Why You're Tired of Being Single (And What to Do)

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace your single journey
• High standards are healthy
• Patience brings clarity and peace
• Surround yourself with supportive people
• Self-love is the foundation

The Struggles of Being Single

Being single can feel like a never-ending journey. It's easy to get lost in the sea of societal expectations, friends coupling up, and the constant barrage of "When are you going to find someone?" questions. It's normal to feel overwhelmed, lonely, and yes, tired of being single. But what if being single isn't just a waiting game? What if it's an opportunity? A time to grow, reflect, and truly understand who you are before inviting someone else into your life?

This phase of life, though challenging, is also a powerful period of self-discovery. It's a time when you can explore your own needs, desires, and passions without the pressure of meeting someone else's expectations. But it's not always easy to see it that way, especially when the world around you seems to be paired up. The struggle is real, and it's okay to acknowledge that. But let's dive into why you might be feeling this way and how to navigate through it with grace and strength.

Why You're Tired of Being Single

The weariness that comes with being single isn't just about not having a partner. It's deeper than that. It's about the fatigue that builds up from constant searching, hoping, and sometimes feeling like you're just not enough. You might be tired because you've been on one too many bad dates, or maybe the loneliness is starting to creep in, making you question your self-worth. It's exhausting, and it's okay to feel that way.

Psychologically, this tiredness can stem from several factors. Social comparison plays a big role—seeing others in relationships can make your single status feel more glaring, more painful. This is often coupled with the human need for connection and belonging. When those needs aren't met, it's natural to feel drained. Dr. Brené Brown, in her book Braving the Wilderness, talks about the deep-seated human desire to belong and how it impacts our mental and emotional health. "True belonging doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are," she writes. This is a crucial reminder that the journey isn't just about finding someone else but about embracing yourself.

Trust That Things Will Get Better

When you're in the thick of loneliness, it's hard to believe that things will improve. The nights feel long, and the days are filled with a sense of yearning that seems endless. But here's the truth: life is cyclical. Just as the darkest nights eventually give way to dawn, your current situation is not permanent. The emotional exhaustion of being single, of wondering when or if you'll ever find the right person, can feel overwhelming, but it's essential to remember that this phase will pass.

Trusting that things will get better isn't just a hopeful mantra—it's a psychological tool that can shift your mindset. In positive psychology, there's a concept known as "learned optimism," which was popularized by Dr. Martin Seligman. It's the practice of viewing your circumstances in a positive light, believing that good things will come your way. This mindset doesn't just help you cope; it actively contributes to better outcomes in life. When you trust that better days are ahead, you're more likely to take actions that lead to those outcomes, whether that's trying new activities, meeting new people, or simply treating yourself with more kindness.

There's a Reason for Everything

One of the hardest things to accept when you're tired of being single is that there might be a reason behind it. But understanding that there is often a deeper purpose to life's challenges can be incredibly liberating. It's not about blaming yourself or thinking that you're not good enough. Instead, it's about recognizing that this period of your life might be necessary for your growth, for learning lessons that only solitude can teach.

The idea that "everything happens for a reason" can be comforting, but it's also important to approach it with a sense of balance. This isn't about fate dictating your life, but about you finding meaning in your experiences. Viktor Frankl, in his book Man's Search for Meaning, wrote extensively about the importance of finding purpose in the midst of suffering. He said, "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." This is the essence of embracing your current situation. Perhaps there's a reason you haven't found your person yet—maybe it's because you're still becoming the person you need to be to attract the right partner.

This period is an opportunity to grow, to build a life that's fulfilling on its own. So when the time does come for someone to enter it, you're ready—not just to be with them, but to be the best version of yourself.

Date Yourself First

We often hear about the importance of self-love, but what does that really mean? When you're tired of being single, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that someone else will come along and fill the void. But the truth is, no one can truly do that for you. You have to learn to love and appreciate your own company first. And that's where dating yourself comes in.

Dating yourself is about indulging in activities that make you happy, discovering what you love, and treating yourself with the kindness and care you would show a partner. It's about taking yourself out for a nice dinner, exploring new hobbies, or even just spending time alone without distractions. When you date yourself, you're building a foundation of self-worth and confidence that no relationship status can shake.

Moreover, this practice helps you set the standard for how you want to be treated. By valuing your own time, energy, and happiness, you're less likely to settle for less than you deserve in a relationship. You begin to realize that being single isn't a curse—it's an opportunity to get to know the most important person in your life: you.

It's Okay to Have High Standards

There's a lot of pressure in today's world to couple up, often leading to the belief that any relationship is better than none. But let's be clear: it's perfectly okay, even essential, to have high standards. You should never feel guilty for wanting a partner who respects you, shares your values, and brings joy to your life.

Having high standards doesn't mean you're being unrealistic or picky—it means you know your worth. It's about recognizing that you deserve a relationship that adds value to your life, rather than one that simply fills a void. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the importance of being selective in his research. He suggests that choosing a partner who aligns with your long-term goals and values is critical to the success of a relationship.

So, if you're feeling tired of being single because you refuse to lower your standards, that's actually a sign of strength. It means you're not willing to compromise on what truly matters to you. And that's something to be proud of. Remember, it's better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship that makes you feel alone.

