Dear eNotAlone: I'm in a tricky situation. I've been seeing a guy for about six months. We get along great and tell each other how much we care about each other all the time, but at the same time he's sending mixed messages. He said he wants to take our relationship to the next level, only to turn around and say he isn't sure if he's ready for that yet. We go on dates and go places together, but it just doesn't feel like a real relationship. It feels like he's keeping me at arm's length. I'm driving myself crazy wondering what the problem is. What do I do?
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It sounds like you're in a difficult situation. It's tough when emotions are involved and one partner is sending mixed signals while the other is trying to figure out what's going on. The best thing to do is to take a step back and look at the situation as objectively as possible.
First and foremost, ask yourself if this is a relationship that you want to be in. Is your boyfriend really offering you the kind of genuine love, respect, and appreciation that you deserve? If so, is he willing to make the level of commitment required to make it work? If the answers to these questions are vaguely yes, then there might be something else underlying his commitment issues.
It could be that he is afraid of commitment or feeling overwhelmed by the thought of being in a relationship. Perhaps he's not used to expressing his feelings, or it could be that he needs more time to come to grips with his feelings. You won't know until you sit down and talk openly and honestly about it with him.
In any case, it's important to remember that it takes two people to make a relationship work. Be sure to be honest and open with him - let him know how you feel and make it clear that you respect his boundaries. Try to understand where he is coming from and be willing to compromise instead of making demands.
Also, keep in mind that things don't always have to be official or defined to be meaningful. Despite the fact that he may not be ready to commit, if you both truly care about each other and continue to maintain a strong bond, it can still be considered a relationship. Above all, make sure that you are taking care of yourself - mentally, physically,and emotionally. Focus on yourself and maintaining healthy boundaries so that you don't get too caught up in your relationship and end up getting hurt.
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