Signs You Truly Like Him (And Aren't Just Infatuated)

Key Takeaways:

• Self-reflection reveals true feelings
• Understand the difference between love and attraction
• Natural connection is essential
• Consider advice from friends
• Watch for red flags

But first, a quick piece of advice

Before diving into the signs and signals, it's crucial to take a moment for self-reflection. Ask yourself why you're questioning your feelings and what you're hoping to discover. Sometimes, our minds can play tricks on us, making us doubt what we already know deep down. So, breathe, relax, and get ready to explore your heart's true desires.

Is it love or just attraction?

One of the first things to consider is whether what you're feeling is genuine love or just physical attraction. Attraction can be instant and intense, but love usually develops over time and is based on deeper connections. Think about how you feel when you're not around him. Do you miss him genuinely, or is it more about the excitement of being around someone new?

As the relationship expert Esther Perel once said, "Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness." Reflect on whether you feel a sense of deep connection or if you're just drawn to the surface-level thrill.

Reflect on why you're questioning your feelings

It's important to take a moment and understand why you're uncertain about your feelings. Are you second-guessing because of past experiences, or are there specific actions or behaviors from him that make you unsure? Sometimes, doubt can stem from internal conflicts rather than the relationship itself. Journaling or talking it out with a trusted friend can provide clarity. Remember, it's okay to question your feelings—it's a part of getting to know yourself better.

Going out of your way for him

When you like someone, you often find yourself going the extra mile to make them happy. Maybe you surprise him with his favorite coffee or rearrange your schedule just to spend a little more time together. These small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness are tell-tale signs of deeper affection. However, it's also essential to ensure that these gestures are reciprocated and that you're not sacrificing too much of yourself in the process.

As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, "The small things often are the big things." Pay attention to these little efforts and what they mean to you both.

Journaling your thoughts can help

Putting pen to paper can be a powerful tool for self-discovery. When you're confused about your feelings, journaling allows you to explore your emotions without judgment. Write about your experiences, thoughts, and any moments that stand out. Do you notice patterns in your feelings when you're with him? Are there specific things he does that make you feel particularly connected or distant?

Journaling not only helps in organizing your thoughts but also provides a space to reflect on your emotions over time. This can be especially useful if you're someone who struggles to articulate their feelings verbally. Remember, it's a personal space, so be honest and open with yourself.

Does being around him feel natural?

One key indicator of genuine affection is how natural you feel around someone. Do you feel like you can be yourself without putting on a facade? It's important to notice if you're constantly trying to impress or act differently to gain his approval. True connections often come with a sense of ease and comfort, where you don't have to overthink your actions or words.

Think about your interactions. Are you at ease, or do you feel a constant pressure to meet certain expectations? If you're relaxed and happy in his presence, it's a good sign that there's a deeper connection. But if you feel like you're walking on eggshells, it might be time to reconsider the nature of your feelings.

How much do you really know about him?

It's easy to get caught up in the initial excitement of attraction, but how well do you actually know him? Take a step back and think about the depth of your conversations. Have you discussed more than just surface-level topics? Knowing someone beyond their favorite movie or color is crucial in determining if your feelings are substantial.

Consider what you've learned about his values, his dreams, and his fears. Have you talked about things that matter to both of you? Understanding his personality, background, and life experiences can help you gauge if you're interested in who he truly is, not just the idea of him. Sometimes, getting to know someone better can deepen your feelings—or clarify that your interests don't align as much as you thought.

Are you triggering his hero instinct?

Psychologist James Bauer coined the term "hero instinct" to describe a fundamental drive in men to be a hero for the woman they care about. This isn't about being a knight in shining armor; rather, it's about feeling needed and appreciated. Are there moments when you make him feel like he's making a positive impact in your life? Do you ask for his help or seek his advice, showing him that you value his opinion?

Triggering the hero instinct can foster a deeper emotional connection, making him feel more committed and invested in the relationship. However, it's essential to ensure that this is a genuine aspect of your interaction and not something you're forcing just to get his attention. Authenticity is key to building a strong, lasting connection.

Are you lonely or truly interested?

Distinguishing between genuine interest and filling a void can be challenging. Ask yourself if you're drawn to him because you're feeling lonely or if there's a real connection. Loneliness can sometimes cloud our judgment, making us latch onto the first available person rather than the right one. It's crucial to assess whether you're interested in him for who he is or simply for the company he provides.

Reflect on how you feel when you're alone versus when you're with him. Do you genuinely enjoy his company and miss him when he's not around, or is it more about avoiding loneliness? This self-awareness can prevent you from entering a relationship for the wrong reasons and ensure that your feelings are genuine.

How often do you think about him?

Another clue to understanding your feelings is how often he crosses your mind. If you find yourself daydreaming about him frequently, it's a strong indication that he's important to you. However, it's not just about the quantity of thoughts but the quality as well. Are these thoughts positive and hopeful, or are they filled with doubts and insecurities?

Consider the nature of your thoughts. Do you imagine a future together, or are you constantly questioning his actions and intentions? Being mindful of your thought patterns can help clarify whether your feelings are rooted in genuine affection or if they're simply a passing fancy.

Can you imagine life without him?

A significant sign of true affection is whether you can imagine your life without this person. Picture your day-to-day routine and your future—does he play a central role, or do you see yourself thriving just as well without him? If the thought of him not being around leaves you feeling empty or incomplete, it's a strong indication that your feelings run deep.

On the other hand, if the idea of him leaving doesn't significantly alter your life plans or emotional state, it might be worth reconsidering the intensity of your feelings. Being able to live without someone doesn't mean you don't care about them, but a strong emotional connection often involves a sense of mutual dependency and partnership.

Feeling like you're already in too deep

Do you ever feel like you're in too deep, emotionally invested far beyond a casual interest? This sensation can be both exhilarating and terrifying, as it often means you've crossed the line from casual dating into a more serious emotional commitment. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions, it's a sign that you're deeply connected to him.

It's natural to have moments of doubt and anxiety, especially when you're vulnerable. However, these feelings can also signal that you're genuinely invested in the relationship. The key is to balance your emotions and ensure that the depth of your feelings is reciprocated. Mutual affection and respect are essential for a healthy, long-term relationship.

How long have you been unsure?

Time can be a telling factor in understanding your feelings. If you've been unsure about your emotions for a while, it might indicate a deeper issue or lack of connection. On the contrary, if your uncertainty is relatively recent, it could be due to external factors, such as stress or recent changes in your life, that are affecting your emotional clarity.

Take note of how long you've been feeling uncertain. If it's a persistent feeling, consider what might be holding you back from fully committing to your feelings. Sometimes, prolonged uncertainty can be a sign that you're not as invested as you thought, or that there are underlying issues that need addressing. Don't rush your emotions, but also be mindful of not staying in a state of limbo for too long.

Listen to your friends' perspectives

Your friends can offer valuable insights that you might not see yourself. They can observe your relationship from an outside perspective and may notice things that you're too close to recognize. Have your friends ever expressed concerns or support about your relationship? Do they see a genuine connection, or have they pointed out potential red flags?

While it's important to trust your own feelings, listening to the perspectives of those who care about you can provide clarity. They want what's best for you and can sometimes see the situation more objectively. However, remember that their advice is just one piece of the puzzle; ultimately, the decision about your feelings and relationship is yours to make.

Are you over your ex?

One crucial aspect to consider when figuring out your feelings is whether you're truly over your past relationship. Lingering emotions for an ex can cloud your judgment and affect how you perceive new romantic interests. Ask yourself if you've fully processed and moved on from your previous relationship. If you're still comparing him to your ex or thinking about what could have been, it might be a sign that you're not ready to move forward.

It's essential to enter new relationships with a clear heart and mind. Holding onto past hurts or unresolved feelings can prevent you from fully investing in a new relationship. Take the time to heal and ensure that your interest in this new person isn't a rebound or a way to distract yourself from unresolved emotions.

Do you seek his help or advice?

Another way to gauge your feelings is by noticing whether you naturally turn to him for help or advice. When you like someone, you often value their opinions and want to involve them in your life decisions. Do you find yourself asking for his input on various matters, from small daily decisions to significant life choices? This shows that you respect and trust his judgment, which is a strong foundation for any relationship.

Moreover, consider how he responds to your requests for help. Does he genuinely care and offer thoughtful advice, or does he seem indifferent? Mutual support and interest in each other's lives are key components of a healthy relationship. If you feel comfortable seeking his advice and he is responsive, it indicates a deeper level of trust and connection.

Do you see a future with him?

Imagining a future together is a strong indicator of your true feelings. Do you envision him being a part of your long-term plans, or do you see your paths diverging eventually? Consider whether you include him in your dreams and aspirations. This could be anything from thinking about traveling together, discussing future career plans, or even picturing a home with him.

It's not just about having fantasies; it's about realistically seeing how he fits into your life goals and whether you can build a future together. If the idea of him being by your side in the long run feels right and makes you happy, it's a strong sign that your feelings are genuine and deep.

Feeling jealous of other women

Jealousy, while often seen negatively, can sometimes reveal your true emotions. If you find yourself feeling jealous when he interacts with other women, it might indicate that you care more than you realize. Pay attention to your reactions in these situations. Do you feel a pang of jealousy, or are you indifferent?

Healthy jealousy can be a sign that you value the relationship and fear losing it, but it's crucial to manage it properly. Excessive jealousy can be destructive, so it's important to communicate openly with him about your feelings. Ensuring trust and transparency can help maintain a balanced relationship where both partners feel secure and valued.