5 Signs You're Dating a Manchild (and How to Cope)

Key Takeaways:

• Recognize the signs of a manchild.
• Understand the impact on relationships.
• Set boundaries for healthier dynamics.
• Encourage personal growth in your partner.
• Decide when it's time to walk away.

Why the 'Manchild' Matters

You might have heard the term “manchild” tossed around in conversations or seen it in memes. It's that guy who never seems to grow up, who treats life like one big playground while you're stuck being the responsible adult. But let's be real—dating a manchild is no joke. It's frustrating, exhausting, and can leave you feeling more like a parent than a partner. So, why does the “manchild” matter? Because this behavior isn't just annoying; it's damaging. It affects your relationship, your mental health, and ultimately, your happiness.

Understanding what makes a manchild tick is the first step in recognizing whether you're in a relationship with one. It's also crucial for figuring out what to do about it. Whether you're dating someone who refuses to grow up or you're just starting to see the signs, this article will help you navigate the complexities of dealing with a manchild. We'll break down the signs, explore the psychology behind the behavior, and offer practical advice on how to cope.

Signs You're Dealing with a Manchild

So, how do you know if you're dealing with a manchild? There are a few telltale signs that can clue you in. Maybe you've noticed that your partner avoids responsibility like the plague, or perhaps he's still attached to his mom in ways that seem a bit too dependent. A manchild will often exhibit behaviors that are more aligned with a teenager than a grown man. He may be charming, even fun, but beneath the surface, there's a lack of maturity that can become a real issue in the relationship.

We'll dive into these signs in more detail, but here's a quick rundown: he dodges adult responsibilities, refuses to plan for the future, and prioritizes his friends—or even his hobbies—over you. And when things go wrong? Don't expect him to take the blame; a manchild is a master at pointing fingers elsewhere. If any of this sounds familiar, you might be dating a manchild. But don't worry; you're not alone, and there are ways to deal with it.

Mom's Always on Speed Dial

One of the most glaring signs of a manchild is his inability to let go of mom's apron strings. Sure, having a close relationship with your mother isn't inherently bad, but when she's the first person he calls for every little problem, it's a red flag. Whether it's a minor inconvenience or a major life decision, if his mom is always on speed dial, you're dealing with someone who hasn't fully embraced adulthood.

Imagine this: you're in the middle of a disagreement, and instead of working it out with you, he calls his mom for advice. It's frustrating, to say the least. This dependence often stems from a lack of confidence in his own decision-making abilities. Instead of trusting himself—or you—he defaults to the safety net of parental guidance. It's comforting for him but stifling for the relationship.

Avoids the 'J' Word: Job or Responsibility

Let's talk about the dreaded “J” word: job. For a manchild, this word is synonymous with responsibility, and responsibility is something he'd rather avoid. Whether it's holding down a steady job, contributing to household chores, or planning for the future, he finds ways to sidestep adult duties. He might be charming, full of big ideas, and even have dreams—but when it comes to taking action, he's a no-show.

This avoidance of responsibility often reveals itself in his work life—or lack thereof. He may bounce from job to job, unable to commit, or he might still be “figuring things out” well into his thirties. The idea of settling into a career or taking on the burden of supporting a household is too much for him to handle. And if you bring it up? Prepare for deflection, excuses, or even a tantrum. It's easier for him to live in the realm of “someday” rather than face the reality of “today.”

The Blame Game Champion

When things go wrong, a manchild is quick to point the finger—but never at himself. He's the blame game champion, always finding someone or something else to hold accountable for his mistakes. Whether it's a missed deadline at work or a forgotten anniversary, he'll twist the narrative to make himself the victim. It's not his fault; it's the unreasonable boss, the unreliable friend, or even you.

This constant deflection is more than just frustrating—it's toxic. It erodes trust in the relationship because accountability is the foundation of any strong partnership. Without it, you're left cleaning up the messes he creates, both emotionally and practically. And let's face it: nobody wants to be the emotional janitor in their own relationship. His refusal to take responsibility is a glaring sign of his immaturity and unwillingness to grow up.

His Future is 'Later'

Planning for the future? That's a concept that seems foreign to the manchild. For him, the future is always “later,” never now. While you might be thinking about buying a house, starting a family, or even just planning the next vacation, he's more focused on the here and now—or worse, avoiding thinking about the future altogether.

This lack of foresight can leave you feeling like you're treading water in the relationship. You're ready to move forward, but he's content with staying in the same spot, caught up in the present moment. It's not just about big life plans, either. Even small things, like saving money or setting goals, can seem overwhelming to him. The idea of “later” becomes his escape hatch, a way to avoid the pressures of growing up and taking on more responsibility.

But here's the hard truth: “later” often turns into “never.” And if you're not careful, you could find yourself stuck in a relationship that never evolves, with a partner who's perpetually waiting for the right time to step up. The question is, how long are you willing to wait?

Dishes and Dirty Laundry? Not His Thing

If the sight of dirty dishes piling up in the sink or a mountain of laundry going untouched drives you crazy, you might be living with a manchild. Housework and chores? Not his thing. He either assumes that someone else—most likely you—will handle it, or he's just blissfully unaware of the mess he's leaving behind. It's not that he's incapable of cleaning up after himself; it's that he chooses not to.

This isn't just about laziness; it's about a refusal to contribute to the shared responsibilities that come with adult life. When you're the one doing all the heavy lifting, it's easy to feel like you're not just his partner but his caretaker. And let's be honest—no one wants to play maid in their own relationship.

Addressing this issue requires more than just nagging. It's about setting boundaries and making it clear that you expect him to pull his weight. If he's unwilling to meet you halfway, it's a sign that he's not ready to step up in other areas of the relationship either. And that's a problem that extends far beyond just dirty dishes.

Tantrums Aren't Cute Anymore

When a toddler throws a tantrum, it's annoying but understandable—they're still learning how to manage their emotions. But when a grown man does it, it's neither cute nor acceptable. Yet, for the manchild, throwing a fit when things don't go his way is par for the course. He might sulk, shout, or even give you the silent treatment, all in an attempt to manipulate the situation to his advantage.

This behavior is not only immature; it's manipulative. It puts you in the position of either caving in to his demands to avoid a blow-up or standing your ground and dealing with the fallout. Over time, these tantrums can wear you down, making you feel like you're walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.

But here's the reality: tantrums are a red flag that something deeper is wrong. They often mask underlying insecurities or unresolved issues from his past. While it's not your job to fix these issues, understanding where they come from can help you decide how to move forward. Whether that means setting firmer boundaries or reconsidering the relationship altogether, recognizing that tantrums are a sign of emotional immaturity is the first step in addressing the problem.

Bros Before Everyone: Prioritizing Immaturity

We all value friendships, and having a close-knit group of friends is important. But when his buddies always come first—no matter what—it's a sign that he's prioritizing immaturity over the relationship. A manchild often clings to his “bros” as a way to avoid the responsibilities and emotional depth that come with a committed partnership. It's easier to hang out with the guys, crack jokes, and avoid any real talk about the future than to face the realities of adult life.

You might notice that he's always making plans with his friends, even when you've specifically set aside time for the two of you. Or maybe he's quick to cancel on you if something “more fun” comes up with the boys. This isn't just about having a social life; it's about where his priorities lie. And when those priorities consistently exclude you, it's a problem.

A healthy relationship requires balance. Sure, it's great that he has friends, but if he's constantly choosing them over you, it's time to have a serious conversation. If he's not willing to shift some of that focus toward building a future with you, it could be a sign that he's not ready for a mature, committed relationship.

Commitment is a Scary Word

The word “commitment” can send a manchild running for the hills. Whether it's committing to a relationship, a job, or even a simple plan for the weekend, the idea of being tied down terrifies him. He thrives in the realm of “maybe” and “we'll see,” avoiding any situation that requires him to make a firm decision. This fear of commitment often stems from a deep-seated fear of losing his freedom or being trapped in a situation he can't easily escape from.

You might find that he's reluctant to define the relationship, constantly dodging conversations about the future or making vague promises that never seem to materialize. Or maybe he's hesitant to take any significant steps forward, like moving in together or discussing long-term goals. This hesitance can leave you feeling insecure, questioning where you stand and whether he's as invested in the relationship as you are.

But here's the thing: commitment is an essential part of any lasting relationship. Without it, you're left in a state of perpetual uncertainty, never quite sure if he's truly in it for the long haul. If he's not willing to commit, it's worth considering whether he's the right person for you. After all, you deserve someone who's not just interested in the here and now, but in building a future together.

Money Management? What's That?

When it comes to handling money, the manchild often operates under the assumption that it will magically take care of itself. Budgeting, saving, or even understanding the basics of financial responsibility might as well be a foreign language to him. He's the type to blow his paycheck on the latest gadget or a night out with friends, leaving you to wonder how the bills will get paid.

This lack of financial awareness can create a significant strain on the relationship, especially if you're the one picking up the slack. It's not just about being irresponsible; it's about a fundamental misunderstanding—or complete disregard—of the importance of money management in adult life. If he's not taking his finances seriously, it's a clear indication that he's not taking the future seriously either.

Talking about money can be uncomfortable, but it's crucial for the health of any relationship. If you're constantly worried about where the next paycheck is going or if he's putting your financial stability at risk, it's time to have a frank discussion. While it's possible to help him learn better habits, it's not your job to fix his financial messes. Understanding this boundary is key to protecting your own well-being.

How to Handle a Manchild in Your Life

So, you've identified that you're dealing with a manchild—now what? The first step is to set clear boundaries. Make it known that you expect him to contribute equally to the relationship, whether that's emotionally, financially, or in day-to-day responsibilities. It's about creating a partnership where both of you are pulling your weight.

Next, encourage personal growth. This doesn't mean trying to change him completely, but rather supporting him in becoming a more responsible adult. Suggest ways he can work on his issues, whether it's through therapy, self-help books, or even just taking on more responsibility in small, manageable steps. The goal is to help him see that growing up doesn't mean losing freedom—it means gaining the ability to build a better life together.

However, it's important to recognize when enough is enough. If he's unwilling to change or if his behavior is taking a toll on your mental health, it may be time to reconsider the relationship. You deserve a partner who meets you halfway, someone who's just as invested in the relationship as you are. Don't be afraid to put yourself first and make the tough decisions if necessary.

Recommended Resources

• "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
• "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman and Nan Silver
• "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by John Gray