Breaking up can be a difficult decision. Sometimes it feels like the only solution to an irreparable problem. But, no matter what the cause, and whatever stage of life, it can be emotionally devastating.
Whilst love is always our natural inclination, it does not always have a smooth and happy ending. Some relationships never really take off or become locked in a cycle of unresolved strife, whilst others start strong and passionate before slowly fizzling out into cooling disillusionment. In both cases, the signs are usually there if we are willing to open our eyes and perceive them.
For some, it may become clear that matters will not improve without a significant change, and the decision to break up may be made by one partner and reluctantly accepted by the other. Alternatively, a couple may jointly decide that they are incompatible, and separate with a mutual understanding. However, in both cases the outcome is the same: heartache, grief, and regret.
It’s easy to become entangled in feelings of anger, resentment, and guilt. Blame will often be placed on the other for not knowing or not doing something or for having different values and goals. But, it pays to remember that the dissolution of a relationship cannot ever be laid at the feet of a single person; it is always a joint effort, albeit a negative one.
Breaking up is hard enough, but when it involves shared histories, loved ones, and painful investments, it can be almost unbearable. Both partners may fear recriminations, especially if children are involved.
The most important thing is to remember that it’s ok to feel whatever emotions surface. It’s natural to feel sadness, shock, anger, disappointment, relief, confusion and guilt. Take time alone to heal and regroup. Exercise, go to group therapy, find a hobby, read inspiring books; cultivate activities that can bring comfort and joy.
Once the immediate pain has passed, it is important to face the future and move forward with courage and strength. The fact that the future looks uncertain can be scary and exciting all at the same time. Invest in yourself and do what you can to help carry you through this time. Don’t waste this opportunity to redefine yourself and gain self-confidence.
It may seem overwhelming and exhausting to even contemplate starting over, but the truth is, you can make it through. Live each day looking for the opportunities to learn and grow, do your best and seek the support to build resilience. When love sours, only you can give yourself permission to grieve and ultimately find peace again.
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