries of daily life.

Even a faithful person may feel tempted if the conditions are right. Temptation thrives on a mix of curiosity, excitement, and the allure of something forbidden. In situations like these, impulse can win out over integrity, especially if there are underlying issues in the relationship. One classic theory that explains this phenomenon is the Social Exchange Theory, which suggests that individuals make decisions based on perceived costs and benefits. In the context of temptation, the benefits of an illicit relationship can sometimes seem greater than the costs of staying faithful—especially if the primary relationship feels unfulfilling.

As relationship expert Dr. Shirley Glass once put it, “It's not only the walls that keep the outside world at bay but also the windows that allow transparency and trust.” In other words, it's not just about avoiding temptation; it's about actively strengthening your bond to withstand it.

4. Seeking Validation or Boosting Self-Esteem

We all have moments when we feel insecure or crave a sense of validation. For some, an affair becomes a way to address those deep-seated insecurities. They're not just seeking an ego boost—they're searching for someone who makes them feel special, admired, and seen in ways their current relationship doesn't.

This is especially common among men who struggle with their self-esteem or feel unappreciated at home. If they constantly hear criticisms or feel neglected, the allure of someone who showers them with attention and admiration can be almost irresistible. Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," talks about the importance of affirming words in relationships. Without them, a partner can feel overlooked and emotionally hungry for validation.

Remember, validation doesn't just come from others—it also comes from within. Strengthening your self-worth and communicating your needs with your partner are key steps to resisting external temptations. If you notice yourself or your partner seeking validation outside the relationship, it's a red flag that needs addressing sooner rather than later.

5. Boredom and Craving for New Excitement

Let's face it: long-term relationships can sometimes fall into a rut. The thrill of newness fades, and life becomes predictable. This is normal, but when left unchecked, it can lead to boredom—a powerful trigger for some men to seek excitement outside of their relationships.

Adventure, novelty, and spontaneity are basic human desires. When these elements are missing in a relationship, some individuals look for them elsewhere. This is where the Excitation Transfer Theory comes into play. It suggests that feelings of excitement can be misattributed to a person rather than a situation. So when someone meets a new person in an exciting environment, those feelings of thrill and novelty can mistakenly be associated with the person instead of the event, leading them to pursue an affair.

If this resonates with you or your partner, it might be time to rethink how to bring excitement back into your relationship. Rediscover shared hobbies, plan spontaneous outings, or revisit activities that once brought joy to both of you. Keeping that sense of adventure alive doesn't just prevent infidelity—it keeps love fresh and thriving.

6. Emotional or Physical Disconnection in Marriage

When a marriage suffers from emotional or physical disconnection, it's like trying to keep a plant alive without water. Without emotional bonding or physical intimacy, couples start to drift apart. The tragedy is that sometimes, both partners feel disconnected but neither knows how to address it. And over time, this gap widens into a chasm that's difficult to bridge.

Emotional disconnection isn't just about having fewer conversations or spending less time together. It's about the quality of those moments and whether or not you feel seen and understood by your partner. Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, explains, “We're bonding mammals. We need emotional connection to thrive. When that connection is broken or neglected, it leaves us feeling unsafe and alone in the relationship.”

This emotional distance can often lead one or both partners to seek fulfillment elsewhere, and unfortunately, sometimes that path leads to infidelity. Physical disconnection, on the other hand, can have similar effects. If intimacy and touch become infrequent or feel like obligations, resentment builds, and partners may eventually look elsewhere to have these needs met. Recognizing disconnection early and addressing it openly can prevent a great deal of pain down the line.

7. Affairs as Coping Mechanisms for Personal Issues

We all deal with personal struggles, whether it's stress at work, unresolved childhood trauma, or feelings of inadequacy. For some, an affair becomes a coping mechanism—an escape from their problems or a way to feel temporarily empowered. This isn't a healthy strategy, but it's one that many resort to when they're not equipped to handle their issues in more constructive ways.

People often mistakenly believe that an affair will solve their inner turmoil. But using another person as a distraction from your problems only compounds the emotional strain in the long run. The thrill of an affair might provide temporary relief, but it often comes at the expense of their mental well-being and their relationship. Renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel describes this behavior as a “pursuit of lost parts of the self,” where people look for what they feel is missing within themselves, using an affair as a misguided attempt to reclaim it.

If you or your partner are facing unresolved personal struggles, it's vital to seek healthier coping mechanisms—whether through therapy, self-reflection, or open communication with each other. Addressing these issues head-on allows for healing, not just individually but within the relationship as well.

The Percentage of Married Men Who Cheat

Infidelity statistics can be unsettling, but understanding the numbers helps paint a clearer picture of this widespread issue. Various studies show that approximately 20% to 25% of married men have cheated at least once during their marriage. However, this number can fluctuate based on factors like age, cultural background, and relationship satisfaction. According to a study published in The Journal of Marriage and Family, men in their 40s to 50s are statistically more likely to have affairs, often due to midlife crises or evolving marital dynamics.

Of course, statistics only tell part of the story. It's not just about numbers—it's about the emotional impact on both partners. If you're in a marriage or long-term relationship, it's crucial to understand the vulnerabilities that exist and take proactive steps to build trust and connection.

As uncomfortable as it may be, acknowledging the risk factors and common signs of infidelity is essential for anyone who wants to protect and nurture their relationship.

Three Types of Men Who Are Likely to Have Affairs

Not every man is inclined to cheat, but certain personality traits and life experiences can increase the likelihood of infidelity. While no one fits into a perfect box, there are three types of men who are statistically more prone to cheating behaviors:

1. Men with High Levels of Narcissism and Entitlement: Men who exhibit narcissistic traits or a sense of entitlement are often more likely to engage in affairs. This behavior is driven by a need for admiration and a lack of empathy for the consequences of their actions. Narcissistic individuals often justify their infidelity by believing that their needs are more important than their partner's feelings or the stability of their relationship.
2. Men with a History of Infidelity or Where It Was Normalized: If a man has a past history of cheating or grew up in an environment where infidelity was normalized, he's more likely to repeat that behavior. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, notes, “Family dynamics and past relationships shape how we view fidelity and trust. Those who have witnessed or experienced infidelity may be more prone to seeing it as a viable solution to their problems.”
3. Men Experiencing Relationship Dissatisfaction or Unresolved Issues: When someone feels unfulfilled or unresolved conflicts weigh heavily on their mind, an affair can seem like an escape. These men may not necessarily be serial cheaters but might turn to infidelity as a way to cope with feelings of dissatisfaction, anger, or inadequacy within their current relationship.

If you recognize these traits or risk factors in yourself or your partner, it doesn't mean an affair is inevitable. What it does mean is that self-awareness, open communication, and seeking help when necessary are essential to avoid falling into these patterns.

1. Men with High Levels of Narcissism and Entitlement

Narcissism isn't just about vanity or a desire for attention. At its core, it's characterized by a lack of empathy and an inflated sense of self-importance. When a man exhibits high levels of narcissism, he may feel entitled to seek out what he wants, regardless of how it impacts others. Affairs, in this case, are not just about physical attraction or emotional connection; they're often about feeding an ego that craves constant admiration and validation.

Narcissistic individuals frequently view their needs as superior to those of others, including their partners. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist who specializes in narcissism, explains, “For a narcissist, fidelity is often about appearances rather than genuine commitment. When admiration wanes in their primary relationship, they may feel justified in seeking it elsewhere.” This mindset leads to impulsive behavior, and the lack of guilt or remorse often associated with narcissistic traits makes affairs more likely.

If you find yourself with a partner who exhibits these traits, boundaries and clear expectations are crucial. You can't change someone's nature, but you can establish what is and isn't acceptable within your relationship.

2. Men with a History of Infidelity or Where It Was Normalized

Past behavior is a significant predictor of future actions. If a man has a history of cheating or comes from a background where infidelity was considered “normal” or even excused, he's more likely to repeat those behaviors. This doesn't mean that everyone with a complicated past is destined to stray, but it does indicate a greater likelihood of rationalizing or downplaying the consequences of cheating.

Children who grow up witnessing a parent's infidelity or hearing it being minimized can internalize these behaviors as acceptable. They may subconsciously learn that infidelity is a way to escape conflict or cope with dissatisfaction. When this becomes a part of their relationship script, they are more likely to default to these behaviors as adults.

If you're in a relationship with someone who has a history of infidelity, it's essential to establish trust and transparency from the beginning. Having open discussions about past mistakes and expectations can help create a foundation built on honesty and accountability.

3. Men Experiencing Relationship Dissatisfaction or Unresolved Issues

When a man feels dissatisfied or has unresolved issues in his relationship, he may be more susceptible to having an affair. It's not always about a lack of love or a desire to hurt his partner. Often, it's about escaping the emotional weight of conflicts or feeling unfulfilled in areas where he's too afraid or unable to ask for what he needs.

Unresolved issues can range from lingering resentments, unmet expectations, or feelings of being undervalued. According to Dr. John Gottman, co-founder of The Gottman Institute, “Emotional distance and unaddressed resentments are silent killers in relationships. Over time, these can lead to feelings of loneliness, which make outside relationships more appealing.”

The path to preventing this often lies in addressing relationship dissatisfaction head-on. Open conversations, couples counseling, and a willingness to work through issues together can significantly reduce the risk of seeking solace outside the relationship.

Seven Signs of an Affair You Should Not Miss

Infidelity rarely goes unnoticed, but sometimes, we miss the signs because we don't want to believe they're there. If you're worried about a potential affair, there are some red flags that you should not ignore. Here are seven signs to watch for:

1. Sudden Changes in Communication Patterns: If your partner becomes more secretive, evasive, or starts guarding their phone and messages, it could indicate something is amiss. A sudden shift from open conversations to short, curt responses is often a telltale sign.
2. Unexplained Absences or Changes in Schedule: Regularly working late, spontaneous trips, or frequent “meetings” that don't align with their usual schedule can be suspicious. Affairs often thrive on hidden time, so pay attention to changes in their routine.
3. Increased Secrecy Around Digital Devices: If your partner suddenly becomes protective of their phone, changes passwords, or deletes messages frequently, it might be a sign of infidelity. Emotional affairs, in particular, often leave digital traces.
4. Unaccounted Expenses or Financial Discrepancies: Affairs can be expensive, from gifts to secret dinners. Keep an eye out for unusual spending or credit card charges that don't match their typical spending patterns.
5. A Sudden Interest in Improving Their Appearance: A renewed focus on fitness, wardrobe changes, or increased grooming habits can sometimes be linked to an affair, especially if it's out of character for them.
6. Emotional Withdrawal and Growing Distance: If your partner starts pulling away emotionally, becomes less affectionate, or loses interest in activities you once enjoyed together, it could indicate they're investing those emotions elsewhere.
7. Defensiveness When Questioned About Activities: Being overly defensive or reactive when you ask simple questions can be a red flag. When someone is hiding something, even innocent inquiries can feel like an accusation to them.

While none of these signs alone guarantee that an affair is happening, noticing multiple red flags could indicate that something is wrong. Trust your instincts and, when in doubt, communicate openly about your concerns.

1. Sudden Changes in Communication Patterns

One of the first signs that something may be wrong in a relationship is a noticeable shift in the way your partner communicates. Perhaps they used to share their thoughts openly or chat about their day without hesitation, but now conversations feel forced, guarded, or surface-level. This sudden change in how they speak, or even their body language during conversations, can be a red flag that they are emotionally distancing themselves or hiding something.

When someone is engaging in an affair, their priorities change, and it often reflects in their communication habits. You may find that previously mundane questions now receive vague or defensive answers. The casual sharing of plans, feelings, or work-related topics may diminish, leaving you feeling like you're not as connected as you once were. Relationship expert Dr. Shirley Glass refers to this as “emotional unavailability,” which happens when one partner disconnects to protect the secret life they are leading outside the relationship.

If this hits close to home, it's essential to address these changes head-on. Approach your partner with empathy and express your concerns about the communication gap. Let them know you want to bridge the distance, rather than let it grow.