Learn to Be Fine on Your Own

One of the most valuable lessons you can learn in life is how to be content with your own company. Being fine on your own isn't about rejecting the idea of a relationship—it's about finding peace within yourself first. When you're comfortable being alone, you're not constantly searching for someone to complete you. Instead, you're looking for someone who complements the already full and rich life you've created.

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that happiness is something external, something that comes from other people or circumstances. But the truth is, real happiness comes from within. When you learn to be fine on your own, you're embracing the power of self-sufficiency. You're acknowledging that your well-being doesn't depend on another person's presence, but on your own mindset and actions.

Spending time alone can be incredibly empowering. It allows you to connect with your thoughts, desires, and goals without outside influence. It's a time to explore your passions, to learn more about yourself, and to cultivate a sense of independence. And when you do eventually meet someone, you'll bring this self-assuredness into the relationship, making it stronger and more balanced.

Surround Yourself with the Right People

While it's crucial to be fine on your own, it's equally important to surround yourself with the right people. The company you keep can greatly influence your mindset and emotional health, especially when you're navigating the challenges of being single. Positive, supportive friends and family can lift you up, remind you of your worth, and provide a much-needed perspective when you're feeling low.

It's essential to seek out relationships that are nurturing and fulfilling. This means distancing yourself from those who drain your energy or make you feel less than. You deserve to be around people who celebrate your strengths, who encourage your growth, and who stand by you through both good and tough times. These are the people who will remind you that your relationship status doesn't define you, and that your value is inherent, regardless of whether you're single or partnered.

In psychology, the concept of a "support system" is often discussed in terms of mental health and resilience. A strong support system provides emotional stability, reduces stress, and can even improve your overall outlook on life. So, invest in those relationships that matter most, and remember that being single doesn't mean being alone—it means being surrounded by the right kind of love.

Get Personalized Advice

Not all advice is created equal, and what works for one person might not work for another. When you're tired of being single, it's easy to get bombarded with well-meaning advice from friends, family, or even random articles on the internet. But the truth is, the best advice is personalized—it's tailored to your unique situation, personality, and goals.

One way to get personalized advice is by talking to a professional, like a therapist or a relationship coach. These experts can help you understand the underlying issues that might be affecting your relationships or your feelings about being single. They can offer strategies that are specifically designed for you, rather than generic tips that may not address your real needs. Sometimes, the smallest adjustments in your approach or mindset can make the biggest difference.

Another way to get more personalized advice is to engage with your trusted support system—those who know you best. These are the people who can offer insights based on your history, your strengths, and your vulnerabilities. They can help you see things from a different perspective and guide you toward making decisions that align with your true self.

Don't Let Pessimism Take Over

When you've been single for a long time, it's easy to slip into a pessimistic mindset. You might start thinking that you'll never find the right person, or that love just isn't in the cards for you. But pessimism is a slippery slope—it can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies where your negative beliefs actually prevent you from finding happiness.

In cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), there's a concept known as "cognitive distortions." These are irrational, biased thoughts that can trick you into seeing things in a more negative light than they actually are. For example, if you believe that "all the good ones are taken," you might close yourself off to new opportunities, even when they arise. Recognizing these distortions is the first step to overcoming them.

It's important to challenge your pessimistic thoughts and replace them with more balanced, realistic ones. Instead of thinking, "I'll never find anyone," try shifting your mindset to, "I haven't found the right person yet, but that doesn't mean I won't." This shift in thinking doesn't just change how you feel—it changes how you act. When you approach life with a more optimistic outlook, you're more open to opportunities, more resilient in the face of challenges, and more likely to attract the right kind of energy into your life.

Remember, your thoughts shape your reality. Don't let pessimism take over and dictate your future. Choose to believe in possibilities, in the idea that your journey is still unfolding, and that there are better days ahead.

Practice Patience and Breathing

Patience is a virtue, but it's also a skill that needs to be cultivated, especially when you're feeling tired of being single. It's natural to want things to happen quickly, to meet the right person and settle down. However, the journey to finding a meaningful relationship often requires more time than we expect. And that's okay.

In moments of frustration, practicing patience can make all the difference. This isn't about simply waiting around—it's about actively choosing to trust the process, knowing that good things take time. One effective way to cultivate patience is through mindfulness and breathing exercises. When you feel impatience creeping in, take a few moments to close your eyes, breathe deeply, and focus on the present moment. This simple act can help calm your mind, reduce anxiety, and remind you that everything is unfolding in its own time.

Mindfulness, particularly mindful breathing, is a powerful tool in managing emotions and staying grounded. It's not just about waiting; it's about waiting well. As you practice patience, remember that the time you spend focusing on yourself, growing, and preparing for the future is never wasted. Every breath you take with intention is a step closer to the life you desire.

What Now? Taking the Next Step

So, you've reflected, you've grown, and you've cultivated patience—what now? The next step is to move forward with intention and purpose. Whether that means putting yourself out there more, trying new experiences, or simply continuing to focus on your personal growth, it's important to keep the momentum going.

Taking the next step doesn't have to be a grand gesture. It could be as simple as signing up for a new class, joining a social group, or even just being open to conversations with new people. The key is to keep moving forward, even if the steps feel small. Each one brings you closer to where you want to be.

Remember, the journey to finding a fulfilling relationship isn't a straight line. There will be twists, turns, and perhaps a few setbacks along the way. But each step, no matter how small, is progress. Trust in the process, and know that every experience is shaping you into the person you're meant to be.

Recommended Resources

• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
• The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman
• Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown