17 Surprising Ways to Be a Better Boyfriend (You Won't Believe #5)

Key Takeaways:

Consistent communication builds trust.
Love is shown through action.
Prioritize her in your life.
Respect her individuality and boundaries.
Surprises keep the spark alive.

What is a good boyfriend?

Let's start with the basics: What does it mean to be a “good boyfriend?” It's not about perfection, and it's not about always getting things right. A good boyfriend shows up. He's present emotionally, physically, and mentally in the relationship. He listens, supports, and genuinely tries to understand his partner's needs, even when it's hard. Love isn't a one-size-fits-all approach.

Being a good boyfriend is about effort, about learning and growing together. You don't need to be a mind reader, but you should be an active participant. Ultimately, it's about making her feel valued, heard, and cherished in a way that deepens your bond. This means paying attention to the small things just as much as the big ones. The small details matter more than we think.

Why communication is key

We hear it all the time: communication is everything. But what does that really mean? At its core, communication is the bedrock of any relationship. It's how we share our thoughts, needs, desires, and frustrations. When you keep the lines open, misunderstandings don't pile up, and resentment doesn't have time to take root. This is how trust is built.

Think of communication as the glue that holds everything together. Without it, even the strongest relationship can start to crumble. Psychologist John Gottman talks about the importance of what he calls “bids for connection.” These are the little moments throughout the day where we reach out—whether it's through a joke, a story, or even a simple hug. The way you respond to these bids, or fail to, says a lot about how the relationship is going.

So, how do you get better at communication? Start by listening. Actively listen. Don't just wait for your turn to speak. Reflect back what she says and ask questions that show you care. It's about creating a space where she feels safe to express herself—without judgment, without fear. This is where real connection happens.

Love as an action: It's more than words

It's easy to say, “I love you.” But how often do those words translate into real, tangible actions? Love is not something we just express verbally; it's something we do. It's in the little moments—bringing her coffee in the morning, noticing when she's had a rough day, or doing that one thing she keeps asking about, even if it's not your favorite task.

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages," explains that people receive love in different ways. Some need words of affirmation, others crave acts of service, while some prefer physical touch, quality time, or gifts. Understanding how she feels loved and then taking the steps to meet that need? That's love as a verb. It's dynamic, intentional, and requires us to constantly show up for each other.

Remember, it's not just the grand gestures that matter; often, it's the consistent, everyday efforts that keep the relationship thriving.

Balancing friendship and romance

Here's the tricky part—how do you strike the balance between being her friend and being her partner? In any healthy relationship, friendship should be the foundation. But that doesn't mean the romance has to take a backseat. It's all about balance.

Friendship means you laugh together, you're comfortable being yourselves, and you support each other through life's ups and downs. On the other hand, romance adds that layer of intimacy, passion, and excitement. The two shouldn't be in competition—they should complement each other. You can be goofy and lighthearted one moment, and in the next, surprise her with a thoughtful romantic gesture.

The trick is to maintain both sides of the relationship. Stay curious about her, continue learning who she is, and never stop dating each other. Don't fall into the trap of complacency. It's in the balance between friendship and romance that you keep the relationship exciting and connected.

Introducing her to your friends: What it means

Introducing your girlfriend to your friends is more than just a casual meet-up; it's a significant step in deepening your relationship. It signals that you see her as an important part of your life, someone you want to integrate into your social circle. It's a way of saying, “I value you enough to include you in the parts of my world that matter.”

This can feel like a make-or-break moment for many couples. How your friends react, and more importantly, how you act when she's around them, can speak volumes. Are you showing her the same respect and attention? Do you include her in conversations or make her feel like an outsider?

It's also a chance to show her that you're proud of who she is. You're not hiding her from your friends, which often signals emotional unavailability. Instead, you're making her part of the group, a gesture that strengthens your bond. Remember, the more you integrate your relationship into your life, the more secure she'll feel in it.

How to show her she's your priority

If you want your girlfriend to feel valued, showing her that she's your priority is non-negotiable. But here's the thing: priorities are about more than just words. They're about actions. It's about being there when she needs you, listening without distractions, and proving through your behavior that she comes first.

One of the most impactful ways to show this is through time. When you carve out time from a busy schedule just for her, you're signaling that she's not just another part of your life—she's a vital part. This could be as simple as turning off your phone during dinner or as thoughtful as planning a weekend just for the two of you.

Psychologist Terri Orbuch explains that relationships thrive when partners feel prioritized. According to her, consistent, small actions over time create a deeper sense of trust and connection. Don't wait for grand gestures. Focus on the daily choices that make her feel cherished and important.

Remember, it's the quality of the attention you give her that matters. She'll notice when you're fully present, and that's what makes the difference.

Make her feel safe, loved, and respected

At the core of any strong relationship is the feeling of safety. When your girlfriend feels safe with you—both emotionally and physically—she's able to be vulnerable, open, and fully herself. Safety is the foundation upon which trust is built. This isn't just about protecting her from harm, it's about making sure she knows she can express herself without fear of judgment or criticism.

Creating this kind of environment requires empathy and understanding. You need to be aware of her emotional needs, listen actively, and respect her boundaries. It's the subtle ways you respond to her fears, frustrations, and desires that show her she's loved and respected. If she feels honored by your actions, she'll open up to you in deeper ways.

Being her emotional safe space also means that your words match your actions. You can't promise safety, love, or respect without showing them consistently. When your actions align with your words, she feels secure in the relationship, and that's where love truly grows.

Be consistent in your relationship

Consistency is everything. It's not enough to show up sometimes; you need to be reliable, steady, and dependable. Being a great boyfriend means being consistent in your love, your attention, and your efforts. One day of great behavior doesn't cancel out weeks of neglect.

Consistency is what builds trust over time. It's knowing that she can count on you, whether it's for emotional support, small gestures of affection, or simply being there when you say you will. Inconsistency leads to confusion, insecurity, and doubt. When your actions vary wildly from day to day, she'll start to wonder where she really stands in your life.

According to relationship expert Esther Perel, "Trust is built through hundreds of tiny moments," not just through grand, sweeping gestures. When you consistently show up for her—both in the everyday and in the big moments—you're reinforcing the idea that she's safe, valued, and loved.

So, check in with yourself. Are you showing up in the ways she needs you to? Are you being dependable, even when life gets busy or stressful? Consistency might not sound romantic, but it's one of the most powerful ways to keep a relationship thriving.

The little gestures that go a long way

It's easy to think that love is all about the big moments—grand gestures, romantic vacations, or extravagant gifts. But, in reality, it's the little, everyday things that truly make a relationship thrive. A simple text in the middle of the day that says “I'm thinking about you,” making her favorite tea when she's tired, or offering to pick up something she needs without being asked can mean the world.

These small acts of kindness create an ongoing sense of care and affection. They're reminders that you see her, that you're paying attention to her needs, even when they aren't loudly stated. It's not about what you do once in a while, but what you do consistently to make her feel loved and valued.

According to relationship counselor Dr. John Gottman, “Successful long-term relationships are created through small words, small gestures, and small acts.” These little gestures show her that she matters to you every single day.

So, don't underestimate the power of a quick “I love you” text or surprising her with her favorite snack. These are the moments that will make her feel cherished in the long run.

Appreciating her true self

In every relationship, there comes a moment when you realize you're seeing the real person, flaws and all. It's easy to fall in love with someone's best side, but true love is about appreciating who she is at her core—the good, the messy, and everything in between. This means you're not just tolerating her quirks or differences, but you genuinely appreciate them.

When you appreciate her true self, you're telling her, “I love all of you—not just the parts that are easy to love.” This kind of acceptance deepens the bond between you because she feels understood and valued for who she really is, not who you think she should be.

This requires you to look past surface-level traits and focus on her values, her dreams, and her struggles. If she feels you see her and love her fully, she'll feel secure in being her authentic self around you. This kind of unconditional love is a powerful force, and it's the foundation of a relationship that can weather any storm.

Ultimately, the more you appreciate her true self, the more she'll feel safe to continue opening up and sharing her world with you.

How to improve intimacy in the bedroom

Improving intimacy in the bedroom starts long before the lights go off. Real intimacy is built on trust, communication, and vulnerability. When you create an emotional connection outside the bedroom, it naturally enhances your physical connection inside of it.

One key to better intimacy is open communication. Don't shy away from talking about what feels good, what doesn't, and what you both want more of. Healthy communication about sex can deepen the experience for both of you. Intimacy also grows when you're attentive to her needs—emotional and physical. Taking the time to learn what pleases her and putting her comfort first shows respect and care, which builds trust over time.

Remember, intimacy isn't just about the physical act itself. It's the way you look at her, touch her, and make her feel desired. It's the little moments of affection during the day that set the stage for the night. As Esther Perel, author of “Mating in Captivity,” puts it, “Eroticism is the bridge between our emotional life and our physical life.” When you nurture the emotional side of your relationship, the physical side becomes more fulfilling for both of you.

Why writing love notes still matters

In an age of texts and social media, the art of writing love notes may seem old-fashioned, but its impact is undeniable. There's something deeply personal and touching about receiving a handwritten note. It shows thoughtfulness, effort, and a sense of permanence that a quick text can't quite capture.

Love notes don't have to be long or poetic. A simple, heartfelt message like “I'm so lucky to have you in my life” can brighten her day and remind her how much she means to you. It's a small gesture, but it can have a lasting emotional impact. Taking the time to write something down forces you to reflect on your feelings and express them in a way that feels tangible.

Psychologist Dr. Gail Saltz emphasizes the importance of expressing gratitude in relationships: “Showing appreciation for your partner, especially in written form, is a powerful way to strengthen your bond.” When you leave her a note, whether it's tucked into her purse or left on the kitchen counter, it becomes a physical reminder of your love that she can return to when she needs it.

So, next time you want to make her feel special, consider picking up a pen instead of your phone.

Learning to cook together

Learning to cook together might seem like a simple activity, but it's one of the most intimate and bonding experiences you can share as a couple. The kitchen is where teamwork, creativity, and communication come together. When you cook a meal with your girlfriend, you're not just making food—you're building memories, learning how to collaborate, and creating space for connection.

Whether it's mastering a new recipe or laughing over a kitchen mishap, cooking together forces you to slow down and be present with each other. You can have fun experimenting with new dishes, and at the same time, you're strengthening your partnership. It's a shared task that breaks up the routine and adds a sense of novelty, which can be important for keeping the relationship exciting.

Plus, there's something truly satisfying about sitting down to a meal you've created together. It's not just about the food—it's about the process, the teamwork, and the shared experience. So next time you want to bond, skip the takeout and try cooking a meal together. It's a simple but powerful way to connect.

Sharing responsibilities: It's teamwork

Relationships, like anything else, require effort. And one of the biggest ways to show love and respect in a partnership is by sharing responsibilities. Whether it's household chores, running errands, or making big decisions, the load should be shared equally. A relationship where one person takes on all the responsibilities can quickly become unbalanced and breed resentment.

When you divide tasks, it communicates that you respect each other's time, energy, and efforts. It's not just about who does the dishes or folds the laundry—it's about creating a partnership where both people feel valued and supported. Sharing responsibilities shows that you're in this together, as a team, not just as individuals coexisting under the same roof.

According to research, couples who share responsibilities equally tend to have higher satisfaction in their relationships. It fosters a sense of equality and partnership. As you work together to keep the relationship and your home running smoothly, you reinforce the idea that you're both contributing to the success of the relationship.

It's not just about who does what—it's about showing up for each other in every way possible. Sharing responsibilities is one of the clearest signs that you're committed to building a life together.

Give her your undivided attention

In a world filled with distractions, giving someone your undivided attention has become a rare and valuable gift. When you put down your phone, turn off the TV, and focus solely on her, you're telling her she's important. She's not competing with emails, social media, or endless notifications—she's the priority in that moment.

Attention isn't just about hearing what she says; it's about truly listening and being present. When she's talking about her day or sharing something on her mind, show her you care by maintaining eye contact, asking thoughtful questions, and responding with empathy. It's these moments of connection that build intimacy and trust.

Even just 10-15 minutes of focused, quality time can do wonders for your relationship. The goal is to make sure she feels seen and heard, not just in the big conversations, but in the everyday ones too. According to research, couples who regularly give each other undivided attention report feeling more connected and satisfied in their relationships.

So, the next time you're with her, put down the distractions and be fully present. It's a small effort that yields big rewards.

Compliment her meaningfully

Compliments are more powerful than you might realize, but they have to be genuine to really hit home. Complimenting her in a way that goes beyond surface-level appearances shows that you're paying attention and that you truly appreciate her for who she is. Instead of defaulting to “You look nice,” dig deeper.

Notice the little things. Compliment her on how thoughtful she is, how strong she's been during a tough time, or how much you admire her dedication to something she's passionate about. These types of compliments touch her on a deeper level because they show you see the person behind the appearance.

Psychologist Dr. Laura Berman suggests that “meaningful compliments focus on the qualities that make a person unique.” It's not just about making her feel good in the moment—it's about reinforcing that you value and admire her true self. When you do this, she feels loved, appreciated, and understood, which strengthens the emotional connection between you two.

Remember, it's not about quantity, but quality. A well-timed, heartfelt compliment can make her day, so take the time to truly see her and let her know what you love about her.

Knowing and speaking her love language

Every person expresses and receives love differently, and understanding how your girlfriend feels most loved can transform your relationship. This is where the concept of love languages comes in, introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, "The 5 Love Languages." Whether it's through words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch, or gifts, each person has a unique way they feel valued.

It's not enough to assume that how you show love is the way she wants to receive it. You need to learn her love language and make an effort to speak it regularly. If her love language is quality time, even the most extravagant gifts might not make her feel truly connected to you. But spending an afternoon together, free from distractions, will make her feel like she's your top priority.

Speaking her love language takes intentionality. It's about stepping outside of your comfort zone and doing what makes her feel cherished, even if it's not how you naturally express love. This is one of the most impactful ways to create a deep emotional bond. The more you invest in learning and practicing her love language, the stronger your relationship will become.

Respecting her boundaries and yours

Healthy boundaries are essential in any relationship. Respecting your girlfriend's boundaries—whether they're emotional, physical, or personal—is a sign of love and respect. When she sets a boundary, she's not pushing you away; she's ensuring that the relationship stays healthy and balanced. Boundaries are about maintaining individuality and respecting each other's needs and limits.

But this isn't just about her boundaries. It's equally important to respect your own. If you're constantly crossing your own limits to make someone else happy, you'll eventually build up resentment. Healthy relationships thrive when both partners are clear about what they're comfortable with and what they need from each other.

Psychotherapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab reminds us that “boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Creating this balance of respecting each other's boundaries allows for a relationship that's based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.

Don't be afraid to have open conversations about boundaries. It's through these discussions that you build a strong foundation of respect that will carry the relationship forward.

How to surprise her in meaningful ways

Surprises don't have to be grand or expensive to make an impact. In fact, the most meaningful surprises often come from paying attention to the small details in your relationship. It's about thinking ahead and doing something thoughtful that shows you know her deeply—her likes, dislikes, and what makes her smile.

Maybe it's something as simple as surprising her with her favorite snack after a long day or planning a weekend getaway to a place she's always wanted to visit. The key to a great surprise is to make it personal. When you know what she loves, and you go out of your way to make it happen, it's not the surprise itself that matters—it's the fact that you were thinking about her and took action.

Keep in mind, surprises should come from a place of genuine care, not obligation. They're not about keeping score or showing off—they're about adding moments of joy and connection into the relationship. The more you learn about her, the more creative you can get with your surprises. If she loves books, surprise her with one from her favorite author. If she's had a rough week, run her a bath and light some candles before she gets home.

Remember, a meaningful surprise isn't about the amount of money spent, but the thought and effort behind it. When you surprise her in ways that show you truly understand her, it deepens the connection and makes her feel appreciated in the most authentic way.

Sign In