2. Unexplained Absences or Schedule Changes

We all have busy lives, but when your partner's schedule starts shifting without clear explanations, it's worth taking notice. Sudden late nights at the office, unexpected business trips, or “last-minute plans” with friends might seem like innocent occurrences. However, if these events start to stack up and don't align with your partner's usual routine, it could be a cause for concern.

Affairs often thrive on secrecy, and creating hidden pockets of time is crucial for maintaining them. So, when your partner begins to be frequently unavailable or unreachable, it may point to something beyond just a busy life. As much as you might want to give them the benefit of the doubt, repeated unexplained absences create feelings of uncertainty and mistrust.

If you're dealing with this, try addressing your concerns calmly. It's okay to ask for transparency and to share how these changes are affecting you. A partner who values the relationship will be willing to provide reassurance rather than dismiss your feelings.

3. Increased Secrecy Around Digital Devices

In today's digital age, secrecy often manifests in how a person handles their phone, computer, or other digital devices. If your partner suddenly becomes overly protective of their phone, consistently keeps it face down, or takes it with them everywhere—even to the bathroom—it could be a warning sign. The need to guard their device might indicate that they are hiding text messages, calls, or social media interactions that they don't want you to see.

Being secretive with digital devices might also involve changing passwords without telling you, quickly closing apps when you enter the room, or using apps that allow messages to disappear. Even if your partner has always valued their privacy, this heightened secrecy can point to something deeper. Renowned psychologist Dr. Shirley Glass described this behavior as “creating barriers between partners” instead of fostering openness and transparency, which are crucial for trust.

If you notice this shift, it's important not to jump to conclusions, but to have an open conversation about your concerns. Respect and privacy are important in relationships, but transparency builds trust. Addressing the issue directly can help alleviate your doubts or confirm them, giving you the clarity you need.

4. Unaccounted Expenses or Financial Discrepancies

Affairs aren't just emotionally taxing—they're often financially draining as well. If your partner is suddenly spending more than usual or there are unexpected charges on shared accounts, it could be a sign of infidelity. Extravagant dinners, gifts, hotel bookings, or trips are common expenses associated with an affair, and if these aren't being discussed or explained, it raises red flags.

Keeping an eye on unusual spending doesn't mean policing your partner, but when significant financial changes go unaccounted for, it's natural to question where that money is going. Dr. John Gottman has pointed out that secrecy around finances is one of the key indicators of distrust in a relationship. When money starts disappearing without reasonable explanations, it's time to have a conversation about financial transparency.

If you're facing this situation, approach it carefully. Instead of confronting with accusations, bring up your observations and how these financial discrepancies are affecting your trust. A caring and committed partner should be willing to provide clarity rather than dismiss your concerns.

5. A Sudden Interest in Improving Their Appearance

It's natural to want to look and feel your best, but a sudden and dramatic change in your partner's appearance or grooming habits can be a subtle red flag. If your partner, who never cared much about their wardrobe, suddenly starts buying new clothes, hitting the gym religiously, or experimenting with cologne, it's worth paying attention. While self-improvement can be a positive thing, unexplained motivations behind it can suggest they are trying to impress someone outside of the relationship.

This renewed interest in their looks could also be accompanied by behaviors such as taking extra time to get ready, being unusually concerned about how they appear, or constantly fishing for compliments. As Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes, “The desire to be admired and appreciated is a basic human need. When people feel starved for it in their relationship, they may seek that validation elsewhere.”

It's essential not to assume the worst, but to ask yourself if this change is accompanied by other signs. Addressing your observations with curiosity rather than confrontation can open the door for an honest conversation about what's really going on.

6. Emotional Withdrawal and Growing Distance

Emotional withdrawal is often one of the most painful signs to experience in a relationship. When your partner starts pulling away, becoming less engaged, and spending more time alone or with friends, it's difficult not to feel the sting of rejection. Emotional distance often precedes physical distance and can create a sense of loneliness even when you're sitting in the same room.

If you find that meaningful conversations are becoming rare, or that your partner no longer shares their thoughts, dreams, or feelings with you, it could indicate that their emotional energy is being invested elsewhere. According to Dr. Sue Johnson, the pioneer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, “Emotional bonding isn't just about time spent together—it's about the quality of that connection. When it deteriorates, both partners feel isolated and vulnerable.”

Emotional withdrawal can be a sign of an affair, but it can also signal deeper issues within the relationship that need addressing. The key is to open a dialogue before assumptions turn into resentment. Express your feelings and ask for theirs, focusing on rebuilding that lost connection rather than assigning blame.

7. Defensiveness When Questioned About Activities

When someone is hiding something, even innocent questions can feel like accusations. If your partner becomes unusually defensive or reactive when you ask simple questions about their day or their plans, it could indicate that there's something they're trying to keep under wraps. For example, a question like, “Who were you texting?” or “What time did you leave work?” might trigger an overblown response or an attempt to flip the conversation back on you.

Defensiveness is a common behavior in people who are trying to protect a secret, especially if guilt or fear of being caught is weighing on their mind. Dr. Shirley Glass, author of Not Just Friends, explains that “When someone feels trapped between two worlds, they often deflect accountability with defensiveness or anger.” This response serves as a shield to protect their secret, but it also creates distance and fosters suspicion in the relationship.

If you're experiencing this, it's vital to approach your partner with calmness and clarity. Express how their defensiveness makes you feel and emphasize the importance of honesty and openness. If they truly value the relationship, they'll take steps to rebuild that trust.

FAQs

Can a man cheat and still love his wife?

It's a difficult question with no simple answer. Some men may still love their wives despite having an affair, but their actions contradict that love. Affairs often arise from unmet needs or unresolved issues rather than a lack of love. However, infidelity damages trust, which is the cornerstone of any loving relationship. Rebuilding trust after an affair requires immense effort and sincere commitment from both partners.

Which men are more likely to cheat?

Men with certain traits or life experiences, such as high levels of narcissism, a history of infidelity, or those experiencing significant dissatisfaction in their relationship, are statistically more likely to cheat. External factors like opportunity and environment also play a role, but individual values and past experiences heavily influence the likelihood of infidelity.

What drives men to have affairs?

There isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. Men may have affairs due to emotional disconnection, sexual dissatisfaction, a desire for validation, boredom, or unresolved personal issues. Sometimes, it's a combination of multiple factors that lead to infidelity, making it crucial to address underlying issues before they become breaking points.

How common are affairs in modern society?

While infidelity is not a new phenomenon, its prevalence remains high. Studies estimate that around 20% to 25% of married men have engaged in an affair at some point. The increase in digital communication and dating apps has also made it easier for affairs to occur, further complicating modern relationships.

Are there cultural differences in attitudes toward infidelity?

Yes, cultural attitudes toward infidelity can vary widely. In some cultures, infidelity is more stigmatized and carries severe social consequences, while in others, it may be viewed with more leniency or even normalized. These cultural differences affect how both individuals and couples respond to infidelity within a relationship.

To Sum Up

Infidelity is a painful reality that affects many relationships, but understanding its causes and signs can empower you to navigate this challenging issue. From emotional disconnection to unmet needs, the reasons men have affairs are often complex and deeply rooted in individual and relational dynamics. If you've noticed any of the warning signs discussed, it doesn't mean that an affair is guaranteed, but it's a signal that something needs attention. Ignoring these signs only allows distance and distrust to fester, creating greater challenges down the road.

It's crucial to remember that infidelity isn't always about a lack of love. Often, it's a cry for help or a misguided attempt to fulfill needs that haven't been communicated or met. Open communication, empathy, and a willingness to address underlying issues can be powerful tools in preventing and healing from infidelity. As Dr. Sue Johnson emphasizes, “Connection is a universal need. If that connection is broken, it's up to both partners to find a way to repair it together.”

If you're facing infidelity in your relationship, you don't have to navigate this journey alone. Seeking guidance from a therapist, opening the lines of communication, and understanding the root causes can help you rebuild trust and find your way back to each other—or, if necessary, find a new path forward.

Recommended Resources

• Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass
• The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson