Dear eNotAlone: I have been with my girlfriend now for three years and we recently graduated from college. We moved into an apartment together, finding jobs in the same area and generally enjoying life after college. The problem I'm having is that I'm starting to think about a career change. I've always had the idea of becoming a doctor in the back of my head, but I never wanted to make such a huge leap so soon after graduating.
I'm unsure if I should go for it or if I should focus on building my current career first. I'm not sure if it's wrong of me to want to make such a huge life change while my girlfriend is trying to settle down. We used to talk about getting married and having kids, but that plan has started to feel more uncertain as I think of changing my career or going back to school to become a doctor. What should I do? Am I wrong to make these changes or is it normal to want to pursue a different career?
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Change can be daunting, especially when another person is affected by our actions. Making any sort of massive decision can leave us caught between a rock and a hard place – do we stay stationary and remain safe, or do we take a risk and pursue our dreams?
In your case, you have the unique opportunity to make a decision that will have an overall positive effect on your life and be beneficial to both you and your partner. Making a conscious decision to pursue a career change or further your education doesn't make you wrong, but it may require some compromise by both parties in order to ensure mutual satisfaction and growth.
Obviously, it would be irresponsible to dive blindly into another career without some due diligence. Consider the career that you want to pursue. Do the research to make sure it will be a good fit for your lifestyle, values, and skill set. Be sure to factor in the time and money that will be required for the switch. If it's a major career change, such as becoming a doctor, have an honest conversation with your girlfriend to make sure that she understands the amount of time and effort you'll have to dedicate to fulfilling your goals.
If you have solidified your decision, express to your girlfriend that she is a priority and will always be included in your plans, whether those plans are short-term or long-term. Let her know that the emotional and financial commitments of the new career won't overshadow your relationship and that you still plan to build a future with her.
It can be tricky to make a decision that affects another person, but remember that your choice doesn't make you wrong, it just makes you human. Get the facts, seek advice, and consider the situation from all angles. Only then can you decide if making a career change is right for you, and if it can work in harmony with your personal goals and relationship.
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