Rules for Turning a Friend Into a Boyfriend

Excerpted from
Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love By
By Sherrie Schneider, Ellen Fein

You've been friends for ages. Now, for whatever reason, you've decided he's The One. Can you turn a friend into a boyfriend?

Only if he really always liked you, but you or circumstances prevented the friendship from developing further. For example, you never wanted anything more until recently, or you were both dating other people. Maybe you couldn't imagine him as a boyfriend because of age differences (he's much older or younger than you), personality differences (he's artsy, you're a business-type), or you come from different backgrounds.

How can you be sure he always liked you as more than a friend if you've just been friends?

There are certain things a friend does or says when he is drawn to you. For example:

He always just happens to be in your neighborhood or business area. He likes to watch Friends in your apartment. He likes your TV set better. If you are coworkers, he's frequently drinking water from the fountain near your desk. If you're in college, he's always hanging out outside of your dorm room or is often at the dining hall when you're there.

The bottom line: when a man is attracted to you, he finds ways-excuses-to be near you. We're not exaggerating when we say, whoever's near you likes you! You don't have to look far or wide to find him. He's always hanging around. You can't get rid of him!

When a friend wants to date you, he doesn't talk about other women, even if he's dating someone else. He never seems to notice other women, even your very attractive friend. If, in fact, he is attracted to other women, he tells everyone but you. Around you, the words will just not come out, they stick in his throat.

While he's private about his own love life, he wants to know about yours and asks a lot of questions. He wants to know the type of guy you like to date and what you like to do on Saturday night. He makes it sound as if he's just curious, no big deal, of course, but he's really figuring out how he's going to use that information to make a move one day. He thinks anyone you're dating is not good enough for you. He'll even put them down ("His father got him the job.").

When a male friend is really interested in you, he tries to be helpful. He offers to show you how to play tennis or how to work the computer. He might help you move your stuff from one apartment to another or listen to your work or roommate problems without expecting anything in return. In fact, he never expects you to help him with anything, unless it's an excuse to stay connected to you.

If he likes you as more than a friend, he'll tease you, flirt with you, and make you laugh. He thinks your shortcomings are cute.

He means more than he says. He tries to be cool around you, but he's really quite nervous.

When a male friend is not interested in you romantically, he behaves quite differently. He's calm, rational, matter-of-fact. You can take everything he does and says at face value.

He asks you for advice about dating another woman because he really wants your advice! He's simply interested in a woman's perspective. He's not secretly in love with you or bringing it up to get closer to you. He talks freely about liking other women. He might even say in front of you, "She's really cute." He doesn't think he could be hurting your feelings because you're his friend. You're like his sister-there's no sexual undercurrent.

When a male friend likes you as a friend, he's not that interested in your love life. He's satisfied with your friendship. If you're not dating anyone, he might offer to fix you up with someone, but he doesn't want to go out with you himself. He doesn't want to start anything, he feels no spark.

If you're having a problem with the guy you're dating, he will try to help you "work it out," as opposed to helping you get out of the relationship! He's not angry if he sees you with other men because he's not interested in you romantically. He wants to see you happy.