9 Reasons Why Being Single at 35 Is Empowering (And How to Thrive)

Key Takeaways:

• Focus on personal growth and career.
• Cultivate strong self-companionship habits.
• Embrace and expand your social circle.
• Challenge societal expectations confidently.
• Thrive by pursuing hobbies and passions.

Embracing Life at 35 and Single

Being single at 35 can feel like standing on a tightrope between self-fulfillment and societal expectations. Let's be honest—people love to impose their timelines and definitions of success. When you're 35 and unmarried, the pressure can be intense, and the unsolicited questions can be relentless. "So, when are you settling down?" or "Have you tried dating apps?" start to feel like a broken record. It's natural to wonder if you're missing out or lagging behind, but the truth is, being single at 35 is not a failure or a race against time. It's an opportunity to write your own story.

Let's not sugarcoat it—there are challenges. You may experience loneliness or face skepticism from those who assume you're too picky or set in your ways. But here's the twist: Being single at 35 can also be empowering. You have the freedom to focus on your career, pursue personal growth, and understand your needs better than ever. It's not about fitting into a societal mold but building a life that fits you.

We're going to dive into why people stay single at 35 and how to cope with any loneliness or social stigma that comes with it. You'll find that your journey is unique, and that's something to be proud of. After all, who said love is the only measure of happiness?

9 Reasons People Might Stay Single at 35

It's easy to assume that anyone who's single at 35 simply hasn't met the right person. But this assumption misses a myriad of reasons that people consciously choose—or unconsciously find themselves in—a single lifestyle. We aren't all wired to walk the same path, and there are often deeper motivations or experiences shaping this journey.

From career ambitions to personal growth, the reasons vary widely, and each one has its own story to tell. Let's explore some of the most common reasons why people might choose to stay single at 35 and why these choices might not be as simple as "just waiting for the right one."

1. Career Focus

For many, building a career becomes the central focus during their 20s and 30s. When the pressure to "make it" in a competitive world is strong, romance often takes a backseat. It's not that love isn't a priority, but when juggling deadlines, promotions, and the race to prove yourself, finding a partner can feel like just another item on an endless to-do list.

Sometimes, the choice to focus on a career is deliberate. We know ourselves better than anyone else, and we understand what drives us. A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family showed that individuals with a strong career drive often delay romantic commitments to pursue professional goals. It's about setting the foundation for a future that feels stable and fulfilling—financially and emotionally.

As relationship therapist Esther Perel often says, "We all have a love story we want to tell." For some, the love story involves falling deeply in love with their ambitions first.

2. Personal Growth

Sometimes, choosing to remain single is about more than just building a career—it's about building yourself. Personal growth can be a powerful reason to stay single at 35. For many, this phase of life is about rediscovering who you are, free from the influence of a romantic partner. It's a time for deep reflection, embracing new passions, and investing in mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

Think of it like this: The time you spend single isn't a waiting room. It's an opportunity to explore, redefine, and grow without the pressure of fitting someone else's narrative. Many people use this time to pick up hobbies they've always wanted to try, travel, pursue higher education, or even engage in therapy to better understand themselves.

Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability and self-worth, often emphasizes, "You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness." Embracing singlehood at 35 can be an act of walking inside your story and embracing every part of it.

3. Past Traumas or Relationship Baggage

Relationships leave marks—some beautiful and others painful. If you've been through a toxic or abusive relationship, the scars can be deep and slow to heal. Even experiences that aren't overtly damaging can leave emotional baggage, making it hard to open up to someone new. Past traumas, whether from romantic relationships, childhood, or life events, can shape our attachment styles, fears, and behaviors in intimate connections.

This is where it gets complex. When you're 35 and single, people might assume you're “too picky” or have a “fear of commitment.” But more often than not, it's about protecting yourself from repeating the pain of the past. You might hesitate to lower your guard, or you could have lost trust in the idea of love altogether. Studies show that unresolved trauma can significantly impact one's readiness for a new relationship, leading to a defensive approach to intimacy.

Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman states, "Trust is built in very small moments," and if someone's trust has been broken repeatedly, they need time to rebuild it for themselves before they can extend it to others.

Taking the time to heal isn't a flaw. It's a strength. It shows you're willing to do the internal work, acknowledging your pain and honoring it with patience. That's a brave and crucial part of creating a healthier foundation for future relationships.

4. High Standards

Having high standards isn't a bad thing, despite what society might suggest. If you're single at 35, some may argue that you're being too selective or "waiting for perfection." But here's the truth: Settling for less than you deserve can be far more painful than choosing to stay single until you find someone who truly complements your life.

High standards aren't about expecting perfection from a partner. They're about having clarity on what you value in a relationship—whether it's emotional support, mutual respect, shared goals, or a strong sense of trust. As you gain life experience, you come to understand the kind of partnership that will bring out the best in you.

