Should My Friend Abandon Making New Friends?

It's a difficult thing, when a friend makes a decision that doesn't sit right with you. Difficult, because you don't want to interfere, and even more so when that decision is based on a trait of their personality. That's why it always pays to be honest, if done with sincere kindness.

As my friend Claire went out to meet an old acquaintance she hadn't seen in years, I couldn't help but reflect on the myriad of other friends she could be bringing into her life. After all, as remarkable as her old school companion may seem, she was depriving herself of expanding her relationships further. It almost felt like she was telling herself she didn’t have something in her worth cultivating any new friendships. Maybe her self-esteem was now too fragile to expose her true character.

This thought was clouding my mind as the sun began to set, the waning light meaning that our time together that evening was quickly coming to an end. As we talked, I could tell that behind the bright-eyed optimism there was a mask; embedded in her looking glass of memories, framed by a smile each time she looked past me.

In my heart, I knew that her momentum to make new friends would require a push if it were to take flight, like a twig needs a gust of wind to reach escape velocity. Those honest moments between friends are what really define the ones true colours, and I wasn’t sure she was willing to risk it. But when I mustered the courage to tell her that her personality was worthy of even new friendships, it felt like I had opened a floodgate.

Suddenly, Claire was like a dam tearing down its walls. She shared the anxieties about meeting others, the lies she told herself to pretend that she did not care, the deep-rooted insecurities that slowly blossomed into shyness, a detour that life took her that made it harder to trust.

The weight of these revelations released me to do what I knew was right; to start building an effective bridge between her relationships. We talked until the stars came out, and while they still sparkled in the darkness we drew a path forward that focused less on why she "couldn't" make new friends and more so embracing why she could.

There is always an opportunity to foster new relationships however unique life may take us. No matter the conditions, no matter how crippled the spirit may feel, there is strength to see the best within us and offer it out to the world. Whether it's a neighbour or a colleague, or someone whose life begins to intertwine with yours, my best advice is to have faith in yourself. Once you believe in your own personality, no matter your own tendencies, the universe takes note. Magnetized to an inner, powerful source, positivity will draw the right people to you.

Relationships are powerful, in particular those based on mutual understanding and respect. They can cover a gamut from meaningful attachments to sheer convenience. The main point is to seek joy in each connection, no matter how small. Whether it be a smile exchanged on the drive to work or genuine love within a family, ultimately, no single friendship has to be more than any other.

Friendships are not like numbers, each one being equally important in its own right. This includes the ones you find when you look in the mirror.