Relationship coach Matthew Hussey explains, “Having high standards means knowing your value and respecting it enough not to give your time and heart away to just anyone.” Embrace those standards, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. The right partner will appreciate the depth of what you bring to a relationship and reciprocate with equal sincerity.

5. Limited Social Circle

Meeting new people in your mid-30s can be challenging, especially if your social circle has narrowed over the years. It's not uncommon for friend groups to dwindle as everyone settles into their routines, starts families, or relocates for careers. Suddenly, finding someone new to date feels like looking for a needle in a haystack.

If you're not someone who enjoys bars, dating apps, or large social events, the dating pool can feel even smaller. It's not about being shy or antisocial—it's about the natural shift that happens when our friendships solidify and we stop meeting new people as often. Studies show that by our mid-30s, many of us have already established core friend groups, making it harder to expand our networks in traditional ways.

This doesn't mean you're out of luck. It just means you might need to step outside your comfort zone and get creative with how you meet new people. From joining interest-based groups to engaging in community activities, opportunities are there, but they often require a deliberate effort to connect.

6. Fear of Commitment

Commitment is a big word—it's not just about putting a label on a relationship or making things “official.” For many, it represents a major emotional leap and, quite frankly, a risk. When you've been hurt in the past or witnessed relationships crumble, it's natural to fear history repeating itself. Or maybe you've seen long-term couples in your life slowly drift apart, leaving you with a fear of what commitment might lead to down the road.

Psychologists often connect this fear to something called “commitment phobia.” It's not necessarily the fear of relationships themselves but the fear of being tied to something that might turn out to be suffocating or unfulfilling. The stakes feel higher at 35 than they did at 25, and taking a risk with your heart now feels like stepping off a cliff rather than onto a gentle slope.

It's not uncommon to feel conflicted—wanting the closeness of a relationship yet simultaneously fearing losing yourself within it. Working through these fears isn't easy, but acknowledging them is the first step toward understanding why you might be holding back. With time and reflection, it's possible to find a balance between protecting your heart and allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to share it.

7. Independence

By the time you hit 35, chances are you've built a life you're comfortable in, one that reflects your own values, choices, and goals. You're used to making decisions without needing someone else's input or compromising your lifestyle. This sense of independence is empowering, and for some, it becomes something they fiercely guard.

Being single doesn't have to equate to loneliness; it can be a celebration of autonomy. For many, the ability to prioritize their needs and pursue their interests without constantly negotiating or adjusting to a partner's schedule feels liberating. Independence becomes a cornerstone of identity, and the thought of sacrificing that freedom, even for the sake of love, can feel overwhelming.

Author Cheryl Strayed said, "Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren't a state of being but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was." This resonates with many who are single at 35—not because they can't find a partner, but because they are unwilling to give up that crucial room where they can be themselves. If you value your autonomy deeply, it's okay to hold onto it until you meet someone who values it just as much.

8. Not Having Found the Right Person

Sometimes, the simplest explanation is the most accurate one: you just haven't found the right person yet. People often dismiss this reason, assuming you're not “looking hard enough” or that you're being “too picky.” But relationships are complex, and the right person is not just about chemistry or attraction—it's about compatibility, shared values, and timing.

You can meet amazing people who simply aren't the right fit for the life you envision. And that's okay. There's a difference between someone who's a potential partner and someone who's a meaningful partner, and it's wise to wait for the latter. Rushing into a relationship for the sake of ticking a box can lead to disappointment or settling for a connection that lacks depth.

Remember, it's better to be alone and happy than to be with someone who doesn't truly complement your journey. Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman advises, “Compatibility is more than shared interests. It's about connecting at a deeper level of values, dreams, and goals.” Waiting for that connection isn't a sign of failure—it's a sign of knowing what you want.

9. Changing Relationship Dynamics

Let's face it—relationships today are different from those of past generations. The dynamics have shifted, and the expectations aren't what they used to be. With the rise of dating apps, evolving gender roles, and a broader acceptance of non-traditional relationship structures, being single at 35 isn't the rarity it once was. This changing landscape means that fewer people are following the traditional path of marriage by a certain age.

For some, this is liberating, allowing them to explore different types of relationships or prioritize other aspects of their lives without feeling pressured to conform. However, for others, it can be confusing and disheartening, making them feel unsure about where they stand in this new relational world. Adapting to these changes can take time, and it's perfectly normal to feel caught between wanting something familiar and embracing something new.

In a world where traditional timelines are being rewritten, being single at 35 is not a sign of failure but a reflection of changing societal values and individual choices. We're all navigating these shifts, and there's no “right way” to find happiness in the realm of relationships.

How to Cope with Loneliness of Staying Single: 4 Ways

Being single at 35 isn't without its lonely moments. When your friends are getting married, having kids, or celebrating anniversaries, it can be easy to feel left out. You might start questioning your choices or wondering if you're missing something. And while social media often exacerbates this feeling by bombarding you with highlight reels of others' relationships, loneliness is not a signal that you've done something wrong. It's simply a reminder that we all crave connection and belonging.

The key isn't to avoid loneliness altogether but to develop healthy ways to cope with it. These aren't quick fixes but rather strategies to help you build a fulfilling life on your terms. Whether you choose to embrace solitude or expand your social circle, each of these approaches can contribute to a greater sense of contentment and resilience in your single journey.

1. Embrace Self-Companionship

One of the most profound things you can do is learn to enjoy your own company. This doesn't mean resigning yourself to loneliness but rather reframing your alone time as a period of self-discovery and self-companionship. Think of it as building a friendship with yourself—one where you understand your needs, appreciate your qualities, and actively care for your well-being.

This approach echoes the teachings of mindfulness, where being alone isn't the same as being lonely. It's about creating a space where you can reflect, recharge, and grow. Use this time to explore your passions, indulge in activities that make you feel alive, or simply relax and enjoy your own presence without distractions.

As author and meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg puts it, “Loving yourself doesn't mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic; it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart.” By embracing self-companionship, you not only fill the void of loneliness but also develop a deep sense of self-acceptance and inner peace.

Start small—go to a café on your own, watch a movie solo, or take a weekend trip by yourself. The more you enjoy these experiences, the less reliant you'll be on others to feel fulfilled.

2. Expand Social Networks

Feeling lonely often stems from a lack of connection, not necessarily a lack of a romantic partner. One powerful way to counteract loneliness is by expanding your social networks. This doesn't mean you need to surround yourself with dozens of new people overnight, but it does mean being open to building meaningful connections in different areas of your life.

If your current friend group is mostly couples or those at different life stages, it might be time to seek out new social circles. Consider joining clubs, classes, or organizations that align with your interests. Whether it's a hiking group, a book club, or a local volunteer program, these spaces offer more than just new friendships—they offer a sense of belonging and shared purpose.

Expanding your social network is not just about meeting people but creating opportunities for deeper connections that fulfill different aspects of your social needs. And don't forget, building connections online can be just as valuable. Forums, groups, and communities focused on topics you're passionate about can help you find like-minded people and feel less isolated.

3. Pursue Passions and Hobbies

Sometimes, the best way to combat loneliness is to lose yourself in an activity that lights you up from the inside. When you're passionate about something, whether it's painting, writing, gardening, or martial arts, you're not only occupying your time but nourishing your spirit. Pursuing hobbies brings a sense of purpose and joy that isn't dependent on external validation or relationships.

Think about the things you've always wanted to do but haven't made time for. Start small and commit to them regularly. When you engage in activities you love, you're not just passing time—you're connecting with a part of yourself that longs to be expressed. You might even find that your hobbies lead you to new communities, where the shared passion naturally fosters connection and friendship.

Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the psychologist known for his research on “flow,” describes this state as being so absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time and forget your worries. When you experience flow, the sense of loneliness often fades, replaced by a feeling of fulfillment and deep engagement with life.

Don't underestimate the power of pursuing what you love. It's a way to honor yourself and discover new layers of who you are, outside of any romantic narrative.

4. Seek Support

Loneliness can sometimes feel overwhelming, and it's important to recognize when you need a little help. Seeking support isn't a sign of weakness; it's an acknowledgment that you're human. Whether it's through therapy, support groups, or talking to trusted friends, finding people who listen without judgment can be a game-changer.

If loneliness has started affecting your mental health, reaching out to a professional can provide tools to cope and reframe your mindset. Therapy isn't just about dealing with problems—it's about gaining insight into yourself and learning new ways to build resilience. Many single individuals at 35 struggle with internalized pressure or self-doubt, and therapy can offer a safe space to unpack those feelings.

Support also comes in the form of friends and family who uplift you. Sometimes, all it takes is a good conversation with someone who truly understands. Be open about how you're feeling and don't hesitate to lean on those who care about you.

How to Deal with the Social Stigma of Being Single at 35

One of the most frustrating aspects of being single at 35 is the social stigma that often comes with it. You might hear comments like, “When are you going to settle down?” or, “You're not getting any younger!” While these questions may be well-intentioned, they can feel like veiled judgments or reminders that you're not following the “traditional” timeline.

The truth is, societal expectations about relationships and age are evolving, but not everyone gets the memo. Navigating this social pressure can be tricky, but it's entirely possible to do so with confidence and grace.

Start by questioning these societal norms. Ask yourself, “Whose expectations am I trying to meet?” If the answer isn't yours, let it go. You don't have to justify your choices to anyone. Remember that your life path is yours to define, and choosing to wait for the right person—or choosing to prioritize other aspects of your life—is a valid and empowered decision.

Additionally, don't be afraid to establish boundaries when dealing with invasive questions. If someone repeatedly asks about your love life, it's okay to politely deflect or even assertively say, “I'm happy with where I'm at right now.” You're not obligated to explain your choices, and you certainly don't need to apologize for them.

Building a positive self-image is also key. Recognize that being single at 35 doesn't define your worth, and it certainly doesn't mean you're failing. Author and speaker Mandy Hale once said, “A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that next time you feel alone.” Your journey is uniquely yours, and that's something worth embracing and celebrating.

Questioning Societal Expectations

When you're single at 35, it's easy to feel like you're going against the grain. Society tends to set invisible timelines for major life events—education, career, marriage, and family. The problem is, these timelines are often unrealistic, outdated, or simply don't fit everyone's unique journey. The idea that there's a “right age” to achieve these milestones can be restrictive, leaving many to feel like they're falling behind or missing out.

Questioning these expectations starts with understanding where they come from. Historically, marriage was seen as the ultimate measure of stability and success, particularly for women. But times have changed. We now have more opportunities, choices, and freedoms, which means the traditional path isn't the only one to happiness.

Ask yourself: “Whose timeline am I following?” If it's not your own, it's time to reconsider. Choosing to be single at 35 isn't about rejecting relationships; it's about prioritizing authenticity and self-awareness over societal pressure. When we embrace this perspective, we reclaim our narrative and free ourselves from the burden of comparison.

As psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb writes in her book Marry Him, “People sometimes confuse the dream of a relationship with the reality of a relationship.” By letting go of societal ideals, you open yourself up to relationships that aren't rooted in timing or external validation, but in genuine connection.

Handling Well-Meaning Questions

Questions about your relationship status are inevitable, especially from family members, friends, or even colleagues who genuinely want the best for you. It's easy to feel defensive or frustrated, but remember that these questions often come from a place of care, not criticism.

That said, you're not obligated to explain your life choices to everyone who asks. Instead of internalizing these questions as judgments, try reframing them as opportunities to educate and set boundaries. If someone asks, “Why are you still single?” you can respond with something simple and firm like, “I'm focusing on building a life that makes me happy right now.” This response acknowledges your priorities without inviting further interrogation.

For persistent or intrusive questions, you can set clearer boundaries. Phrases like, “I appreciate your concern, but I'm happy with where I am,” or, “I'm not in a rush to settle down; I'm enjoying this stage of life,” reinforce that your choices are intentional and don't require justification.

Don't forget that it's okay to redirect the conversation if you're uncomfortable. Shift the focus to something positive in your life or ask about the other person's experiences. The goal is to keep your sense of self intact without feeling pressured to defend your choices.

Promoting a Positive Self-Image

When society bombards you with messages that imply being single at 35 is something to “fix,” it can take a toll on your self-esteem. But here's the thing—you are not defined by your relationship status. Your value, potential, and happiness are not contingent upon being coupled up. Promoting a positive self-image starts with shifting your internal narrative from one of lack to one of fulfillment.

Instead of viewing singlehood as a temporary state, see it as a chapter where you get to explore and redefine who you are. Remind yourself of your strengths, your achievements, and the unique qualities you bring to the table. Invest in self-care practices that reinforce your worth, from maintaining physical wellness to cultivating emotional resilience.

Self-affirmations can be powerful tools in this journey. Instead of dwelling on what you don't have, affirm what you do have. Statements like, “I am enough as I am,” or, “My life is valuable in all its forms,” can be grounding reminders of your intrinsic worth. The goal isn't to “settle for being single,” but to embrace it as a meaningful and enriching experience in its own right.

FAQs

Is it okay to be 35 and single?
Absolutely. Being single at 35 is not a failure or a flaw—it's simply a part of your journey. There's no set timeline for finding a partner, and it's okay to prioritize other aspects of your life, like career, personal growth, or self-care.

Is dating at 35 hard?
Dating at 35 can be challenging, but it's not impossible. It's all about perspective. While the dating pool might look different, you also have the advantage of knowing yourself and what you want in a relationship. This clarity can lead to more intentional and fulfilling connections.

Is 35 too old to find love?
Not at all. Age is just a number, and love doesn't come with an expiration date. Many people find deeply fulfilling relationships later in life. What matters most is your openness to connecting with others and your willingness to embrace new experiences.

What age is most single?
While there's no definitive answer, studies have shown that the number of single individuals tends to be higher in younger age groups (20s and early 30s) and older age groups (50s and above). However, being single isn't confined to a specific age—it's a common experience at every stage of life.

Recommended Resources

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
• Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller
• Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb